JUST A DREAM: Part One
Originally, this was a one-shot. Then it turned into a three-shot. And I should have left it at that, because the story was finished, and there was no way of adding more without ruining, destroying it. Unfortunately I didn't see it at the time, and wrote more without realizing what consequences it had. I wrote myself into a corner, a corner that had only one possible way out: the death or disappearance of many important characters.
But, while writing this story, I began having more respect for the writers of the show, because sometimes there really is only one ending that seems to fit, even though a lot of viewers, of not all, will be disappointed and even angry over it.
*shrug* I still hope that people will like this story, even though they might have read the six chapters that I've removed.
Warnings: Whump!Morgana, Whump!Merlin, Dark!Merlin, Abusive!Agravaine, Reveal!Fic, Banishment!Fic
This story contains abuse, mature content, a bit of lousy humour…
It all began with the dreams. Just a week ago, they'd started and they came back every night. Some felt like nightmares, others were just tragic: but they always succeeded in waking him up trembling and sweating. In that week he'd finally gathered enough courage to ask Gaius for a sleeping potion, the same kind that Morgana had always taken. His guardian had looked at him worriedly and Merlin had expected questions, but the old man had just shoved the corked bottle over the table when it was finished.
A few days later, when Merlin woke up screaming and trembling yet again, as all the days, the questions finally came. While pretending to be lost in a book about magic, Merlin was actually pondering about what he could tell Gaius. The old man was working on another potion, this one five times stronger than the last. Over his reading glasses, the old man studied his ward carefully.
'Ah, Merlin…' the physician on a tone that suggested that the man had no idea where to begin. Merlin's blue eyes met the eyes of the physician, but quickly darted back. He couldn't stand to see the worried looks that his guardian threw his way every few minutes, when he cringed at an unexpected sound, when something fell off the table, when someone knocked on the door a little too loudly.
After a few minutes of silence, Merlin shut his book loudly and laid it back on the table. Gaius looked at him intently and his gaze wouldn't waver. The young man with the raven-black hair cringed, got up from his stool and darted out of the room whilst mumbling something vague about Arthur.
While the manservant walked through the mighty halls of the castle of Camelot, surrounded by golden coloured stones with large windows and corridors that lead to random destinations, the boy finally thought back to his last dream. It had been terrifying and a somewhat embarrassing dream to have. That the dream had been about Morgana, the ill-made witch that they hadn't heard anything from for years now, didn't help.
The last time that Merlin, or anyone at Camelot, had seen her had been at the great battle. Morgana had been wounded, fatally wounded, but they'd won Camelot back. The witch had staggered out of Camelot, leaving a trail of fresh blood in her wake and Merlin had done the unthinkable.
He'd sent Aithusa to heal her.
Even though she was destined to be his mortal enemy, even though the Great Dragon always lectured him about her being the darkness to his light, he'd never been able to kill her, let alone really inflict damage on her. That one time when she'd accidentally fallen off a flight of stairs and fractured her skull, he'd forced Kilgharrah to give him the knowledge that was needed to heal her.
Merlin had never found out if Aithusa had been successful, he never found out if the young dragon had been able to find her. The white dragon had perched himself on Camelot's wall, chirped at him and then he'd flown away, leaving Merlin with even more insecurity and fear than before. Albeit the chirp had sounded cheerful, Merlin knew that it didn't have to be a confirmation.
The young warlock closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. He could hear people, servants and knights, passing him and he knew that they would look at him strangely. He didn't care about what they would think of him. The back of his head touched the stone wall and Merlin almost forgot how to open his eyes.
'Merlin! Is your bed not good enough for you or is it your intention to fall asleep against the wall?'
Merlin gasped and jumped up, as always when someone addressed him when he wasn't expecting it. 'Ow!' the young man cried when he hit his head against the wall. He rubbed the back of his head with a hand while he looked at Arthur, who was glaring at him, eyebrows raised and his hands crossed over his chest.
'Arthur!' Merlin said, mentally trying to force his face to regain some colour. 'I was just… uhh…' He said, looking around as if a valid excuse would come flying around the corner straight into his arms. Of course, a solution, let alone an excuse, didn't show itself. Eventually the manservant just shrugged and raised an eyebrow at what his master was wearing.
