Like most people, the Doctor had a spot in the universe that he went to when everything got to much. When he had seen enough blood shed, enough invasions and enough companions to walk through his doors, the spot was on the bottom of the Earth.
A place so tiny that no one could find it except for one girl, and she always seemed to be there when the TARDIS whirred in to view, disturbing the peace of the cattle as they grazed and made a few kookaburras fly up in to the sky in annoyance.
Before he stepped out he could sense her there, just like it was when he first met her when she was five, her empathic powers rolled off her like the waves at a beach. Apparently she still hadn't learned how to turn them off.
The TARDIS gave a loud hum, as if to tell him to hurry up and get out in to the paddock, but he couldn't move. He just turned the monitor on and looked around until he saw her, sitting under an oak tree with a pen and note pad resting on her lap.
"Go to her." The hum seemed to say, and if that didn't get the message through the TARDIS dimmed the lights until it was near pitch black.
The Doctor sighed and pulled his coat on, doing up the buttons he then decided against it and undid them all, she had seen him worse. Yes his clothing was spotted with blood and torn, but so was his hearts and at least the clothing could be fixed.
This time he didn't believe his hearts could be fixed, no matter how much glue he used.
Taking a deep breath the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and walked up to her, stopping a few feet away when he realised she had grown since the last time he had seen her.
How many years had passed this time?
"Even in that box I can feel your sadness as if it burned my own heart..." She stated, still not looking at him. Her head was bent and covered by an Akubra hat, her legs were clad in jeans (which were splattered in mud), she wore a loose fitting band shirt and her normal work boots.
He swore all Australian's wore those hats!
Or maybe just the ones that lived on sheep stations in the middle of no where.
"Are you going to talk, John?" She looked up at him when she spoke the name, her piercing blue eyes were nearly the undoing of him. So round and full of innocence, and yet tipped with a sadness that nothing could take away. The girl had seen to much in her life.
Yet that was another thing that she did, that no one else had ever done, she called him John. Even when she was five and he had first showed up in her paddock, she refused to call him Doctor.
~!~
"I'm the Doctor..." He said, smiling down at the young girl as she stared up at him with round blue eyes.
"Well then, what's your name, Doctor?" She had asked, folding and unfolding her hands in her lap a few times before letting one rest on the side of her kelpie puppy.
"My name is a secret..." He frowned slightly, normally people had just taken his name as The Doctor and hadn't questioned it and yet she was different.
"Your mummy and daddy wouldn't call you Doctor. So you must have a name. I can keep secrets, I promise!" She had reminded him so much of the children on his home planet before they were sent to the Academy, full of wonder and excitement (a quality he had never been broken of).
"My name is John." He had finally said, stretching his legs out and fanning his face. He had forgotten just how hot and unforgiving the Australian sun was in Summer.
"My name is Louise."
~!~
"There really isn't much to talk about..." The Doctor said, taking off his coat (Why did the TARDIS always send him in Summer?) and rolling up his sleeves. "Hard couple of days, weeks... Maybe even months..."
Louise nodded, looking away from him and out over the cattle. "My grandparents went in to beef cattle. A station down the road started to produce wool on a bigger scale and we couldn't keep up..." She explained, motioning to the paddock. "Grandad sold the back end to them and we've kept this part... The shearing shed's still there, but that's about the only thing left of what used to be..."
"When was that?"
"Two years ago..." Louise laughed at his stunned expression, man it was good to hear someone laugh after what he had been through! Donna used to laugh at his expressions all the time, said he made the goofiest faces in the universe.
"That long...?" He asked in shock, picking his jaw up off the ground and giving Louise a once over to make sure he hadn't missed anything. He felt like running the Sonic Screwdriver over her just to give her a quick check up but decided against it. He didn't feel like explaining to the TARDIS how it got shoved somewhere it was never intended to go.
"Yeah, I'm nearly nineteen now..." She pushed the hat up her face a little and looked at him. It was her stare that made him uncomfortable, the fact that she could feel everything he felt was something completely unnerving since he had left Gallifrey.
Yet her stare didn't show any emotion, apart from a slight sparkle of happiness at seeing him again. She didn't judge what he felt, she didn't judge him on anything. Even when he was sitting next to her in torn clothing and covered in blood.
She still treated him like he was someone special to her.
"You look like crap." She finally stated, making him chuckle and run his hand through his hair, trying to get some of the knots out.
"Thanks."
They fell in to a silence then, listening to the animals and soft whir of the TARDIS. The Doctor was soaking up the calming empathic waves she was sending him and he knew that she could sense how great full he was for her to be doing it.
