Chapter 1
"Hey, Lopez."
Santana shoved her books into her locker and turned glare at the meathead clunking down the corridor towards her, his wavy hair glistening with grease and a glint in his eye that she didn't like the look of.
"What do you want, curly fried?"
"Well, that's not very friendly," he drawled as he leaned heavily against the lockers next to hers. "And I was coming over here to make nice with the pariah."
"Wow, look at you with the fifty cent words," she smiled as she slammed the door shut and turned to face him, arms folded across her chest. "I'm almost impressed."
"You should be, I'm a smart guy."
"Clearly not or you'd realise how badly you're pissing me off right now," she sighed. "So I'll ask again, what do you want?"
"I wanted to ask you out."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Yeah, I did, I just..." Santana laughed as she studied his eyes. "Are you high? I mean, really?"
"Is that a yes?" He smirked.
"Of course not! Seriously, are you high? What part of this conversation gave you any cause to believe that I would ever, ever go out with you? And please be specific because obviously my rebuttal skills need serious work."
"Is this about the lesbian thing?"
"Okay, I'm officially over this conversation," she rolled her eyes and turned to leave.
"Seriously, I'm trying to help you out here," he called after her drawing the attention of several passing students. "This gay thing isn't doing your reputation any good."
Santana stopped a little way up the corridor trying desperately not to let his words have any impact on her posture, searching her brain to come up with a suitably smart and cutting response.
"And you think that going out on a date with a neanderthal like you would help her how exactly?" A voice piped up behind her, causing her to turn around slowly. "Because it seems to me that the only person who would benefit from such an arrangement would be you and frankly, Perkins, whilst I might not have had any particular issue with you before, this shocking display of preying on someone who is obviously going through a particularly difficult time in their life makes me see you in a whole new light, one in which I find you utterly repellent."
"Fuck you, Berry," he spat, towering over the short brunette. "What are you, her girlfriend?"
Santana shook her head and rolled her eyes at the suggestion, folding her arms as she caught Rachel's wide eyes and opened her mouth to put this asshole in his place.
"Yes, actually," Rachel unexpectedly cut her off, jutting out her chin and stepping up to him. "So why don't you just leave us alone and run along to football practice? Lord knows you need it."
Santana hid her chuckle behind her hand as the tiny diva faced up to the hulking jock, quickly recovering her straight face and flashing her eyebrows at him as he glared at her over Rachel's head.
"Whatever," he muttered as he pushed off the lockers and strode passed her. "Dykes."
"Yeah, you're just pissed cos I get more pussy than you," Santana shot as left.
"Santana!" Rachel hissed, pulling her into the lockers. "Must you be so vulgar?"
"Chill out, Berry," she chuckled. "My girlfriend would be used to much worse."
"Well maybe," Rachel muttered, glancing about the hallway at the passing students. "But seeing as that was a spur of the moment cover up I myself am not."
"No, I get that. My girlfriend would also have a more R rated response to some jerkoff hitting on me." Santana laughed. "But thank you. I guess. Although now the whole school thinks we're a couple."
"I highly doubt that, Santana, my ruse was nothing more than a temporary distraction from the problem you were facing," she muttered, tucking her hair behind her ear as she stared at the floor. "Perkins bruised ego will be enough for him to stay quiet, I am sure, but the deception will hopefully keep him from further harassment of you."
"Yeah, maybe," she shrugged. "Anyway, as fake girlfriends go, I guess I could do worse."
"I'll have you know you could do a lot worse," Rachel scoffed as the two of them walked down the corridor together. "I am thoughtful, attentive, thorough…"
"Thorough?" Santana cocked her eyebrow at her, a devilish smirk on her lips.
"You are incorrigible," she sighed, rolling her eyes and gripping her books tighter to her chest. "If I were you girlfriend I am sure that your constant need to make everything about sex would be the source of many a discussion."
