Always
A/N: So here's a confessions moment: anyone out there watch Pretty Little Liars? It's not one of my favorites, but I have seen every single episode. And one of the main characters is Sasha Pieterse, or Grace from 'Grace.' And, man, every time I see that girl up to no good I can't help but think, "Sam and Jack, get your kid together, geez."
Okay, tangent over.
Enjoy!
Jack sat in the locker room, the sound of Teal'c's retreating footsteps both a relief and an opportunity missed. He knew that Carter's continued absence was weighing heavily on the whole team and, while he wasn't on the mission, he felt personally responsible. It was he who'd signed the request for her to be on the Prometheus' exploratory mission. He who'd given her the go ahead when she'd triple checked with him to make sure she wouldn't be needed at the SGC.
Jack ran his hands roughly through his hair, doing any and everything to keep from looking over his shoulder where Carter's shining nameplate would greet him with accusations and guilt. His fault. And what if she never came back? As much as he never wanted to consider that possibility, he knew that with every passing hour, chances of retrieval and rescue diminished.
And now Teal'c was pushing him to a place he couldn't afford to go to—not right now. Not while there was still a chance she'd be found. "Dammit, Carter." Jack's hands slammed onto the bench with a force that shook the metal. They'd chosen rules over desire and while that had always seemed to be the optimal choice—just for now, just until Earth is safe, he kept telling himself—it all seemed completely worthless now. Maybe if she'd known how he…maybe she'd never have gone.
Except that was selfish. And Jack knew it. That was the whole reason they'd never allowed themselves past the point of no return…the job and each other could never be two opposing choices. They were the job.
"That's silly. People can't be jobs."
"Oh, yes they can." Jack sighed in reply before the knowledge that he should have been alone hit him like a boulder. He whipped around, eyes searching for the voice that he swore he just heard.
"Over here!" A giggle followed and Jack swallowed hard, catching sight of two small bare feet standing beside Carter's spare pair of boots. "Boo!" An angelic face poked through his major's BDUs and grinned at him.
If Jack hadn't been sitting already, he was pretty sure his head would be acquainting itself with the concrete floor right about now. Big, blue eyes peered gleefully out at him as the little girl waited for Jack to find his voice.
"Who…but…ah…?" Jack looked around, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Alien virus, gamekeeper chair, candid camera? When only silence greeted him, he squeezed his eyes shut and, very slowly, reopened them…
To find the little girl was gone.
Blinking in surprise and—was that disappointment?—he turned back around, ready to leave the suddenly desolate locker room, and came face to face with the giggling apparition. "Whoa." Jack shot to his feet and backed up, putting the bench between himself and the child.
"Hi, Jack."
"Hello." Jack pressed his lips together and frowned, fighting the sudden urge to laugh because clearly he'd gone insane.
"You shouldn't be so sad." The little girl pulled her hands from behind her back and offered up a small bubble wand. "Wanna try? It'll make you feel better."
Jack paused and took a moment to really take stock of what was going on. Empty, but not, locker room. Little girl. Bubbles. Yes. Okay. "Wow, I shouldn't have had the coffee in Daniel's office."
The little girl giggled.
"God knows how long space monkey had that stuff sitting there."
More laughter.
"I'm hallucinating."
"Of course you're not." The little girl rolled her eyes, the ghost of a smile still on her face. "I'm Grace." She plopped herself on the bench and lifted her legs over so she could face Jack, her dirty blonde curls bouncing wildly.
"And I'm nuts."
"No, you're Jack!" She laughed again, delighted at the banter. But the laughter quickly faded and she turned stoic eyes on the older man. "You can't give up."
"Oh?" Jack didn't even bother to let that little voice in his head have a say. He knew he was crazy and the fact that he was indulging his hallucination only made him more sure of the fact.
"I'm afraid she's going to." Grace bit her lip in the exact way he'd seen Carter do when faced with a particularly vexing problem.
"Who?" But he already knew the answer. Something Grace seemed to know as she fixed him with an even more serious stare.
