Samar sighed wearily as she pushed open her front door and trudged into her apartment. She let the door fall closed behind her, not even paying it a second glance. It had been a long day at the Post Office –a long week, in fact- and all she really wanted to do was collapse on the couch with a book and a glass of wine... And then sleep for the entire weekend.
Or at least, half of the weekend. Perhaps the entire weekend was a little too dramatic.
Regardless, that was how Samar felt. She threw her bag down in the corner of the living room, and pulled her phone out of her pocket as she collapsed onto the soft cushions of the couch; five missed calls. Samar furrowed her brow in confusion; they were all from the same number. Shaking her head, and wondering who on earth could have been that desperate to reach her all day, she played through her voicemails...
...And then she froze.
She rose immediately from her seat on the couch, reaching once again for her bag and her keys, and practically sprinted out of the apartment.
/*/*/*/*
'Ms Navabi, this is Social Services, again... Regarding your niece. Please call us back as soon as possible,' the last message had been the shortest, each of them steadily shorter from the first one onwards as the caller's patience had apparently waned with each call. Samar rushed through the hospital corridors, trying to find her way to the room on the children's ward that the first call had guided her to...
...Her niece?
Samar had no nieces or nephews that she knew of. Her only sibling was Shahin, and she was fairly certain he had never had any children. None of it made any sense. She rounded the corner, pausing in her tracks only as she spotted the door to the room she was looking for. With a deep breath, she knocked on the half-ajar door. Samar poked her head around the door a second later; inside the room, besides a nurse, and the people in suits that she presumed were the representatives of Social Services and the Citizenship and Immigration Services mentioned in the first and second calls, Samar's gaze swept across the room past them to the hospital bed and its tiny inhabitant... And then she froze, again.
Samar had thought it was all a mistake, but it couldn't be. Shahin had always said she looked just like their mother, and the little girl curled up sound asleep looked much the same. The resemblance was uncanny.
'Ms Navabi?' The voice of one of the other adults in the room snapped Samar from her stunned staring. She nodded wordlessly in response. 'I'm sorry,' the man spoke again, suddenly frowning in confusion at the expression on her face, 'but have you not seen your niece before?' Samar shifted her gaze to meet his eye, opening and closing her mouth as if to speak, but no words came out. She glanced back at the little girl sleeping again for a moment, before shaking her head and staring directly back to the man who had asked the question.
'I didn't know I had a niece,' Samar murmured quietly. She took a breath, and then another; slowly, and deeply. 'How is this possible?' She breathed.
'Was your brother Shahin Navabi?' The man asked. Samar nodded curiously, not even registering in her brain that the man hadn't yet actually introduced himself or the other woman in the room. 'Well then, I guess you do have a niece,' the man said impatiently in response.
'But-' Samar began, before pausing and falling silent once more. What felt like a million questions were rolling around in her mind, and she didn't know which to ask first. How could she have a niece and not know about it? How was that niece there, in DC, when Shahin had never been particularly warm towards the United States?
The man, almost as if finally recognising the need to ease some confusion, pulled a thin file from his briefcase as Samar's gaze returned silently, and disbelievingly to the little girl once more.
'Perhaps you should sit down,' he said, albeit more gently this time. Samar did as instructed, and the man finally introduced himself as Doug Jansen, of Immigration Services. The woman, Martha Spencer, was the representative from Social Services who had made the five phone calls. Samar listened wordlessly as they explained, and ran through a series of various Iranian government documents and their official English translations; Shahin had married just a few months after supposedly dying in Pishin –to a woman Samar had only met once and then never heard from again after the funeral. Their child – Mina, her name was- was born a little over a year later, in October 2010... She was now five, nearly six... And a little more than a year before the present, Mina and her mother had arrived in the US, seeking asylum. By that point, they hadn't heard from Shahin in three years.
