"So I finally did it," Sirius said, strolling into the apartment, rain hanging in jeweled droplets off his long black hair.

"Hmm?" Remus mumbled blearily from the couch. Nap apparently interrupted, he rubbed his eyes and sat up, surveying his friend's relieved expression. "Did what?"

"Broke it off with Benji of course," Sirius sighed, casting a drying charm on himself before shrugging out of his coat and joining Remus on the couch. Smiling, he watched Remus move his feet at the last second before being squished, then placing them right back in Sirius' lap.

"Oh, did I know things weren't working out?" Remus asked.

Sirius heaved a heavy sigh. Sure, Remus was book-smart, but when it came to things right in front of his nose-well other than books-he was a rather oblivious bloke.

"Well first there was last Friday when he asked me-ME-to go sailing! Can you even imagine?"

Remus seemed to contemplate the very thought. "I can?"

"Well don't, I forbid it! Then there was that gift certificate for a perm he bought me. The man simply has no taste!" Sirius hit his head against the back of the sofa and looked up to the heavens for guidance.

"So...you broke up with him because he gave you a gift or wanted to take you away in his boat? I'm confused?"

"Neither! Today he told me he hoped our kids would have my eyes!"

Remus raised an eyebrow looking thoughtful. "Well personally I hope our kids will have my eyes and your left foot, maybe the back of your head too, mine is a bit too round from holding my gigantic brain…"

"Oh do shut up. I'm in mourning here, have a heart," Sirius whined, pushing Remus with a perfect left foot. Though he really wasn't all that sad, and he knew Remus knew that, but still, he wanted an ounce of sympathy at the very least.

"I thought you were glad to be rid of him?

"I mean, I am. It's just...you know. Another failed relationship. Not that it would have lasted, never felt I could open up to the bloke, but I kind of hoped he'd change. Or I'd change. I don't know. Kind of tired of the whole dating scene to be honest." Which was true enough. Sure, he liked the chase, the thrill of it all. But in the end he always ended up feeling emptier than when he'd started.

"Words I never thought I'd hear from the mouth of the studly…"

"Remus, you old man, no one says 'studly,'" Sirius cut in.

"...Sirius Black."

Looking over at his friend, Sirius tried not to notice the tired lines around his eyes. He guessed he was preaching to the choir about being fed up with dating. It had been a month since Remus had broken up with his high school sweetheart and he hadn't tried to dip his toe in the proverbial dating pool even once. Not that Sirius hadn't seen the signs of the crumbling relationship, watched Remus grow distant and disinterested in her, until the fact that they had nothing in common except a history that was no longer enough.

"You know, I don't think we've ever been single at the same time," Sirius said, a sudden brilliant thought coming to mind. Before he could think better of it, Sirius let instinct take the helm. "Is that why we never dated?"

Shocked, Remus sat up and pulled his feet from Sirius' lap. "What?"

"You and I. Why have we never dated? I mean, I know you usually go for women, but then there was that time I caught you with that Ravenclaw boy in the locker room…"

Remus was now very bright red. Sirius was enjoying this immensely. "And then that blond bloke-what was his name, Benadryl?-I found you with when you were supposed to be on prefect rounds…"

"Benedict. And obviously I remember. It's impossible to forget when you remind me very few weeks thank you Sirius."

"See, it's perfect! You like cock...I happen to have a cock…"

"Solid foundation so far." Remus rolled his eyes and made to leave the couch.

"Wait wait. Really now. Tell me why my logic is flawed. Or...or is it that you don't find me attractive?" Sirius bit his lip. Sure he acted cocky and full of himself, but deep down he knew it would cut him to the quick if Remus found his looks off putting.

"Sirius. No one could possibly find you unattractive," Remus sighed. "Look, I'm not here to stroke your ego...or anything else for that matter. But you know you're bloody gorgeous so stop fishing for compliments and let me be."

"Right. So not my looks then. Is it my ass? I've been told I have a perfect ass."

"Are you sure they didn't mean you ARE a perfect ass?"

"Remus please. Focus. I'm at a loss."

"Maybe that's the problem. The things you're looking for in a relationship seem a bit on the shallow side," Remus suggested.

Sirius nodded. "Critique duly noted. But you see, that's why we'd be perfect. You know all the deep stuff about me, and me with you. Plus we already live together, so we could have sex whenever we want, no bothering any roommates who tell me to shut up so they can sleep..."

"You know I'm your one and only roommate right?" Remus grumbled. Then he looked down at his hands and sighed. Sirius wasn't sure why Remus wasn't more keen on the idea but he seemed to be doing the opposite of persuading his friend.

Noting Remus pulling away emotionally, Sirius paused. He knew he sounded insane at times, but this idea made wonderful sense to him. In so many ways he and Remus were absolutely perfect. They had brilliant fun together, the same stupid snarky sense of humor, loved one another despite baggage and flaws, and definitely found one another attractive.

