A/N: Hiya! Okay, so I just had this idea stuck in my head after my pro-Karin(-gags-)friend and I were having a Sakura vs. Karin fight, and she mentioned how Karin is just more mature then Sakura, using the example of their hair, and then I just had to write this. I dunno why. I just did. But the next chapter of my oother story should come tomorrow or the next day, I've just been really busy^^ So cha! On with the story, I guess…..
She sat in her room, the picture of him and her just going through her mind, again and again. She hated this image…. This image of herself compared to her. She hated the image of her in general, but the image of the one she loved WITH her? All that did was make her worse and worse.
She was such a child. She knew that. She always has. But what hurt wasn't the fact of her realization. It was the fact of hers.
And now she knew that he thought so as well. No, she already knew. But she wondered if he really ever cared for her at all now. Maybe it was out of pity that he so…. Kind to her. Maybe it was out of care. The worst part is? She'll never know.
She wanted to hate her. She wanted to break her into little bits. She wanted to make her falter, lose her utter confidence in everything she did. Defeat her smile.
But she just couldn't. Why? She was envious of the real woman. Even though she should've been of age to be concidered a young woman, hell, a woman, she was still a child. She was envious of her perfect body, her beautiful smile, her gorgeous laugh. She was jealous of her womanly antics, her seducting, luring voice.
And guess what made this envy so much worse to her?
Envy? Jealousy? Hatred?
All child's emotions.
All emotions she knew even he didn't have anymore. All emotions that she had blocked out what must've been ages ago. All emotions that haunted her every day.
-------*~*-------
She got up from her room, feeling like shit.
Because that's what she was to him, most likely. Shit.
And slowly, history flooded into her mind like waves in a storm.
She yelped at the sight of her love, trying desperately to hide herself before he realized she was in the area.
He looked back at the direction she was a moment before to find nothing. Sighing, he turned back around and muttered something about being over paranoid, something she couldn't make out because of the distance.
The distance they now shared. The distance that tore her apart, eating her heart out little by little everyday.
She came out of hiding again, only to look at a sight mortifying to her eyes.
There he was, the man she loved since she was a little girl, with some one else.
Someone so much more mature then herself, more beautiful, more womanly. More of everything she didn't have, more of everything she wanted. She was everything she wasn't and instantly it hit her. Hard.
'Wow', she mouthed. She couldn't bring herself to find her voice. She couldn't move. She was frozen in place, that's what she was. She was terrified, yet envious. Mortified, yet insane.
They were so alike, yet so different.
And she was the one he wanted.
And she couldn't stand it. She had loved him all her life, and he must've known her for what, two months? Was she not good enough for him?
And then realization dawned on her. She wasn't good enough for him. She wasn't good enough for even HIM.
"Why….", she murmered too quietly even for her own ears, and stalked off back to her house, to cry.
------*~*------
She saw her again one day walking in the city, trying to drink her way out of things, as per usual. As soon as the girl saw her again, she ran away from the street, leaving passer-byers looking confused. She was so…. Pathetic compared to her. She knew the other knew why she was running, and she could've sworn she heard her smirk and sneer, "Loser."
As the pinkette ran farther into the bright city lights, she felt her eyes brim with a hot liquid that she hasn't felt since… Well, since that night. The night that he WAS pathetic back then, but she thought she had matured since then.
Now she knew what mature was to him. Not just him, though. Even to herself, she saw she was still just a child.
She still had awful tempermental control, lost it all the time. She still got upset all the time, about the stupidest things. She was cocky about so many things, just because she grew up smart. Hell, she was one of those girls that actually ate. She wasn't pretty. She a was fat, annoying, naggy, braggy, obnoxious child compared to her. Even the color of her hair showed it.
Pink? Pink was a child's color. A little girl, who hadn't grown up. Her hair…. Red was a mature, adult color. Lust, passion, hatred… All these result in red. Pink was childish, sweet, young. And that's probably what she was to him, or so she thought. She was still a kid, even though she was older. And she was a woman already, probably long before she even noticed this.
She was obviously the more mature one of both of them, and didn't they both know it.
-------*~*-------
She walked into the bar, grinning stupidly. She needed to get that woman off of her mind, and getting drunk was exactly the way to do so. Even though it did take a lot out of her, it was very much needed to the pinkette.
She waved a hand at the bartender, shakily. "Hey…. Hey! Hey you! Over here!", she said crookedly.
The bar tender came over to her, and asked what she would like. She just told him to get her a beer.
And as soon as it was delivered she gulped the whole thing down in less then a minute. And then another. And another. And another.
Soon, an hour had gone by and she was completely wasted. Laughing hysterically. Grinning like a fool, flirting with a bunch of random strangers. This was a good way to get rid of anything that was bothering her, she decided. Definatly good.
And soon, in a flash, when she walked through the door, her light headed temporary happiness was gone. Just like that.
It wasn't just the sight of the woman herself, sure she was affected. But the sight of who was at her side made her want to break again.
He was right there, with her.
"Hey, hey!", she waved over the bartender once more. "Gimme another!", she forced out, giving a fake smile. She needed to get out of here, or get even more wasted. She decided on the ladder because of her very clouded vision. The bartender quickly broght her drink, and just as quickly she gulped it down.
Her eyes trailed back up to look around the bar, and she locked onto them as soon as she found them.
Closely and as carefully as she good being so out of it, she watched as she forced her(beautiful. Gorgeous. Wonderful. Womanly.)body onto his, and he neither accepted it nor pushed it away.
Which even that may seem like no big deal to most, she knew that man all too well.
