(This is a funny, to-be-laughed-at piece)

Bringing in the Troll

1)

Professor Quirrell was in big trouble. Massive trouble. If he didn't find a way to fix the issue soon, he might not even survive more than another month. But how? How could he get up to the third floor corridor without being caught?

Someone was always up there. Filch, the stupid squib idiot that somehow managed to get the job of cleaning (poorly) the castle after all these brats made a disaster of it... well, he or his cat Mrs. Norris was out there making sure to catch any student trying to get through. After Professor Dumbledore said that it was off limits, what do you think all those imbecile children did? Many went right for the darn place! And if Filch and that cat were not there, Professor Snape or goodie two shoes McGonagall was somewhere nearby.

Quirrell knew about the three headed dog up there in the third floor corridor, since he was able to sneak up there right before the start-of-term feast began. No luck there, the bloody thing wouldn't let him properly open the door, let alone seeing what else is in the room to lead to the rest of the maze and other magical traps. He knew that many teachers put things in the maze, but he just didn't know who, or what. Yet.

After weeks of thought and the barest of escapes from being caught (he scraped by two of those times by claiming he thought he heard giggling near the stairs leading up there), Quirrell had it. He knew what he could do to get everyone, EVERYONE, away from the upper floors for just enough time to blast the giant fur ball and maybe figure out what to do next. He just needed help from his sister. Well, half-sister, really. He had hated dealing with her for her entire life. She always smelled awefully, just like something had died and she rolled in the ooze. Fortunately for Quirrell, she was half-troll.

Germunica, Professor Quirrell's sister, had other half-siblings. Many of those were full blooded trolls. She absolutely hated her eldest brother, Dubluchong. He couldn't find his way out of the outhouse most days, but then again, the outhouse had been there for only ten years. Most trolls took decades to get used to anything new. When her little ant of a brother told her he could get rid of the oaf, she went crazy with happiness. If Quirrell hadn't known to hide, he would have been smashed to bits while she destroyed the shack they were meeting in. Once Germunica calmed down, Quirrell gave her the option to knock Dubluchong out so he could be brought to the castle. When the huge moron was told he would be the smartest troll ever if he drank the flask's contents, he took it straight down and fell flat on his face.

Soon, thought Quirrell. Soon I will be praised by my master and he will finally see what a great wizard I am, and how much I can help him become great again.

2)

While the students and staff started the Halloween feast, Professor Quirrell levitated the knocked out troll to the potions classroom. Maybe while he wakes up, he could destroy Snape's precious room, snickered Quirrell. The idiot wants my job, but the stupid defector refused to search for our master and is now a tool for Dumbledore. What a joke! Now the joke is on them! Soon, my master will have that stone to make the elixir of youth, and I will be his champion at his side! Noone will be able to stop us!, he thought.

"ENNERVATE!" Dumb troll, thought Quirrell. He is going to take a lot to way up. After trying shock spells, fire spells, and even destruction spells on the troll's hands, he finally just shot a ton of boiling water at him until he started stirring. With a yell of fright, he ran upstairs to the great hall as fast as he could. It wouldn't do to have the oaf know it was a relative of the little twerpy sister that made him be lost inside a maze of stone!

Now, to put on some acting skills he picked up with his magical side show through Europe...

Seemingly panicked, Quirrell ran into the feast and yelled before apparently fainting away. "Troll! In the dungeon! Thought you oughta know"

3)

As soon as the stupid children stopped trampling him, Quirrell cast a charm to make him blend into his surroundings. He left as fast as he could to go to the third floor corridor and battle that freak of a canine which kept him from making his master happy. The first staircase started moving just before he reached the top. Soon after, he got stuck in a trick step on another staircase, but charmed a suit of armor to help him out.

Finally, after many such obstacles, Quirrell reached the third floor - too late! Stupid, sniveling, complaining, never - bathing Snape was already there! His leg was bleeding profusely from being grabbed by that monster, but Quirrell barely got away from him without being caught. He ran for it, knowing that no matter how much he had tried, he would be punished. Again. Would it just be pain from the cruciatis? Or would it be worse? His master said he knew many more that were much more terrible to withstand. He had tried, but he had failed.

Lord Voldemort would not be pleased.

A/N

This is my first bluish thing, and I decided to write for once for fun. If people want, and heck even if I am the only one who wants it, I may do all of book 1 from Quirrell's POV. That makes me think, I may eventually do all the books from another perspective (in a way to be laughed at)... in a few years at least! Hmmm, nearly 1000 words on my first one? Not bad!