The Seven
Deadly Sins
By Dizzy (DizzyGirl85@aol.com)
Disclaimer: Don't Own
'Em. But I Want 'Em.
Genre: Comedy
Authors Notes: I got
this idea while watching my mother play a game known as Of Light and Darkness:
The Prophecy. It's a really cool game based on the end of the world and the seven
deadly sins. I don't know why everything seems to influence M&M fanfics but
I thought this would be neat as a fluffy side project! Who knows it might turn
into much more. Fluff projects have a way of doing that too me! This is
possibly the second stupidest thing I have ever written. I'm warning ya..
***
Part 1: Gluttony
***
Gluttony: Sustaining
the self apart from God…a sin in relation to eating one's daily bread.
*** "A modern
translation might be seven terminal spiritual illnesses, for the seven deadly
sins refer to the breakdowns or weaknesses, sicknesses or forces within people
and communities that tend to deliver them over to the old world of sin ad
death…" Ms. Lord snapped the book closed, smiling. "William
Stafford's book Disorderly Loves has been hailed a piece of literary history.
It is the first book to actual deal with healing ourselves of those evil sins
which I know we are all guilty of. For example--"
She began to walk
around the room, setting the book down on her desk before turning around to
face the class. "Ms. Evans." She looked at Isabel who was busy
applying her newest shade of Candy Apple lipstick to her lips. "Stand up
please, Ms. Evans."
Isabel blushed,
snapping her compact closed she let the lipstick drop back into her purse and
slowly stood up, regainging her compsure. The group looked on. Where were they?
A special mandatory seminar that each English class was required to sit through
for one week of hell. Ms. Lord, the head of the English department, thought it
would be a good experience for the students, and it wasn't every day that they
could book William Stafford himself for a guest apperance at the end of the
seminar. Everyone was there, Michael, Maria, Liz, Max, Alex, Isabel, Kyle. Even
the Sheriff had stopped by to make sure everyone was orderly in the small
classroom that was filled with almost 100 students.
"Ms. Evans, come
here."
Isabel obeyed, walking
slowly to the front of the class, boots clicking.
"Now, Ms. Evans
is very attractive woman. Please turn in a circl,e Isabel," Ms. Lord
commanded.
Isabel obeyed,
confused.
"Perfectly put
together. Nice expensive clothes, flawless makeup, expertly done hair. Now, Ms.
Evans is a perfect example of the sin of pride. Ms. Evans keeps her apperance
orderly because she is proud of her beauty. You may sit down, Isabel."
Isabel nodded,
somewhat miffed, and slowly walked back to her seat.
"We are all
guilty of a sin because every single one factors into our daily lives. If
you've ever been guilty of jealousy over how someone like Ms. Evans looks, or
perhaps your boyfriend is flirting with another girl, or someone is richer than
you, you're guilty of Envy. If you ever yell at someone because they infuriate
you that would be anger, if you've ever eaten a little too much at the local
diner that would be gluttony, if you've ever snuck off to the secret place to
make out with you boyfriend or girlfriend that's lust, if you've ever skipped a
chore or a class simply because you didn't feel like doing it that would be
Sloth or Accidie. If you've ever been possessive of something or someone that's
greed or Avarice. See we're all guilty of a sin at one time or another which is
exactly why I'm encouraging you to pick up a copy of William Staffords book
Disorderly Loves: Healing the Seven Deadly Sins."
"This is a load
of crap," Michael muttered to Maria, who was sitting half on his lap, half
on the chair they both occupied. She smirked.
"Mr.
Guerin," Ms. Lord smiled at the spikey haired young man. "Did you say
something?"
Michael shrugged.
"I said this is a load of crap," he repeated slowly. Maria elbowed
him in the ribs shifting uncomfortably on his lap at Ms. Lord's raised eyebrow.
"So you mean too
tell me that you're not guilty of any of the sins yourself?" Ms. Lord
asked.
"Nope, not a
one," Michael said and Maria laughed. He shot her a murderous look and she
tried to stifle it.
"I believe Ms.
DeLuca doesn't agree," Ms. Lord smiled. "Well , Ms. DeLuca, what sins
do you believe Michael is guilty of?"
"All of them
actually," Maria grinned and Michael poked her in the ribs, agitated. Ms.
Lord smiled at the couple's playful antics. Ah, young love.
"So, Mr. Guerin,
you don't think you're lazy?" Ms. Lord asked. "I believe your
attendance and academic records would say otherwise."
"I don't believe
in that deadly sin stuff anyway," Michael shrugged. "If we're all
guilty of them then are we all going to hell?"
"I would rather
not get into a discussion about heaven or hell, Mr. Guerin. I am here to
discuss the sins, and why liturature is so fascinated with them."
"Then discuss
on," he smiled at her. "Don't let me hold you up."
"Mr. Guerin,
would you and Ms. DeLuca please come up here?" Ms. Lord asked.
Maria gulped.
"See what you did this time," she hissed angrily.
"Me? If you had
just kept your big mouth shut.." Michael countered back.
"My big mouth? It
was your big mouth that called her attention to us in the first place..."
As they continued the banter they slowly made their way through the very large
crowd to the front of the room. Ms. Lord resisted the urge to laugh. How Maria
DeLuca and Michael Guerin had ever hooked up in the first place was a mystery
to her, but she'd have to be crazy to say she didn't enjoy seeing them together.
"Okay, Maria, I
want you to stand here," she motioned to her left. "Michael, stand
next to her and face the class." Maria did so, nervously looking at the
amused students in the large classroom. Michael, as usual, didn't seem to care.
She clutched his hand to keep her own from shaking.
"Relax," he
commanded, it didn't do any good.
"Okay, Ms.
DeLuca, please list all the sins you're guilty of," Ms. Lord asked.
"Well...um, let's
see..." Maria said, looking at the list of sins Ms. Lord had written on
the board. "I guess pride…um, I get jealous of people sometimes so
envy...I don't like to do chores so I guess that would be the Accidie
one..." Her voice went down to a barely audible whisper, "Lust…"
A few titters from the more predicatble members of the class and then she
continued, "I get angry mostly at him-" she shrugged. "That's it
I guess."
"Gluttony," Michael cut in and Maria looked at him,
outraged. Said predicatble members of the class tittered again.
"EXCUSE me?"
she said angrily.
Michael shrugged.
"You eat a lot of ice cream sometimes," Michael said. More titters.
"Two words,
Michael. Cut. Off." Maria hissed. Michael gulped and looked straight
ahead. Yet more titters from those damned predictable students.
"Moving on,"
Ms. Lord cut in. "Now, Ms. DeLuca, please list the sins Michael is guilty
of and why."
"Well, this
should be easy," she muttered. "Well, he's ALWAYS angry about
something so definitely that one."
Michael cut in.
"I AM NOT," he snapped.
Maria gave the class a
"See, What Did I Tell You?" look and went on.
"He loves that
hair of his so there's Pride."
Michael cut in again.
"It's NICE hair," he said.
"Oh please, you
look like someone pushed your head through a weedwhacker," she snapped and
went on.
"He's always
eating so there's the Gluttony."
Michael cut in for a
third time. "I like food," he protested.
Maria patted his
stomach. "We noticed. Now anyway," she moved on. " He's your
typical guy so of course he's guilty of Lust."
"Yeah! Lust
rules!" A guy from the back called out and the collective female body
rolled their eyes.
"He's jealous of
pretty much everyone."
Michael cut in again.
"Now that's a lie," he retorted. "Like you're not."
"I already said I
was," Maria deadpanned.
"Oh yeah…"
Michael shrugged.
"Moving
on.." Ms. Lord said , exasperated.
"Oh yeah! Well,
he refuses to do anything while his hockey games are on so there's the Accidie
one, he's totally lazy," she said, rolling her eyes.
"I do more then
you do," Michael pouted.
Maria gave the class a
"Yeah Right" look and went on.
"And he's totally
possessive. Like just the other day he wouldn't even let me TALK to the new guy
from bio class-"
Michael cut in.
"He has a criminal record!" he protested.
"So do you!"
Maria countered.
"That's besides the
point!" Michael said sullenly.
"So what you're
saying is that both of you are guilty of all of them?" Ms. Lord asked.
"I guess.."
Maria shrugged.
"How about you do
a little experiment for me, for a little extra credit?" Ms. Lord asked.
Maria's eyes lit up. For some reason failing English this semester wasn't on
her Top Ten List.
"Sure,"
Maria said.
"No Way,"
Michael said at the same time.
"Yes," Maria
pinched his arm.
"OW! Fine okay
whatever," he muttered.
"If you can go
one week without commiting one of the seven deadly sins I will give you two 100
test grades as extra credit."
Maria smirked.
"Done," she shook Ms. Lord's hand.
"Now remember.
This is by the honor system. And you're going to have to write a paper on how
you avoided them," Ms. Lord was saying.
"Fine, can do,
whatever," Michael muttered.
Ms. Lord smiled. They
didn't have a snowball's chance in hell.
***
"Michael I HAVE
to get that extra credit," Maria was pacing now. Michael sat on his couch
flipping through the the entire 5 channels he got on his small TV. "I mean
if I don't pass that class my mom is going to kill me and you know what THAT
means, Mr." She began counting them off on her fingers. "No after
school makeout sessions, no more Saturday night makeout sessions, no more Friday
night makeout sessions on the movie..." She paused. "Is this really
all we do?"
Michael nodded.
"That is sooo
sad."
"Will you chill
second?" Michael asked. "This is not that big a deal."
"NOT THAT BIG A
DEAL!" Maria yelled. "This coming from a boy whose current GPA is a
NEGATIVE numeral?"
Michael shrugged.
"Well, it doesn't seem like a big deal to me…" he trailed off.
"Well it is to
m,e Michael." Suddenly inspiration struck. "You're going to help
me."
Michael looked at her,
confused. She had that evil glint in her eyes. Uh Oh…time to skedaddle.
"Uh..okay,"
he said. Maria was on the couch now, slinking towards him on all fours.
"You're scaring me."