"I'm sure it would," Santana chuckled. "Many a detailed, sexy discussion that would inevitably lead to hot, steamy…"
"Santana!" Rachel hissed, scandalised, her wide eyes scanning the hallway as she stopped abruptly outside her class. "Must you always bring the conversation down to this level?"
"What level would that be, Berry?" Santana stepped in closer, enjoying the girl's discomfort immensely. "Should I be on my knees for this?"
A deep blush exploded across Rachel's face and she gave a small cough before shaking her head and turning to go to her class. "I'll see you in Glee, Santana."
She laughed as Rachel scuttled off and continued up the hallway towards her own class. As ways to torment Berry went this one was a lot of fun, despite the potentially embarrassing implications on her taste in women. Still, maybe Berry was right, maybe Perkins wouldn't say anything, and in that case teasing Berry about what would happen if they were dating would be win win. Well, win win for her, but that was all that mattered, right?
"Are you dating Rachel?"
"Excuse me?" Santana choked slightly and snapped her eyes up to meet Brittany's.
"Are you?" Brittany folded her arms and leant against the locker, a sullen look on her face.
"What if I was?" Santana gave a small shrug and looked through her books distractedly. With Brittany standing so close she could barely remember what day it was let alone what class she had next. "You're still with Wheels, why do you care?"
"Because you told me you loved me and…"
Santana slammed her locker shut and looked around nervously. "Would you keep your voice down? I told you before, I honestly don't know what I was thinking, and you obviously don't feel the same so why do you keep bringing it up?"
"I do love you, I just love Artie as well," she said, shifting on her feet as her piercing blue eyes bored into Santana's. "And I know you've always had a thing for Rachel, I just never thought…"
"What?" Santana scoffed. "I never had a thing for the dwarf, what are you talking about?"
"Come on, Santana, you tease her all the time, you're constantly coming up with ways to mess with her. If we were in kindergarten you'd be pulling her hair and pushing her over in the sandbox."
"Don't be ridiculous," she spat, folding her arms defensively and jutting out her chin. "And whatever I do with Berry stopped being your business when you picked him over me."
"So you are dating her?"
"Like I said, not your business."
"Santana," Brittany sighed, reaching out to stroke her bicep. "I'm still your friend. I still care about you and I want you to be happy."
"Really?" Santana spat, shrugging her hand away as her anger bubbled up inside her. "So where were you when I was outed? Where were you when my abuela disowned me? Where were you when I was getting felt up and offers to be fixed from the scum of the school?"
"I didn't…"
"Don't bother, Britt," she shook her head and stared at the floor, willing herself to calm down. "What's done is done. I just have to deal with it."
"I wish I could have been there for you."
"Yeah, well you weren't. And you know who was?" Santana locked eyes with Brittany as she realised the truth. "Rachel. And you know what I think? I think you're jealous, Britt. Jealous because you thought I'd just wait around for you like some lost little puppy until you got tired of Artie and came crawling back. And now that you think I've moved on you can't deal."
"Santana…"
"No, just…" Santana held her hands up and backed away. She hated fighting with Brittany but the hurt was just too much right now. She needed to leave before she said anything else she would regret. "Just leave it, alright? Just...you do your thing, I'll do mine. Okay?"
She turned and walked off, no clue where she was headed, just needing to be away from Brittany and her sad eyes. She could feel the blonde's gaze burning into the back of her head as she made her way down the hall and it was all she could do not to break into a run. Her heart ached every time she saw Brittany and Artie together and she couldn't believe she'd made such a fool of herself by telling the girl she loved her. Why the fuck had she made her go through the whole process of confronting her feelings and admitting them to her if she had no intention of breaking up with the boy? It was just cruel.
She ducked into the closest bathroom and quickly locked herself in a stall, sitting down and attempting to steady her breathing as she tried to force her emotions back down. This was all too much. And what the fuck was she talking about when she said Santana had always had a thing for Rachel? She didn't have a thing for the hobbit, as if. Hairy feet and big noses really weren't her thing, thank you very much, and so what if she liked to tease her? She was an easy target and Santana needed something to distract her from the tedium of school.
