I've been a lurker for a bit, and recently decided to create an account so I could write my own story. As you can tell from my name, I am a HUGE Tuckson fan. I never thought I'd see the day I'd be shipping Olivia Benson and Ed Tucker, but here I am. I love the chemistry they have, though I wish the show would give us a little background on just HOW that happened.
I've read so many great Tuckson fics and have enjoyed all of them. I really wanted to go in a new direction with one though, and so here is my take. A Tuckson baby has been asked for, though rarely written for logistical reasons, but I decided to go for it. I love my angst though, so don't expect all to be happy-go-lucky.
This is my first published story, so of course I'd love some reviews. Thanks!
She stepped out of the steaming-hot shower, wrapping the plush pink towel around her. It was late, something that she'd become accustomed to in her career, but she had to admit she wished she could get home sooner most days. Her son was sound asleep by the time she arrived home, having been tucked in by the babysitter hours before, and her boyfriend had called more times than she could count wanting to come over and stay the night. They hadn't seen one another in almost a week, both of them being caught up with cases at work, and she missed him. She'd returned his call on her way home, and even though she was tired, she was eager to feel him next to her, regardless of the fact that it would make for an even later night than she'd anticipated. It had been almost a month since their week-long trip to Paris, and she had to admit she didn't like being away from him now. That week of being together, day-in and day-out had been blissful in a way she'd never expected and it was hard to go back to the everyday now that they were home in New York. They'd talked about moving in together, and he wanted her to move to his large brownstone in Brooklyn, but she didn't want to uproot her son and the thought of the three of them in her cozy Manhattan apartment sounded appealing to her, but crowded to him. Maybe they were too old and too set in their ways to ever be more than they were right now, but she didn't want to think about that. She'd waited a long time for this kind of relationship and she wasn't giving up on it so easily.
"Olivia…" his voice trailed in from the living room, and she heard his footsteps come closer. He pushed open the bathroom door, smiling at the way she stood in front on the mirror, wiping the steam off with her hand. "I missed you," he said gently, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He kissed her neck and she giggled, turning around and kissing him long and hard on the lips. When she pulled away he fanned himself with his hand and laughed, "It's like a sauna in here."
She laughed, noticing the beads of sweat on his forehead and upper lip. "I'll be out in a minute," she offered. "You can go wait for me in bed."
"Maybe I want to carry you to bed," he suggested, wrapping her in his arms once more, and nibbling on her ear. "Tear this towel right off and have my way with you."
"Let me finish in here," she said, reaching for her birth control pills and popping one in her mouth, before putting a spritz of cleanser on her face, following it with a dab moisturizer and smoothing it into her skin.
"You know, you don't have to use those," he said seriously.
"Yes I do," she chuckled. "I don't want to look like someone's grandmother when my only child is still a toddler." She continued to massage the cream into her face. "The cleanser gets all the gunk out without drying my skin and the moisturizer fills in my wrinkles and prevents new ones. I feel guilty enough that I let the sales lady talk me into this when I was shopping in Paris, and I spent a small fortune on this beauty routine. The least you can do is appreciate it," she teased.
"Not the moisturizer," he sighed. "The pills. You don't need them."
She felt a lump form in her throat and turned to look at him. Surely he wasn't trying to tell her he wanted a baby. She hoped he wasn't, because there was no way that was going to happen at this point in her life. There was a time she would have been thrilled at the suggestion, but not now. That dream was long gone. "Ed…" her voice quivered. "You don't want…" she wasn't sure how to go on. "I mean, I think I'm too old…we can't…"
His eyes widened when he realized what she was thinking, "Oh God no…" he sputtered. "I didn't mean that. I'm fifty-five years old. I don't want a baby, Liv…trust me on that."
"Oh," she breathed a sigh of relief, and yet felt a small ache as well. "Well, you said I should stop birth control, so…"
"I meant, you don't need birth control pills, because…" his voice shook a little. He'd been waiting to tell her this and he wasn't sure why. He should have told her earlier, but he was afraid he wouldn't be able to explain the situation and it would lead to a fight. "I had a vasectomy…years ago…so…"
"A vasectomy?" she looked confused. "Why would you do that?"
He shrugged, knowing the question was coming, but hoping he could get by with as little an explanation as possible, "My ex and I, we didn't need to be parents."
