Abandoned
Pairing: Nick/Zak
Zak honestly thought it was a good idea to lock Nick in the morgue, despite the younger man being weary of being put in a tight spot. He thought it would be safe, but it wasn't. Nick could of died, and Zak just couldn't forgive himself.
"Sh..."
Nick held onto Zak that night, cradling the strong frame against his body as they sat in the older man's hotel room. Morning light was peaking out between the curtains, and its been hours since they last got a wink of sleep, but last night's investigation was just too much for either man to pass out on. Nick knew this would be giving him nightmares for weeks, but Zak...
Zak couldn't even believe that he put the other man through that.
"I'm sorry, Nick... I didn't know. What if you stopped breathing, Nick? What if they got you?" Zak started mumbling these fast little things of worry. By the second hour the older man was starting to repeat himself, no matter how much Nick told him that it's okay. "You could of died in there. If I didn't reach you in time, you could be dead."
"Sh..." Nick started again and began rocking. "I told you I'm all right. I forgive you."
"I'm sorry."
Nick sighed and started to let go, "I heard you." He sounded exasperated and he tried to pull away, but the arms wound around his torso held on tight and Zak pressed the side of his head tighter against his chest. "You're not listening to me." Nick frowned and instead combed through Zak's hair, easy now that the gel had lost it's fight after a few minutes of comfort.
Zak whined, "I could of got you killed. How can you even look at me?"
"Not this again. Come here." Nick tugged on Zak's shirt, pulling him up until they were face to face on the bed. He tsked at the self-hate written all over the handsome face and leaned in for a kiss, only to be dodged by the older man turning his head.
Zak glared at Nick's chest. "You should hate me."
Nick rolled his eyes, "I think you're doing a good job of doing that for me." He turned them so Zak wouldn't be on top of him any more, and with a bit more manoeuvring, got them both under the blanket, fully clothed. Immediately, the older man slid up against him, a leg thrown over his hips just to keep him that much closer. Nick's hand paused over Zak's back before he started to rub up and down his spine again. His mind raced as he picked at ways that'll help Zak knock off of it, murmuring a quiet, "Sleep on it, Zak. You'll feel better when you wake up."
But the hours they got to sleep didn't help, and there was no way they were going to catch the plane this time. Nick woke mid-afternoon and Zak remained asleep, fitful and restless in his arms. He watched the last number on the digital clock change. It's been minutes too late to even attempt a trip over to the airport.
Nick was pretty sure Aaron understood and took care of the flight. He hoped he got it changed for tomorrow. He just wanted enough time for the dark circles to leave from under Zak's eyes.
Zak eventually let out a quiet moan, probably from annoyance as Nick shift beside him, and Nick nearly cursed as those tired eyes fluttered open half-mast and staring blearily at himself. The frown still marred Zak's features and Nick reached up to smooth over a wrinkled brow with a thumb until Zak realized where he was. Instead, the motion put Zak back to sleep, settling once again with another sleepy groan.
He heard a quiet knock. Nick managed to untangle himself from the vinelike grip of the older man's limbs and got out of bed, all the while adjusting his slept in clothes as he reached the door. Looking through the peephole, Nick sighed when he noticed the recognizable shaved head and opened the door just a bit to stick his head outside.
"What's up, man?" Nick asked. He pulled down his shirt that had rid up some, now feeling a lot more presentable. Aaron shifted from foot to foot, looking as if he was trying to peer into the bedroom.
"How's he doin'?" Aaron whispered, just in case. The room was dark, and knowing Zak, he must of just fallen asleep. "I mean, shit. He was frazzled the last few hours and he didn't look so good in the car."
The younger man shrugged and had Aaron hold the door open so he could grab his shoes. "Its nearly dinner. Wanna come with me to the cafe? We can talk without worrying about waking the princess." He shot the other man a crooked grin when he managed to pull a half hearted chuckle from him. Sliding into his shoes, Nick took one more concerned look towards the man sleeping in his bed before grabbing his wallet and heading out.
"Man, I don't even know what to do."
Aaron could only shake his head and fall in step with Nick. He didn't know either. Zak wasn't a very easy man to break, but hell, it sure was a close call. He didn't bother to give some advice and simply pressed the down button on the elevator as Nick continued to talk.