"Michael, you can
use your powers to keep from accidentally doing any of the sins. Like an
aversion thing, in my head." She was still slinking towards him.
Michael scrambled
away. "Ohhh no," Michael said, shaking his head as he backed away.
"No way, Maria. Then if something goes wrong you'll blame me. No way.
Nope. Not gonna happen."
She kept slinking
towards him. Michael gulped. "No. No. No. No. No. No."
***
"You're the best
Michael!" She kissed him. Michael sighed. How this small slip of a girl
had coerced him into using his wacky powers he didn't know.
"Crap,"
Maria looked at her watch. "I'm late, baby. Gotta jet. Are you gonna drop
by later?" she asked, picking up her bag.
"Yeah sure. I'll
stop by in a little bit, kay?" he said.
"Promise?"
she said, smirking.
"Cross my
heart," he said solemnly, making a criss cross motion over his chest. She
grinned and leaned up, kissing him.
"Bye babe!"
And she practically skipped out the door.
"Every single
time…" He sighed and fell onto the couch.
***
The diner was crowded
as usual. Maria had been on her feet all night and dear god it was time for a
break. Liz smiled walking behind the counter, clipping the bill to the rack for
Jose. "How's the anti-sinning coming along?" Liz asked.
"Huh?" Maria
looked up. "What?"
"You haven't
commited any deadly sins lately have you? Gluttony and all that..." There
was a flash. Well, to Maria there was, and she fell backwards. Liz looked at
her, confused.
"You okay?"
Liz asked.
Maria shook it off.
"Yeah, klutz attack," she said weakly. She made her way to the back
room.
"Hey Liz do we
have any of those little truffle things?" Maria called from the back.
"Yeah, in the
yellow bin!" Liz called from the counter where she was currently filling
up glasses with Dr. Pepper.
"Yes!
Score." She practically ripped the plastic cover off the yellow bin and
grabbed a little cake. She bit into it and moaned in ecstasy. "Oh, that's
good…that's really good. Ooh, hey, donuts!" She reached for those too,
truffle in one hand, donut in the other, she began to shove them into her mouth.
"Yummy. Oh, this is excellent. Ooohhh, Hershey's.." She reached for a
hidden Hershey's bar. "I miss chocolate.." She began to eat all three
items. Donuts, truffles, choclate and whatever else she could find disappeared
into her mouth.
She sniffed, and
sniffed again. "Pizza…" Licking her fingers and not bothering to
clean up the mess, she began to walk to the kitchen, sniffing the entire way.
"Jose, is that pizza I smell?"
Jose nodded, taking a
recently baked pizza out of the oven.
Maria looked around
the kitchen in awe. She had no idea food could look so good. "Hey Jose,
Mr. Parker's upstairs. He needs to talk to you…something about a raise."
Jose's eyes lit up and
he bolted out the door. Maria licked her lips. "Mine," she grinned
and grabbed the entire pizza, not bothering to cut a slice out of it. She just
bit into the side of it. In minutes it was gone.
"Maria!" Liz
said, dropping the stack of plates. Luckily gravity was on her side, only the
bottom one broke.
"Wa?" Maria
turned around, her mouth full. Pizza sauce staining her chin.
"What are you
doing?" Liz asked, startled.
"Unch reak,"
Maria said, biting into a stray hotdog.
"It's 8:00,"
Liz said, deadpan.
Maria shrugged.
"Dinner break," she said. "Oooh fries," she almost reached into
the vat of boiling grease but Liz stopped her just in time.
"No. Bad
Maria," Liz scolded. "Now go steal Michael's ALREADY COOKED fries
okay?"
Maria's eyes lit up.
"Fries…" She bolted out of the kitchen as well. Liz looked around the
kitchen, confused. First the powdered donut mess outside now this?
***
Michael, Max, and
Isabel were sitting at their usual booth. All enjoying their usual dinners.
Maria sauntered up.
"Hey!" She
kissed Michael cheek and slid into the booth next to him. "Fries!"
She grabbed them, not bothering to ask. Michael reared back, startled and
scared that he might get bitten or something. He watched as his girlfriend
began shoving fries into her mouth one after another.
"Drink,"
Maria said, reaching for Max's. Michael slid his cherry soda over to he,r
leaning away from her, scared.
"Are you
okay?" Michael asked. Maria nodded, grabbing Michael's halfeaten burger.
"Good,"
Maria said, finishing it off in record time. "Why?"
"It's just that
you've gone Cro-Magnom all of a sudden…" Michael said.
"Hungry,"
Maria said, grabbing a handful of fries off a stunned Isabel's plate. Michael
shrugged at his two shocked friends helplessly.
"Drink," she
repeated. having finished off Michael's. So Michael slid her Max's.
"Work..."
Maria got up. "Thanks." She skipped off, snagging a handful of fries
from a shocked customer's plate as she went.
"Well, that
was…" Isabel trailed off at a loss for words.
"Weird?" Max
offered.
"Yeah that's
it…weird," Isabel looked at Michael. Michael shrugged again.
"Maria! Don't eat
that!" they heard Liz screech. "Oh gross…that was like a year
old..."
"Then what was it
doing in there?" a customer yelled.
"Whoopsie..."
***
"How can one girl
eat that much?" Liz asked, looking at the girl who was currently devouring
a box of Krispy Kremes. They all shook their heads.
"Maybe she's
hungry?" Michael protested weakly.
"I thought the
entire point of Ms. Lord's extra credit experiment was to NOT commit deadly
sins," Isabel asked.
"What?" Max
asked, confused. They were at Michael's apartment now. The diner had been
declared a non safe zone. They had picked her up a couple of boxes of donuts on
the way though to spare Michael's meager food supply.
"Well, look at
her. She's doing the gluttony thing," Isabel said, motioning to the girl.
Again Maria saw a flash and then she looked at the donuts.
"I think I'm
going to puke..." She bolted to the bathroom.
"Aww, man,"
Michael groaned. "I just cleaned in there!"
Part 2: Lust
***
Lust: missing the mark
of loving as god loves…the expression of sin though human sexual life.
***
"So you're okay
now?" Liz asked the next day after school.
"Yeah totally
fine, why wouldn't I be?" Maria asked, grinning. "What, I can't go on
a food binge?" Liz raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, so it was
a little more then a food binge…" Maria trailed off, hoisting her book bag
up onto her shoulder.
"So are you
heading to Michael's ?" Liz asked, stopping by her locker for a second.
Somehow showing up to Max's for a Biology study session without a Bio book
didn't sound like a good idea. Not that they would use it anyway…
"Yep, hopefully I
managed to hide the remote well enough this morning when I picked him up for
school," she sighed. "I really don't feel like watching any kind of
ESPN related activity this afternoon."
"Just don't get
two strikes on your anti-sin list," Liz warned.
"What sin could I
possibly break at Michael's?" Maria asked, confused. Blonde moment.
Liz looked at her.
"I'm kinda hoping the one you'd be most guilty of breaking at Michael's is
Lust, darling. If not you and him have some serious relationship
problems..."
There was a flash and
Maria fell back against the locker.
"You okay?"
Liz asked, closing her own locker.
"Yeah fine, my
heel got stuck." She looked down at her shoes angrily.
"Well, just don't
do anything I wouldn't," Liz warned, smiling as she walked away. "You
want that extra credit right?"
"Not
really..." Maria muttered under her breath. "Liz, I really have to go
before Michael discovers the stray remote in his fridge..." She bolted,
racing down the hall full speed. And in heels. Look, a new Olympic sport. She
skidded to a halt before she went crashing into the door and opened it calmly,
all before spazzing out again and racing towards the student parking lot.
"She is so
weird.." Liz muttered, turning around. "Now how am I supposed to get
home?"
***
"Seen it."
Click.
"Gross...Ricky
Lake..." Click.
"Oprah?
Please." Click.
"Hey,
Pokemon!" Michael settled down onto the couch, setting the remote onto the
coffee table. How he had managed to put it in the fridge he didn't know.
"Gotta get
Velcro..." he muttered as he watched the wonderful world of anime unfold
on his small screen. He was so absorbed with the tale of Ash and his Pokemon
adventures he didn't notice when the lights flickered out. The power in this
building wasn't the greatest anyway. He also didn't notice the door slowly
closing.
"No!
Metapod!" Michael yelled at the TV. "Oh good..." he calmed down
and settled back down onto the couch.
"Oh,
Michael..." He jumped a thousand feet at the sultry voice. His first
impulse was to grab the remote. So he did. His second was to shut off the TV to
avoid furthering embarrassing himself and wounding his fragile male ego. So he
did. Too bad that it sent the rest of the room into darkness. He reached for
the light switch but a hand caught his.
"Bad boy,"
his captor whispered in his ear.
He gulped.
"What?" he asked.
"I like
that," the voice whispered.
"Maria?" he
asked. She wasn't wearing much, this he could tell. Her arms were bare, and her
legs didn't feel that much different.
"Hi," the
whisper came again.
"Are you sick or
something?" he asked.
"Never felt
better," she whispered and then she attacked. Pouncing on him, she pushed
him onto the ground, kissing him hard. He landed with a loud thump and a
"Oooff". She was all over him. Tearing at his clothes kissing him
wherever she could reach.
"Whoa! What the
hell," he leapt up, startled. "Mari,a what's gotten into you…I'm not
saying it's a bad thing…but..." He looked at her, confused.
Or rather, where he
thought she was. Too bad he was wrong. She grabbed him from behind. Kissing his
neck and clutching at his waist. His shirt was torn from the collar to the
sleeve, and hair was messier then usual and lipstick covered his face. Not that
he could see in the room's darkened state. She was all over him again. What was
she wearing? Was that silk?
"Maria what are
you...OW!" his leg hit the table as she pushed him onto the couch.
"Damn you're strong." He muttered.
She climbed onto his
lap. "Come on, Michael. You know you want to." She was working on his
shirt again. Searching for buttons that weren't there. Ripping the cloth.
"Dammi,t Maria,
that was my favorite shirt," Michael snapped when he found himself without
one.