She nodded, "Well, I don't just take the pills to prevent pregnancy," she explained and he knew she understood not to ask more about his reasoning. "I had a pregnancy scare a few years ago, and my doctor said it was perimenopause, so she started me on the pills to help with the symptoms. Before the pills, my periods were always late, and when I did have one it was painful and I had hot flashes and nausea some months. The pills just regulated everything. Made my hormones more balanced so I felt like myself again." She sighed, "When I saw her last week, she suggested going off of them, just to see if I'm actually in menopause now," she bit her lip, "but I'm kind of scared to."
"Why?" he asked. "If you feel bad off of them you can always go back on them."
She shrugged, "What if I feel fine? What if I'm really menopausal? I feel so old…"
"Olivia, you are not old," he leaned forward, kissing her softly. "You're sexy, and beautiful, and an amazing mother and cop…" he pulled her close and let her towel slip to the floor. "And I'm one lucky son of a bitch…"
"You are pretty damn lucky," she teased, "but so am I. You wanna carry me to the bedroom now?" she asked, but instead of answering he swept her off her feet.
The next morning she opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Ed, perched on the side of the bed, watching her sleep. "Bonjour, mon amour…embrasse-moi" she whispered as he leaned forward and kissed her. She knew he'd been mesmerized by her ability to speak fluent French while they were in Paris, so she liked to throw it into their daily conversation where she could now.
"I wish I had time to do more than kiss you," he said seriously as he stood to his feet, grabbing his clothes from the floor, slipping on his black trousers. "I just got called in…"
She looked at the clock on the side table, "There's a hostage situation at five in the morning?" she groaned, leaning back against the bed. His switch from internal affairs to hostage negotiation had proven to be more demanding than either of them had anticipated.
"It's a domestic," he said, buttoning the last button on his shirt and kissing her one last time. "Times like this, I really wish we were back in Paris."
"Me too. Maybe we can retire there…parler français dans notre vieillesse " she suggested with a chuckle. "Be careful," she squeezed his hand. "See you tonight?"
He nodded, "Yeah…I'll be here. I promise."
She watched as he walked out the door and she let out a deep sigh. She hated seeing the man she loved leave for a case, because she never knew if he would come back to her. It scared her, and she knew he felt the same way when she was called away in the middle of the night.
She wanted to go back to sleep, but decided to go to the bathroom first. As she stood at the sink washing her hands, she stared at herself in the mirror. She was tired, but the new cleansing routine did seem to be working because she thought her skin looked better than it had in years, and the dark circles around her eyes had disappeared. Maybe she could pass for the mother of a three year old instead of his grandmother, if she kept this up. She reached for the cleanser, noticing her pack of birth control sitting beside it. "Why on earth would you have a vasectomy?" she asked, thinking of their conversation the night before. Ed was good with kids. He loved Noah. He would have made a good father, but he obviously had reasons to think otherwise, and now they were long past that anyway. She sighed, picking up the pills and tossing them in the trash. He was right when he said she didn't need to worry about being older. Maybe menopause would be a blessing…no more periods or cramps or inconvenience. "Mama…"Noah's small voice forced her to turn to the doorway, where her son stood in his dinosaur pajamas, rubbing his eyes. "I go potty…" he said, and she knew she wasn't going to get the chance to go back to sleep this morning.
Eight Weeks Later…
The ring-tone woke him and he sat up, realizing it was her phone and not his. Olivia was perfectly still, her head buried in the pillow and he knew she didn't hear it. He nudged her, "Liv…wake up…it's your phone…" and he was surprised when she didn't budge. "Olivia…" he said, louder, reaching over her and grabbing the phone from the night-stand. "Benson's phone…" he answered, stifling a yawn as he realized the clock read 3:27. "Yeah…she's asleep," he explained to Fin who was calling to ask Olivia to meet him at Mercy Hospital with a victim. "I don't know, she's been exhausted lately…I think she's working too hard. I'll get her up and have her call you when she's on her way." He tossed the phone back on the nightstand and turned his attention to Olivia who hadn't moved in spite of the noise. "Liv," he said, shaking her until she opened her eyes. "Hey, sleeping beauty…" he teased. "Fin called. Needs you to meet him at Mercy."
