Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without.
For a while, it seems the conversation has ended. But before long, I hear Gale's voice again.
"Can I tell you something? And don't think I don't know how much of an asshole I sound like, ok?"
"Ok …" Peeta's voice is wary, but curious.
Gale sighs. "I'm jealous of you."
Peeta's incredulous response mirrors my own. "Why?"
"Because she loves you. Because I love her, and she loves you."
Peeta interrupts. "She doesn't –"
"You need to trust me on this, ok?" Gale all but snaps. He exhales. "Sorry. But …why would I lie to you about this? Don't you think I'd give anything if she didn't?"
There's another pause. It's clear Peeta doesn't know what to say. Gale continues, his voice low, quiet, and sincere.
"I want her to be my wife."
I'm stunned at hearing Gale confess this so frankly, but I don't know why. Haven't I always known, deep down, that he wanted that? That that's where we might have been heading, if I weren't so against marriage and children?
"And I thought … I honestly thought she would be, someday, despite …"
"Despite the fact that she's resolved never to get married or have kids?" Peeta finishes.
I smile. Even now, Peeta knows me too well.
"Yeah. Something like that. It's just … we're a team, Catnip and I." It sounds like he's saying this more to himself, than to Peeta. His voice is low, soft. It's the voice I remember. "Or we were a team. We kept each other safe, watched out for each other, took care of each other's families … we knew each other, good and bad. And I honestly thought, one day … "
"Yeah," sighs Peeta, heavily. "I think all of Twelve did." Pause. "Real, or not real. You and Katniss were together - were a couple - before the Reaping?"
"Not real," Gale answers. "Definitely not real," he says again, ruefully. "Not outside my head, anyway." He gives a grim laugh. "I didn't even realize my feeling for her till about six months before the Reaping." A pause. "That fucking Reaping. When everything went to shit."
To my surprise, Peeta chuckles. "I'll say."
Gale continues. "The Games – watching those fucking games … it was nothing but torture. I'm not trying to minimize what you went through," he amends quickly. "But … imagine," his voice grows bitter. "Imagine the girl you love, the girl you imagine will one day be your wife, the girl who holds your whole future, ripped from you … and you know she might very well die … and that you have to watch it."
"Yeah," Peeta says, softly.
"But even worse … if it's possible to get worse … is that what you end up watching … in addition to her nearly dying before you eyes … is the girl you love fall in love with someone else."
There's a long, long, pause. And then, Peeta breaks the silence.
"In the Capitol – when I was being held in the Capitol, they would make me … see things. You and her. Together."
Gale is quiet for so long that Peeta adds, "in bed."
"Yeah I got it," Gale says quickly. But something must be wrong – Peeta must be having a flashback, because I hear his handcuffs slide around as he gives a small, strangled cry. After a few minutes, I hear him breathing heavily, but more normally.
"You alright man?"
"Yeah." Peeta's voice is harsher than usual.
"You saw … us? Katniss and me – again? Cause of what we were talking about?"
"Yeah."
There's a long pause, and then Gale asks,
"So what do you think is worse – seeing the girl you love fall in love with someone else, or watching the girl you love … you know, be with someone else?"
I'm sickened by the amusement in his voice. The fact that he brought it up again, knowing it triggered a flashback in Peeta just minutes ago. I want to turn over, to reveal that I've been listening, to slap what I'm sure is a grin off his face. To tell him then and there that I'll be sure to personally send a video of me and Peeta fucking, so that he can make the decision for himself.
But Peeta, showing that there is the old Peeta there somewhere, simply sighs and says, "even if … what you said is true. That I won her over. It'll still be you, I think… in the end. Whatever she felt for me … if she did feel something … I'm sure it's long gone, now."
"Peeta." Gale's voice is gentle, and serious. "If you'd have seen her, if you'd have seen what she was like when she first heard you were taken …" he sighs. "I know Katniss pretty well, I think. And she's just not … Katniss … without you. If you can ... you know, make it through, work through the poison … she'll be there."
There's a long pause. Is Peeta considering his words, I wonder? Finally, he says, "but you love her."
"I do," Gale agrees.
"Then … why? Why tell me all this? Why help me?"
Why, indeed.
"Because," Gale says simply. "I love her."