'You dressed yourself this morning.' Merlin stuttered, feeling a laughing-fit creeping up through his throat. He swallowed it and it fell into his stomach like a stone brick, awaiting for a chance to strike. The king of Camelot looked down at his clothing and frowned. 'What? There's nothing wrong with this!' the king argued.
Merlin grinned and tried to hide the sound behind a chuckle. Arthur narrowed his eyes at his manservant in a suspecting manner. The young man coughed some more to make it more believable. He knew that with how pale his face was, combined with the dark circles that had been plastered under his eyes for more than a week now, would convince anyone that he was on his way to falling ill.
He tried not to look at the king's outfit, to prevent another laughing-fit, but he just couldn't help himself. Because of the absence of his manservant, the king had decided to dress himself this morning. The breeches that he wore had a dark brown colour and the belt around it was either fastened too tightly or needed yet another hole. The tunic that the king wore was in high contrast to the breeches: it was the bright colour of turquoise.
'Uhm… Of course not, sire. You look splendid.' Merlin eventually said, with much effort put into keeping the grin out of his voice. Arthur narrowed his eyes at Merlin, obviously searching for something offending to say, or to make a joke out of Merlin's own clothing – he knew that his neckerchiefs weren't exactly in fashion – but he seemed to change his mind.
'Just get some sleep, Merlin. That's an order.' the king eventually said. The blonde man gave Merlin a little pat on his shoulder, which was supposed to be reassuring, but Merlin cringed and backed away against the wall. He feared for any human contact, for a reason he himself didn't even understand. Arthur frowned and looked somewhat hurt, but then he just shrugged and walked away.
Merlin waited for a few minutes and when he was sure that Arthur wouldn't turn around to mock him still, the young warlock fled out of the hallways toward the courtyard. He was left undisturbed while he made his way out of the castle, even though the knights – Gwaine, Leon, Percival – threw him worried looks. Merlin ignored them and found his way toward the clearing.
Against the silhouette of the castle of Camelot, shielded by trees and mountains laid the place where Merlin came to when he needed to think, practice magic or summon the Great Dragon. It was his own personal space that no one else knew about, not even Gaius had managed to find out where he disappeared to when he needed help.
'O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!' Merlin yelled against the roaring wind. Clouds packed together high above his head: he was sure that there would be thunder tonight. He waited, unsure how long it would take the dragon to get there. He had no idea where the creature of magic was, or what he did, when Merlin didn't summon him. Soon, the winds caused by the beast's wings crashed against him, blowing him back a bit.
The enormous golden dragon folded his wings against his flanks and bowed his head toward the young warlock. 'Young warlock,' the dragon greeted him, his voice bellowed like thunder. 'What is it that I can be of aid to you?' the dragon looked at him intensely and not for the first time, Merlin wondered if the dragon could perhaps see right through him into his mind.
'I keep on having those dreams… nightmares.' Merlin began, but he stopped because he had no idea how to explain everything that had happened. The first dream that he'd had had been downright frightening, filled with abuse and rape. He felt tears welling up in his eyes again when he thought about. He blinked them back when the dragon stretched out his neck toward him.
'Tell me what bothers you, brethren.' the dragon said with a firm voice. Merlin shivered at the word the dragon had used: brethren meant both 'brother' and 'kin'. As a Dragonlord, Merlin was connected to the dragons in a way that was hard to understand to anyone who wasn't a Dragonlord.
Merlin took a deep breath and knew that he had to tell the dragon about his dreams, his nightmares. But he was fearful enough to stall it: he looked around excruciating slowly to see if anyone had followed him, even though he knew well enough that it was impossible, for he'd used magic to conceal or completely wipe out any trail that he might've left on his way.
'They're about Morgana.' Merlin threw out, finally. Instead of feeling better, relieved, Merlin felt the terror that went through his body. It felt as if he'd been lifted from the ground and the ground had disappeared under him, falling down in an endless darkness. He swallowed heavily and forced himself to think about to his first dream.
Agravaine closed the door behind him. Morgana cringed and hastily got off her bed. Her clothes were dirty, dried-up blood was caked on her dress and it was rippled and torn at some places. Agravaine smirked at her, but not in a kind way. His smirk resembled that of a wolf, a wolf that knew what he desired and knew that he would take it, no matter what. Morgana backed away when he walked toward her.
'Hello my Lady.' Agravaine said, on a tone that made goose-bumps appear on both Morgana and Merlin's arms. His eyes glimmered with lust and determination and Merlin knew that it meant no good at all. 'Agravaine.' Morgana said and she tried to sound coldly, but failed. Fear and despair could be heard clearly in her voice, as clear as Agravaine's desire was.