"Its like he's lost in that head of his. Won't listen to a damn word I say and I told him over and over again that I forgive him and that I'm okay. He doesn't believe it." Nick rubbed at his face, the skin feeling tight with worry and lack of decent sleep. Usually, it would be so easy to snap each other out of it- they survived the night, didn't they?- but no. This time it wasn't so easy and it sucked that it came down hard on Zak.
Aaron tried to say something helpful, "Maybe he'll be fine when he wakes up..?" He was almost relieved when they reached the bottom floor so he could put some space between them. He almost swore he could feel the distressed energy around Nick. As he led the way, Aaron added, "He got some sleep, didn't he? That's all he needs."
"I wish." Nick scoffed light heartedly and practically glared at the menu hanging at the head of the cafe. Something light would be good, who knew how Zak would wake up? "His mind ain't shutting off. He's knocked out, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's screaming at himself in his dreams." Nick ordered quickly and paid for the two meals and let Aaron do his in peace. He crossed his arms and held his receipt in a tight fist, waiting to be joined by Aaron in the corner by the window.
"So wake him up." Aaron grumbled and stood in front of the other. He huffed when Nick shot him a glower. "Hey, its just advice. I'm not holding a gun to your head."
They picked up their food and head back upstairs, the companionship a lot more quieter and tense. Both men worried, both at a bit of a loss. Nick refused to take Zak home the way he was, to go home to his wife and leave Zak to his own devices in his large, but lonely house. Aaron must have been thinking along the same lines and said, "Hey. Do what you gotta do. Maybe Zak knows what he needs."
The elevator door opened on Nick's floor, Aaron being a floor above them. Nick stepped out and Aaron held the open button for a few more seconds to talk. Nick started to bite on his lower lip, eyes focused just over Aaron's shoulder. He nearly floored Aaron with his solution.
"The guy wants me to hit him."
"You're shittin' me."
Nick laughed, the sound lacking any true humor, "Dude, I'm completely serious. He wants to be punished, or something. Fuckin' begged for it last night before I managed to wrestle him into bed and told him to talk. I don't know if I can..."
The bald man sighed, "You'll figure it out. Zak will... he'll forgive himself eventually."
"Yeah, maybe after a few bruises." Nick grumbled under his breath and shivered a bit. "Whatever. We'll deal. By the way, our flights...?"
"Yeah!" Aaron's voice brightened at the change of topic, "Yeah. I got that changed for tomorrow afternoon. I'll give you guys a two hour heads up before we drive."
"Where are you goin' now?"
"Probably gonna hang with a few of the guys who stayed behind. They're lookin' through the footage. I'll keep their noses out of the morgue stuff."
"Its fine." Nick said quickly, "Good TV, yeah? I'll see you tomorrow."
Nick turned his back after Aaron greeted him goodbye and walked the short distance to the shared hotel room. When he opened the door, Nick was surprised to see Zak sitting up in bed, long legs thrown over the side with his back to him. Nick could trace the tenseness of Zak's shoulders with his eyes and he set the bag of food down before kicking off his shoes and crawling into bed from the other side, hands outstretched. He didn't miss the way Zak flinched and tightened even more towards himself when he got his hands on him.
"Will you..?" Zak said, voice so quiet Nick barely heard him. It was different from the usually booming and demanding voice of his other and Nick was just so sorely tempted to slap him across the face and out of this funk.
"You did nothing wrong." Nick said clearly and dug his fingers into the tense muscles under Zak's neck.
Zak shot an arm forward, trying to dislodge Nick's hands and glared over his shoulder. "Nick, I need you to..."
"I'm not going to, Zak. I can't. I won't." Nick fought and crossed his legs before him, hands falling listlessly to his own thighs. Zak turned and got on his knees on the bed, making his way closer to Nick and hovered over him. He was much stronger than Nick and the younger man felt a little intimidated under his shadow, but continued to refuse. "'m not gonna hit you."
