A Change in Programming

A Weiss Kreuz fic by Reanna King

NOTE: Written completely on a whim. Be merciful. This is kind of a satire of all of the yaoi WK fics that are out there. I have nothing against yaoi; in fact, I think it can be great. But someone had to write something like this.

(SETTING: Outside the flower shop)

Girl 1: None of the guys are here today…

Girl 2: The store is closed.

All Girls: **sigh…**

Girl 3: Let's go watch Gravitation or something.

(The girls cheer and run off)

(SETTING: A large office. Several men sit around a large table. Ken, Aya, Omi and Yohji stand inside the large metal double doors.)

YOHJI: You want us to WHAT?!

MAN 1: Now, I know you don't like the idea yet… but you may come to like it.

MAN 2: As the people who run the show, we feel we have the right to change it as we see fit.

MAN 3: And we see it fit to change the show to suit the needs and attitudes of most Weiss Kreuz fans.

KEN: I'm not doing it.

OMI: Nuh-uh.

AYA: No way.

YOHJI: You're insane.

MAN 4: We don't necessarily want you to have sex with each other…

WOMAN 1: Well, actually…

MAN 4: Sh!! (back to the guys) We just need you to do more things on the show that imply romantic relationships. More significant looks, deeper concern for the welfare of the others, etcetera.

YOHJI: But we'll look… you know…

MAN 2: That's the point. If you like, we can even put a note in the credits saying that you're not gay. Would you like that?

KEN: No one reads credits.

MAN 1: (puts his head in the palm of his hand) Come on, guys, we're doing this for the good of the show.

OMI: B… but people already want to watch the show…

MAN 2: (turns to MAN 1) There must be a way to convince the guys.

MAN 3: Aya. This is officially your new mission. Will you accept it?

AYA: … … I'll accept any mission.

YOHJI: (slaps his forehead) Aya, you dork…

MAN 4: Yohji… you know that this is all to please your female fans, right? Accept this and I'll forego the no-flirting-with-fans rule.

YOHJI: Seriously?

KEN: (surprised) You're not gonna do it are ya?

YOHJI: It's just acting, right?

MAN 1: Of course.

YOHJI: Fine. Count me in.

MAN 2: Ken… Omi… the other two have already agreed to this. I think it's time to follow suit.

MAN 3: Did we mention that your salary will increase by 20%?

KEN: How are you pulling that off?

MAN 3: We've got a merchandising deal with Bandai set up. It's gonna be huge.

(KEN appears to be thinking seriously about it)

OMI: All right. I think I speak for Ken in saying that we accept.

KEN: Besides… you're not going to leave us alone about this, are you?

ALL MEN: No. (the men smile slyly)

WOMAN: (stands up and pushes four sheets of paper toward the guys) Now, if you'll just sign these papers…

YOHJI: What do we gotta sign these for?

OMI: Hey, part of this contract is a waiver!

KEN: (looks up at the MEN) Why?

MAN 2: Don't worry about it. It's silly business stuff that you wouldn't understand.

(BEAT)

(The BOYS pause… then sign the papers)

END OF PART ONE!

UP NEXT: The new programming technique turns out to be much more than our ambiguously gay heroes have bargained for!