She sat up, yawning and he couldn't help but realize she looked more groggy than usual. "God…" she groaned miserably. "I'm so tired."
"Yeah…" he said, reaching forward and kissing her on the cheek. "You've been tired every day for over a week. Are you feeling okay? You seem a little run down."
She shrugged, "I think I'm getting my period. I'm crampy and tired. I'm sure that's all it is. Off the birth control pills, my PMS was always a bitch. Be glad you haven't had to deal with it before now."
"You haven't had your period since you went off them," he reminded her. "I thought maybe this was it for you. Maybe you need them after all."
She ran her fingers through her hair and stood to her feet, "This is how it was before. It would come late and hurt like hell. I was kind of hoping too…it'd be nice not to have to worry about it anymore." She grabbed a pair of slacks from the closet and slipped them on, followed by a green blouse. She put her hand to her stomach and exhaled slowly.
"Liv?" he asked. "Are you okay?"
She nodded, "Yeah…I just feel a little queasy all of the sudden."
"Maybe you should call Fin and tell him you can't make it," he suggested. "I'm sure he can handle this on his own, and you might be getting sick. Remember how many kids from Noah's daycare were sent home last week, and you spent your day off volunteering there. You probably caught something."
"I don't get sick," she insisted. "It's PMS. Once I start my period, I'm asking the doctor to put me back on my birth control…then I'll be back to my normal self," she leaned forward, kissing him good-bye. "Can you take Noah to daycare?" she asked.
"Sure," he agreed. "Be safe…I'll see you later tonight?"
She nodded, "I'll try to get home early."
Olivia pushed through the revolving door into the emergency room of Mercy Hospital. Fin jumped to his feet, "Where the hell have you been?" he grumbled. "I called almost two hours ago."
"I'm sorry…" she sighed, not wanting to tell him she was late because she'd had to pull over to throw up three times. "Traffic…"
"The vic is a 37 year old mother of three. She's beaten pretty badly…they didn't let me talk to her long before they had to take her into emergency surgery. They're still working on her," he looked at her disheveled appearance. "Hey…are you okay? You don't look so good."
She nodded, "Yeah…I'm tired…that's all…"
He looked into her red-rimmed eyes, "Were you drinking last night?" he asked. "Because if so…maybe you shouldn't be here…"
"What?" she shook her head. "No, of course not. I hardly ever drink anymore. I think I might have caught a bug, probably from the time I spent volunteering at Noah's daycare last week…I feel a little bit off…" and suddenly she felt more than a little off, her face turning to a sickly gray as she rushed to the ladies room, leaving Fin staring in wonder.
When she emerged from the ladies room a while later, Fin was sitting in the waiting room and she walked over to sit next to him, "Any word on our victim?" she asked, trying to avoid the conversation that was sure to take place.
He shook his head, "She's still in surgery." He took a sip of his coffee before sitting the cup on the table and turning to look at her, "You feeling better?"
She nodded, "Yeah…sorry about that," she sighed. "I guess I felt worse than I thought."
"Maybe you should have a doctor check you out," he suggested, looking around the waiting room. "We are in a hospital."
"I don't need a doctor," she insisted. "I have a bug."
"You should at least head home then," he offered. "I can handle things here and you need some rest," he looked her over. "Damn…you really look like shit, Liv."
"Gee, thanks," she sighed, noticing the nurse walking over to them.
"Are you the police?" the nurse asked and Olivia and Fin stood to their feet, walking toward her, but before she knew what hit her Olivia felt the room spinning around her, and everything went dark as she fell into Fin's arms.
She wasn't sure how long it had been when her eyes fluttered open, but Ed was standing over her and he smiled when he saw she was awake, "Decided to join the land of the living, huh?" he teased. "How're you feeling?"
She forced herself into a sitting position and looked around the room, the stark-white hospital walls staring back at her and an IV dripping slowly into her arm. "What happened?" she asked, her voice dry and gravely.
"You fainted," he told her. "The doctor says you're dehydrated…so they are giving you some fluids. They took some blood, but the results aren't in yet. Probably the flu."
"When did you get here?" she asked, leaning back against her pillow, too tired to sit up anymore.