"I nearly killed you." Zak hissed and grabbed Nick's hand. The younger man was surprised at the gentle grip, but twitched when the other brought his hand to his face. "You didn't even wanna go in, but I pretty much shoved you into the drawer and locked you up in fate's hands. Do it! Get back at me!"
"Stop it, Zak!"
"Was there air in there? Could you breathe?"
There wasn't enough. Nick's eyes shifted as he was brought back into that tight, dark drawer, remembering how it felt like someone was stepping on his chest, taking his breath and leaving him with nothing. He would never tell them how he was certain he was loosing his mind in the dark and the deafening silence. Zak narrowed that sharp gaze on him, his quiet breathing slightly ragged. Nick cut their connection, but it was too late. Zak had come to a conclusion on his own.
"Come on, Nick. I deserve it."
Nick pulled his hand back like he was burned, but Zak's intense gaze never weakened. "What the hell, Zak?" Nick mumbled to himself. He got out of the bed and off to the side, glancing at the man still kneeling there. Nick curled his fingers, unsure of what to do with his hands other than to shake some sense into that man. Clearing his throat, Nick said a little more loudly, "What is that even gonna fix? How is this even going to help you?"
Zak crawled over and sat down normally. Looking up at Nick, he fiddled with his rings and said, "It will help a lot. I just- I don't like this. Knowing what I did to you. How nothing can compare to what's been done." He looked so damn tired as he dropped his gaze, watching himself fiddle with the rings in that nervous manner. Nick curled his hands into fists as his felt his resolve crack. This couldn't go on another night.
"Fine. What do you want me to do." Nick sighed and scratched at his short hair in frustration. He tried not to notice how the tired light in Zak's eyes brightened. His throat tightened as Zak right there, pulled open his belt and slipped it out of its hoops. He could see where the buckle left its indents around Zak's hip for sleeping with it on before it was covered once again with his shirt. He wanted to rub it away, but Zak just placed his belt in his hand like he knew what to do with it.
"God. What are you..? Leave those on!" Nick nearly cried as Zak stood up and pulled off his shirt and suddenly opened his pants. But Zak just looked at him and firmed his lips, continuing to strip completely, removing all barriers that might help reduce the sting. Nick felt sick at the bit of thrill shooting down his spine as he watched the other man completely disrobe and he shut his eyes, nails biting into the tough leather of Zak's belt. God, how...? He gulped when Zak murmured that he was ready.
He slowly opened his eyes and he tried desperately not to feel the heat pooling in his stomach at Zak bent over the side of the bed leaving him completely vulnerable. Any other day, Zak would be blushing wildly at having to wait like that, but now that man has his head bent down, dark bangs falling into his eyes. He could see that tremble, suppressed nervousness in every inch of his frame, and Nick couldn't help but reach with his free hand. Zak jumped at the touch of his palm, but sighed and relaxed as it moved down his unmarked back.
"How many?"
Nick didn't receive an answer right away. Zak's quivering body had stilled and he swore he could feel the older man press into his touch. "As many... as many..." Zak started, and hewas distracted. Nick felt a cold wash of relief as he tried moving things in another direction and it wasn't long until he was pressing his hips against the soft flesh of Zak's buttocks.
Nick pressed his mouth against Zak's shoulders as he landed a loud spank to Zak's hip. The older man jumped and tried to turn around, but Nick didn't allow him to. "You know I don't want to hurt you." Nick said quietly and shushed the argument before it could leave Zak's lips, "But I'll go through with it. We'll do it how I want to. You understand?" He got a nod, and it was truly good enough for now.
He unravelled the belt next to Zak and Zak eyed the leather like a damn prize. Nick didn't know what made him slide it slowly from the bed, brushing against the side of Zak's hand and leg, but it was worth it almost to hear the hitch in the older man's breath. Zak tensed as expecting the first lash of the belt and Nick took the opening to instead pull the end of the belt through the buckle and around the other man's head, pulling it until it caught around the slender neck.
"Nick!" Zak gasped and his first instinct was to reach for the leather. His body curved away from Nick, but his head reached the younger man's shoulder, releasing a quiet pathetic sound as Nick nuzzled against his temple. He heard the squeak of the leather as Nick tightened it around his fist, not that Zak was going to move. The older man held his breath and jerked at the warm hand encasing his soft cock.