The sheer volume of information was too much for Samar, it was overwhelming... And it still didn't make any sense. Clearly, Mina's mother –a quiet, but kind woman named Zahra, Samar remembered as she thought back- had known that Shahin didn't die in Pishin, but then at the same time she didn't seem to know who Shahin really was. All Jansen had in his file, from reports and translations of Zahra's broken story was that Shahin had gone 'missing' some time during 2012... And that she was looking for Samar in the hope of finding Shahin. At least, however, the timing lined up. 2012 was when Samar and her partner had followed traces of Zal Bin Hasaan to Egypt, long before realising who he was.
'Wait a minute,' Samar finally spoke up, her voice barely audible but no less determined. 'Why am I here? Where's Zahra?' Doug and Martha exchanged cautious glances, before slowly answering;
'She was on her way to an appointment at my office two days ago,' Doug said slowly, 'when a truck collided with the taxi she and Mina were travelling in. Zahra didn't make it... That leaves you as Mina's only living relative that we can find.' Samar gaze swept once more over Mina's tiny, sleeping form.
'Is she ok?' She asked quietly, almost too terrified to hear the answer.
'She has a mild concussion, and a few cuts and bruises, but she was on the opposite side of the car and missed most of the impact... She'll be just fine.'
/*/*/*/*
No matter how many hours passed after Samar reluctantly returned home from the hospital and went to bed, she still couldn't sleep. There was so much confusion, so many questions, so much information to take in... And so many decisions to make. It seemed almost impossible, no matter the fact that little Mina had been right there in front of her, that Shahin could possibly have had a child, let alone one she didn't know about. It seemed so unbelievable, Samar didn't even know how to respond. For once, her strong-willed, determined, and decisive nature had gone flying out the window in favour of a speechless, stunned, uncertain shell. In short, her options were to either not take Mina, and leave her to the uncertainty of being an unaccompanied minor in a foreign country –and then possibly sent back to Iran and some orphanage where she would be forgotten about... Or to possibly take her little niece in. The former had been instantly dismissed as soon as the words had come tumbling out of Jansen's mouth; no matter the shock and surprise, there was no way Samar was going to leave her niece to that fate. But as for the latter... There was so much paperwork to sort out, Social Services inspections of her apartment to undergo in order to show that it was adequate for raising a child, just to see if Samar would be allowed to take Mina in... Then after that, there would be the extensive and frustrating process of changing her visa to reflect the fact that then she would be a dependent minor for Samar, and then having that approved too.
Samar rolled over restlessly for the third time in as many minutes as she tried to get her head around it all... And that was just the practical side of things. Samar didn't know how to feel about taking in the daughter of the brother who had betrayed her so badly, let alone the fact that she had never really wanted a child in the first place. The words she had spoken to Liz nearly a year earlier –that being a parent and having a career was like having two full time jobs at once- were still what she believed... And really, the question that had taunted her all night reared its ugly head once more; what was she supposed to do with a five year old when she knew nothing about kids?
And yet somehow, Samar wasn't considering any single option other than fighting to keep Mina safe, and with her. She only hoped that after that, Mina wouldn't then be ripped away from her and sent back to Iran, regardless.
/*/*/*/*
Saturday came... Martha brought Mina to Samar's apartment from the hospital, taking a tentative peek around the place as she did so. For once, Samar felt overwhelmingly relieved that she had a spare bedroom set up for guests, despite the fact that she never seemed to have guests stay over... Well... Ever. The room was minimal for that reason, no more than a bed and a chest of drawers, but it was somewhere for Mina, nonetheless. Samar was given the key to the small apartment where Mina and Zahra had been living, so that she could stop by and pick up Mina's belongings... And then Martha left, with the promise of being in touch again in the next couple of days.
Samar didn't know what to say to the little girl standing shyly in the middle of her living room. Mina had barely said a word since Martha had introduced them... Apparently she generally didn't talk much at all, though Samar did have to wonder how much of that was simply because Mina simply didn't speak English, and before now had been using a translator to communicate with Social Services and everyone else.