'Morgana.' Agravaine returned while his hand snaked out to grab her wrist. Morgana felt a jolt of magic go through her body, dark magic that was supposed to dominate her. She tried her best to resist the powerful magic, but for some reason Agravaine was stronger than her, much stronger. She struggled against his hands while he grabbed her at her shoulders and pushed her against the wall of the small hovel. His hands tore off her dress, slowly, stretching the excruciating experience as long as possible.
Morgana cried and tried to claw at his face, but on his command, ropes fastened themselves around her hands, tying them together. Tears rolled over her cheeks when Agravaine's hand slipped in between her legs and she moved her head away when he untied his breeches. She turned her head right to where Merlin was standing, a silent, invisible witness to this terror. A beam of lightning outside illuminated the scene and he could clearly see the tears of desperation and the pain her eyes…
'Merlin?' the dragon asked impatiently. 'Uh.. what?' Merlin asked. He shook his head, attempting to chase away the fog that the dream had left in his head. The dragon huffed, causing a puff of smoke to exit his nostrils. It blew right into his face and Merlin coughed. He shook his head again and looked down at his feet.
'Agravaine comes into her hovel and… forces her to do things that she doesn't want to do.' Merlin wasn't sure if the dragon was familiar with how things went with humans, but the dragon cocked his head to the side and seemed to understand what the young warlock meant. 'I thought you told me that Agravaine was dead.' the dragon said helpfully.
Merlin nodded and bit his lip. 'Yes. I killed him. In the caverns when Morgana tried to force Gaius to tell her who Emrys was.' The thought of how Gaius had been hurt caused ice to run through his veins, but it had happened long ago and Gaius had fully recovered. The dragon nodded and seemed to think about it.
'You know that Morgana is most likely dead, Merlin.' Kilgharrah said, no remorse or whatsoever in his voice. It was just a statement, a fact and Merlin hated the way he said it. The young warlock sighed and considered telling the dragon, his kin, about what he'd done, but he decided against it. The few times that Kilgharrah had roared at Merlin that he'd betrayed him, had been more than enough and scary on itself.
'Where's Aithusa?'Merlin asked, desperate to change the subject. Kilgharrah looked at him, with sceptic eyes and Merlin hoped that the dragon wouldn't ask any further about his dreams. The dragon held his head high and Merlin sensed that he was going to say something important.
'Aithusa has left to find something that might be of great importance to Camelot. He senses that the day that Arthur will accept magic is near, very near. Albion is about to be restored.' the dragon said, while he lowered his head toward Merlin again. His eyes glimmered with expectation and determination.
'You think… you think that I should tell him.' Merlin said, he didn't even bother to make it sound like a question. The dragon nodded and roared. Merlin jumped, the loud noise trembled in his stomach.
'Yes, my brethren, I think that it is time. It won't be long before Arthur has to find out about you and you know that.'
x.X. JUST A DREAM.x.X.x
When Merlin finally returned to Camelot, it was night. He could barely keep his eyes open and almost fell off the stairs when he walked on them. He softly opened the door to Gaius'es quarters and peeked around the corner. The physician was asleep on his mattress and Merlin was thankful that he wouldn't have to explain his sudden disappearance.
No matter how tired he was, he was determined to keep himself awake. Perhaps if he didn't sleep tonight and didn't dream, the dreams would stay away the next day. He turned around in his bed and knew that he was just fooling himself, he would fall asleep eventually and dream again. He wouldn't get enough sleep. He wouldn't be able to protect Arthur if it kept going this way.
So in the dead of the night, Merlin snuck out of the quarters and snuck into Morgana's old room. Everything had stayed the same and everything in the room seemed to live, as if the furniture was awaiting the return of their possessor. In the dark, everything seemed even more eerie. Gwen had long ago moved into Arthur's room. He, like everyone else in Camelot, was awaiting the day when she would get pregnant, but so far nothing had happened.
Everyone worried that she might be unable to conceive and the thought worried him. It reminded him too much of Ygraine, Arthur's mother, who'd died in order to give him life. 'Forbearnan' he whispered, conjuring a flame in the palm of his hand. He'd looked up the spell a few days ago, it was a spell to reveal that what had been concealed. All that he would need was something of the person the spell was directed to and something that was connected to that person.