"Just a little bit ago," he explained. "I was dropping Noah off at daycare when Fin called me. He said you were throwing up before you blacked out. Why didn't you just come home if you felt so bad?"
"I thought I'd be okay," she insisted.
"Well, I'm glad you were here since you passed out," he nodded. "But once they release you, we're going home and I'm tucking you into bed, and you are staying there until you're all better…no matter how long that takes."
"I think I feel better," she exhaled slowly. "The IV fluids must be doing their trick."
"Well, you're still coming home," he insisted. "You need to rest."
There was a slight tap at the door and they both turned to see a young doctor making his way toward them, "Ms. Benson…nice to see you awake," he said gently. He looked at Ed and smiled, "Could you give us a minute?"
Ed nodded, but Olivia stopped him, "No…he can stay." She smiled. "He needs to hear that I'm fine, so he can stop worrying."
The doctor smiled sincerely, "You are fine," he said, and turned to Ed. "She's fine."
"Thank God," Ed sighed, sitting in the chair next to her. "Now will you tell her the flu is nothing to mess around with and she needs to get home and rest?"
The doctor shifted nervously, "Ms. Benson, the flu is nothing to mess with…but you don't actually have the flu."
"What?" Ed asked curiously. "You said she was dehydrated from vomiting and she probably had the flu."
"She is dehydrated," the doctor explained, turning his response to Olivia, "How long have you been feeling sick? The vomiting…how long has that been going on?"
"Just today," Olivia answered, knowing she wasn't being completely honest. She'd felt sick for a while, and actually threw up a few days earlier, but she'd blamed than on her breakfast tasting funny. "Well…once last week…but it was worse today. Why? Is it something serious?"
"Well, we ran some tests and I was a little surprised by the results. Your records say you're 47 years old, but…" the doctor looked serious. "Have you been undergoing fertility treatments?"
"What?" Olivia asked. "Of course not."
The doctor nodded, "Your hcg levels are through the roof. It seems like an unlikely scenario, but the tests indicate that you're pregnant." The color drained from Olivia's face and she stared at the doctor in disbelief. Then she turned to Ed, who looked like he might be the next one in the room to throw up and pass out.
"That can't be right," her voice shook. "I'm way too old…"
"I had a vasectomy…" the words sputtered out of Ed's mouth and he looked at Olivia, lying in bed looking white as a ghost and he knew she felt the same way he did. This had to be a mistake.
"When was your last menstrual period?" the doctor asked, marking her chart.
Olivia shrugged, "Over two months ago…but I was on birth control. I went off it a couple months ago because I wanted to see if I my perimenopausal symptoms were gone. I can't be pregnant."
"When was your vasectomy?" he turned to Ed. "How long ago?"
"Uhm…1989…" his voice shook. "When I was still married to my ex."
"That was almost thirty years ago," the doctor explained. "Today, we are very diligent in how we cut and seal the vas deferens, but back then…it was really just a quick snip. We've found many older vasectomies have grown back over time." The doctor marked something else on the chart, "I can tell this is unexpected news. I'm going to give you two some time to talk, and I'll be back in an hour or so to do an ultrasound. We need to figure out how far along you are so we can decide how to proceed."
"Thanks," Olivia managed to force the word out of her mouth as the doctor disappeared into the hall. She didn't know what to think or how to react, and before long she felt the warm tears sliding down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Ed's voice quivered. "Liv…I really thought I was sterile. I would never have asked you to stop taking your pills…" Her tears turned into sobs and he sat next to her on the bed, holding her close, "Maybe it's a mistake," he grasped.
"It's not a fucking mistake," she sputtered. "I've had all the symptoms…I just thought it was my hormones screwing up from stopping my birth control. What the hell are we going to do? What if there are complications? I'm too old for this."
"You're too old? At least you're still under fifty." he cringed. "What about me? I'm closer to sixty than fifty…the kid can just call me grandpa…"
"This isn't funny. It's not a game, Ed," she looked sadly at him, and she knew he wasn't joking. "This is a baby…and I don't know if I can do this now. There was time I would have done anything for this chance…but now…"
"We can't have a baby, Liv," his heart ached, but his voice was serious and stern. "We really can't."
She sniffled and cleared her throat, "Well, I don't think we have a choice now, do we?"
Shall I continue?
