Author's Note: This isn't AU, I swear!
SCAR-KE NO DENSETSU
One bright and sunny day, Scar came home from work at exactly six o'clock, just as his wife was setting dinner on the table!
Actually, it wasn't bright and sunny out, because it was almost winter so it was pretty dark at six PM, but it was bright and sunny earlier in the day, I promise!
"Welcome home, Danna!" Yoki exclaimed, greeting his husband at the door. "Dinner is ready!"
"Well, it's fortunate I came home at exactly six o'clock, then!" Scar laughed, sitting down at his place at the table. "What is for dinner, darling?"
Yoki brought over a large pot, wearing pink flowery potholders. "Tonight we're having hobo gruel!"
"Yum, my favorite!" said Scar. "Now where is musume?"
"I don't know, I'll call for her." Yoki yelled up the stairs for their daughter, "Mei-chan! Dinner is ready!"
Mei bounded down the stairs, her dark braids dancing behind her, and Xiao Mei on her shoulder. Following her was Marcoh, the dog that they had recently adopted from the Humane Society. "Hi Mama! Hi Papa, how was work?" she asked.
"It was explosive!" Scar answered, and everyone laughed heartily (except Marcoh, who only barked, and was too emo to laugh anyway).
So then they all gathered around the dinner table and started to eat their tasty gruel. (Scar washed his hands first, of course, because exploding State Alchemists is a very messy job!)
About halfway through the meal, Scar put down his eating utensil and cleared his throat. "I have something important to tell all of you," he announced. He waited until everyone had their eyes on him, then continued. "We are going to be moving."
"What!" Mei cried, dropping her eating utensil in shock. "No! I don't want to move!"
"Where are we moving to?" asked Yoki.
"Woof!" barked Marcoh.
"Now now, calm down, my family," Scar said placatingly. "I know that it's sudden, but circumstances have made it so that we have to move to the north. We'll be moving tomorrow."
Poor little Mei was crying. "No, Papa! I don't want to leave my friends!"
Crossing his arms, Scar said, "Well, that's good, because all your friends are moving to the north, also!"
"Oh, okay!" Mei chirped, and stopped crying instantly.
"In fact, we'll be carpooling with them, since we don't have a car!"
"YAY!" everyone cheered. Then they finished eating their gruel, packed up their belongings (they didn't have much, they are hobos after all!), and went to bed so that they would be well-rested for the dig moving day!
---
The next day was a bright and sunny day again!
It was a tight fit with a family of three, a dog, a panda, four homunculi, a bean, a suit of armor, a walking data bank, and an old man with uber-awesome super cosmic alchemic powers all in one car, even if it was Father's large van. But everyone was in high spirits anyway, because at least Gluttony was a tumor on Father's chest and wasn't riding in the van with them!
"Hey, everyone!" shouted Father, who was at the wheel. "Let's sing a song! I'd do anything, for you, dear, anything...!"
Wrath gladly joined in, but everyone else stayed silent and just listened (only because they didn't know the words and not because they were lacking in spirit, I assure you!).
Mei looked up at the shadowy figure sitting next to her. "Hello, my name is Mei, what's yours?"
"I'm Pride," said the shadowy figure. "It's nice to meet you, Mei."
"It's nice to meet you too, Pride-san!" Mei replied. Then they didn't say anything else for the rest of the ride!
"Would you tie my shoe?"
"Anything!"
Actually, the ride was pretty boring and there's too many characters for me to handle! So we'll skip a while until they reached the Briggs Mountains. There they saw a hitchhiker on the mountain trail, and since Father is such a nice guy and all, he stopped the van and rolled down the window. Then he saw that the hitchhiker was none other than...
"Why, if it isn't Van Hohenheim!" Father exclaimed cheerfully. "How have you been, pal?"
"Why, I've been just swell!" Hohenheim answered. "I'm currently headed north, because apparently there's something called 'plot' there!"
Father gasped. "That's where we're headed as well! Why don't you hop in and we'll give you a ride?"
"NO!" shouted everyone in the van, but especially Ed. It was crowded enough in the van already!
Hohenheim didn't mind that he was blatantly excluded from the group, though! "That's all right, Father! I have my own means of getting there."
Hohenheim then opened his shirt to reveal a suit with an 'S' on it underneath! Then he raised his hands to the sky and flew off into the horizon!
Nobody commented on that, because it's common knowledge that Hohenheim is actually Superman, after all. So they all shrugged and continued on their journey to the north!
---
I might continue this someday maybe.