With an awkward attempt at a reassuring smile, Samar guided Mina towards the bathroom to give her a bath. It was clear the little girl hadn't had one since before the accident; there were still patches of grime on her arms and legs, and her dark, curly hair was stuck, slick and greasy, to the sides of her face. It was all Samar could think of to try and make her niece more comfortable; chattering quietly in Farsi – any kind of small talk really, to stave off the silence- while she scrubbed Mina's hair and then eventually, wrapped her in a thick, fluffy towel.
It was then, that Samar realised the next problem; Mina had arrived with nothing but the clothes she was wearing, and the teddy bear in her hand that Martha had bought from the hospital gift shop.
/*/*/*/*
Mina's hand clasped firmly in hers, Samar strode cautiously down the hallway of the apartment building that Mina and Zahra had lived in. Already, her gut was churning. The building was in a dingy part of town as it was –Samar recalled what Doug had said the night before about Zahra having arrived in the States with only what she could fit in a hand-luggage sized suitcase- but the building itself was nearly falling apart at the seams.
A breath caught in Samar's throat as they entered the small apartment and she glanced around; the furniture, as expected, was the basic few items that tended to come with the apartment... But the paint was peeling from the walls, the lights flickered dimly, and the carpet frayed at her feet –the precious little that Zahra had been able to afford for herself and her daughter while awaiting their admittance to the country. Mina, however, recognised exactly where she was. A small smile lit her face and she pulled her hand away from Samar, strolling happily into the apartment and then into what seemed to be her room. That gesture in itself, struck an even greater chord with Samar.
This apartment, for Mina, was home.
Samar followed Mina, without a word, but putting on as genuine a smile as she could muster as the little girl proudly showed off her few belongings; a handful of clothes, three faded picture books, two home made cloth dolls, a small jigsaw puzzle, a clearly well-loved pack of crayons and a few scattered drawings, and one pair of shoes.
The more she saw, the more Samar's heart continued to feel like it was breaking into a hundred pieces.
Leaving Mina to it for a moment, Samar ducked out of the room and tried to regain some sense of composure. She took a deep breath, smiling a little at the sound of Mina humming happily to herself as she cradled her dolls, before spotting the small suitcase Zahra had left lying in the hall. Samar grabbed it as quick as she could, darting around the few other rooms of the apartment and scooping up everything she could find... Every last memory of Zahra for her little girl... Before finally returning to Mina's side.
'Come on, Mina,' she said gently, 'are you ready to go?'
'Nooo...' The little girl whined, looking sadly at her toys, 'I don't want to leave them...' Samar steeled herself, determined not to let herself break in front of her niece. Little Mina had been through enough tragedy of her own in her short life already; she certainly didn't need any more.
'It's ok,' Samar tried to reassure Mina, 'we're going to take everything with us, you don't have to leave them.' Mina pouted for a moment, but reluctantly conceded. She shuffled around the small space, placing each and every last one of her few things carefully into the suitcase, before Samar zipped it up. Doug hadn't been kidding; everything really did fit into the one bag.
Trying to push the idea out of her mind, Samar plastered another smile across her face, and led the way out once more... Mina trailing quietly by her side.
/*/*/*/*
It took all of ten minutes after returning to Samar's apartment, before she realised the next problem. She sorted through Mina's small collection of clothes, while Mina positioned the rest of her belongings as she liked them around the apartment. The dolls and teddy bear went on her bed, the picture books on the nightstand, and the puzzle, crayons, and drawings on the coffee table in the living room. Samar didn't dare question the choices or suggest that any item go anywhere else –not that she really needed to, anyway. Mina was happy for the moment, and that was all that mattered. But the dilemma, Samar noted as she folded the clothes and put them away in the chest of drawers, was that most of them were too small, or would only just fit. If Samar didn't already feel like she had taken a few punches to the gut that day, she certainly did then.