"Do you need to talk about it?" Louise finally asked, after fifteen minutes of the Doctor sitting quietly while she wrote in her notebook. She had only asked because she knew that she would have to push before he opened up to her, and even then she only got the basic run down and had to get anything else from what he was feeling or what she could sense.
"I lost them all, Louise. Every single one... I had a child, well not a child... He was more a replica of my DNA and my companions DNA after she touched my severed hand and literally made another version of me. And then I lost him. I lost her because the human brain can not cope with the information that the process put in to her mind. Rose came back and then I lost her once more! I keep loosing her!" He picked up a small rock and threw it as hard as he could, as if throwing away all his feelings with it.
"I keep loosing everything..." He finished with, his voice had dropped from the sadness and tears slowly fell from his eyes. He quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand, almost embarrassed at the humanness of crying.
Almost ashamed.
"Stop being so ashamed of crying, John!" Louise said, rolling her eyes and holding out a clean hanky. She always carried around a satchel with her that contained a first aid kit and a hanky.
"I SHOULD BE!" He yelled, snatching the hanky from her and wiping his eyes. "I'M NOT HUMAN! MY PEOPLE DON'T CRY!" He stood up and shoved his hands in his trouser pockets, staring down at her.
She was so young, what could she ever understand from what he had been through!
Nineteen?
Nineteen to a Time Lord was an infant!
"YOUR PEOPLE SAT BY AND WATCHED THEIR WORLD BURN!" Louise yelled back, standing up and staring in to his eyes. Another thing he would never get used to, she was slightly taller then him.
"I KILLED MY PEOPLE!"
"AND I KILLED MY PARENTS!"
They were both panting now and both openly crying.
Fists clenched at their sides as they eyed one another, daring the other to back down and step aside, for their pain was not as great as the others.
The Doctor was the first to back down, he looked away from her and at the cattle, his hands still clenching and unclenching at his side. "You don't understand, Louise... You killed them by an accident, I killed them because I had to..."
"And yet we both end up here. On the same hill, hands clenched at our sides as we stare at the animals. Both praying to what ever god we believe in that they forgive us. That they understand why we did it..."
"You were three..."
"And you were..." Louise stopped and looked at him, raising an eyebrow as she caught him trying not to smile. "Well you were young as well." She ended up saying after five minutes of him just grinning at her.
"I was old enough to know that it needed to be done, and you were young enough not to know to run out in front of a car..."
"And yet here we stand, John."
"Here we stand, Louise..."
She sighed softly and took the hat off her head, rubbing her forehead with the back of her left hand she looked across at the cows. How peaceful they were, even when they would end up slaughtered and offered on a plate.
Like some twenty first century peace offering.
"Will you ever tell me your name...?"
"You won't be able to pronounce it, Louise." The Doctor said sadly, he missed hearing his name spoken out loud. The closest he got was Louise calling him John, but that wasn't the same. He glared at her when he noticed that she was giggling silently. "What's so funny!" He demanded, crossing his arms.
"I just had a mental image of me standing out here screaming your name at the sky trying to get your attention..." Louise said, before the giggles over came her and she bent over in laughter.
She was soon joined by the Doctor.
~!~
Three hours and many peanut butter and pickle sandwiches later, the Doctor was calm enough to be able to go off and explore some more.
"You know you can come with me, right?" He asked, leaning against the door frame of the TARDIS and smiling at Louise.
"Yeah, but then who would be here waiting for you to need the pieces picked up again?" She asked, putting her hands in her jeans pockets and giving him a smile.
"I swear the TARDIS comes here only when you are out..."
"Oh, I figured that out a little while ago..."
They both chuckled and the Doctor awkwardly put his hands in his pockets, he really hated goodbyes.
"Catch ya in another two years..." Louise said, sensing his awkwardness and trying to overcome it with a sense of cheer and not really a goodbye.
"Yeah, maybe even sooner." The Doctor said, as he stepped in to the TARDIS and closed the door.
He walked over to the console and flipped the switch, letting the TARDIS decide where to take him this time. After five minuets he quickly started to flick switches and pulled the lever to go back to Louise.
"Louise, my name is..." He flung the door open and was welcomed by the empty paddock, just going on to dusk by the looks of the sky. He could see the cows curled up under the trees getting ready to sleep, and could faintly see the outline of the house.
He sighed softly and stepped back in to the TARDIS, shutting the door behind himself as he walked back over to the console.
He guessed his name would have to stay a mystery for a little longer.