Nick tried to calm the struggling, kissing just at the base of the bound neck and cooing softly in Zak's ear, telling him that it was all right. The older man bucked and writhed, trying to push the other man off of him for a couple of seconds, but he was still tired and even still with his larger frame couldn't find it in himself to push the younger man off. "That's good... Zak, calm down... we'll get there."
The hard body under him relaxed and with the instruction to stay as he was, Nick left Zak bent over the bed and went to the bathroom. It took some time, but he found the flat paddle brush the older man used to brush out the gel in his hair for the night. He ran the flat side against his hand, hoping it wouldn't do as much damage as the belt would of done, no doubt could of done. The heat in his stomach did not simmer, and for a moment Nick was afraid he was going to lose himself as far as Zak had and give him what he wanted more than anything.
Zak was waiting for him the same way he left him, but when he felt Nick come closer, spread his legs just a bit more and breathed deeply. He turned his head, but a quick bark to keep his eyes to the front halted the movement and Zak faced the front again. His fingers curled into the unmade blanket, twisting into the thick sheet as the skin on the back of his neck prickled to the proximity of the younger man.
He was surprised when the moment of silence gave to Nick taking a seat next to him and looking up at him.
"What are you..?"
"Over my lap." Nick said. When Zak's eyes narrowed and opened his mouth, Nick continued with a harder tone, "I said my way, Zak. Are you really going to argue with me now?"
"No." Zak said quickly and awkwardly crawled onto the bed next to Nick, knees on one side of the man with his large body bent over Nick's thighs. He felt ridiculous, his face coloring faster and heating his cheeks so hot he hid his face in the back of his hands against the bed. This wasn't supposed to feel remotely good, punishments never were, but why did he feel himself grow breathless with excitement?
He felt the pads of Nick's gentle fingers on the curve of his ass and the initial touch made Zak jump. His skin was just so hyperaware, waiting for the first blow that would knock the breathe out of him and gasping for more. For a moment he had to remind himself this was meant for something... this was because he-
"You hate that you left me in the morgue." Nick said and Zak nearly thank him for reminding him. He nodded, but Nick's palm landed quite hard on his left asscheek, making him tense. "I expect you to talk, you know? Especially if you're not going to look at me."
"Yeah-" Zak gasped and nodded again, "I'm sorry, I- I mean- Yeah. I shouldn't of. And I know that now."
"So why are we here?"
"Because I need it." Zak nearly jolted at the feel of the cold whatever it was laying flat against his ass. Swallowing thickly, finding it just a bit hard with his belt still wrapped around his neck, "I'm asking you to. Please."
"How many?"
"How many..? As much as you-" he didn't the chance to take in a breath when Nick set the brush down and landed another loud slap to his upturned bottom with his hand, stopping him mid sentence. Zak gritted his teeth, unsure how to proceed.
"Give me a number. This is for you."
"Fifteen, then. For now." Zak bit out. He heard Nick grunt his assent.
The younger man took up the brush again, his free hand going to the belt, holding onto it with the back of his fingers brushing the back of Zak's neck to hold him in place. "You gonna count?" He got a quiet 'yes'. "Good."
The first blow of the paddle side of the brush pulled a hard grunt from the older man. Zak closed his eyes, and his back arched. He couldn't feel the burn. "One! Harder." Zak growled. With the hit, Zak got up on his hands and pushed his hips back expectantly. He didn't hear the way Nick inhaled sharply or saw how his eyes darkened at the play of his body. The second came down a lot harder and Zak bit out the two.
They got through eleven much of the same way with Zak panting or growling out the numbers, his body slowly coming to shine with the sweat the came along with the pain. Another resonating smack and Zak fell with a pant, blinking back burning tears. "No, don't stop." Zak whined when he felt Nick's hand on him again, this time rubbing at the intense sting like it might help the throbbing stop.
"How much was that?"
"Twelve, Nick. twelve. More."
