hey, i may still do more for my other story "Edward After Baseball" so if you want me to just let me know. This idea just struck me when i was listening to the song and i thought it fit bella's headspace in new moon so well. The italicized parts are direct quotes from the book. I reaaaally hope you all like it- Katie
Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight T&S own the song =)
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I knew that this was the stupidest most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice as just seconds away… (Meyer 357-358)
Dark, you can't come soon enough for me
Saved, from one more day of misery
Everything I love
Get back for me now
Everyone I love
I need you now
It had been so long now. Months, I thought bitterly. Wait… Bitterly? No. Wrong. Longingly? Maybe. It's hard to tell now of course. I think I feel… Pleased. Yes, this was stupid. Yes, this was reckless. YES, THIS WAS NECESSARY. What wouldn't I give just to hear his voice? He can save me. Edward (*shudder*) can save me.
Don't forget a million miles for me
Safe and another day passed by me
Everything I love
Get back for me now
Everyone I love
I need you now
Precariously perched upon the cliffs very jagged- very welcoming- edge, my thoughts slipped away from me and back to that horrid day in the forest. "You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order. "No." (Meyer 69-70) That one word held more loss for me than any separation I could experience with my soul, would his theory somehow prove to be true. All the plane crashes and natural disasters in history could not produce the destruction these of these two simple letters as they smashes down on my fragile, human self like a wrecking ball. I thought he had loved me. The thought that this Ardonis could ever love me was almost laughable in retrospect. Well… it turns out I was lying to myself all along.
So I conned,
I lied I lied to me too
(so what?)
So I conned,
I lied I lied to me too
(so what?)
Hold out for the ones you know will love you
Hide out from the ones you know will love you
You, you too
Hike to the edge and barely there
Slow
Unable to leave the memory, my suddenly peaceful mind revisited one last part of our… forest confrontation. In that moment, as if the fates were too cruel to simple leave it at Silly Bella. I don't actually love you, he asked one thing of me. As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. (Meyer 71) Well, perhaps this, the most reckless action of all, would prove my saving grace. Somehow, he would know and come back to me. I knew at least the version of him my subconscious had created would return to me. And that would be enough. I would take what I could get. So, here I am.
To make my move, I'm almost there
Everything I say I say to me first
Everything I do I do to me first
So what, I lied I lied to me too
(so what?)
So what, I lied I lied to me too
I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it… waiting. (Meyer 358)
Hold out for the ones you know will love you
Hide out from the ones you know will love you
You, you too
Dark you can't come soon enough for me
I welcome this opportunity. I know what I need to do to be with you, my love.
But you won't stay with me any other way. (Meyer 358).
I need you now.