Perhaps that was what was worrying Remus, Sirius frowned. He hadn't told Remus he found him perfectly shaggable in return. "You're really quite fit you know."

"Well that was out of nowhere," Remus said, cocking an eyebrow.

"No, just, rewind. Back to when you said I was 'bloody gorgeous.'"

"I'm not saying it again."

"No, I just mean," Sirius pondered for a moment. "If you're worried about me finding you hot, it's not a problem. I do."

"Uh huh."

"What I do! You're rather fit. Fitter than me even! Take off your shirt, I know you are!" Sirius tugged at Remus sweater but Remus pulled it away.

"Now that's just not happening," Remus said with a deep sigh.

"Is it your scars? You know I don't give a fig, remember that bloke I dated with the scar through his lip? Wasn't the only place he had scars. He used to let me lick them…"

"Well thanks for putting me off my dinner," Remus said. With a deep steadying breath, Remus stared into Sirius' eyes. "Look, Sirius. I can't tell if you're joking anymore."

"I'm not."

Remus just stared. Sirius wished he were better at reading his best friend at times like this. If he went out to a bar or club, Sirius knew he could get at least a dozen guys' numbers within an hour. Yet Remus, the one person he now realized he could have a real proper relationship with, seemed disinterested. And he could not for the life of him figure out why.

With a sad smile, Remus put a hand on Sirius' knee. "You're a hard man to say 'no' to Sirius."

"So, is that a 'yes?" Sirius couldn't keep the hope from his voice. He knew he sounded pathetic. Where had this come from? Fifteen minutes ago he wasn't even thinking of being with Remus but now he couldn't stop. It was everything he wanted. At least that's what he thought.

His heart dropped when Remus shook his head, squeezing his knee.

"You know it's not."

Remus suddenly looked more tired than before and Sirius was torn between feeling sorry for himself and sorry he'd heaped more woes upon his friend. A friend whom he now desperately wanted to kiss and make it all better. Which should be weird but wasn't. This was all so confusing.

"Look, I'm beat. Can you make dinner while I finish my nap? Thanks," Remus said before Sirius could reply and quickly left the room, shutting his door with some finality.

And that could've been the end of it, except as a dog, Sirius knew never to let sleeping dogs lie.

A new morning routine began to emerge. Sirius would head off to Auror training, Remus to his bookshop job. They'd part ways at the fireplace, Remus telling Sirius, "Have a good day," and Sirius replying, "I will if you'll date me."

Though initially shocked, Remus began to simply smile after the second time Sirius stunned him with those words, but once a week went by it became just old hat. Except that to Sirius it began to eat him alive. Every time Remus silently rejected him it seemed to cut deeper, to take his breath away and make the forced smile upon his face even more difficult to muster. But he'd fake it, he was good at that. Facades were his specialty.

By two weeks, Sirius had a new plan. It seemed fullproof, the perfect way to get Remus to finally show his feelings and conceded that all he really wanted was to be with Sirius. Luckily it was Friday night and both of them were free with no work the next morning.

"We're going out tonight," Sirius said, catching Remus right as he was about to take a bite of pasta. The man dropped his fork back into the spaghetti and eyed him quizzically.

"Oh we are?"

"Yes. I need to get out. You need to get out. Thus WE are going out," Sirius said in a no-argument tone.

"N..."

"Before you say 'no,' let me counter with, 'yes."

"Sirius really. I don't like clubs," Remus sighed into his noodles.

"Right but you like me. And I like clubs...ergo…"

"Sirius," Remus pleaded, but Sirius could feel him giving in. All he had left was to unleash his secret weapon.

"Please?" Sirius batted his lashes and gave Remus his best puppy eyes. It never failed.

"You're impossible," Remus said, though Sirius could see him attempting not to crack a smile.

"I'm also going to a club. With you."

"Yeah. Alright. But I'm bringing a book."

True to his word, Remus brought a book. To a nightclub. Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus turned a page as he sat at the bar sipping a gin and tonic.

"I think you're missing the point of clubbing," Sirius yelled over the music into Remus' ear. Though he had achieved Step 1: Get Remus Out of the House, Step 2: Get Remus to Admit His Feelings, wasn't fairing nearly as well.

"This is called compromise Sirius. I know it's a big word but you need to learn it."

"How are you turning a club into school?" Sirius sighed, eyes darting to the dance floor. He wasn't picky, really. Not tonight. His needs were few, only to find the right guy. Just then dark brown eyes locked with his own, the corners crinkling into a smile. He'll do, Sirius thought, rising from his seat.

"Off to get lucky," he said to Remus, patting him on the shoulder and not once looking back despite the itch to turn and see Remus' expression. If he really was lucky, it would be a mixture of shock and jealousy, and if not, he'd just have to keep working his magic on the dance floor.

"Hey," Sirius said, eyeing up the man who had broken away from the throng to gently sway at the perimeter. Long black dreads were held back in a loose band and neon lights flashed against dark skin so perfect Sirius wondered if the man was wearing make up. "You want to dance?"