"I'll buy you a
new one," she said, moving her lips down to his chest.
Michael groaned.
"That feels nice..." he said. "Wait! What are you doing!"
"Trying to get
your pants off, silly," she said, working on the belt buckle.
"Wha? Why?
Who?" Michael scrambled away again, tripping on the coffee table.
"For someone so
yummy you're not very coordinated..." Maria noted.
"It's kinda hard
to navigate when you're in a pitch black room with a girl draping herself all
over you," Michael snapped.
"What you don't
want me to be draped on you?" Maria asked.
"It's not that I
don't want you to be draped on me..it's that you SHOULDN'T be," he said.
"Maria, we've only been dating for.." he began counting on his
fingers. "Two weeks."
"What, you don't
like to go fast?" she asked. "Cause I can go slow, Michael. Real
slow." She said seductively.
Michael gulped. She
reached for him, raking her nails down his chest. He groaned again and then
remembered himself. "No! No this isn't right," he backed up again.
"Not like this,
Maria. I don't know what's gotten into you but I can't. Not this soon," he
sighed. "Even though I REALLY want to," he whined.
"So I'm not
attractive enough for you, Michael? I'm not pretty enough!" Maria was
yelling now.
"No Maria it's
not like that-"
Maria cut him off.
"So you don't find me attractive! Well, fine! I'll find someone who
does!" She ran to the door, tripping momentarily on Michael's ripped
shirt.
"Wait,
Maria!" Michael reached out for her in the dark but found the lamp
instead. She slammed the door behind her. "I don't think going out in
those clothes is even LEGAL!"
***
"Stupid
truck," Kyle Valenti smacked the dashboard of the his pickup truck
angrily. He smacked it again, trying to get the engine started, but to no
avail. His dad was supposed to take the truck to the mechanics but had he?
Nope. That was dear old dad for you. Say you'll do one thing and don't. Not
that Kyle cared of course. Having an absentee father was great, that is if your
truck's life didn't depend on it. He heard the door open slowly. He whirled on
his seat and his mouth dropped open. He didn't even know they made dresses like
that.
"Hi,
Kyle..." The voice was sexy, seductive.
Kyle gulped.
"Hey, Maria," Kyle said, trying not to squeak. "How's it
going?"
"It's going good.
Better now," she said, climbing into the truck and closing the door behind
her.
"So…how's
school?" He shifted in his seat, keeping his eyes on her face. 'Focus on
the face, Kyle,' he was saying to himelf. 'The face. Legs. Face! Dammit Face!
Where the heck did she get THOSE?'
"I don't want to
talk about school." She was inching towards him.
"Somehow I
figured that," Kyle gulped. "So how are things with you and
MICHAEL." He made sure to stress the last noun. "Things are going
good with you and MICHAEL, right? You do remember MICHAEL, don't you? Tall guy?
Muscular? Spikey head? MICHAEL."
"I don't wanna
talk about Michael either." She was almost at him.
"I figured that
too." He gulped again, struggling for air.
"I don't wanna
talk at all," she said, laying a hand on his chest. "I wanna
play."
"You know what
game's a good game? Poker! We should play poker!" Kyle said. Maria shook
her head. Her fingers danced up his chest, playing idly with the hair that
gathered at the nape of his neck. She trailed her fingernails along his collar
bone.
Kyle sighed.
"Michael's going to kill me…" he muttered, and Maria's lips lowered
to his. "God, lust sucks..." he said, right before they reached him.
There was a flash and Maria blinked.
"OH MY
GOD!!" She practically flew to the other side of the car. "What the
hell!" She was hyperventilating. She couldn't breathe. "Oh my god. Oh
my god. Oh my god."
"You keep saying
that!" Kyle said, staring straight ahead, ramrod straight. No pun
intended.
"Oh my GOD!"
she yelled. "I almost...and I'm wearing...and I…" It was another bout
of "Oh My God's" for a few minutes.
"WILL YOU SHUT
UP!" Kyle yelled angrily.
"That is so
gross! I almost kissed you!!" Maria said.
"Well, it wasn't
pleasant for me either!" Kyle hpphmed, pouting.
"Oh gross. Oh
gross…" she sighed. "And what am I wearing?"
"I was wondering
that myself..." Kyle said.
"I have to
go." She opened the door to his truck. "Oh gross. Gross. Gross.
Gross."
"Maria! I don't
think walking around in that outfit is even-" The door to his truck
slammed. "Legal..."
***
Part 3: Greed
***
Avarice a.k.a Greed :
covetousness; possessions by possessions…the dromation of our desire to possess
material things, and by implication, sins twisting of the whole economic order.
***
"Think you can
work today?" Liz asked, hopping onto the counter. Maria raised an eyebrow
and looked at her best friend.
"Yeah…why
wouldn't I?" Maria asked. "It is my shift, right? Cause if it's not
my shift and I screwed up-"
Liz cut in.
"Again."
Maria ignored her.
"-then there are
like sooo many things I could be doing now. Stopping by Michael's…my
laundry...shopping...my laundry…movie…my laundry."
"It's your shift,"
Liz smiled. "I'm just making sure you're not going to go all trippy. You
know, suddenly start eating everything in sight...freaking out customers by
jumping in their laps in a negligee…" Liz trailed off.
"You HEARD about
that," mortified Maria raised her hands to hide her flaming cheeks.
"Kyle asked me if
you hop into peoples cars sporting the latest in Hooker Wear EVERY
Tueday." Liz paused. "Cause if so he'll make it a point to be in a
car."
Maria rolled her eyes.
"I don't know what yesterday was. I just got…" she thought a minute.
"An impulse."
"An
impulse?" Liz repeated skeptically.
"Yeah, an
impulse." Maria nodded. "That's about right."
"Soooo…do you get
impulses about Kyle often? Anything I should be aware of?" Liz asked.
Maria swatted her.
"Kyle was a
fluke," Maria said.
"A fluke? Maria,
you walked around town in a silk teddy and high heeled shoes to find him and
you call that a fluke?" Liz asked.
"I did not! And
how did you know my heels were highheeled?" Maria asked.
"Kyle has a cut
on his leg from where you kicked him scrambling out of his car," Liz
grinned. Maria groaned, banging her head against the counter.
"Just..don't get
any...impulses today, okay? Dad's already freaking over the lack of donuts and
pizza in the kitchen," Liz warned.
"I said I was
sorry," Maria protested. "And I offered to replace all of that food
using my salary."
"Maria, dear,
your entire annual income couldn't cover the amount of food you ate the other
day. I'm not sure Dad's can," Liz said.
"I didn't eat
THAT much." Liz raised an eyebrow. "I was hungry! Is that a
crime!"
"When you start
stealing the food it is," Liz said.
"I apologized!
And it's not like I could give it back!" Maria thought a moment. "Not
in its original form anyway..."
Liz wrinkled her nose
in disgust. "I have to get to work. Remember: no food…no silk
nighties." Liz skipped away.
The bell on the door
jingled and the click of boots across the linoleum could be heard. Maria knew
that sound.
"Oh no..."
she groaned, afraid to look up.
"Hey Maria,"
Kyle Valenti leaned over the counter, winking at her.
"Oh god…oh
god..." she muttered. Dammit she was starting to sound like her mother.
She furiously scrubbed at the counter.
"Kyle," she
muttered.
"So how's it
going?" Kyle asked, leaning closer. The faint scent of Cool Water cologne
tickled her senses. She loved Cool Water but now she was going to be sick.
"Good," back
to monosyllable again.
"So I was
wondering," Kyle played absently with a straw dispenser. "Me. You.
Friday?"
Maria dropped the rag
she had been holding, forgetting about the counter. "W-W-" Maria
couldn't speak.
"You don't have
to say anything right now, I'll catch up with you tomorrow at lunch,
okay?"
Maria nodded slowly,
still not able to find her voice. Kyle winked at her again.
"I. Think. I. Am.
Going. To. Be. Sick." Maria said, gagging.
Liz reached for her
friend. "It's okay, Maria, breathe. Deep breaths," Liz said, coaching
her friend. "1...2…3…deep breath…" Liz said. "Put your head
between your legs…"
"What do I tell
him! What could I possibly tell him after I…I…I..." She couldn't finish
the sentence.
"Tried to seduce
him?" Liz offered. Maria glared at her. "Truth hurts."
"I am going to
work…" Maria said, shuddering in revulsion.
"So I guess the
Kyle thing didn't work out…" Liz asked.
Maria ignored her,
going over to the register where a nice young couple and their daughter, who
was busy trying desperately to tear up as many alien pictures as possible in
her short stay at the Crashdown.
"Bridgett, stop
it," the girl's mother said.
"I want a
alieum!" The girl pouted, stomping her feet.
"You have
one," the kid's father pointed out. And sure enough in the girl's hands
was clutched a massive alien doll Maria recognized as one of her mother's
creations. Maria took the man's bill.
"That's be $22.67
sir," she smiled.
"Mine," the
girl, who was in her mother's arms, reached into the register.
"No! Bridgett!!
Put that back!" her mother scolded. "I'm sorry about this, really I
am."
"Mine," the
girl repeated.
"Don't be greedy
Bridgett."
There was a flash and
Maria fell backwards against the wall. "Damned gum," Maria muttered.
"Mommy! She said
a no-no word," the girl was saying. "Damned.Damned. Damned. Damned.
Damned," The girl sang. The girl's mother had managed to get the money
away from the girl, and was working to get the girl to shut up.
"Damned. Damned.
Damned…"
Maria reached for the
girl's ribbon. "Mine," Maria said, smirking.
Bridgett began to
scream. "She took my damned ribbon! Mommy, the damned girl took my
ribbon!"
"Bridgett, stop
saying that," the woman scolded. "We'll get you a new ribbon, okay?
Now let's go."
"Mine,"
Maria repeated.
"No!!! It's my
damned ribbon!" the girl was yelling.
"We're really
sorry about this. Maybe now she'll learn her lesson…" the woman was
saying. Maria nodded, not really paying attention. The man handed her a twenty
and a five.
