A/N: Behold! Scene one of the fabulous musical extravaganza I like to call "Torchwood: The Musical"!

Songs (in order of performance):

"Fool at Love"…………………………Gwen

"The Doctor I Want"…………………..Tosh and Owen

"The Coffee Song"…………………….Ianto

Scene one

Gwen lies in bed beside Rhys. She sits up and smiles at him tenderly, gently running a hand through his hair. Rhys snores.

Gwen: He lies there sleeping on so soundly

I just can't help but give a smile

The way my life's been heading as of lately

The way he acts just makes me so beguiled

Rhys grunts in his sleep and rolls over, away from her. Gwen's face falls, and she gets out of bed with a sigh.

Gwen: Sort of…

She bustles around the apartment, fixing herself breakfast and getting dressed.

Gwen: I wake up

And go to work

I don't get home till morning

He doesn't know

The things I do to keep

Him adoring me

Rhys my love why can't you see

The secrets keeping hold of me

You think I'm just too damn lazy

To be on time

But if you knew the truth

You wouldn't let me do

The things I have to do

By this time Gwen has danced into the bedroom. She leans down beside Rhys, who's still asleep, and whispers in his ear.

Gwen: I catch aliens!

Rhys: Wuzzat love?

Gwen straightens up, surprised to see that he's actually awake.

Gwen: Nothing, darling. Go back to bed. I'm off to work.

Rhys: (groans) Already? Can't you leave a bit later?

Gwen: (sighs) I'm sorry, I can't.

Rhys: (Slightly angry but still groggy) Well, try to get home early, alright? I never see you anymore!

Gwen: (bends down and plants a kiss on his forehead) I'll make sure I'm home before seven! Love you!

Gwen runs out the door. Rhys sits up on the pillows and calls after her.

Rhys: I love you too, Gwen!

Cut to Gwen walking down the street.

Gwen: I can fight a full-grown Weevil

Saved the Earth much more than once

So why am I so primivel

When it comes to love?

I can barely say "I love you"

To the man I clearly love

How can I ever say "I do"

If I don't have any guts?

Fight the shifting sands of time

Until I can't fight anymore

Eventually I'll have to face it

I'm a fool at love!

I'm braver than most full-grown men

But that's just when

It comes to cybermen

In real life

I've got less balls

Than Myfanwy (she's the pterodactyl)

I can barely say I love you

To the man I clearly love

How can I ever say I do

If I don't have any guts?

Fight the shifting sands of time

Until I can't fight anymore

Eventually I'll have to face it

I'm a fool at love!

Yes I'm a fool at love!

Oh I'm

Just a fool

At

Love!

As the song finishes, the door to the hub open and Gwen steps inside. The others look up, mumble hello, and turn back to their work.

Gwen: Good morning, Tosh!

Tosh: (glumly) Hi.

Gwen: Hi, Owen!

Owen: (elbow deep in alien corpse) 'mornin.

Gwen: (Angry) Why are you two so taciturn this morning? You're giving me a stomach ache!

Owen: Well, why are you so up?

I woke up three hours early

And couldn't get back to sleep

I knew in my gut

That this day would suck

Tosh: You think you have it bad

Well I'll tell you something sad

I was up all night

Couldn't sleep 'cause I

Gotta bad case of love

And the doctor I want

Won't make house calls for me

Owen: What doctor is that?

Ianto: (whispering to Jack) He's a stupid twat!

Tosh: He's a doctor

that sat on the chair

that your sitting on.

Owen: You've lost me, Tosh.

Tosh (to herself, silently, sadly) I don't ever want to lose you again.

Owen: What was that?

Tosh: That was nothing

Didn't say a word

At least

Nothing that you heard

Quiet as a mouse

Alone in my little house

No Mr. Mouse to keep me company

No Mickey to my Minnie

Owen: (confused and kinda freaked out) okay then… whatever…

Owen walks out of the room.

Tosh: (sighs)

Gwen: Don't worry, Tosh. I'm sure he'll notice you soon.

Ianto: Yeah, as soon as he pulls his head out of his- (notices everyone staring, and Tosh looking distressed) Sorry. Nevermind.

Jack: C'mon, people. Let's get back to work. Gwen, I want you to fill out the report on those Weevils we caught two nights ago. Tosh, work on decoding the seal on the artifact we recovered last night. Owen's busy with his corpse, so I don't have to tell him to do anything. Ianto… make me a cup of coffee.

Everyone: yes, Sir.

Ianto walks into the coffee room. His walk slowly turns into a tap dance.

Ianto: (quietly) Skip-iddy-do dap, iskpy-iddy-hippidy hop! Skip-iddy-do dap, iskpy-iddy-hippidy hop!

Americano

Cappuchino

Black espresso

Double shot please

Café au lait

Frappuchino

Extra foam

On my latte

Extra

Extra foam

Gimme a mocha

Please

With a little bit of cream

Coffee

Coffee is my soul

Coffee

Is good when it's hot

And good when it's cold

It pumps you up

When you're falling down

Keeps you up all night

Gimme a decaf

No instant

Never an instant

Coffee

The bean of life

Coffee

Coffee makes me bright

It keeps me up

And keeps me light

It's what I love

Yes it's my life

Coffee

Coffee

Coffee

Coffee makes me whole!

Jack has walked in halfway through the song and is staring at Ianto bemusedly. As the song ends, he begins to applaud.

Jack: Bravo! Bravo! Encore!

Ianto: (startled and emmbarased) Oh… erm… hello, Sir. I'll have your coffee in a moment.

Jack: Don't bother. We've got rift activity. Grab a stun gun, we're leaving now.

Ianto: Now?

End scene one.