This is the first chapter of the revised version of "Of Metal And Ice". Again any and all comments (no flames) are welcome. I am looking for a beta so job is open. Please enjoy this 1st chapter and tell me what you think. Does my writing style need to improve? Is my writing too wordy? Please give me some critique. I can't improve if you don't tell me what I am doing wrong


Sand and blood

Every which way you looked, that is what covered the once prosperous land of Ishbal, a sea of sand and blood. The bodies of men, women, young and old, now lay through out the streets, some casually shoved aside to clear a path, as if their lives meant nothing. But they did mean something, maybe not to their murderer's but to their families, their friends, their lives were cherished. Seeing the bodies of children, whose lives had just begun, splayed lifelessly all over the ground, was just sickening. To some, what they had done was wrong on many levels of morality, it would haunt them forever. To others, it was their civic duty, an order of their fuhrer, to whom they must obey. These soldiers saw nothing wrong with what they had done, some even enjoying the horrific act. Though to majority, it was agreed, Ishbal was a land of death.

The soldiers could feel the war drawing to a close, as the number of Ishbalans still living, hiding in the city, grew fewer and fewer. Many found it hard to believe that any civilian was still left alive, but they had their orders and until that order was lifted, each day the search would continue. Soon it would be over, after seven long years, it would finally be over, but that didn't mean it would be forgotten. No, this war would be remembered as the most one-sided war in history, an act of barbaric proportions.

As the sun rose to signal the dawn of a new day, the soldiers went on their man hunt, some hoping to find someone, others hoping not. Two men walked down the blood covered street, one large in height and in build, the other of average height and small in frame. Neither carried weapons, for they did not need them. These two are state alchemists, the favorite weapons of the military. Neither uttered a word to the other, there was nothing to say, no small talk to be made. Even if there was, nothing would be said anyway, for their ears as well as their eyes needed to be kept alert for any sound or movement that may pass their way.

They could hear the faint chatter of other soldiers back at their base and the sound of pebbles being blown in the wind, nothing more. They could see a street of corpses, blood, and sand, nothing they hadn't seen before.

"How much longer must this go on?" One asked, not really expecting an answer, or one of value. "This should have ended long ago and yet we are still here. Everyday we are here, everyday I have to see this-" he gestured to the bodies, "and it makes it harder and harder for me to go on. Makes it harder for me to see the good in humanity....if there is any at all."

The other said nothing, knowing that nothing needed to be said. Everything the man had spoke was true, not only for him, but for most of the soldiers there, each day was a living hell.

Fwshhh

Both men came to a halt, their hands raised in defense, eyes scanning the area around them. Their eyes frantically moved over the buildings, looking for something out of the ordinary, only to find nothing. They lowered their hands slowly, just in case, the didn't want to be caught off guard. Feeling at ease, they continued their designated search route, when the smaller of the men saw something, something he hoped not to see. He could see an eye peaking around the corner of a building not too far ahead of them. The eye and the eyes of the man met one another, and as soon as they did, each took off. One running from, the other running after. The one had to be weak from malnourishment, for hiding in the city would not offer the nourishment they needed. The two caught up to the other quickly, trapping them in the basement of an Ishbalan home. The person had no where to go, it was the end.

The taller of the two stood in by the stairway, blocking their only way of escape, while the other searched the room. The basement was well hidden, making it no surprise that a soldier had not found it before then. If the person hadn't been in such a hurry to hide, they could have sealed the entrance, preventing them from being found. The man, his hand held out, away from his body, slowly made his way through the room. The basement had many shelves, crates, and empty glass bottles scattered on the floor. Bottles that, at one point in time, contained food. It explained how the person managed to live so long under such conditions. There really weren't many places to hide, the man knew that soon he would find them and then kill them. Those were his orders, he could not disobey. He sighed sadly, it was over, for in the corner behind a shambled crate was a small child, their back turned to him. Though he was slightly surprised, for something was different about this child. Most children in the position this child was in, would be crying, begging him to let them live. And yet this child was silent, not uttering a sound. He raised his hand, aiming for the kill, wishing he had a gun, for burning to death is something that only the most vile people deserve. Not this child, not any child, but it was the only way. His muscles tensed, his eyes clenched tightly shut, taking a moment to prepare himself. His comrade watched him with sad, sympathetic eyes, wishing that they could pretend not to have found this child, but he knew it was useless.

Releasing a small breathe of air, the man's muscles relaxed, his eyes slowly opened.

"Forgive me" His words laced with utter sadness and remorse, dreading the screams of pain that would soon come. As he slowly began to snap his fingers, the child turned to look at him. He didn't want to see them, he didn't want to see those red eyes as he took this child's life. Suddenly he stopped, a gasp escaping from his lips. At that moment, he thanked every god he knew that he was able to stop fast enough, for if he hadn't, he would have hated himself forever. Their was something different about the child before him, whom he could now see was a young girl, no older than 10. For at first glance the child looked like any other child of Ishbal, with dark skin and hair, but a closer look would tell you something more. There was one main difference between this child and every other child of Ishbal......

the child's eyes were not red.


Well that was fun. I am feeling kinda light headed, maybe from staring at the computer. Okay people be my little critics and tell me what you thought. This is mainly a prologue but I will consider it chapter 1. So please tell me

did you like it?

did you hate it?

I need to know or I can't make it better. Can't wait to hear what you guys think!