A stronger connection than being the light to her darkness couldn't be in existence. The chambers belonged to Morgana, evidently so because Arthur had forbidden anyone to enter them. Lastly, Merlin needed a mirror and the mirror on Morgana's dressing table would do. He blew the dust off the mirror and couldn't keep himself from coughing.
'Geondlihte gesweorc min!' Illuminate my darkness… The words echoed through the chamber and then suddenly, lightning stroke right next to the window. Merlin jumped up and almost pushed the mirror off the table, he caught it just in time before it would collide with the ground. Seconds later the room was filled with an incredible bright light. To his disbelief, the light didn't blind Merlin at all: it acted more like a translucent window.
He looked around, curious to see where the light came from. It didn't come from the mirror. It seemed to come out of the centre of the room. And the centre of the room was himself. Merlin looked down at his hands, that glowed with the same incredible light that illuminated the room.
I didn't mean it like that. Merlin thought, realizing that another one of his spells had been taken too literally. Another problem occurred: he had no idea how to make the light disappeared. He tried some spells, but none of them would work. Eventually the light died away on its own, but it had taken half an hour already.
He put the mirror back on the dressing table and extinguished the flame that still burned in the palm of his hand. He hurried to the door and was about to open it when it was thrown open widely. Merlin gasped and staggered backward when the light of the torch blinded him. When he narrowed his eyes, he felt the colour leave his face and backed away, holding up his hands.
'Arthur! I can explain!' he cried, but Arthur looked grim and disappointed. The king shook his head and Merlin expected him to summon guards to arrest him, but Arthur didn't do such a thing. Arthur stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. Merlin took a few steps back, bracing himself for whatever that would follow. Kilgharrah had been right: it was time.
'I understand, Merlin.' Arthur said. His voice sounded hollow and the king sounded incredibly tired. Merlin frowned and then laughed, relief going through his body and relaxing his muscles. 'You do?' he asked, surprised. He'd thought that he'd always hid his magic well, but if Arthur had found out and understood, then it wasn't a problem.
Arthur lifted his head and looked at his manservant. 'Yes, I do. Even though you always hid it well, it was easy to see for me.' the king said while he put the torch into a holder on the wall. He smiled reassuringly at Merlin and Merlin smiled back. 'Great, then I don't have to explain or apologize.' he said with a sigh.
Arthur cocked his head. 'Now I understand why you were so worried about her. How you couldn't fight her, how youwere always by her side when she was hurt. But you could've just told me, you know. I wouldn't have judged your feelings.' the king said softly, apparently hurt that Merlin had hidden it from him.
Merlin frowned and had the nagging feeling that he and Arthur were talking about different things. 'Arthur,' Merlin began, wavering. 'What are you talking about?'
The king looked at him, surprised. He shook his head and mumbled something under his breath that Merlin couldn't hear. 'Your feelings for Morgana, of course. What did you think I was talking about?' he asked, trying vainly to hide the surprise and disbelief out of his voice.
Merlin sighed and stared at his feet. He knew that he could say it now, then it would be over. He looked up at Arthur and saw the questioning expression, the eyes that clearly showed that Arthur was much more open-minded than three years ago. But he just couldn't squeeze out the words 'I have magic.' it was impossible. He'd hidden it for so long now, for years, he couldn't just throw all that away and reveal himself.
The manservant sighed and lowered his head. Without saying anything, he quickly walked out of the room, leaving his king alone and confused.
He went into his bed and no matter how hard he tried, still fell asleep.
He was trying it again. Morgana vainly tried to free her hands from the robes that kept her bound to her place, but they wouldn't budge. Agravaine had tied them so tightly that they cut off her blood circulation and already her hands were beginning to tingle. She hoped that this time, he would untie her before her hands would become purple, like last time. She'd almost lost them and her hands had only been saved by his magic.
Agravaine was leaning against the table, intensively watching a pot that stood on it. Inside it, there was a liquid that was steaming in a pink colour. He was brewing another love potion, determined to find a way to force Morgana to love him. He stirred the liquid whilst he peered in a book, but the concoction that he'd made didn't seem to satisfy him.
He picked up the pot and dumped it's content on the floor while curse words left his lips like a waterfall that fell off a cliff. The pink liquid sizzled and left burn holes in the floor. It slowly flowed over the ground, toward her. Morgana tried to back away, but she'd already been tied to the wall, so there was nowhere she could go to.