"She's running out of time. We all are."
"Running out of time? What's happened?" Jack felt himself take an involuntary step forward.
"She's stuck. She needs help. She's bleeding." Grace lifted little fingers to her forehead before a sudden grin broke her dark spell. "She says funny things."
"That's Carter." Jack couldn't help but smile, despite the fact that his career was very likely over now that he was imagining children. And talking to them. And, wait, "She's bleeding? How bad?"
"She talks to you." Grace looked down, ignoring his question, and picked up the bubble wand.
"She—she does?" Jack stuttered, taken by surprise.
"And your friends." Grace shrugged, seemingly bored with how the conversation was going.
"Oh."
"But mostly you. I think that's why she's still trying so hard."
"Are…are you here?" Jack figured he may as well ask, what was the worst that could happen?
"Nope." Grace grinned again and kicked out her feet. "I'm up there."
"Then how can I see you?" Jack smirked, satisfied that he'd caught his hallucination in a bold-faced lie.
"Because I'm here too." Grace said with her best 'duh' voice.
Jack was pretty sure that tone had been directed at him quite a few times by his major. And her eyes…there was an eerie similarity to Carter in every movement and facet of this little girl. Was he imagining baby Carter?
Creepy.
Jack grimaced and the little girl wrinkled her nose. "No way!" She thrust the bubble wand at him again. "Wanna know about surface tension?"
At this point, Jack didn't know what he wanted to hear about. Maybe why exactly he was no longer sure this little girl was a hallucination. Maybe why on Earth her smirk reminded him so much of his own. Maybe just why the hell he wasn't asking where his major was.
"I have a poem, wanna hear?"
"What?"
"Your head is so noisy. I'll tell you."Grace sat up a little straighter and wiggled her shoulders, before adopting a serious air.
"You were you,
And I was I;
We were two
Before our time.
I was yours,
Before I knew,
And you have always
Been mine too."
A very long silence followed. Jack stared at the little girl and the little girl stared at Jack. Very slowly, Jack began to nod. Then his jaw loosened and his thoughts connected and very abruptly words tumbled from his mouth.
"What?!"
Grace suddenly looked past him and pushed the bubble wand into his limp hand. "She's falling asleep again."
"What?!"
And then she was gone.
Jack spun around, trying to find his hallucination. Well, that's not okay. You're not supposed to lose your own hallucination.
"Jack?"
"Daniel!" Jack stopped mid-turn and squinted at the archaeologist. "Did you see a…"
"A what?" Daniel frowned, looking at the older man like there was the distinct possibility another nose was going to sprout out of his face.
"Nevermind." Jack quickly straightened and attempted an "all's good" smile.
"Why—what is happening with your face?" Daniel made a vague curious hand motion and continued to frown.
"I—nothing." Jack sat slowly back down on the bench, Grace's voice running through his head. 'She's falling asleep again.' The words were innocuous enough, but it was her tone, the way her eyes widened and then she was just gone. 'She's falling asleep again.'
"Um, anyway, General Hammond sent me to come find you." Daniel made a move to take off his glasses, but stopped midway. He knew it was a habit.
Jack's eyes shot up and Daniel just nodded slightly. "They can't."
"I know, Jack."
"No, Daniel, they can't. She's—they're still out there."
"Jack-,"
"Daniel, she just needs a little more time." She's falling asleep again…
"You don't need to tell me. Tell the General." Daniel gave Jack a long look before he turned and left, the door closing softly behind him.
Jack waited another minute before standing and grabbing his jacket. 'Hold on, Carter. Just a little longer.' Opening the door, the colonel strode purposefully towards Hammond's office, the small bubble wand tucked safely into his pocket.
End
A/N: Thank you for reading! I just love that episode so much.
Disclaimer: The poem is not mine, I did not come up with the brilliant words. The quote belongs to poet Lang Leav, beautiful words, beautiful meaning. I think they really fit Sam and Jack, they really were two before their time and they truly belonged to one another.