Regardless, Samar was almost functioning as if on autopilot when it came to the new taking-care-of-a-five-year-old thing, so she made a sandwich for each of them, then carried them both across to the living room where Mina was busily sitting on the floor, leaning against the coffee table, and scribbling away with her crayons. On some level, Samar was relieved that Mina didn't really seem to understand what was going on but on the other hand, she couldn't bear the thought of the moment where Mina would inevitably ask when her mother was coming back. Social Services had forgotten to clarify whether they'd already had that particular talk with Mina or not.
/*/*/*/*
With lunch out of the way, and a few more drawings done and stuck to the fridge, Samar reluctantly led Mina through the mall. She didn't want to have to drag Mina around any more than she already had that day but the reality was, if she didn't, Mina was going to very quickly run out of clothes. Mina's chocolate brown eyes went wide with wonder as they strolled through the mall's entrance and she looked around.. And then she suddenly froze.
The little girl gave a whimper and quickly wrapped herself around Samar's leg just before they joined the crowd of shoppers. Samar stopped, looking down cautiously at the visibly terrified expression on Mina's face. She pried the little girl from her leg, and then crouched down beside her.
'You don't like crowds, Mina?' She asked gently. Mina hurriedly shook her head, and her lip began to tremble again. Samar ran a hand through Mina's freshly washed curls and stroked her cheek.
'...There are too many people,' Mina mumbled back, a few tears beginning to roll down her face. Samar quickly wiped them away, and wrapped her arms reassuringly around the little girl.
'What if I carry you and keep you safe up high?' She asked, 'will that help?' Mina hesitated for a moment, then slowly nodded. She slid her arms over Samar's shoulders and around her neck, and Samar immediately lifted her up. Mina was tense, her tiny shoulders raised, and her eyes alert... Scanning the mall's entry hall. Samar rubbed a few gentle circles along her back, before beginning to walk again and making a point of trying to walk around the crowd's edges rather than barging straight through as she normally would. 'You're being very brave,' Samar murmured to her as they moved, 'we're nearly there, ok? ' Samar tried not to focus on her own fears –the fears of somehow screwing it all up, and traumatising Mina more rather than taking proper care of her- and instead kept murmuring every reassuring word she could think of to the little girl clinging to her for dear life.
Samar continued to carry her even when they did get past the crowd and entered the store she was looking for. The store itself wasn't crowded at all, but she wanted to give Mina time to breathe... And not put her down again until they reached the specific section of the store they needed.
Finally, Mina seemed to calm, and stood happily beside Samar once more. They stood right in the centre of the wide array of girls' clothes, and for once, Samar didn't know what to do... She was used to only clothes shopping for herself; marching straight into a store, confidently picking out what she liked, paying at the counter and then leaving again. But this time, she wasn't buying for herself, and she had no idea what Mina would like. It was completely different. With a small, almost amused sigh, Samar crouched down by Mina's side again.
'Ok, we're going to have to be a team here,' she said, grinning slightly. Mina pulled a face in confusion. 'We need to get you some new clothes, but there are too many choices. Do you think you can help me? ' Mina's eyes went wide again, but this time in delight. She nodded eagerly, and looked around at all the clothes hanging from their racks. Most kids liked to be big kids and try to 'help', Samar at least knew that much. She smiled, relieved to see Mina happy again, and allowed the little girl to take her hand and lead the way. A pair of jeans with tiny butterflies and flowers embroidered around the pockets caught Mina's attention, as did a purple dress with white polka dots. Both went straight away into Samar's basket. Three brightly coloured t-shirts with prints were picked next; one with birds, one with a rainbow, and one with butterflies. Then, some dark purple leggings with pastel blue butterflies. Samar's lip quirked up as she started to recognise the patterns and get a feel for Mina's tastes; bright colours –especially shades of purple- and butterflies. Mina definitely seemed to like butterflies. Samar started to point out a few things and make suggestions... And with every item that Mina approved, Samar felt a small inner victory –like she was doing something right. The basket slowly filled, not quite with every butterfly printed thing in the store, but certainly with enough clothes, pajamas, underwear, and socks to get them through a week or two and have a few variations until laundry day –and two more pairs of shoes as well. There was no point only picking up a few things, when Mina needed so many –picking up a variety while they were already on a roll would mean that they didn't have to return to the crowded mall again any time soon.