"Mine,"
Maria said, grinning. She stuffed the bills into her apron. She turned away
from the man, walking back to the counter.
"Hey!! What about
our change?" the man yelled angrily.
"Mine!"
Maria said, stomping her foot.
"She took Daddy's
damned money!" the girl was laughing now. "Damned meanie girl!"
Liz ran over.
"I'm sorry about that, sir...She's on…medication..." Liz said,
smiling apologetically as she handed the man his change. "Cute
daughter." The man glared at Liz and they stormed out.
"Damned
resturant," the girl said before the doors closed behind her.
"What the hell is
wrong with you?" Liz hissed, pulling her friend into the back. "Where
did you put that money?"
Maria reached up,
plucking an alien shaped pen from behind Liz's ear. "Hey this is
cute..." Maria said, grinning. "Mine," she said, defensively
hugging it to her chest like any minute someone would steal it.
"Maria, what the
heck was that out there? I mean first you steal that poor little girl's ribbon,
then you take that man's money…" Liz realized Maria wasn't paying the
least bit of attention to her. Instead she was taking decorations off the
lounge's wall and sticking them in her pocket.
"What has gotten
into you?" Liz asked, confused.
"Nothing, why
would you think that?" Maria asked.
"Maria, I want
you to take the night off, okay?" Liz said slowly, grabbing her friend's
shoulders. "Go home and get some rest okay?"
"Okay,"
Maria nodded. "Great! Thanks Liz!" She practically skipped out of the
diner.
"Sometimes I
think she does this on purpose…"
***
The mall was packed
when Maria got there. Which was odd for a Wednesday but little matter. She had
the night off and 25 dollars in her pocket, not to mention her wallet carried
the remains of her last paycheck. Time for a customer funded shopping spree.
Well, not a spree really because what could you buy with 25 bucks? A shirt and
a soda? Maybe not even that if you stopped by American Eagle or the Gap or
anyone of those preppy expensive places. She sighed. Dammit, it sucked to be
poor. Well, might as well get something.
"Ohhh
pretty!" The bright iridescent green skirt was so her. She grinned.
"Mine!"
Skipping into the
store, she grabbed the skirt off the rack. Grabbing the pricetag, she gasped.
"A hundred dollars! What the hell kind of store is this!" She looked
at the sign. "Saks...oh…well, there goes that idea," she muttered,
pouting.
She looked around.
There wasn't one of those ink thingamajiggies on the skirt, there wasn't any
security camera's in sight, and no shoplifting detectors in sight. Hell, even
security was busy enjoying the wonderful donuts the Krispy Kreme had to offer.
She grinned, discreetly lifting up the flap on her bag, making sure to keep her
eyes on the two clerks in the small store. Slowly she folded up the skirt,
never taking her eyes off them, and then stuffed it into her messenger bag.
"Mine," she
smirked, and skipped out of the stores, heading right to the Claire's.
"Mine," she
grabbed a bandanna off the shelf, "Mine." Nice pair of earrings,
"Mine." Lip gloss, "Mine." Keychain.
One by one they
disappeared into the oversized bag she had scored from a garbage can, bearing
the words "Wal-Mart" in big black letters on the side of it.
"If I'm going to
shoplift, might as well look like white trash anyway..." she muttered.
"Mine," in
went a small purse. "Better buy something though." She pulled out the
five and grabbed a fuzzy pen from one of the holders and skipped over to the
counter.
"That'll be
3.50," the bubble gum chewing clerk said, disinterested. Maria handed her
the five and got back her change.
"Thanks soo
much," Maria grinned, looking at her watch. "Dammit, I forgot to pick
up the groceries." Sighing, she looked longily at the stores.
"There's always tomorrow!"
***
"Potato
sticks...potato sticks?" Maria looked at the list. "What the hell is
a potato stick?" She perused the aisles, her mouth watering. "Yum,
donuts..." She reached for the box and opened it, perusing the aisles
while munching on the chocolaty goodness.
"Potato
Sticks!" Triumphant she reached for the last box of Lay's Potato sticks.
Too bad she wasn't quick enough. The woman next to her grabbed it first, her
little boy cheering his mother on.
"Hey!" Maria
yelled angrily. "I was getting that!"
The woman grinned
triumphantly. "Too slow, blondie," she grinned.
"Oh no. You did
not just do that," Maria said in disbelief. "I don't think so,
bitch." She grabbed the box of Potato sticks.
"Give those
back!" the woman grunted, yanking them towards her.
"MINE!"
Maria yelled, putting all her weight into it.
"Go mom! Jerry!
Jerry!" the kid cheered.
The woman reached for
Maria's hair. Maria screamed. And dug her nails into the woman's wrist. The
woman grabbed the collar of Maria's shirt and pulled her into a display of
Doritos. There was a loud pop as Maria landed on 3 bags and the bottoms blew
out, scattering chips all over the aisle. Maria pulled the woman down with her,
knocking the poor woman into a display of salsa con queso, knocking the glass containers
to the floor where they shattered, scattering cheese dip all over the aisle.
The woman screamed as the box of potato sticks ripped in half, scattering the
silver bags all over the aisles.
"You little
brat!" The woman reached again for Maria's hair, but Maria was too fast
for her.
She ducked, barreling
into the woman football style and shoving her into the soda shelf. Hundreds of
six packs fell bursting the minute they hit the floor and spraying soda
everywhere. Maria was soaked, salsa con queso all over her butt and Dorito bits
stuck in her hair.
The woman growled.
"You can have the damned things," she muttered, grabbing her son's
hand and trying to walk away with as much dignity as possible. That wasn't easy
with salsa bits on your jeans, soda soaking your hair and Dorito bits stuck in
various places. The kid grinned, picking up a Dorito off the floor.
"That was way
cool," he grinned.
Maria sighed, falling
back against the shelves.
"Clean up aisle
7…"
***
"Maria
DELUCA!!!" Maria winced. Somehow Sheriff Valenti's office kept getting
smaller and smaller each time she visited it. Her mother was pacing angrily
before her, the Sheriff sitting at his chair, his legs propped up on his desk
watching the display, amused. Maria's Walmart bag sat beside her with her
stolen purchases, yet to be discovered by the Sheriff, as well as her messenger
bag with the pilfered skirt.
"I cannot believe
that you would start a fight in a grocery store over a box of POTATO
STICKS!" Amy Deluca was rambling. "This is coming straight out of
your allowance, young lady. And your paycheck," Maria picked up a pretty
gold pen off the Sherriff's desk.
"Mine," she
muttered, sticking it in her pocket. Luckily the Sheriff didn't notice, so
engrossed was he with the woman before him, who was currently ranting about the
cost of the 20 bags of Dorito's, the 17 bottles of salsa, the 34 six packs of
various brands of soda, the box of Potato Sticks, and the box of donuts found
half eaten at the scene of the crime. Maria shrugged, looking around the
office, not finding anything of interest.
"And you are
GROUNDED young lady. You are lucky that that young woman didn't press
charges-"
Maria interrupted.
"It was her fault," she piped up.
"You grabbed the
box of Potato Sticks first!" Amy said, outraged.
"She pulled my
hair!"
"You dug your
nails into her arm. You drew BLOOD, Maria," Amy said.
"Well so did
she," Maria pouted, pointing to the small cut on her forehead from an AWOL
can of Dr. Pepper.
"I don't know
what has gotten into you lately, young lady...first Mr. Parker calls me and
asks me if I've been feeding you lately and then Jim's son Kyle has been
filling up our answer machine with, frankly, obscene messages…" Amy was
ranting again and Maria tuned her out.
"Mom can I borrow
50 bucks?" she asked, interrupting Amy's rant.
"Excuse me!"
Amy said, shocked. "You'll be lucky if I give you LUNCH MONEY from now on,
young lady."
"Well then,
FINE," Maria said, standing up. "I'll just go steal...I mean, borrow
it from Liz." She gave a little hmpph and grabbed her bags, storming out.
Amy looked after her
daughter in shock. "Did she just walk out on me?" Amy asked.
"I think she
did," Jim replied, nodding.
"I cannot believe
she would do that! I mean after all I have done for her, after I have tried my
hardest to be a good mother..."
Jim sighed, leaning
back once more in his chair and letting her ramble on...
***
"God Maria what
has gotten into you lately? I mean the thing with Kyle? The thing with the
food? I mean are you feeling all right? I thought the entire point of Ms.
Lord's extra credit project was to NOT commit any sins," Liz said in
disbelief. "First you STEAL 25 dollars from that poor man, 25 dollars
which I had to sneak into the register so that it would balance out and my dad
wouldn't find out, then I hear this wild story from Krista who works that the
grocery store that you got in a fight with a woman because she wouldn't give
you a box of Potato Sticks?"
"I wanted Potato
Sticks," Maria said, sighing and leaning back on Liz's bed, flipping
through an issue of Teen People. "Well, I'm sure I would have if I knew
what they WERE…"
"I can understand
the impulses, Maria, believe me I can," Liz said. "I've experienced
them first hand but this is getting a little out of control. What's next
cigarettes? Marijuana? Maybe some crack? Next thing you know you'll be in the
New Mexico State prison becoming special pounds with Big Bertha the
seamstress..." Liz said, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
"Who, he's
hot..." Maria said, not really listening. She grabbed a pair of scissors
and began cutting out the picture.
Liz looked at her in
disbelief. "God, since when did you get so greedy, Maria?"
There was a flash and
the scissors dropped.
"Ow!! Dammit,"
Maria winced, putting her cut finger in her mouth. Liz looked at her like she
was crazy.
"I'm sorry Liz. I
don't know what has come over me..." Maria said, looking at the half
mutilated magazine. "I'll buy you a new one, okay? And I'll replace the 25
bucks...right after I pay the grocery store manager…and after I return all that
stuff I took..."
"Wait a minute,
what stuff?" Liz asked.
Deer in headlights.
"Gotta book Liz…grounded..." Maria said, bolting off the bed.
"Maria, what
stuff? Maria! Maria!"