Nick nodded and the brush fell again, over and over, getting the pale of Zak's ass to turn a cherry red. Fifteen came and went, but a whimpered beg for more had Nick going over and above. He tried to ignore the hardness that pressed into his thigh, such a contrast to the sobbing breaths and the first drop of tears that fell onto the blanket. And God, he was hard too and he tried so hard, so very hard not to be when he was the one pulling each pained grunt and groan from his lover.
Zak was truly sobbing by now, and Nick couldn't discern the number they were on over the apologies the older man was stuttering out. Nick let the brush drop and roll to the floor, somewhere far away enough so he couldn't grab it again. "I'm done. I can't." Nick gasped out and the hand that held Zak down went to card through Zak's hair, trying his best to calm those desperate gasps. He was so disgusted with himself when each little whimper put a twitch in his cock.
The older man nodded and allowed Nick to move him. His limbs felt like jelly, and he didn't know really what to do with himself. "'m sorry." Zak slurred as he was made to straddle Nick's lap, his weight falling against him because it hurt to sit.
Nick broke under the pressure, voice just as thick, "I know." He undid the belt around Zak's neck, letting it fall uselessly so he could massage the irritated skin.
"I b'lieve you."
"Good. Good. Need you to." Nick's hands went to Zak's face, wiping the tears that trailed down his flushed cheeks and then pushing his fingers into his hair. Zak blinked a few times to better focus on him and his breath hitched when Nick leaned up and pulled Zak's head down to plant a forceful kiss on his mouth. Nick moaned, his tongue sliding between his lips with the intent to dominate. He groaned again when Zak just parted his mouth and let him in.
Nick pulled his mouth away with a paint. "I shouldn't be... I shouldn't."
Zak shushed him and tugged at his shirt, nose pushing just underneath his ear before sucking on the lobe. He had felt Nick getting hard, and Zak knew it, knew Nick would be disgusted with himself for it. Not at all what Zak wanted, and so he rubbed himself against the hard cock trapped in Nick's jeans.
"God. How could you be..?"
"Felt you." Zak muttered and left butterfly kisses leading to Nick's mouth. His teeth scratched along the stubble of Nick's chin, grinning at the moan he got for that, before mumbling against his lips. "It's sick, but I don' really care righ'now."
"God." Nick repeated himself and tangled his fingers into Zak's hair, bringing him down for another breathtaking kiss. "Don't make me... have to do that... again." He growled between kisses. Zak just took the onslaught of it, opening his mouth for Nick's tongue.
Eventually, Zak had to push him away, taking gulps of air that the younger man wouldn't let him take. Dizzy from it, it was easy for Nick to persuade him to move up towards the head of the bed, whimpering as he got on his back and his tender ass sliding against the roughness of the unmade sheets. Nick left to grab whatever, quickly getting undressed as he went. "Whatever it is, we don' need it." Zak groaned and reached down to fist his cock. The organ was flushed an angry red too, so ready to cum. Zak spread his legs wide when the younger man turned towards him, temptingly.
Nick bit off a curse and ringed his fingers around the base of his cock with a tight squeeze. "This is so fucked up." Nick grumbled as he crawled back in front of Zak, eyes scanning the inside of his pale legs and then to the pretty, cherry red of his ass just peaking out beneath his thighs. Zak's other hand, the one not stroking his dick, travelled down his body, and Nick nearly came as a pointed fingertip rubbed against his puckered opening. "You fucking tease."
"Yeah? Well y'earned it. Gave me what I needed..." Zak stopped fingering at his hole to grab Nick's arm and pull him closer. "Still need you. Come on..."
"Gonna make you feel good..." Nick said, more to himself. Even though Zak persistently pulled at him, Nick laid down between Zak's legs, fingers of one hand just brushing the inside of a thigh. Zak released a whimper as his mouth fell onto the hard flesh, giving it short, firm licks up its length, then starting again from the bottom. Zak grabbed Nick's hair and gave a pull, making Nick grunt, "Stop."
"Gonna cum."
"Good."
Zak whined as he took him into his mouth. Nick groaned at the taste of him, the spill of precum salty on his tongue. He lightly rubbed on Zak's perineum before moving down to give his hole the same treatment. His thumb rubbed firm, small circles to the twitching entrance while his fingers pulled at the flesh of Zak's abused ass, opening him up. The older man bucked into his mouth and Nick gagged as the head hit the back of his throat, spit escaping the tight seal of his mouth and sliding down the hard shaft.