Before the liquid could burn away her skin, Agravaine muttered some words under his breath and the concoction disappeared, along with the burn holes. Morgana trembled with fear when he advanced on her, unable to stop him. She cried and tried to claw at him when he forced his manhood deep inside her and she screamed when he thrust himself inside her again and again.
Merlin screamed and fell out of his bed, entangled in his sheets and blankets. When the scream was over, silent tears started rolling over his cheeks and Merlin just couldn't stop himself from sobbing. His teeth clapped and even though he was tangled in thick blankets, he still felt cold. He also felt dizzy and nauseous.
Gaius knocked on the door and franticly yelled the name of his ward. When Merlin didn't open the door, Gaius kicked it open, even though it hadn't been locked in the first place. The old men kneeled next to Merlin and asked him what he'd seen, what the nightmare had been about. All that Merlin could bring out was a strangled name: 'Morgana.'
x.X. JUST A DREAM.x.X.x
Merlin put the bowl on the ground and stared at it. He'd filled it with water from the lake of Avalon, hoping that the powers of the lake would help him. He secretly hoped that Freya somehow knew what he was going through, wherever she was now and that she would help him. He held his hand over the bowl and closed his eyes. He breathed in deeply, in and out in an even rhythm and tried to relax.
He wanted to go back into his bed and sleep. But he knew he couldn't. If he ever wanted to sleep peacefully again, he had to figure out why he was having these dreams and what he could do about it. But perhaps there was nothing he could do about it, perhaps it was his guilty conscience that kept on plaguing him with these dreams until the day he would die. He felt his muscles tense. It wasn't a life that he was looking forward to.
'Onluc tha sothan treow!' Merlin whispered. Reveal the truth. He concentrated fully on finding the source of the dreams. Whatever it was, it would be forced to reveal its identity in the mirror. Merlin waited and when nothing happened, he cast the spell again. The third time, he decided to combine it with the spell that he'd used last time.
'Onluc tha sothan treow, geondlihte gesweorc min!' Illuminate my darkness, reveal the truth! Scenes unfolded in the bowl and Merlin stared into the water intensely. He saw Morgana, the Morgana before she had turned evil and tried to take the throne. Then he saw the hovel, it was almost as if he was looking through a window. He saw Morgana. But the scene disturbed him.
She was crying, her head lowered in shame and defeat. Her face was incredibly pale, her hair was tangled and dirty, her shoulders were bare. And she was tied.
Merlin gasped and tore his gaze away from the bowl. In his haste to get away from the images, the visions, he kicked the bowl and it rolled over the floor, spilling the water on the wooden floor. He crawled backward until his back touched his bed and trembled with realization. She was alive. The dreams he had every night weren't just nightmares: they were visions. He looked down at his hands and realized that he and Morgana weren't just bound: they shared the same powers.
And the 'darkness' in the spell didn't refer to actual darkness, it referred to Morgana. 'She is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love.' the words of the Great Dragon echoed in his head. Did that mean that the other part of the prophecy should be taken literally as well? Merlin swallowed and didn't know what to make of all this.
Once again the door was kicked open. Merlin jumped up and, expecting an attack, stretched out his hand and yelled: 'Hleap on bæc!' The one who'd opened the door fell flat on his back and cursed, running a hand through his hair and crawling to his feet. Horrified, Merlin realized that he wasn't being attacked. He'd just used magic on Arthur Pendragon.
'Arthur!' Merlin yelled, while he ran to the king and pulled him to his feet. Arthur shook his head, as if he felt dizzy, but he accepted Merlin's hand. It was a good sign, Merlin decided. The king dusted off his clothes and looked at his manservant, his expression unreadable.
'I… I can explain.' Merlin whispered, looking at his feet once again. Arthur huffed and kicked the bowl, it rolled away into a dark corner.
'Oh, I know. It consists out of three words and ends with "Magic". The other two words are "I" and "Have."' the king said furiously while he glared at his servant. Merlin cringed and felt all colours leaving his face. 'I… uhm…' he began, but Arthur cut him off.
'It was about time, Merlin. I was wondering when you were finally going to make a mistake. I was glad that no one else noticed! All that time I've been busy with working away your loose ends!'
'Arthur, I – What?'
