Rating is T – sometimes more adult themes and suggestion of torture
Summary: Romance, angst and emotional whump for John Sheppard and now established O/C
Season: Season 5, post Inquisition and Remnants
Spoilers: Season 5 generally
Disclaimer: Not mine. Though John Sheppard is in my guilty imagination

A/N: - This is a follow up to my stories Maybe This Time, The Aftermath and Falling to Pieces. Some references are made to events in these stories.

This is a continuation of the John Sheppard and Cat Adams story. There will be plenty of anguish and emotional whump in this one. I'm always ready to put our John through the ringer. Expect some scenes of a mildly sexual nature and some suggestions of torture.

A year ago when Catherine Adams first stepped through the Atlantis gate, she could not have imagined what was to come. At 40, she had more or less resigned herself to being single and thought she was happy with her own company. Men had always been easy to come by on a casual basis, but for many years she had avoided any relationship more long term than a few nights. Capable of looking very pretty when she tried, a prettiness that was becoming more sophisticated as she headed into her fourth decade, most of the time she had hidden her looks to avoid unnecessary attention. In her teens, her long blonde hair and curvaceous body meant that she was always the centre of male attraction, but there had been very few men in her life that had touched her heart. She had tried marriage, mostly pressurised by her parents to marry well as a means to raise their social status. Her father and mother ran their own successful, in a small way, business and he father's main imperative in life was social climbing. The wedding had been grand and the honeymoon expensive, but the marriage had been a disaster, her then husband much more interested in the younger men who worked for him than his headstrong and independent wife. Neither could he understand her need to pursue her career. In his world women had babies and 'lunched'. So, she escaped the marriage fairly quickly and he settled enough on her to allow her to start afresh in America. Her work with Classical archiving and her knowledge of a range of ancient languages soon drew the attention of the Stargate program and now she was chief archivist on Atlantis.

John Sheppard had turned her nice contained world upside down. From the moment she first saw him, she had been besotted, and the schoolgirl crush had developed into a deep and lasting love, which he more than reciprocated. The last year and a half had not been entirely plain sailing, but they were stronger than ever and looking forward to the wedding that neither of them had thought to experience again. Cat loved every bit of him. Physically, he was the most attractive man she had ever met, with his dark tousled hair, come to bed hazel (or were they green?) eyes and full lips which pouted more than any man's should. Then, there were the strong muscled arms covered in soft dark hair, the long legs and strong thighs and toned torso, all of which she could gladly claim as her own. And there were other parts of his body which were only suggested through his clothes that she knew to be magnificent. She took great pleasure these days in watching the admiring glances of other women, knowing that he only had eyes for her.

Tonight, she was waiting nervously in 'her' corner of the control room. Chuck had radioed her when SGA1 were late, knowing that she would want to take up her usual station. This was her secret: John had enough to worry about without having to consider her nervous wait and she wouldn't burden him with her fears. The wormhole flashed blue and the welcome sound of 'Colonel Sheppard's IDC' and 'lower the shield' echoed around the gate room. A very tired team staggered through, but looked unharmed and unhurt. Cat silently withdrew, able to breathe properly for the first time in several hours.

He would never have guessed that she had been anywhere but in bed that night. She had a quick escape route back to their quarters, knowing that he would have to go to the armoury and the tack room at the very least. On bad nights, there was a visit to the infirmary too. Tonight, he crawled stiffly into bed behind her, put his arms around her, nestled into her neck and, kissing her, fell immediately into an exhausted sleep. Comforted at last, she joined him. She could wait for a more physical demonstration of his safe return in the morning.

Morning with John was probably her favourite time. In the private time before he donned his black BDUs and became Atlantis' military commander, she had discovered how little sleep he needed: seemingly exhausted and dead on his feet after a tiring mission, he could collapse into bed, but wake up refreshed and alert after just a few hours. Today was no exception. She woke to his strong arms wrapped around her, large hands stroking her stomach in sensual circular movements. His body was taught and pressed into her, clearly revealing his need. For a while, she pretended to be asleep as he peppered her neck and shoulders with little kisses. After a few minutes, she shuffled her hips towards him, just enough for him to register that she was awake, then she turned round to kiss him and show how much she, too, wanted him. Sex with John was incredible. She reached peaks of pleasure with him that she didn't know were possible and from the satisfied and replete look on his face she was pretty sure that he felt the same way. This morning was especially passionate and, not for the first time he was in serious danger of being late. In a rush, he had a shower and again she had to watch his fabulous body disappear into his black uniform, the only one in the city with the knowledge that their commander was wearing pink boxers covered with tiny hearts.

She set off for the cafeteria about fifteen minutes after him, knowing that he would probably not be there when she arrived. Ronon was there with Amelia, and Teyla was trying to feed Torren John. The boy was now a sparky and energetic toddler with a wicked grin and the ability to get into all sorts of trouble. He gave Teyla the run-around and, had Cat known for sure that he was not John's, she might have believed some of the city gossip, so alike was he to his 'uncle'. This morning, he was fully intent on escaping his high chair, and on not eating the breakfast she was trying to feed him. Uncle Ronon was having no more success, but since his idea of helping was along the lines of, 'eat boy, or else' it was not really surprising. The toddler had no fear and simply chuckled at the big man, eliciting a toothy and affectionate smile.

'Morning all,' she said lightly. 'And how are we all today?' Teyla smiled a tired smile, Ronon grunted and Amelia said 'good morning' back, then they settled into a companionable silence, punctuated by the delighted squeals of Torren. Yes, Cat loved mornings on Atlantis and this one was particularly exciting. She was going off-world to a planet called Incana. Lorne and his team had reported that there were some interesting remains there, and she was looking forward to some field work. These days, she didn't get much chance and she suspected that John had something to do with it. He hated her leaving Atlantis and worried for every second she was away. She felt it was a bit rich, given the worry he caused her, but knew what battles to fight, so she had primed Lorne to 'look out' for any artefacts that would give her a reason to investigate. Lorne had over-exaggerated how important it was that Atlantis' chief archivist should visit the site and John had finally acquiesced. She must remember to thank Evan next time she saw him: a few of John's precious beers might find their way to his fridge!

The only way John would allow her off-world, if not with him, was with Lorne's team. He trusted his 2ic and knew that he would look after her. He fussed over her kit, making sure that her tack vest was fully equipped and that her hand gun was in the best condition. She almost expected him to hand her a little metal lunchbox with a picture of 'My Little Pony' on it! The walk at the other end was not far, so they didn't need a jumper. Just before she entered the blue shimmer of the wormhole, she turned and waved up at John, who was standing at the top of the stairs and he waved back, forcing a smile.

TBC

There is emotional whump to come for John. Please, R and R if you want more!