The stranger grinned back. "With you? Obviously."

Sirius gave him back a cocky smile. At least he knew his charm still worked on some men. "I need a favor then. See that man behind me at the bar? The one reading a bloody book?"

"You mean the one who looks like he's in love with you?" the man asked.

"What?" Sirius blinked and turned. Remus caught his eye for a mere moment before quickly looking down at his book. "Why would you say that?" he replied back, caught off guard. The man shrugged nonchalantly along to the beat.

"Because he is. I can tell. So what do you want with me when you already have him?"

"To dance. And perhaps make him jealous," Sirius said, his words catching a bit in his throat. It was impossible, the man must be mistaken. There was just no way.

"I can do both," the stranger replied, putting his hands on Sirius' hips and letting the music take them both. Sirius let himself go. He needed this, to get out, have his ego stroked, let loose and get away from Remus and his refusal to be with Sirius. And yet, the hands that ghosted over his body, the sweet words whispered in his ear, the lips that lightly kissed his neck, weren't the ones he wanted and it felt even more hollow than if he were alone. Sirius lost track of the songs they danced to, but once his throat was parched he excused himself and made his way back to the bar.

Unfortunately, instead of jealous Remus, Sirius found his friend very much ignoring him in favor of getting chatted up by a very good looking brunette. This was definitely not part of the plan.

Remus threw his head back and laughed at his companion just as Sirius took the empty space to his right.

"Something funny?"

Remus jumped a bit to find Sirius back by his side. "Oh hey. Have fun out there?"

"Yeah. Great. Whose this?"

"Renaldo," the bloke said, extending a hand. Of course he'd be all prim and proper, just like Remus. No wonder his friend was so taken already. Sirius ground his teeth and shook the proffered hand as briefly as possible.

"Sirius, Renaldo has the most interesting job…" Remus started but Sirius had already had quite enough. Of course, Renaldo was darkly handsome and interesting and posh and whatever else Remus actually wanted that Sirius wasn't.

"Remus, a moment please?" Sirius asked, pulling Remus away by the arm.

"Oh, sorry, be right back," Remus said, smiling at Renaldo and then turning to frown at Sirius. "What's gotten into you?"

Unwilling to answer, Sirius looked around for a spot to talk without having to yell over the music. Luckily there was a gender-neutral single bathroom nearby and he pulled them both in before locking the door.

"Um," Remus said, surveying their surroundings. "I don't suppose you want to explain this?"

Sirius clenched his teeth and let out a deep sigh of frustration. This night had gone from hopeful to hopeless so he might as well explain himself or Remus was going to go right back out there and date Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome.

"Fine. Right. So I might have brought you along hoping you'd see me with other men...and get jealous. There, you happy?"

"Wait, what?" Remus looked completely dumbfounded. "You...uh…"

"I thought maybe you'd admit your feelings to me, but apparently that backfired and now hear I am doing it instead."

"What feelings?" Remus looked ready to pass out.

"I mean, fine I get it. You're not into me. Just please, don't flirt with another man infront of me. Not yet," Sirius felt his heart ache in his chest. Remus just didn't get it. He didn't feel the same. The words of the man he'd danced with echoed in his head and turned to dust that made his throat scratchy and raw. Remus didn't love him, not like that.

Brows furrowed, Remus leaned against the door and surveyed him. The silence choked the air, Sirius was having trouble breathing as Remus seemed cool and composed, weighing his words before turning them upon him.

"For the record," Remus started, "I wasn't hitting on Renaldo. Or him on me. He has a boyfriend who was out on the dancefloor and we were both commiserating over why gyrating against a perfect stranger was considered fun."

Sirius was at a loss for words.

"Also," Remus continued, "your plan was incredibly flawed. I've seen you with guys, hell I've come home to see you sucking off a guy on our couch! Why on earth did you think tonight's farce would suddenly make me so jealous I'd have to have you?"

The words burned like a knife twisting in his stomach. Sirius felt cold, as if the chill of Remus' words could steal away his heat and life. Maybe they could.

"So...okay," Sirius took a moment, "In hindsight, definitely not a good plan. I think...I think I'll just go on home." Remus reached for him but before another word could be said, Sirius drew out his wand and disapperated himself.

The bed made a groan to match his own as Sirius threw himself face first into it. Damn that had been stupid. He couldn't be more embarrassed if he tried. Everything had backfired and now Remus knew how he felt, how pathetic he was, and all Sirius wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never come out. Pathetic men did not get dates with adorable yet unattainable werewolves. He just wished he knew what was wrong with him, what was so unfixable and damning that made Remus attracted to him yet not want to be with him. Then he wondered if this was how the men he rejected tended to feel when he broke things off, usually on a whim, without a fair warning. Damn, now Sirius felt like a monster.

Curled up in his sheets feeling sorry for himself, Sirius didn't even notice when Remus opened the door a crack before closing it silently behind. All he heard was his own harsh breathing in a cold lonely bed.