***
Part 4: Anger
***
Anger: wrong wrath…is
the desire to destroy whatever or whomever stands in the way of one's own self
seeking.
***
"Maria." He
shook her. "Maria." Again with the shaking.
"What?" she
mumbled, rolling over. That damned spring was in her back again.
"It's
midnight," he whispered. She shot up, knocking right into Michael, who was
leaning over her.
"Ow.
Dammit," she winced, holding her head.
"Sorry," he
murmured. "Are you going to be in a lot of trouble for being here this
late?"
"No, Michael, my
mother just LOVES it when I sneak out of the house to go to some strange boy's
apartment and don't come home till the middle of the night. She'll be
ecstatic," Maria muttered sarcastically. "Why didn't you wake me up!"
"I was asleep too,
if the eye boogers didn't tip you off," he said, sighing.
"Michael, you
always have those things in your eyes," Maria muttered.
"I resent
that," he muttered.
"Mom's gonna kill
me," she muttered.
"Yeah
well..." Michael said. "Nothing I can do about it."
"I know,"
she kissed his cheek. "Now I have to go."
"Why would she be
angry anyway?"
There was a flash and
she fell back against the couch.
"I suddenly
realized I'm tired," she said.
"Maria, you have
to go home," he said, grinning. "Remember. Mother. Salyage?"
"What, you don't
want me here all of a sudden?" Maria jumped up. "What, you got some
other girl coming over here? You getting sick of me being here?"
Michael looked at her,
confused. "No, actually I was more concerned about your mother being mad
at you for staying here so late.." he trailed off.
"Bastard!"
she smacked his arm.
"What'd I do?
What'd I do?" He backed up so she couldn't hit him anymore.
"You know very
well what you did!" She grabbed her bag.
"Uh...no..."
Michael said.
"That is sooo
you, Michael. You even forget our FIGHTS," she stormed out.
Michael was angry now.
He stormed to the door and ripped it open. "Remember Maria! PMS is just an
excuse to bitch!" he yelled down the hall.
"Hey shut up out
there I'm trying to sleep!" A door slammed and Michael sheepishly ducked
back into his own apartment.
"Ahhh
man..."
***
"Excuse me
miss?" the pleasant old gentlemen shot a smile at Maria. She looked at
him, chewing noisly on her gum.
"Ya whadaya
want?" she asked, tapping her pen impatiently on the order pad.
"This burger's a
little cold," he said. "I was wondering if you could warm it up for
me if it wasn't too much trouble."
"Well what if it
IS too much trouble? Cause I got plenty of other customers that could use my
services," she looked around the almost empty resturant. "Well maybe
I don't, but I could be pulling in some quality veg time if I didn't have
people like you complaining about the temperature of their burgers." The
old man blinked her.
Maria kept going.
"I mean, how the hell am I supposed to know whether or not your damned
burger is cooked or not? Stick a theremometer in the thing? Take a bite?
Here," she grabbed the burger, taking a huge bite out of it. "How ya
like that?" she asked, her mouth full. "What about your fries? They
warm enough for ya? Let's see," she grabbed a few, shoving them into her
mouth. "Seem fine ta me."
"Well I
never!" the man said, outraged.
"Well maybe you
shoulda," Maria said, walking away. "JOSE! Where's that damned milkshake?"
"You have to make
the milkshakes, Maria," Michael said from his position in the back, apron
tied around his waist.
"Who says? You?
Cause last time I checked you weren't the boss of me," Maria said.
"You wanna start something? Huh? Do ya? Do ya?" She looked him up and
down. "I think I could take ya. Come on," she thumbed her nose,
striking a Buffy pose. "Come on big boy let's go."
Michael just looked at
her. "Listen here, Rocky," he said, looking his girlfriend up and
down skeptically. "You might think you're all big and bad but I don't
think you wanna mess with this."
Maria scoffed.
"You? Stickboy? I can take ya easy. Hell I could take 30 of ya," she
laughed.
Michael looked hurt
but then stuck out his chest. "Well come on then. Let's go. I mean...if
you think you're woman enough," Michael said, smirking.
"Oooh, I'm woman
enough, but if you think you got the balls, then come on," Maria said.
"No you have to
come here," Michael countered.
"Chicken."
"Dork."
"Chicken."
"Wuss."
"Loser."
"Spaz."
"Oooohhh noooo
you didn't..." Maria said, looking at him in disbelief.
"I believe I
did," Michael said.
"Freak."
"Hold me back,
Jose! Hold me back!" Michael said, going for her. Jose pulled him back
with one hand, disinterested. He didn't even bother to look up from the
sandwich he was making.
"I'll fight
you," Maria said. "Right after I take care of this customer."
She bolted away.
Michael grinned,
triumphant. "I could have taken her," Michael said.
Jose looked at him
skeptically.
***
"What do you MEAN
I GOT A 95 on the test!" Maria yelled at Ms. Baxter. "WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED TO THE OTHER 5 POINTS!!!!"
"You missed
number 7," Ms. Baxter flinched. "And I do not appreciate your tone,
young lady."
"Did I say I
cared whether or not you appreciated my tone or not? I don't think so. Now, god
dammit, I want my 5 points right the hell now before I grab you by your blue
football helmet head and MAKE YOU GIVE ME THE 5 POINTS!!!" She threatened.
"Go to the
office, young lady. Threatening a teacher is a class 3 offense, punishable by
out of school suspension," Ms. Baxter was yelling now too. "Now
march!"
"You gonna MAKE
me?" Maria asked. "Cause I don't think you could take me. You can't
weigh more then 60 pounds soaking wet with lead in your socks."
"MARCH!!!"
Ms. Agatha Baxter had never been one to raise her voic,e but she would not
tolerate students speaking to her in such a manner. Didn't children these days
have any manners? No.
"YOU MARCH!"
Maria said.
The class was stunned.
Had little Maria Deluca, a girl who formerly couldn't return a moldy package of
Lance Peanut Butter Toastchee to the gas station because she didn't want to
offend the Israeli clerk, actually developed a backbone? Would wonders never
cease?
"MS. DELUCA!!!!
You have until the count of three to haul your ass to the principal's office or
I will drag you there by the ridiculous hair of yours!" Ms. Baxter was
standing now. Not that her 5'3" height was all the intimidating but it
added to effect.
"You're one to
talk. I mean, who cuts your hair, The Lawnmower Man?" Maria asked.
"Or maybe the same person who gave Courtney Cox those awful baby
bangs?"
Ms. Baxter sucked in a
stunned breath. "MS. DELUCA!!!"
"You keep saying
that," Maria said, crossing her arms over her chest. "And for some
reason I am no more impressed by it then I was the first time."
"OFFICE
NOW!!"
"Just sit in your
little chair and continue to NOT teach the class," Maria said, "I
however have a date with the nearest Banana Rebuplic." Maria skipped out
of class leaving a red faced, blue haired, fuming she-devil, and a shocked
array of students who would no doubt be keeping the rumor mill at full blast.
"Well I
never!"
***
"WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I SEE TWO! COUNT 'EM! TWO! OF THESE SHIRTS IN GREEN RIGHT
THERE!" Maria was yelling.
"Those are for
the maniquins, miss," the poor cashier cringed at the spitfire in front of
her.
"Well here's what
you do," Maria said calmly, looking at the girl's name tag. "Theresa,
let me show you something." She put her arm around the frightened girl's
shoulders and led her over to a maniquin sporting a green V-neck cashmere
sweater.
Maria violently pushed
the maniquin over, breaking the poor thing's head. She then bent down calmly,
as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and removed the sweater.
"Could you ring
this up for me?"
***
The television program
had been on for a good ten minutes and so far she had remained calm. Michael
sat at once end of the couch as far away from her as possible, watching his
girlfriend out of the corner of his eye. Liz, Isabel, Alex, and Max watched her
from different places around the small living room as well She was engrossed in
the television program, totally unaware of the nervous gazes her friends were
giving her. She reached for a handful of chips and everyone flinched, covering
themselves and cowering in their seats. Maria looked at them, confused.
"What's
everyone's problem?" Maria asked, her voice raising in pitch. Uh-oh. Here
it comes.
"We've just noted
you've been a little moody lately…" Michael said in a small voice.
"Moody? What do
you mean moody! Like all of a sudden my MOODS aren't good enough for you,
Michael?" Maria was yelling now. She picked up a bowl, raising it above
her head.
"Noo!!! No!"
Michael said, coming to his own defense.
"Yeah he didn't
do anything, please don't hurt him!" Liz said, frightened.
Maria froze.
"Yeah, he's just
a kid!" Max said.
"All he was
saying was that you've been a little angrier then usual."
There was a flash and
the bowl dropped, hitting Michael's calf. He yelped and grabbed his leg,
moaning in pain.
"So what are we
watching?" Maria asked, sitting down calmly. They looked at her like she
was insane.
"My leg...I think
it's broke..." Michael was moaning now.
Maria looked at him,
concerned. "Aw, poor baby. Maybe you should be more careful with the bowls
from now on."
"ME??? ME??"
Isabel sshhed him, still a little wary.
"Don't tease the
animals..." Liz whispered.
"Hey! Gilligans
Island! I love this show!"
***
Part 5: Envy
***
Envy: hating the good
because it is good… malice; resenting that someone else should enjoy a good we
want for ourselves. It is a refusal to accept one's own finite gifts and to
rejoice in those.
***
"So you're okay
now?" Isabel asked. She had been the third person to ask Maria that in
three days. Maybe something really was wrong with her. But Liz said that
impulses were a good thing didn't she? So what if Maria's impulses were a
little…odd.
"Yeah, fine,
dandy, whatever, " Maria said, trying her best to ignore the blonde.
"Well that's
good," Isabel said. "Don't want you trying to kill ME with any
bowls."
"Well you're
working you way up to that point, Iz," Maria muttered, putting her bio book
into her locker. Isabel actually looked scared for a moment. Maybe these
impulses weren't such a bad thing after all.
"So why HAVE you
been acting so whacked lately?" Isabel held up her hands defensively.
"Just wondering."