Still, she thought as she started to calm down, if Britt thought there was something going on and it was making her jealous, maybe Santana could use this Berry thing to her advantage? A slow smile spread over her face as she started to formulate a plan. Suddenly she was feeling much better.
When Santana walked into the choir room at the end of the day her plan was set. Now all she needed was to get Berry to go along with it. She scanned the room and tried to ignore the way her heart twinged at the sight of Brittany sitting in Artie's lap, whatever she was whispering in his ear causing his mouth to twist up into a filthy smile. She rolled her eyes and made a beeline for Rachel, sitting on her own in the second row.
"Hey there, gorgeous," she smirked, sitting down next to her and scooting the chair closer. "How was your day?"
"Santana, what are you doing?" Rachel whispered in alarm, glancing around the choir room as if she was trying to work out what was going on.
"Sitting next to my girlfriend," she shrugged with a smile, resting her hand on the back of Rachel's chair. "Asking about her day. The usual."
"I would have to say that it is highly unusual and not at all funny." Rachel huffed as she flicked her hair over her shoulder. "I was trying to help you earlier and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from…"
"Calm down, short stack, I'm only playing," Santana scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Thank you very much, Rachel, I am extremely grateful for what you did for me earlier and I would like to show my appreciation by taking you out this evening."
Rachel leaned away from her and looked at her in shock. "What?"
"Breadsticks. Eight o'clock. My shout."
"I don't understand."
"It's not that difficult," she sighed and folded her arms. "You did something nice for me, I'm saying thank you."
"By, er, asking me out on a date?" Rachel said hesitantly, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Calm your tits, Berry." Santana chuckled. "A date is when two people who find each other attractive go out and try and fill the time til they can go home and have sex. This is totally different."
"I see," she sat up a little straighter in her chair, apparently bristling slightly.
"So?"
"So what?"
"Jesus, Berry, did you take a slow pill at lunch?" Santana shook her head. "Are you in?"
"Your insults are not exactly making me eager to spend the evening with you, Santana."
"Oh my God, you are such hard work. Fine, I promise not to insult you for the rest of the day. Deal?"
"I still don't understand why you would want to take me out for dinner."
"To say thank you."
"You already said thank you."
"Look, I don't see what the big deal is," Santana sighed in exasperation. "I'm offering to take you out tonight. You get free food, the pleasure of my company and sparkling wit, and what else were you planning on doing this evening? Washing your hair? Shaving your feet? Pining over Finnocence? What?"
"You said no more insults."
"Yeah, well now you're pissing me off," she folded her arms and turned to face the front. This was a stupid idea. She could barely even hold a conversation with the annoying midget, let alone pretend to date her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Brittany watching them closely, her arms still wrapped around Artie's neck. She sighed and turned back to the brunette, resting her arms on her knees as she leaned in towards her. "Look, I'm sorry, I know that you're sceptical about my intentions and you've every cause to be, but I promise you that I am just trying to show my gratitude. Also, I love Breadsticks and I never get to go anymore. So please, Rachel, come and have dinner with me tonight?"
The girl observed her for a few moments, her eyes slightly narrowed as she pondered her options. "Alright, but if you do or say anything to insult or hurt me in any way I will leave immediately and do everything in my power to get you removed from this club. Understood?"
"Understood," she chuckled softly and placed her hand on the girl's forearm. "And honestly, Berry, I'm not trying to trick you, I just want to thank you for your help today and see how many times we can get them to refill the breadsticks before they kick us out."
Rachel glanced down curiously at the hand on her arm with, if Santana was not mistaken, the hint of a blush on her cheeks. Just as she was about to speak Mr Schuester marched into the room and started the practice with a clap of his hands.