The king glared at Merlin. Slowly, a smile appeared on the king's face. A smile that reached his eyes. The smile turned into a smirk. Merlin smiled back insecurely, deeply confused. 'When did you find out?' he asked a bit breathlessly. He was curious, but also afraid. Could Arthur have found out about it from the beginning, when he first entered Camelot?
'Well, where to begin. When you were foolish enough to mock and challenge me and my weapon suddenly got caught in the most random objects. When a dagger was flying my way and you were suddenly there, just a few seconds after it had been thrown. When you disappeared into the caverns that contained the dragon – Don't think I never knew about the dragon, Merlin – whenever something bad was going on. When you were always around whenever things were fixed. How you always came out of battles unscathed, without a scratch! How branches seemed to catch fire or fall down on my opponents whenever I was trouble.
Oh! And how you disappeared the entire time whenever Dragoon was around, too. Need I go on?' the king challenged, raising his eyebrows at Merlin. Merlin shook his head. 'No, I think you've made your point.' he said. Secretly, he was disappointed with himself. Arthur had known from the beginning. Arthur took an envelope opener that was laying on the closet and looked at it.
He turned it around a few times in his hands and experimented with the sharpness of the blade. Merlin narrowed his eyes at the thing and sure enough, Arthur suddenly yelled 'Catch!' and hurled the thing at his manservant. Time stopped completely in front of his eyes. Merlin calmly plucked the miniature knife out of the air and took his time to put it into Arthur's pocket. When he was satisfied, he returned to his original position and lifted the instinctive spell on time.
Arthur blinked a couple of times and frowned when he saw that Merlin hadn't moved. His eyes went to the empty spot in the air. 'Where did it go?' he asked Merlin. Arthur looked around, in the closet, on the floor, under the bed – he appeared again with a thick book and triumphantly said 'Ha! I knew you had a magic book hidden somewhere!' then he frowned at the book. 'What an idiotic hiding place.' - until Merlin had had enough fun.
'Check your pockets.' he suggested. Arthur froze in the middle of a step and put his foot back on the floor. His hands went into his pocket and one of them came out of it with the envelope opener. The king's mouth fell open. 'How did you do that?' he demanded, disbelief lacing his voice.
Merlin shrugged and smirked mysteriously. 'Magic.' he said teasingly. Arthur fumbled with the miniature knife and frowned at it. His expression was all but promising. Merlin watched the various emotions crossing over his face. Disbelief, disappointment – mainly with himself, Merlin assumed, but he had no idea why -, worry, sorrow.
'I don't think Camelot is ready for magic, Merlin.' Arthur finally said softly. It was barely more than a whisper, but Merlin could hear and understand it very clearly. He nodded and looked around his little chamber. There wasn't too much to pack. All he needed were his clothes, his magic book and the staff that had belonged to Aulfric, the Sidhe that had tried to sacrifice Arthur's soul so that his daughter could regain an immortal life.
'I understand.' Merlin whispered and he began packing his stuff. Luckily, his clothes and the magic book fit into the bag. He would just hold the staff, or possibly even leave it here. He didn't need it to use his magic. It was just an object to make 'Dragoon' more convincing as an old, powerful sorcerer. He was stopped by Arthur, who grabbed him at his upper arm.
'You don't have to leave right now. Get some rest. I'm sure that the knights won't feel betrayed, I think it would make sense to them. And Guinevere doesn't think that magic is-' Arthur adruply stopped speaking, as if something had crossed his mind.
'She thinks she's unable to conceive.' Arthur began slowly. He tested every word, as if he was unsure of them. 'Do you think that you could…' his voice faded away and Merlin understood what the king was asking of him. He raised his eyebrows.
'Are you sure that that's such a good idea? Arthur, to give life, you take life. Either you or Gwen, or anyone else would have to die in order for you to have a child.' Merlin said, while he looked at Arthur intensely, trying to make sure that the meaning of those words would be understood by the king. Arthur averted his eyes and nodded, seemingly ashamed.
Eventually he looked up again and smiled. 'You're right. Thank you. We'll just… adopt, or something.' he said with a shrug. Merlin smiled back reassuringly. 'Maybe you'll have some luck.' he said mysteriously, alarming Arthur. The king feigned a glare. 'Uh-oh.' he said obnoxiously, pretending to be afraid of his servant. Ex-servant, Merlin reminded himself silently.
