It's been months since I've seen him. We didn't leave on the greatest note. In fact, it was quite pathetic, with me basically begging him to take me back and him telling me he can't, tears forming in his eyes. "I'm gay, Karen" he whispered, and I told him I know, but that doesn't change the way I feel about him. And I know it's not fair to him to keep him, to want to treat him like a lover instead of all we can really be. Friends. He gently closed the door behind him and I sat against the door sobbing for hours, until Rosario found me and guided me to bed, where I cried myself to sleep but then surprisingly slept for 12 hours straight.

I seem to miss him more and more every day, and I know he misses me too but we both know what will happen if we see each other. I'll fall to pieces, and he'll be forced to pick them all up, while never quite being able to fit them back together. It hurts him to see me like that, and that hurts me worse, but I just can't help it. Grace and Will keep me updated most days, telling me he's doing well, keeping me in the loop with his next crazy idea. I listen, and smile politely before inadvertently looking at the ground while Grace and Will exchange a quick glance before changing the subject to something that will cheer me up. Vodka, for example, as they seems to have a steady supply in their apartment lately.

Waking up today, I realize I need to get out. Not just to Grace and Will's, but just...out. I throw my hair in a quick updo and change out of my satin pajamas, into a simple skirt and blouse. I call driver to pick me up, and we drive to the mall. I pick up my pace as I walk by Barney's, careful not to make eye contact with..anyone..that might be there. But then it happens. My eyes catch on Jack, and without realizing it I've made a dead stop in front of the store entrance. He's arguing with the store owner, and it seems pretty heated. Is he getting fired? I think to myself.

The anger in his eyes was raging, until he looked at me. As soon as his eyes met mine they turned soft. His entire face changed so quickly that I wondered if he had even been angry at all. We stood there, surrounded by nothing but our thoughts, until customers walking in disrupted us. As we turned away, the energy of the room changed. Just like that he was gone again, and I was left alone, wondering what I did to make him leave again.