Title: Trouble in Portland

Summary: What if Ryan had a harder time dealing with the loss of the baby in episode 2.01 The Distance?

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to The O.C. No profit is taken from this story.

Author's Notes: AU for The Distance. Takes placeright after Ryan gets the call from Theresa telling him that she lost the baby.


Chapter 1

On Sunday, Ryan was playing video hockey with Luke when Mr. Ward called him to the phone. He handed the video game controller to Seth and took the phone. It was Theresa. She had some bad news. Ryan was stunned. After hanging up, he went back into the living room.

"Hey, everything all right?"

"Theresa lost the baby."

Ryan headed to the guest room that he was staying in. He went in and shut the door. He was upset and wanted to be alone, but almost immediately, Seth came in and sat down on the bed next to him. Seth obviously wanted to comfort him but didn't know what to do or what to say. He ended up just patting Ryan on the back for a moment. Ryan didn't want to kick Seth out, but he would really rather be alone to deal with his emotions.

After a minute of uncomfortable silence, Seth finally got the hint.

"OK, well, if you need to talk, I just wanted you to know that I'm here. Anytime, man."

Ryan managed to give Seth a little smile. "Thanks."

Seth gave Ryan a little uncertain nod, then went out of the room and shut the door behind him.

Ryan let out a sigh of relief. He reached over on the bed and grabbed all of those pillows and moved them out of the way so that he could lie down. In spite of everything, Ryan had to smile to himself a little about those pillows. You'd think a woman did the decorating of this place.

Once the bed was clear, Ryan lay down on his back and stared at the ceiling. He was trying hard not to break down because he figured that either Luke or his Dad would be the next one to come into the room to try and comfort him.

True to form, after a couple of minutes, there was a soft knock on the door and Ryan heard Mr. Ward's voice call softly, "Ryan? Can I come in?"

Ryan sighed and sat up. "Yeah, come in."

Mr. Ward came in and sat on the edge of the bed. He took a deep breath and looked at Ryan.

"Seth and Luke said that you'd probably want to be alone right now, but I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you want to talk."

Ryan nodded, although he wasn't planning on talking to Luke's Dad about this.

Mr. Ward continued, "I... I know that I wouldn't know exactly how you'd be feeling, but... I did go through something similar."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. This was new.

"After Meredith and I had Luke, she got pregnant again the following year. She had a miscarriage right before the end of the first trimester. It was going to be a little girl..."

Mr. Ward looked away, lost in thought.

"I'm sorry."

Mr. Ward looked back at Ryan and gave him a sad little smile. "Thank you." He cleared his throat. "So if you want to talk..."

"Thanks."

Luke's Dad nodded to Ryan, patted him on the leg, and then left the room, closing the door behind him.

Ryan sighed, again, and lay back down on the bed and went back to staring up at the ceiling. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes again, and this time he gave in to them.

That baby had meant everything to him. He had given up his life, his future, in Newport with the Cohens to make sure that the baby didn't have to grow up the way he did. It didn't matter if the baby was his or not. He couldn't let Eddie be that kid's father. Even if it meant that he'd have to be a high school dropout, work at a construction job that he hated, and be stuck in a relationship with a girl that he didn't love.

Ryan turned onto his side, facing away from the door, just in case Luke decided to be the next one to come in.

The final straw was Theresa telling him not to come back. It was just like his mother all over again. He had been kicked out of another house in Chino, in the same neighborhood, by a woman who was supposed to care about him, love him even.

At this point, the tears were flowing freely down his face, and he just let them come.

After an hour or so of crying on and off, Ryan made an effort to pull himself together.

He turned over and checked the clock. It was close to the time that he was supposed to be leaving to go to the airport to fly back to California. Ryan rolled on his back and stared back up at the ceiling. He tried to imagine going back there and couldn't. He didn't have anything to go back to. Since Theresa kicked him out, he was homeless, again.

Ryan tried to imagine keeping his job at the construction company. It paid pretty well. If he kept it, he could afford to live on his own. He shuddered at the thought. He hated that job. It was one thing when he had to support Theresa and the baby, but now...

Ryan sat up in bed. He couldn't stay here a minute longer. He didn't want to face Seth or Luke or Mr. Ward. And -- he just wanted to get drunk and forget for a while that this ever happened.

Ryan got up and put on his shoes and hooded sweatshirt, over his t-shirt and jeans. Then he grabbed his wallet and left the bedroom. He stopped in the hallway and listened carefully to see if he could tell where everyone was. It sounded like Seth and Luke were playing video games in the living room. He didn't know where Luke's Dad was, but he figured if he went the other way, he'd probably not run into anybody.

Ryan snuck out the other way, out the front door, and he was right. Nobody saw him, or if they did, they didn't try to stop him. After shutting the front door carefully behind him, Ryan took a deep breath of cool fresh air and headed out. He remembered seeing a bus stop down on the main road when he was in the cab on his way here from the airport yesterday. Ryan headed for it.


Half an hour later, Seth went over to Ryan's room door and knocked quietly. "Ryan? Hey, man, time to get ready to go to the airport."

Seth waited a moment. When he didn't hear anything, he opened the door slowly. "Ryan?"

Seth was surprised when Ryan wasn't there, and his shoes and jacket were missing. Great. At least his duffle bag was still there, so Seth knew that Ryan didn't already head for the airport on his own, and he didn't leave for good. He'd be back.

Seth didn't think that Ryan would just be in the bathroom, but he checked there anyway. And he was right, it was empty. Seth took a deep breath and headed out to the living room to let Luke and his Dad know that Ryan had snuck out.


To be continued.