'Thank you for the offer, Arthur, but I think that I can better go now. I don't want to sleep anymore.' Merlin said softly. Arthur's expression turned from amused to concerned. 'Still having nightmares?' he asked worriedly. Merlin nodded, but then he smiled. 'I found a way to fix it, though. It'll be hard, but I'm sure that it'll work.'
In fact, he was just trying to keep Arthur from worrying too much. He wasn't sure if Morgana wanted to be helped. Even though her life must've been tormenting, Merlin wasn't sure whether it was really Agravaine or not. Arthur nodded and seemed to be oblivious to Merlin's internal struggle.
'How about three years? That should be enough to convince the Council to release the ban on magic.'
'Three years! By that time I'll be old and grey!' (Arthur laughed at that and pointed out that Merlin had already been "old and grey".)
'Well, a year then? The ban on magic has been there for twenty-four years, Merlin, they won't just release it because my manservant has magic.'
'I think six months should be enough.'
'Six months isn't enough time, Merlin! I have to send letters to every kingdom, whether they have allies to Camelot or not. I have to convince them to get here and then I have to explain why exactly I didn't turn in my manservant. Then I have to explain why I think magic isn't evil, while Camelot has been attacked and thrown over by magic so many times!'
Merlin sighed. 'Three months then?' he opted innocently. Arthur groaned and rubbed his forehead. 'A year. Give me a year. Not a day more. Then you can come back, whether you've heard something from me or not.' Arthur said. Merlin considered to give another ridiculous suggestion ('a week' and 'a day' were part of his list) but he decided against it. He nodded at his king and hoisted his bag over his shoulder.
'A year it is.' he said optimistically. Arthur nodded and gave immediate orders to get a horse saddled and fed, so that his manservant could leave within a few minutes. 'You should say goodbye.' Arthur said sadly. Merlin nodded and before Arthur could complain or even move, hugged his master tightly. Arthur chuckled, but eventually gave Merlin a little pat on his back. Merlin grinned.
He explained the situation to Gaius, who was glad that his ward wouldn't be executed on the spot. He wasn't very happy that Merlin was banished either. (Arthur interjected that he wasn't banishing Merlin, he was just… sending him away for a little time. Banishing, Gaius said with a nod.) Merlin hugged the old man and was practically forced to take a bag filled with herbs and objects that could be used for magic practicing – Arthur's eyes widened when he saw the objects that he'd always considered as just that, objects.
A surprise awaited him when Gwen laughed at Merlin and whispered in his ear that she already knew. Merlin stared at her and Gwen hugged him. 'I searched 'Lamia' in the library later and they can only be killed by magic, you idiot!' Gwen told him. Merlin grinned and rolled his eyes. Did everyone know about his so-called 'secret'?
Luckily, the knights didn't seem to suspect a thing when Arthur announced that there was something that Merlin had to tell them. Gwaine offered himself as 'the victim' and Merlin used magic to turn his sword into a bouquet of wild flowers. Gwaine's eyes widened and he poked Merlin with his "sword". 'Argh! Where did you leave my sword!' Gwaine mocked, eyes glimmering. The other knights didn't seem to get the little inside joke.
When Gwaine had his sword back, Merlin strapped his bags to the horse's saddle. When Gaius suggested that he should look at the horse that he was going to ride, Merlin looked at the horse closely for the first time. His eyes widened when he realized that it was Morgana's white mare. Do they know what I'm up to? Merlin wondered, but he was afraid to ask.
With a last firm tug at the straps, Merlin knew that he'd stalled enough. It was time to go. Gaius gave Merlin a few more sleeping potions, claiming that Merlin hadn't yet fixed his sleeping problem. Gwen and Arthur gave him a purple neckerchief – Merlin stared at them, until Gwen said that it was supposed to be a birthday present – and the knights… gave him a last training session.
Arthur tried to give Merlin his sword. 'No, take it!' Arthur protested when Merlin tried to give it back. Merlin firmly shook his head and pushed the sword back into the king's hands. 'You'll need it. Excelibur is a very special sword.' Merlin said, putting emphasis on the right words. Arthur's eyes became as big as platters and he examined his sword closely, looking for any traces or signs of magic.
'Ow!' Merlin complained when he climbed on his horse. The knights laughed – they hadn't been very soft on him with the training. After looking at his friends for one last time, Merlin lead the horse away and kicked its flanks. They galloped away into the dark night, ready for whatever that would face them.