His deep, onyx eyes that sparkled in there own dark way.
His raven locks that flowed so naturally over his head.
His pastey pale skin that made him glow with glory.
She even loved that smirk or scowl he always wore. It fit him so perfectly.
Everything about him made her happy. She loved every little thing he did, she just loved him.
But she had lost him to a real woman. No, that was wrong. She never lost him.
Because she never had him.
-------~*~--------
She sliped into her bed quickly, not looking at anything else in her house. Not even bothering to take off her shoes. She did take them off after the realization they were on, and frowned in disgust.
Even her shoes were kids shoes, unlike her beautiful, sexy black boots. She realized horrified that she could never pull that off, she could never be like that. She just looked to…. Childish. Everything she ever did seemed childish compared to her.
That night, she cried herself to sleep.
Just like she did as a child.
------~*~------
The next day, she was about to go out again. Not to drink, no no no, it was far too early in the day for that. No, she was going to visit maybe her best friend, to knock the pain away as they did when they were little.
She gulped silently as she thought that word again. The one word to sum her up. Child.
When she opened the door, a note fell onto the floor, her name written on it in silky smooth gorgeous handwriting. She, of course, picked it up, and opened it very carefully, not wanting to rip the perfect handwriting that just looked so brilliant when it spelled her name out. She could look at it for years and years and still admire it, it was so… Flourished.
She tenderly picked the note out, and unraveled it with the same care.
She read it once, skimming it. She looked at it once more, and then reread it for a third time, and then a fourth, this time mouthing the words to herself, as if making sure they were true.
As soon as her brain finally realized it was in fact real, she put the note down lightly onto the table, and in the next moment….. Rushed out the door like a child.
As she walked very quickly to the same park she had fallen in love with that boy, that word child kept lurking in her brain. No matter how many times she tried to push it out, compared to her, that's all she could think. That was the only word that could make her this depressed now, and after all the shit she's gone through that's saying something big.
Her fast pace slowed down as she reached the park, smiling softly but fondly. She knew this place like the back of her hand, it was where she always was as a child. It was where she had met him, it was where she loved. It was the place she came when she needed to sort things out in her brain, still.
She stopped at the bench, when she saw him in all his glory sitting there. But this time, alone and with the smirk he reserved only for her.
She blinked back tears quickly, not wanting to seem weak to the strongest man alive(in her mind, anyway.), and sat down next to him.
"What did you want to talk about….?", she asked quietly, not trusting her voice at the moment.
His eyes softened as he realized she was terrified. Though he didn't know what, he was horrified at the thought of intimidating her. He spoke quietly as well, putting an image through her mind that this wasn't easy for him either, though he knew that they both knew it was a complete lie. But it didn't hurt to see if he could make her feel better. After all, she was his everything, now.
Hell, she always was. It just took him a lifetime to figure this out.
She sighed as she waited for an answer. He looked puzzled for a moment, and cleared his throat and spoke just as quietly and calmly as she had previously.
"I… I wanted to tell you that…. I've been really stupid lately.", he began, figuring out he was just as nervous as the girl next to him seemed to be. As he said these words, he could see a glimmer of hope pass through her eyes.
"Do you still… Love me?", he asked, nearly silent. He needed to know. He needed to know if he could get her back. No, they were never together. But he wanted to know if he could ever feel the wonder of having her in his life like that.
She looked at him. Lie? Tell the truth? Why did he want to know? Thousands of questions like these flooded her mind. Finally, she let out a breath she didn't even know was being held and mouthed a small, 'Yes', to him, much to his un-shown happiness.
He smiled. She couldn't remember the last time he smiled like that. When they were children, in this very same park? But it didn't matter, because his face made her want to faint. Hell, it took everything in her NOT to faint.
He pulled her into a tight embrace, to her pleasure and shock.
"I've realized something," he whispered into her hair. "I love you….", he breathed into her ear, making her face heat up, unlike his own.
"Do you re-really….?", she wimpered, a little scared for his actual answer. Because, per usual, she thought this was out of pity or sympathy, or for the fact that that… Woman broke up with him last night or something? Ha! She wished… But she realized he had just said he loved her.
He sighed, breaking the tight squeeze he had initiated. "Yes…. I do…"
She gulped, almost scared to ask the question lingering on her tongue. "B-but… What… A-about…", she stuttered out, sounding like a small child. Dammit., she thought to herself. Childness yet again destroys me.
"About her?", he spat out. She couldn't tell if it were at the thought of the other woman, or at herself. She hoped it was the former. "Over. Done with. I don't know why I wasted a breath on that bitch.", he told her. "I was stupid and drunk when I met her, and then before I could protest, she said we were in a relationship and I couldn't get rid of her. Lucky for me, she met up with some random guy at the bar last night, so she's gone now. I had no choice, I couldn't get her away. And as she was there…. I realized I wanted it to be you…", he brought his hand up to her face, and let a finger linger on her cheek for a moment or two.
She blushed for a moment, but then mentally tried to shake it off. "I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you, Sasuke-kun!", she told him, her voice wavering from how nervous and scared she was of saying this out loud. Sure, it was an obvious fact that she did, but she had never said it out loud. Especially not like this.
He smiled, his eyes soft, like she always dreamed he would look at her. "I love you, Sakura."
And then she hugged him and cried, just like she did when she was a child. And now? She knew that she must've seemed like a child to him now. But neither seemed to care. So now? She didn't care if she was still a child.
She had finally gotten her childhood dream. And that's all that mattered to her.
FIN
XxTheProblemChildxX
