Disclaimer: Need I say more?

Now, I made a very important marketing decision by choosing Armstrong first. Most of you are going to skip ahead because, I mean, like who cares about this big idiot taking his shirt off and sprouting comical sparkles from nowhere?

I care.

I. Care.

So, yeah. I want to save the best ones for last (some of you may note Alphonse's stray-cat-fetish is next, since I wrote and posted them at the same time), and I think that would be Roy's because it has several hints at his childhood and all that other emotional garbage fangirls such as myself love to feed off of. I consider it to take precedence over life itself.

I'm weird. Read.

I: Armstrong

Alex Louis Armstrong has a comical (scarring) tendency to rip his shirt off, sparkle, and cry tears that need no defense to their manliness. For they are quite manly. Like seriously. Makes crying look like the bar exam for your man card. And in case you were wondering, he has seventeen man cards. But you weren't wondering that, were you? No matter. That was just to make sure there is no confusion about his masculinity in the future, because I doubt any of you have a picture of him in your hand to gape at while reading this like I do. He has a plethora of unhealthy muscles protruding from his skin that would probably have broken if it didn't have a sturdy, elastic-like quality. If you ask about it, he'll let you in on a little secret. THE CONCRETE STABILITY OF HIS SKIN HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS. But you couldn't possibly ask him about it, he's a fictitious character, after all. No idea why I even typed that.

Alex Louis Armstrong was the middle child in his house growing up. It was a bit difficult, because he wasn't the oldest, and he wasn't the youngest, so any birth right acclaimed to his parent's attention came from his last name, which the two other Armstrong's had as an added bonus. Olivier was the eldest, the strongest, the fastest, the smartest, the keenest, the bravest, and the wisest. She was a remarkable woman and warrior who had accomplished so much even when still living under the main Armstrong roof. Many of Alex's own achievements fell so short of hers, his parents overlooked him many times in favor of Olivier. Then there was the youngest Armstrong. She was the youngest — as mentioned in the previous sentence, thus rendering this one redundant — so of course she was spoiled. She wasn't good at much besides maybe the piano, but any small deed she did was seen as ending world hunger in the eyes of Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong. And Alex was left feeling invisible in his own home.

He hated that more than anything. The thought that he could die in the line of duty and the day after, it wouldn't be much different from the day before. He wanted to be someone to remember. And if his parents weren't going to respect where he drew the line at harming innocent children, then so be it. If his parents weren't going to give him the attention he was deprived of, he would find it elsewhere. And if his parents weren't going to remember him, then he would go to extreme measures to make sure everyone else did.

Even if it was as the corpulent man who could conjure up sparkles, tears, and magical, floral backgrounds on a whim, he would be remembered.