"I don't
know," Maria sighed. "I just…get these impulses."
"Impulses? Well
that's understandable," Isabel said, nodding. "I mean, I get the
impulse to bash Michael over the head with things all the TIME..." she
said. "And Kyle...I mean I'd accost him in his truck ANYTIME."
Maria raised an
eyebrow and Isabel blushed. "Was that out loud? Silly me..."
"ANYWAY,"
Maria said, shuddering momentarily. "As interesting as this convo is,
Isabel, I really must be going."
"Oh I'll go with
you, Max just ditched me for Liz so I don't have a ride," Isabel said,
following her.
"Lucky me…"
Maria muttered.
Isabel didn't notice
her friend's less then enthused response. She was too busy watching a leggy
brunette walk across the parking lot towards a rather hot guy on a motorcycle.
"Yuck, Stacy
Sheehan," Isabel muttered. "Those legs that hair...I am like...so
envious."
There was a flash and
Maria fell against a rather nice Jeep Wrangler. Isabel looked at her friend.
"Rock,"
Maria offered feebly and continued walking. "Why do you care about Stacey?
I mean you're way prettier then her."
Isabel smiled.
"You really think so?" They had reached Maria's car by now.
Maria took out her
key. "Yeah, I mean you have everything. Great hair, great body, great
clothes," as Maria said each great she jammed the key into the lock, her
teeth clenched.
"Are you
okay?" Isabel asked.
"Yeah, fine.
Sure. Whatever. Why wouldn't I be?" Maria asked quickly, finally getting
the key to stay in the lock.
"You just seem
kinda-"
Maria whirled on her,
startling her. "What? Spit it out."
Isabel gulped.
"Nothing. Never mind," she said quickly. "Nice clip." She
said, pointing to Maria's hair clip.
"Well, it'll
never be as nice as YOURS, Isabel." Maria gave her a fake smile and yanked
the door open, accidentally smashing the mirror of the nice Wrangler.
"Ahhh hell,"
Maria muttered. "I don't suppose anything like this would ever happen to
YOU."
"Actually it
hasn't yet," Isabel said, wary.
Maria looked at the
broken mirror."Think we should leave a note?"
***
"Maria! Order
up," Michael called. "Hurry up it's been sitting here for like 10
minutes." Michael said.
"Oh I'm SO sorry,
Michael. I only wish I could as speedy as LIZ over there. I mean god, why don't
you just go out with her?" Maria grabbed the plates, putting them on a
tray and storming away before Michael could say anything else.
He looked after her,
confused. "Weirder and weirder as this goes on..." he muttered,
reaching for the pepper. Jose just shrugged. "You're not one for
conversation, are you?"
"Hey Maria! Can
you go take care of their bill for me?" Liz asked her friend across the
diner, motioning to the couple at the register. She herself was busy trying to
fill orders.
"Ahh, little Ms.
Perfect actually fall BEHIND? That's a first," Maria said, whirling and
stalking over to the register.
"Hi, hope you
enjoyed the food. That'll be 15 bucks even," Maria said with clenched
teeth, jerking open the register.
"The food was
great. You know this place is just so cute," the woman said, looking
around.
"Yeah but I'm
sure it's NOTHING like the ones you have back home, HUH?" Maria took the
man's money. "Have a nice day." She whirled away.
"What is your
problem?" Michael asked, pulling her into the back room. "First Isabel
tells me you freaked out in the parking lot, now you're being the uber-bitch to
Liz?"
"That's so cute,
Michael." She pinched his cheeks. "Coming to their defenses and all
that. Why don't you see if one of them is available Saturday night to go to the
movies?"
"I thought me and
you were going to go see Final Destination?" Michael asked.
"Well, since you
seem so quick to defend Ms. America and Ms. Perfect I just thought that I might
make other plans…with Kyle." Maria said, shrugging.
"Valenti? You're
going to make plans with Valenti?" Michael asked in disbelief. "What
the hell has gotten into you lately?"
"Why don't you
ask ISABEL? You two seem awfully close lately." She whirled away.
Michael grabbed her
again. "Wait a second are you?" Michael grinned. "Dare I say it?
Maria DeLuca, are you JEALOUS?"
Maria huffed. "I
most certainly AM NOT," Maria said, glaring. "And if I was it
certainly would be over the Silicon princess and the GPA Queen." She
jerked away from him. "You and your HAIR." She growled and walked
away.
Michael grinned.
"She's jealous," Michael laughed. "Gotta love that."
***
"Hey Kyle,"
Maria smiled at the handsome guy, who smiled back. She leaned over, letting the
low neckline of her dress fall open just a tad.
"Whatcha
doin?" she asked innocently.
"Fixing this
damned thing," Kyle said, wiping oil off of his hands.
"When will you be
finished?" she asked. "Cause I thought I might take you up on your
offer?"
Kyle blinked in
surprise. "Really?" He winced as his voice squeaked.
Maria nodded.
"You bet," she said, grinning. "How about we go see a
movie?"
"Sure," he
said, nodding vigorously. "Which one?"
"Final
Destination? I hear it's pretty good," Maria said, shrugging.
"That'd be great,
I mean, just let me change okay?" Kyle asked.
Maria nodded.
"You still have the Mustang?"
Kyle nodded.
"Then we'll take
that. I'll just wait for you out here okay?"
Kyle nodded,
practically skipping towards the door of his house.
Maria looked to the
heavens. "The things I do…" She glared at no one in particular.
"But I'll be damned if I let Michael Guerrin show ME up when it comes to
dating. So what if I'm not as smart as Liz Parker the Science Wonder and Isabel
Evans a.k.a Ms. McPherson. I can still be desirable and I can still get a date."
She looked at the door. "Too bad it's with Stalker boy..." she
growled. "Michael and his hair…" She thought a second. "Kyle and
his car…"
***
The theater was
packed. Being the only one in town that actually played movies made within the
last few months, and being the only other hangout in town besides the Crash
Down, it was expected to be on a Saturday night. Michael Guerin waited
patiently outside the theater for his girlfriend, hands shoved in the pockets
of his new leather blazer, a gift to himself celebrating his first paycheck,
and wearing his trademark scowl. He didn't even notice as the Mustang pulled up
to the curb right outside the theater. Nor did he notice when Kyle Valenti
stepped out, dressed in typical cowboy fashion. He didn't notice when Kyle
walked around to the passenger side and opened the door in very un-Kyle like
fashion. This was what caught his attention: the stunning legs of a woman
emerging from the car. Very familiar legs.
"Maria?" She
wasn't even out of the car yet and he recognized her. Damn was he good.
She looked up,
feigning surprise. "I didn't know you were going to be here tonigh,t
Michael," she said innocently. "Silly me." She grabbed Kyle's
arm. "Hope you enjoy the movie."
"Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa," Michael said, grabbing his girlfriend by the arm. "What the
hell is going on here?"
Maria tried to look
confused. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"You make a date
with me and go with Valenti instead?" Michael asked.
"You made a date
with Guerin?" Kyle asked.
"What is WITH
guys and LAST NAMES?" Maria asked. "KYLE, this is MICHAEL. MICHAEL,
this is KYLE." She said, sighing.
"Listen here,
DeLuca-" Michael began.
But Maria cut him off.
"I TOLD you that you should take Ms. Spandex or the Science Fair Queen out
tonight, remember?"
"I didn't think
you were SERIOUS. You say stuff that doesn't make sense all the time…"
That was so the wrong thing to say. He didn't see the fist until it flew at his
face, and not from who he expected it to be.
He looked in surprise
at his girlfriend.
"OW!!! OW!
OW!!" she yelped, jumping around in a strange parody of an Indian dance,
clutching her reddening fist.
Michael rubbed his
jaw. "Dammit Maria. What did I TELL you about doing that..." he
muttered. "This is gonna sting in the morning..."
"Great
form…" Kyle breathed, impressed. "That's quite a right hook you got
there."
"SHUT UP,"
Michael said. "Before I show you the right hook I got."
Maria guffawed and
rolled her eyes. "The only right hook you got, Michael, is attached to the
fishing pole you found in your closet," she muttered.
Michael looked hurt
for a second but shook it off. "What has gotten into you lately? I mean,
trying to commit homicide with bowls? Eating poor Liz out of house and home?
Going all Klepto on us?" he asked.
"Poor LIZ? POOR
Liz?" Maria yelled, outraged. "Is that all you can think of?"
"Maria. Honey.
Let's get some perspective here..." Michael said.
"I cannot BELIEVE
that you would cheat on me with that short flat chested BRUNETTE!" Maria
was fuming. "I mean, what kind of girl keeps her hair parted to the SAME
SIDE ALL THE TIME?"
"The kind of girl
who wants low maintenance hair?" Michael asked, confused as to where this
was going. They were drawing a crowd now.
"I mean, even when
she pulls it into a ponytail it's still parted to the side! And how tall is
she? 5'2? 5'4 maybe?" Maria asked. "You'd get a freaking crick in
your neck from kissing her! How Max survives I do not know...and I'm not even
going to get INTO cup size..." She was rambling now. Not a good sign.
"Maria, I think
we should get you inside. Where it's cooler…I think the heat has been getting
to your head..." Michael said, grabbing her arm.
"And I don't even
want to THINK about what you've been doing with Isabel? I mean, granted the
girl's tall, and gorgeous, and has breasts the size of IDAHO, but that's
besides the point…" She jerked away from him. "I mean, am I not good
enough for you, Michael?"
"No, you're
perfect," Michael said seriously. "You're perfect in every way. Your
breasts are…EXCELLENT…" He shifted uncomfortably at having been so
enthused. Some people snickered. "Your waist is thin, your legs are
GREAT…you're smart, and funny, and witty, and can we please go cause this is
embarrassing," he said.
"No. We can't,
I'm not convinced," Maria said.
"Dammit Maria
you're a freaking goddes,s okay? You're perfect in every way shape and form.
Liz and Isabel can't even measure up to your perfection. You have nothing to be
envious about, okay?"
There was a flash.
"Really? You
think I'm perfect?" There were tears in here eyes.
