Chapter 1

Three girls were in the lounge of Kirsty's house when Lou, the eldest, ran in from the garden in an excited state waving a trowel. Kirsty, the second youngest, was lounging on the black sofa and smoking, with a can of cold Stella in her hand. Marion, the second eldest and six months pregnant, was being motherly; looking after Kirsty and Millie, the youngest, who was dozing in a chair.

"Elves, Elves! Legolas and Haldir, garden, quick, come!" Lou started yelling.

Millie woke with a jolt, Kirsty just stared at Marion.

"What the fuckin hell have you given her?" Kirsty asked, deadpan.

"Don't look at me, it was probably you!" Marion replied. They both looked at Millie,

"I thought they were Paracetamol." Millie joked. Kirsty and Marion looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"Someone get me another drink." Kirsty said.

She was already starting to feel a buzz and wanted to get good and drunk for the weekend. Lou was still flapping around the lounge, babbling about Elves at the bottom of the garden. Suddenly she swiped Kirsty's drink off her.

"Hey!" Kirsty yelled.

"Come to the bottom of the garden now or the drink gets it!" Lou threatened, tipping the can forward. Kirsty jumped up.

"Quick, it's an emergency! Let's go before the beer gets it! I need my beer." she said in panic.

As the three ran past Lou, Kirsty swiped her drink back and kept going. When they reached the bottom of the garden they froze.

"Fuck me and call me the Virgin Mary!" Kirsty sputtered, downing her drink.

There were two Elves shining in the light, mounted on fine horses, with a third horse behind. Marion shook her head and blinked her eyes in disbelief, before gently reaching out and closing Kirsty and Millie's mouths for them, which had fallen open at the sight.

"I'm dreaming...I'm dreaming... wake up!" Kirsty muttered. Marion pinched her.

"Ow! What was that for?" she yelped.

"Well. You're not dreaming now." Marion smirked.

The elves began to circle the girls. Lou was wearing a cocky I-told-you-so grin. Kirsty's face dropped.

"Get the fuck out of my garden." she growled.

"My Ladies, you must come with us." Haldir said calmly.

"Number one, I ain't no lady. Number two, Get. The FUCK! Out. Of my. Garden!" Kirsty snarled.

Lou was trying to hush her, so as not to offend the Elves. Marion muttered under her breath.

"Not good. Weapons. Sharp, pointy, eep!"Marion muttered under her breath. Millie just stayed quiet, edging closer to Marion with eyes wide.

"Are you threatening me?" Haldir said, raising his voice.

"If you don't mind, I'm gonna go back in the house and finish my drink." Kirsty said, ignoring him.

Haldir moved his horse in front of her path and unsheathed his sword, pointing it at her. Kirsty saw the long sword and smirked.

"Compensating for something there are we pal?" she sniggered. Millie and Marion giggled but Lou kicked her in the back of the knee.

"Ow, ain't my fault if he's got a midgy widgy." Kirsty said. Marion shook her head, laughing.

"Ladies, please, Just follow us. We mean you no harm." Legolas pleaded.

"What's the catch?" Kirsty asked suspiciously.

"The catch is, if you don't come with us, you die." Haldir said bluntly. Millie started to panic.

"I'm too young to die. I'm too pretty to die. Please don't let me die." She said, eyes brimming with tears.

"See, you've upset my sister now." Lou said to Kirsty.

"Me? What did I do?" Kirsty said.

"First rule: Don't piss off the Elves!" Lou said as though it was obvious.

Of all the girls, Lou had read the Tolkien books more and studied the Elves' languages and customs. Marion also enjoyed the books but had not read them all, or as much. Millie had read them only a few times and had seen the films more while Kirsty had only ever watched the films and had no idea what the Elves were capable of.

After Lou had said that, Haldir held his sword to Kirsty's throat threateningly.

"Go on, I dare ya." Kirsty said with a tipsy grin.

"Haldir, do not be so rash." Legolas warned.

"Kirsty, please let's just go with them. I don't want any of us to die!" Millie pleaded, tugging on her sleeve. Kirsty looked at Millie, then at Marion's bump, and reluctantly agreed they would go with the handsome Elves.

As they walked through the sparse woods behind the garden, the trees began to get thicker and bigger. Haldir stopped the group.

"The journey is long. Perhaps the ladies ought to ride." he suggested thoughtfully. He gestured for Marion to mount his own horse.

"No way is she getting on that horse on her own. She's pregnant, what if she falls?" Kirsty objected.

Haldir ignored Kirsty's protests and stepped up to Marion to help her up onto the horse and sit side saddle. Kirsty pushed her way in front of him.

"You are NOT putting her on that horse!" Kirsty shouted, pushing Haldir away from Marion.

"She will take too long to walk in her condition. We won't get there till next spring at this rate." Haldir complained. "When is the child due?" he asked as an afterthought.

"In three months." Kirsty answered before Marion. "But I don't care when she's due, if she falls and the baby is hurt I will kill you."