Mina returned to her side once more, also apparently satisfied with all the choices. The ecstatic grin was etched nearly ear to ear across her face, and Samar didn't even have to wonder if that was because Mina had never had so many new clothes at once before. Samar gazed around the store, wondering if there was anything else they needed while they were there... And then something caught her eye. She had an idea. She tugged Mina's hand along, and the little girl followed happily... All the way across the store to the bedroom furniture.
The guest room that was now Mina's was bland and generic, and not at all equipped for the needs of anyone staying there permanently. Samar plucked a set of purple sheets from a display shelf... And then Mina gasped in delight as she spotted a purple comforter with blue, green, and white butterflies swirled across it. Needless to say, Samar promptly picked that up too... As well as a couple of colouring books, picture books, and some more crayons as they walked past them on the way to the checkouts.
There, that was a start at making things a little more comfortable.
/*/*/*/*
The crowd while exiting the mall was just as terrifying as the crowd entering it, but then Samar had a strategy to deal with it. Juggling Mina in her arms alongside all the shopping bags wasn't easy, but at least it seemed that they were both united in their determination to get through it. By the time they returned to Samar's apartment building for the second time that day, Mina was tired... And Samar felt like some kind of human yo-yo from all the goings in and out. Regardless, Mina sat comfortably on her knee, nestled against her shoulder as Samar read to her from one of the new books in the laundry room and waited for all her new things to be washed.
It had been a long day... But somehow, in that time they had bonded. They were both still somewhat terrified; Mina, by the strange new apartment with the strange new aunt she had never met, and Samar, by the whole situation and all that it implied... But at least they were adjusting.
Eventually, after washing and drying, after dinner time and bath time... Mina snuggled into her new sheets and comforter, arms wrapped tightly around her teddy bear and dolls. Just like that, with the brighter, more child-friendly bed-coverings, the room already looked better –and far less cold and impersonal. Samar tucked Mina in, pausing only to note that some kind of bookshelf or small desk would be a nice addition, as well as some brighter curtains, some frames for the few photos Zahra had kept in a tattered envelope, or even a lamp or nightlight too, before turning off the light.
'Goodnight Mina,' Samar murmured from the doorway. There was a pause with no response, and Samar instantly furrowed her brow in concern.
'Samar?' Mina's quiet voice finally piped up. It registered in Samar's brain that despite everything they had done throughout the day, that was the first time Mina had said her name. For some reason that Samar couldn't pinpoint, that felt both gut wrenching, and reassuring.
'Yes?' Samar whispered back.
'Can we draw some more pictures tomorrow?' The little girl asked, 'I liked that, it was fun.'
'Of course,' Samar said, smiling softly through the darkness. 'Can I put them on the fridge too? '
'Yes!' Mina giggled, 'that's where all the drawings go! ' Samar chuckled to herself until Mina spoke up again; 'goodnight Samar.'
Slowly but surely, Samar turned and made her way back down the apartment hallway towards the living room; she was exhausted from the worry, the nerves, and the stressing about what to do. With trying to stay upbeat for Mina's sake and all the other busyness of the day, Samar had barely had time to think. It seemed so strange to have gone from living alone one day, to all of a sudden having her life turned upside down and a child thrust upon her the next. The more Samar sat and thought about it, the more she could see inklings of resemblance to Shahin in Mina; little gestures and facial expressions that were exactly like Shahin's when he was that young... That was even stranger –and almost disturbing too, given what Shahin had eventually become- and yet, at the same time, it was almost comforting. It was some sense of familiar amongst all the fear. Not every memory of Shahin was bad, after all.