"Well yeah."
He shrugged, scratching the back of his head.
"That is the
sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." She wrapped her arms around
his neck, kissing him deeply. The kiss went on and on, bursting into an all out
street groping session. Maria ran her hands up Michael's chest and he was
working on her hair.
There was a burst of
applause from their little audience and Maria blushed, pulling away from him
but still standing close to his body. "Though perhaps doing this publicly
wasn't a good idea." She mumbled.
"Just don't move
away, okay? Somehow having my current ah…situation…broadcasted to everyone in
Roswell isn't appealing..." Michael whispered.
"Don't worry, I'm
staying put. At least now I'm SURE I'm desirable..." she muttered.
"Shutup...just
don't kiss me again or I won't be able to walk into the theater..." he
said.
"I don't think
you can walk NOW from the way it feels…"
"I don't think
I'm supposed to be hearing this…" Kyle muttered, shuddering and walking
towards the theater.
"Dammit..."
***
Part 6: Sloth
***
Accidie a.k.a Sloth:
rejecting life…associated with laziness.
***
Maria propped her feet
up onto her mother's old coffee table. Her head rested in Michael's lap, who
was busy flipping through the channels. If there was one thing she had learned
in her brief relationship with him it was this: NEVER do anything to interrupt
his channel surfing. First of all you won't get his attention unless you smack
a nuclear warhead upside his head and second of all if you DO happen to get his
attention he'll go all commando on you. It was a scary time in Maria's life.
"Nothing's
on," Michael growled in frustration, tossing the remote onto a basket of
laundry Maria had yet to fold.
"I don't know how
you could tell when you were zipping through the channels a million miles an
hour."
"I just know,
okay?"
"Yeah sure ya
do," she rolled her eyes. "Give me the remote, I wanna see."
"Get it
yourself," he muttered. "I'm comfortable."
"Please? So am
I," she said, snuggling up against him.
"Well, you won't
be if I get up," he pointed out.
"I don't care,
I'll have the remote and that will be enough."
"God you're so
lazy."
There was a flash and
Maria dug her nails into Michael's arm.
"Ow! What the
heck was that for!" Michael said, wrenching his arm away.
"I don't know,
sorry," Maria said, her eyelids suddenly feeling very heavy. She snuggled
up against him. "I'm going to take a little nap."
"Whatever, I
should probably go home anyway," he tried getting up, but Maria, suddenly
sound asleep, was latched onto him too tight. "Maria? Maria?" He
shook her, not caring if he woke her up or not. He had to get home, dammit.
"Dangit Maria, get up!" She didn't even move.
"Jesus..."
***
"Michael?"
Max looked at the phone in confusion. "What's wrong? Is it bad? Did
something happen to Liz?"
Across town Michael
rolled his eyes, sighing loudly. "NO, you dork, I can't get up,"
Michael muttered, emabarrased.
"Huh?" Max
sat up on his bed, tossing his Science World magazine to the side. "What
do you mean you can't get up?"
"Maria just fell
asleep on my lap and now I can't wake her up." Michael shrugged even
though Max couldn't see it.
"Why don't you
just pry her off of you? Maria is a lot smaller then you."
"Yeah, tell that
to my aching waist, this girl gots a grip like a vise," he grunted.
"I think I'm actually losing much needed oxygen."
"Well, you don't
know if your body needs oxygen…" Max pointed out.
"Well, I'm
assuming it does, okay? Now just get your ass over here and do something about
this!"
"Why can't you
wake her up? Yell in her ear or shake her or something," Max said.
"I'm busy." Well, as busy as a lonely teenager can be on a Friday
night.
"You don't think
I tried that already? I even put ice down her bra and it didn't work!" he
sighed.
"T-M-I, Michael.
That's all I have to say." Max murmured. "Fine. I'll be right
over."
Max hung up the phone,
grabbing his coat from the rack, and Michael leaned back in his seat,
struggling to breathe properly. Maria grinned in her sleep.
***
"Well, there's
nothing I can do," Max concluded after four and a half hours of trying
everything from icewater to blow dryers.
"Gee really,
Sherlock? I hadn't noticed," Michael muttered sarcastically. "At
least her grip loosened." His face had turned back from that ugly shade of
blue to it's original color and the red marks on his torso were probably going
down by now. It was around 9:00 now, and thank god Ms. DeLuca was staying over
a "friends" house for the night.
The phone rang and
Maria slowly got up, stretching and yawning. The two boys looked at her in
disbelief.
"Hey," she
looked at them in surprise. "What are you dong here?"
They blinked.
"You mind getting
that?" she asked, leaning against the couch.
Michael nodded,
picking up the phone, still looking at his girlfriend, eyes wide.
"Hello?" he said.
"Michael? This is
Liz, is Maria there?" Liz asked.
"Yeah here,"
Michael handed Maria the phone. She could barely hold it up.
"Yeah?" she
muttered into the phone.
"Maria. It's Liz.
Listen, we're totally loaded down here and I was wondering if you could come
and help out?" Liz asked desperately.
"Not a flaming
chance in hell, Liz, sorry." She clicked the phone off and tossed it into
the laundry basket before her friend could reply.
Across town Liz looked
at the phone in disbelief.
"Michael?"
Maria batted her eyelashes at her boyfriend. "Could you make me a
sandwhich?"
Michael looked at her
like she was crazy. "Huh?" he said.
"Please? I'll do
anything. And I do mean ANYTHING." She looked at him suggestively.
Michael gulped and
SPRINTED to the kitchen.
"Again...T-M-I…"
Max sighed, leaning against a reclining chair.
"I think you need
a life," Maria said, grinning.
"I agree…"
***
It was the next
Tuesday when they finally realized something was really wrong. Maria's mom was
out of town on business or something conveniently, and Maria hadn't shown up
for anything. Not work, not school, not even a date with Michael. In fact she
had totally skipped on on Girl's Night Out with Liz and Isabel. No one had
gotten a call or seen her since Friday. It was a worried group of 5 that
finally trekked over to their friends house banging on the door.
"Come in!" a
muffled voice said from the inside.
"It's
locked!" Michael said.
"Well then don't
come in, I don't care," was the half-hearted reply.
"Maria, this
isn't funny, let us in," Michael said, banging on the door once again.
"Let yourselves
in," Maria said. "And while you're at it, could you pick up some
eats? I'm kinda hungry. I haven't had anything since Friday."
Michael gaped at the
door. "WHAT?"
"I had water and
stuff," Maria protested. "But only because the faucet was RIGHT
THERE. Food is just tooo much effort."
Max unlocked the door
and they stepped inside.
"Maria?"
They found her lying on the couch, in the exact same clothes she had been
wearing Friday, glass of water and the remote in her hand. She didn't smell too
nice either, but Michael didn't comment, and the others had the foresight not
to either.
"So whatcha doing
here?" Maria said, and looked up at them with heavy eyes.
"We wanted to
make sure you were okay..." Michael said, keeping his distance.
"Fine. Fine.
Totally okie dokie, Jerry Springer kind of grows on you," she said,
grinning.
"Maria, have you
even left the house?" Liz asked.
"Nopers,"
Maria grinned wider.
"What's that
awful smell?" Isabel said, covering her nose. They shot her a look.
"The milk in the
kitchen, Michael left it out," Maria explained.
"And you didn't
put it back?" Max looked at the girl in disbelief.
"Didn't feel like
it," Maria shrugged.
"Come on,
girlie," Isabel and Liz lifted their friend up. "It's time for a
bath, and some new clothes." They tried to make her walk but Maria's feet
weren't cooperating. They fell to a pile on the floor. The boys looked at them.
"A little help
here?"
***
Maria trudged into
school, a pair of green pants, a purple shirt and blue tinted sunglasses her
outfit. It wasn't exactly the best thing but it would do. She looked haggard
and sleepy. Her hair wasn't brushed and stuck out all over her head much like
her boyfriend's, her book bag wasn't filled with anything at all because it was
too heavy with stuff in it. She constantly bumped into people in the hall, not
bothering to apologize, and it was taking all she had to get from one end of
the hall to her classroom. It was not looking good.
"Hey watch
it," a guy yelled when Maria stumbled into him.
Another kid swerved,
barely missing taking Maria's head off with a 2 by 4 from wood shop. Maria
didn't even flinch. She trudged into her first period class, collapsing into
the first desk she saw, even though it wasn't hers, and falling promptly to
sleep.
***
Michael trudged into
class, late as usual, surprised to find the very mussed head of his girlfriend
asleep on his desk. He took the one beside her, much to the protest of the
young man about to sit down, and reached over the aisle, shaking her.
"Maria?
Maria?" No dice. "MARIA!" he yelled, startling a girl in the
next seat so bad her compact clattered to the ground, sending bits of powered
foundation all over the room. She promptly burst into tears and Michael looked
at her, bewildered.
"That cost me sixteen
dollars!" she was weeping. The guy whom Michael had stolen a seat from
glared at Michael, wrapping a comforting arm around the girl.
"It's okay,
Shelia. He's a bastard anyway."
Michael's head snapped
up. "Excuse me?" Michael said. "Oh no, you just did not."
He got a feeling of déjà vu, recalling vaguely that Maria had said much the
same thing to him in one of her very frequent mood swings.
His fist connected
solidly with the guy's jaw and an all out fight broke out, the girl whose
makeup had been destroyed cheering the other boy on. They crashed into desks,
spilling Maria to the floor in an unnoticed heap, and still they fought on. Mr.
Sherman walked in.
"Good morning-oh
my lord." He ran for the two boys, yanking them apart.
"Mr. Guerin, Mr.
Matthews, is there an explanation for this?" Mr. Sherman glared.
The boys shrugged.
The bell rang and
Maria woke up, slowly stretching. Confused, she looked around. "Okay,
what'd I miss?"
***
"Furthermore I
don't appreciate the fact that you were sleeping in class, Ms. DeLuca. It was
your sleeping that caused this entire escapade." Mr. Sherman was yelling
later when the class had finally let out.