"Then I shall sit behind her and ensure she doesn't fall" Haldir said through gritted teeth.

"Please drop it Kirsty. I'm tired and I need a rest. I won't fall, Haldir won't let me." Marion pleaded.

Legolas got off his horse and let Millie and Lou ride it together. When Legolas lifted Lou into the saddle, Kirsty started giggling at how small Lou was. It reminded her of in the movie, when Legolas put Gimli on the Rohan horse. Legolas went to help Kirsty onto the last horse but she wriggled out of his grip.

"No thanks, I'll walk." she protested nervously.

"I suggest we tie her to the saddle and let it drag her." Haldir teased snidely.

"Haldir, behave." Legolas chided in a friendly way. "Please Lady Kirsty, get on the horse."

"No, you get on the horse." she countered childishly.

"I will get on the horse. After you." he said patiently.

"No I'm going to walk." she maintained stubbornly.

"Fine, you walk then." Legolas sighed, nearing the end of his patience. He mounted the horse and Kirsty started walking, but when she stopped to light a cigarette Legolas rode swiftly forward and swept her up and onto the saddle in front of him.

"Ah! Put me down, I don't like it! Marion!" Kirsty screamed while Legolas grinned at her. As Legolas rode past, Lou shot an evil grin at Kirsty.

"And that's why you don't argue with Elves." she said smugly

"Mehhr!" Kirsty replied, sticking out her tongue, tongue bar glinting in the sun.

while they were riding, Marion fell asleep safely in Haldir's arms her head resting against his chest. Lou saw this and began to mutter jealously under her breath.

"What language is that you speak?" Legolas asked, intrigued. Lou had forgotten about the keen ears of the Elves.

"It's just baby talk," Kirsty said with a grin, "She's talking to Marion's baby."

"Fascinating!" Legolas remarked, his face lit up in wonder.

"It's good to interact with the baby." Millie added. Her mouth was full of sweets that she had gotten from Haldir.

Having been told the ages, and descriptions, of the girls they were to find, the Elves had assumed they were Elf children and had brought sweets to keep them happy on the journey. However when they saw them they realised they were human, not elfkind. They were quite different from the human females they had seen in Middle Earth however.

Lou, the eldest, was also the smallest of the group. They would have thought her to be a child if it were not for her womanly curves. Her hair was long and dark, like Arwen's, but much curlier and her eyes were dark green. The second eldest Marion was tall with nutbrown curly hair cut to below her shoulders and she was heavy with child, which was a complication they hadn't expected. Her eyes were hazel and wise.

Kirsty, the troublesome one, was the next youngest with long brown straight hair and a sporty physique. Millie, the youngest, was small and slender, though not as small as her sister. Her red-brown hair was cut in a layered style above her shoulders, much shorter than Middle Earth women wore. Her eyes were green like her sister's although lighter, like summer leaves. With the exception of Marion, the girls all wore more cosmetics than was common in Middle Earth also.

As they travelled on, they came to a rope bridge. Haldir went first, carefully leading the horse so as not to wake Marion. He came to an abrupt halt, and Marion woke up, because Kirsty began to panic.

"No way am I going on that thing!" she said, leaping off the horse and trying to find the path back home. Legolas jumped off after her, wrapping one arm around her waist and lifting her up.

"No, please, I don't like it!" she wailed.

"Me neither." Millie said, also sliding off her horse. Millie had ridden horses before but never over bridges. Neither Kirsty or Millie liked bridges much. Legolas let Kirsty go and prevented Millie from leaving also.

"But Lou's evil! She always wobbles bridges on purpose and she knows I don't like it!" Millie protested. "Bridges are scary." Lou tried to look innocent but failed as her impish grin slipped through.

"Kirsty, get back on the horse now or when we get to Rivendell you will be going straight to the dungeon!" Haldir snapped.

"Ooh, whips and chains excite me!" Kirsty grinned leeringly. "Besides, you have to get me over there first." she ran of, trying to head back where they came from.

Legolas caught her quickly and threw her over his shoulder. He then flung her over the horse sideways, her head and legs on either side of the horse's belly. He smacked her backside sharply and the horse trotted forwards, knowing it's way.

"Ah! I can see the rocks. I'm gonna die. It's gonna break and we'll all fall." Kirsty mumbled panicked. "Wait, what's that moving down there?" she asked, distracted by what she saw. Legolas looked down.

"Yrch!" he said to Haldir with venom.

"Orcs?" Lou squealed.

"I told you I didn't wanna come over this fookin bridge!" Kirsty moaned.

With a whispered word, the Elvish horses moved forward carefully again. Legolas stroked Kirsty's neck to relax her.

"Please don't let them turn me and my baby into Orc chowder!" Marion said to Haldir, nearly crying.

Haldir whispered to the horse and it ran swiftly over the bridge and the others followed. Once over the bridge, Legolas set Kirsty upright on the horse.

"We must be quiet now, if we are to avoid the Orcs. Fear not, we shall be in Rivendell soon." Legolas said.