The panting man screamed Nick's name as he came, hot cum shooting down the younger man's throat with each desperate thrust of his hips. Zak could feel Nick's throat work to swallow his load, the sensation alone pulling another satisfied moan. Half lidded eyes bore into Nick's as his mouth slipped from his cock, watching the wicked tongue flick across his full bottom lip.
"S'your turn... Nick..."
Nick shushed him, pressing his mouth against his to let Zak taste himself. He ground his own erection against Zak's sated flesh and reached for the lube he had brought to the bed. When he pulled away, he noticed how Zak's eyes darted to what was in his hands and felt the heat pulse in the base of his cock at the eager nod.
"It's gonna hurt a bit..." Nick said and slicked his fingers up. He didn't even think that mattered any more and the impatient little wiggle closer to his hips was what made him sure. He smiled fondly and threw the tube aside, slapping Zak's exposed cheek and getting a squeak he knew Zak would deny for the rest of his life. "You're lookin' forward to this..."
Zak just shrugged and pulled up his soft cock and balls, a damn invite if Nick's ever seen one. Nick kept his eyes on Zak's face, watched as those blue eyes disappeared behind fluttering eyelids when he pushed a finger in to the knuckle. Zak hissed when his knuckles pressed against his ass, but in that same breath demanded for him to do it again. So Nick did, sliding his finger from his ass and back in, swirling it just so to open him up for a second. Zak writhed and grunted, his legs spreading just a bit more, exposing his hole that just took in the second digit so greedily.
Zak let go of himself to grab onto his legs, holding them up against his chest. He was still soft, making Nick think maybe it wasn't as good as the older man played it out to be. "Zak..."
"I know what you're thinkin'..." Zak breathed and rolled his hips down on Nick's hand. "'s fuckin' good. Don't think twice." His breath hitched when Nick's blind prodding hit his prostate. "Fuck me."
Nick slipped his fingers out and rubbed the remaining lube over his swollen shaft. It had grown dark with blood, he wasn't going to last long at all. The leaking tip prodded against Zak's entrance, feeling him bare down on his cock, and then pushed in, head falling back at the sweet grip.
Zak's legs fell, one propped up by Nick's side, the other Nick guided onto his shoulder. He kissed the inside of his calf and pulled back his hips before shoving forward with a groan. Zak cursed and arched his back, pulling himself down onto Nick's lap. "That's it- harder-"
Nick picked a solid, fast pace, hips slapping against ass loud enough to ring lightly in their ears. It had to be aggravating the bruises that were sure to bruise Zak's ass, but neither man showed to have cared. Zak was still fucking soft through it, but he was moaning, and his eyes were watering from the pleasure-pain, and his fingers were scratching long, slow marks wherever he could reach on Nick.
Nick squeezed his fingers into the thigh pressed against his chest, gritting his teeth as he released suddenly, emptying deep into the other man. At feeling the cock pulse within him, Zak relaxed into the bed with a sated sigh of his name. Nick smiled, and leaned down, murmuring the other man's name back against his mouth. The exchange of kisses was a lot slower, more loving. Nick broke the kiss when he felt ready to pull out.
The younger man got out of bed and went to find a towel to clean them both up and then returned. He wiped gently, just getting the slick from off of his skin. Zak winced only once and then huffed amusedly when Nick twitched and darted his eyes back into Zak's blues.
"I'm alright."
"We got nothing for it." Nick said and sat back. Zak looked like he was going to try, but then gave up half way with another huff. His ass hurt.
"I didn't ask for anything. I want to feel it for the week." He smiled when Nick released a surprised laugh and threw the towel aside to lay next to Zak. Nick moved him to lay on his side, draped over his body like the body pillow Zak persistently said he was.
"I don't want to have to do that again, Zak..." Nick said into the silence. He didn't even know if he believed that. Zak released a long breath.
"Maybe you won't have to..." Zak murmured and pressed a small grin into Nick's chest. He yawned sleepily, "But I promise I won't make that same mistake again."