Maria looked at him,
bewildered. "How exactly?" she said half-heartedly.
"It was your
sleeping that made Mr. Guerin yell for you to wake. which made poor Shelia drop
her makeup. which prompted Mr. Matthews to call him...that name...which
prompted Mr. Guerin to take a swing at Mr. Matthews." Mr. Sherman had
always been one for practicality, and he just loved to place the blame. On
Maria DeLuca's shoulders especially.
"Whatever,"
Maria said, closing her eyes, prepared to go to sleep once more.
"Ohh noo no no,
Ms. DeLuca, we will not have another bout of laziness from you."
There was a flash and
Maria toppled backwards in her chair.
"Damned
chair," she offered weakly. Simon Matthews, Michael Guerin and Mr. Sherman
looked at her like she was crazy.
"What'd I
do?"
***
Part 7: Pride
***
Pride: Believing
yourself to be greater then god, thinking of yourself as the center of the
universe. Constantly associated with vanity.
***
"So I have to pay
for the broken desks, poor Shelia's compact, the grocery store incident, the
clothes that couldn't be returned from the mall, and the food from the
Crashdown all with this measly little paycheck," Maria looked at the slip
of paper in her hand, then to Mr. Parker.
"You're lucky
you're still receiving that paycheck," he warned, grinning.
"Thank you soo
much, Mr. Parker!" Maria said, quickly kissing his cheek. She skipped out.
"But how the hell am I supposed to pay for all that with THIS?"
"Be proud of
yourself honey," Michael said, walking up behind her. "At least your
paycheck is in the 3 digit zone."
There was a flash and
Maria stumbled into him.
"Tree," she
offered weakly as he helped her upright.
"So where are you
going?"
Maria wasn't paying
attention. Instead she was looking in the window of an Antique furniture shop,
playing with her hair. "I have great hair," she murmured.
Michael looked at her,
confused. "Huh?"
"I have pretty
eyes too."
Michael blinked.
"Yeah...ya do..." He blinked again, confused.
"Oh MY GOD!"
she yelled, startling him.
"WHAT? WHAT
HAPPENED?" Michael asked, looking around, bewildered.
"My hair, it's
out of place." She rushed into the store, Michael hot on her heels.
"Quick, do you have a bathroom?"
"A
bathroom?" The clerk looked at her, bewildered.
"YES, A BATHROOM,
YOU MINDLESS TWIT!" Maria snapped.
"Um, in
there," the clerk pointed to the back. "But it's-" The clerk
didn't get a chance to finish as Maria bolted to the back. "For employees
only," she finished weakly, shooting Michael a glare, who shrugged
helplessly.
***
In the bathroom Maria
looked in the mirror, admiring how gorgeous she was. Tucking her hair behind
her ear she shook her head, not liking the effect. She then brought it forward
and shook her head again. She reached into her bag and drew out a couple of
barrettes; she clipped her meager bangs back and shook her head again. This was
going to take awhile…
2 Hours Later, the
poor clerk was looking at the bathroom, wanting more than anything to close up
the shop and go home. Michael was half-asleep in the chair; the only thing
keeping him awake was the chime of an old grandfather clock.
"Is your friend
okay?" the girl looked at him.
"Nope…" he
shrugged. The girl sighed, popping some gum into her mouth. She was about 17,
and bored out of her mind. She looked to Michael appreciatively.
"Sooo, she your
girlfriend?" She chomped on the gum rather loudly, twirling a bit of
blonde hair around her finger.
"Yeah,"
Michael said, running a hand through his hair.
The girl looked
disappointed. "Does she do this often?" she asked.
"Nope just
recently..,I mean ever since the-" He stopped, a realization coming to his
head. "OH MY GOD!!" He hopped up, running to the bathroom.
"HEY! That's
employee's only!" the girl yelped. She sighed, falling onto the counter.
"Dammit..."
***
"So you're saying
that your powers screwed up something in my head?" Maria asked disbelievingly.
Michael nodded.
"Yeah right. Like
something could ACTUALLY be wrong with ME. That's impossible."
Michael raised an
eyebrow as if to say "See?"
Maria ignored him,
looking in her compact.
"Besides, like I
would EVER let a commoner like YOU touch my head?" She tossed her head
back. "Now be a dear and go fetch me some water. Wouldn't want this
perfect little throat to get dry would we?" She batted her eyelashes at
him and Michael sighed, banging his head against the wall.
"MARiA!! I'm
begging you, just let Max see your head," Michael begged. "It can't
hurt."
"OF COURSE IT CAN
HURT!" Maria yelled. "I mean, he could muss my hair! Or get oil and
sweat in it!" She shuddered. "No thank you."
"MARIA! There
could be something DANGEROUS in you," Michael snapped.
"You dare raise
your voice to ME? Maria?" Maria glared haughtily at him. "You shall
be punished for your actions." She sat up perfectly straight in an
armchair, looking queen like.
"Uh...okay,"
Michael said confused.
"Guards! Take him
away!" she called over her shoulder.
Michael looked around
the empty apartment. "Who are you talking to honey?" Michael asked.
"You're scarin' me now."
"DO NOT
CONTRADICT ME! HOW DARE YOU!" She stood up right in his face now.
"You will show some respect! Bow before your queen!"
"Oh god..."
***
"So you did
something to her head to help her with that extra credit assignment and that's
why she's been acting funny?" Liz blinked at him. Max sighed. Alex rolled
his eyes.
"And you just NOW
figured it out?" Isabel asked in disbelief. "Talk about dense."
Michael growled at her.
"And now she
won't let anyone fix it," Max finished.
"She locked
herself in my room, she thinks she's a queen…." Michael muttered.
Isabel burst out
laughing. "Oh that's rich. Maria a queen…court jester MAYBE, but
queen?" Isabel was laughing too hard to catch the glare Michael gave her.
"Did you try
unlocking the door?" Max asked. Michael held up his burnt hand and then
pointed to a welded lock.
"Well,
hell…" Max sighed. "Now what do we do?"
"Well I was
thinking you could fix my hand first and then the lock," Michael shrugged.
"Sounds like a good plan to me."
"Fine," Max
sighed. "But I am so sick of bailing you out of things."
"It wasn't MY
fault!"
"Then whose fault
was it?"
"Maria's!"
"How?"
"You don't know
how she gets, man. She gets this glint in her eye and then you KNOW it's all
over."
"Wuss."
"Oh, you're one
to talk, P-Whipped."
"Shut up."
"Just fix the
goddamned door and let's get this over with!" Michael yelled finally.
Max sighed and walked
over to the door. Placing his hand over it, he concentrated, melding the pieces
back the way the original lock had looked, and then unlocking it.
Maria was inside,
staring at a mirror on Michael's dresser, an old bathrobe around her shoulders
and a spoon in her hand. Isabel burst out laughing at the sight. Michael took a
step towards her.
"How dare you
enter my chambers without permission," Maria said, glaring at the group
through the mirror.
Michael took another step towards her. "Maria," he said
slowly.
"And how dare you
use my Christian Name!" she whirled around in the chair. "You will
show me some respect, boy, or you will remove yourself from my kingdom!
GUARDS!" Again Isabel laughed.
Maria looked at her.
"Is she daft?" Maria asked.
Isabel stopped
laughing, offended. No one insulted her.
"Maria, we just
want to help you," Michael carefully took a step towards her.
"You want my
throne!" Maria leapt from the chair. "GUARDS!" she screamed at
the top of her lungs as Michael tackled her onto the bed.
"Somehow I didn't
think I'd get you into my bed like this..." Michael muttered, trying to
hold her down as she struggled. She was strong, but he was stronger.
"GET OFF ME!
HELP! RAPE! MURDER! HOW DARE YOU!" she bucked, trying to bite and claw her
way out from under him but to no avail. Alex and Max went to help.
"It took three of
you to hold her down?" Isabel raised an eyebrow. "How
unfortunate."
"Come on Max, fix
her!" Michael yelled.
"I can't if she
won't cooperate!" Max yelled back over her shrieks of protest.
"We have to get
her back to her real self somehow!" Liz yelled.
"How?" Alex
replied.
Liz paused, thinking a
moment.
"How did she change
in the first place?" Isabel asked.
Michael suddenly had a
breakthrough. "Pride!" Michael yelled triumphantly.
There was a flash and
Maria fell back against the mattress.
"Get the hell off
me!" she yelled and they immediately leapt back. "What the hell is
going on!" she yelled, backing up against the headboard and shrinking away
from them. "What's wrong with me?" She clapped eyes on Michael.
"You!" she growled at him, pointing her finger at him she slinked
towards him. "You did this to me," she said. Michael backed away.
"You did this."
"Uh, Maria,
sweetie….don't do that," Michael gulped.
"Maria!" Max
grabbed her just as she leapt at her boyfriend. "Calm down, I'll fix
it."
She
froze."Fine," she said stiffly. "But then-" she shot a
warning at Michael, who pressed his back against the wall in fear. Isabel
snorted.
"Your not
helping," Max snapped. "Okay, Maria, sit down."
She did, reluctantly
plopping down onto the mattress. Max placed his hands on her head and Michael
growled, jealous that he couldn't be the one to do the fixing.
"Okay now relax
and breathe." He closed his eyes, concentrating on making a connection. He
had it, their breathing synchronized and Maria closed her eyes as well. He
searched, trying to find the problem. There. He reached for it, concentrating
on just that spot. It worked, he disconnected and they both opened their eyes.
"Better?" he
asked.
"I guess…"
she shrugged.
"Pride,"
Michael said. Nothing happened. "Lust." Again nothing. "Ah
dammit."
Maria punched his arm
playfully.
"NEVER DO THAT
AGAIN." This time she punched his arm for real.
"ME? ME? It was
your idea!"
"Well you're the
wuss who went along with it!"
"I cannot believe
you're blaming this on me!"
"Who am I
supposed to blame it on?"
"Take
responsibility for your actions!"
"Make me."
She stuck her tongue out at him.
"Dear god, make
it stop," Isabel sighed.
Alex smiled. "Now
things are back to normal…"
The End