24 Season… Something more than 5

(Jack is sitting in his house reading the paper. Suddenly he hears a continual rhythmic bleep.)

SFX: Beep… beep… beep… beep…

Jack: …That sound…

(Jack dives off his couch and tumbles out the 2nd story window of his house as it explodes. As Jack slowly wakes up, he rubs his sore head with his hand. Jack closes his eyes to concentrate and is shocked to see yellow numbers that say 07:00:00. They continue to go up every second like so: 07:00:01, 07:00:02, 07:00:03, 07:00:04, 07:00:05. Jack looks down at his watch and sees that it is exactly 5 seconds past 7 am)

Jack: Oh my god… (Realization sets in) ANOTHER SEASON! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Meanwhile at CTU)

Curtis: Good news everyone, today is a completely normal boring day with absolutely no terrorist activities going on- (looks at monitor) OH MY GOD! Terrorists are going to assassinate David Palmer! Everyone get to work now! Triangulate things and trace phone calls from the hostage's cell phone! Also-

Chloe: Curtis, that was all last season… didn't you get the memo? We fixed all that. It was exactly one year ago today in fact… I think it's time to look mean and angry all the time.

(Chloe puts on her famous scowl)

Curtis: Right, right… I forgot...

(Curtis' phone rings)

Curtis: Hello?

Jack through phone: MILLIONS OF PEOPLE!

(A startled Curtis drops his phone and it breaks)

Curtis: Ok people, Jack is on another of his tangents, that means today is the start of a new season. Chloe, gather a team and go get Jack; you know how he gets on these days… And Edgar, get me a new cell phone.

(Edgar still lies under the desk where he died last season)

Edgar: ……

Curtis: Ok let's move people! GO! GO! GO!

(CTU personnel move out about their tasks. All except Lynn, who's still in holding)

Lynn: (slaps own face) FFEEEEEFY HOBBITSIS! (slaps his own hand) They wants to take'st the precious from me… (Lynn grasps hold of a plastic frisbee and looks hungrily at it) My preeeeeecious! (slaps his own thigh) SOOOO FEEEEEEFY!

(Lynn's alter ego, Sam, talks through Lynn)

Sam: No Lynn, we must take the frisbee to master Frodo! Then we can go find the ring and submit to the Dark One's will!

Lynn: NO! You tries to take'st my precious to- (slaps his own face) –the volcano! You wants me to destroy'st the - (slaps own hand) precious! (slaps own face three times) SOOO FEEEEEEEEFY!

(Meanwhile: A block away from Bauer's now destroyed home)

Jack: GIVE ME THE DONUTS!

Cashier: Ok dude, calm down, they're JUST donuts… put down the gun-

Jack: MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL DIE IF I DON'T GET MY DONUTS!

Cashier: What? How can millions-

Jack: (twitches wildly and thrashes around) AAAAAAH GAHHHH MILLIONS!

Cashier: Woah ok dude, chill out! Take the don-

(Jack's phone rings and Jack answers)

Jack: WHERE IS THE BOMB?

Chloe: Jack its ok, it's me, Chloe.

Jack: Chloe? Oh thank god it's you. The beeps, Chloe! It's happening again!

Chloe: I know Jack, I'm on my way to get you. You need to stay where you are and what ever you do, don't hold up another donut shop. You would have gone to prison for 30 years last time if the president didn't pardon you.

Jack: Get me? Don't! There are people after me… I don't know why, but they tried to kill me in my house before. I need you to go back to CTU and wait for me to find information for you to work from. Get Edgar to help you with it, he's always been a good worker.

(Edgar still is lying dead under the desk where he was killed last season)

Edgar: ……..

Chloe: Jack, Curtis told me to come get you, so don't-

(The cashier tries to slink away)

Jack: DID I SAY YOU COULD GO? (gunshots and screaming are heard through the phone and then the call is disconnected)

(Meanwhile at CTU)

Tony: Michelle, I asked you for coffee 10 minutes ago, how long do you take?

("Michelle" is a doll dressed in a pink doll dress and is propped against the wall)

Tony: Ah it's ok Michelle, I didn't mean to scream. God I love you!

(Curtis walks in)

Curtis: Tony, we- (notices Tony staring at the Michelle doll) Oh get over it dude. She died a year ago!

Tony: (enraged) How DARE you say my wife is dead! Especially when she's in the room with you now! Alive and well, I might add. She hasn't complained about ANYTHING since last year. You have no right to speak about her that way!

Curtis: (sighs) Whatever Tony. Anyway, we need to you to go into holding and see if Lynn is mentally capable of working again. We will need him today to help with whatever crisis we face.

Tony: Fine, me and my WIFE; my LIVING wife, will go check on him!

(Tony smiles at the doll and picks it up and walks to the holding cells. Bill Buchanan walks by the door)

Curtis: Bill, have you heard about today?

Bill: Yes, it seems it's a new season today. Did you send someone to get Jack yet?

Curtis: Yeah, Chloe is on it now.

Bill: Does she have proper equipment this time? You know how hard it is to detain Jack on one of these days…

Curtis: I know, I know. She and her team did very well at detaining him during the off season. They are ready for a "Seasonal Scenario".

Bill: They better be. Did you get a hold of Kim yet? You know she's a primary target during seasons.

Curtis: …Aw shit, I knew I forgot something…

(Meanwhile in a dark cellar)

(Kim is seen tied up to a chair with 5 armed German men around her)

(Back at CTU)

Bill: Well the terrorists probably have Kim by now since you failed to notify her of the new season, so I guess we're going to have to get some leads before we go forward with any operation. I'll notify the president of the new season immediately.

(At the White House)

(Mike's cell phone rings)

Mike: Mr. President, its Bill Buchanan from CTU for you.

Logan: (nervously) What does he want?

Mike: …He wants to speak with you-

Logan: GAAAAAAH! I'm so incompetent! What should I do Mike?

Mike: …This isn't my choice to make Mr. President… But I'd answer the phone and see what he wants if I were you.

Logan: Well you're NOT me! I am the President and I make my own decisions! You remember that, Mike. REMEMBER IT!

(Mitsurugi walks in)

Mitsurugi: Remember it!

Logan: (startled) Who let that man in?

(Mitsurugi looks at them both cautiously)

Mitsurugi: REMEMBER IT!

(Mitsurugi dives out the nearest window)

Mike: Uh… Mr. President? The phone call?

Logan: The phone? Oh no, Mike. I don't know what to do! What if it's actually the terrorists on the phone and they want me to help them kill Subarrov again!

(Subarrov has been in the corner of the room the whole time drinking tea. Now he just looks at Logan in bewilderment)

Mike: (Looks at Subarrov) Umm sir. It's not the terrorists, it's Bill-

Logan: Fine, FINE! Tell them I'll help them try to kill Subarrov one more time, but this is the last time! I am the President of the United States! This country will thank me one day for my selfless deeds while in office!

Subarrov: Are you fuc-

Logan: Don't worry president Subarrov. We will have a safe route made for you to be escorted to the airport. Mike, send the terrorists on the phone a map of the route Subarrov will be taking.

Mike: …Sir-

Logan: Was I not clear, Mike? I am the president! I reign supreme here! You will remember your place! REMEMBER IT!

(Mitsurugi dives through the same window he dove out of before)

Mitsurugi: REMEMBER IT!

Mike: (sighs) This is gonna be a looooooooooooooong day…