Almost Here
But when I need you, you're almost here.
And I know that's not enough.
It wasn't bad before. She could deal with it. It wasn't severe. He disappeared, even on times when it was supposed to be just the two of them. She was so proud of him, whenever he was out there fighting for what he believed in. Letting go on those moments were easy. Maybe it just hadn't been for very long and they still saw each other that it was the reason that it didn't matter.
There were still those times, few and far in between but still existent, where they could sit together in quiet basking in each other's presence.
She promised to stay and wait for whenever he came back from another fight, to support all his endeavors with a bright, proud smile that revered his larger than life responsibilities. To be there when he came home, back down to normalcy. To ground him in humanity. To mock him affectionately for his overblown ego. To hold his hand when he didn't say anything of what's wrong but she could tell from the feel of his racing heartbeat.
When she needed him, he would race to be there. Because of her vulnerability, it was too difficult to catch up to everybody else who had the edge. She could wish to be like her best friend, his cousin, who could take care of herself fine. Nonetheless, she pushed past the weakness and put herself on the line if necessary. That was when she would inevitably get dragged along, getting in the enemy's way. They wanted him, or her pet, but would stumble into her instead. So he would defeat the danger when she knew she couldn't take it.
When he needed her, she would race to be there. Even the greatest weapon in the universe also needed the back up of his friends. He needed his cousin, needed his best friend. At the rare moments that were so desperate that they were not enough, she readied herself for action. If there was a war to fight, there was no greater honor than to fight by his side. And no greater sign of her dedication and affection as she stood on the top of her Galvanic Mechamorph cutting to risk life and limb to fight his fight.
Then it exploded in chaos. In lights. The dam of information broke so strongly. It surged like a flood of too much everything, too many things to attend to. No one could pause for breath, let alone him. At first it had been an enjoyable ride, one she had to chastise him lightly for in those times when he got so carried away. One she had to be behind him for, giving him a leg up when everyone turned their backs on him and considered him something to ostracize out of the fear of anything new. To love when everyone chose to hate. To be the calm within the storm.
But she had become so exhausted, just as she was sure that he was exhausted.
They hounded him: the work required to save the universe endlessly. Every frustrating, difficult threat that made him feel so incompetent. Every word of her reassurance towards him when he was so battered by failure after failure. Every microphone and camera shoved in his face, the lights flashing in intimidating, insulting ways that only got worse as it made its way to his television screens. Every cancelled meeting with her to this lovely location because the media or his adoring, demanding fans has found them again. Every moment he was away. Every moment she missed him.
Today, she felt cold wash over her. He was going to leave again. Some two minutes in. In her inadequate, far too young, far too human mind, she wanted to keep him there even if it meant saying something he wouldn't like.
It blurted out of her mouth before she could control it: "This is another tennis game you're going to miss, isn't it?" she said lowly, in a voice so quietly aggressive she was obviously inciting a fight.
Both of them were high tension, ready to just snap from the pressure.
"It's not even a tennis game. It's a date, duh," he responded childishly, because she'd found this opportunity to be as frustratingly young so he matched it in equal terms. The corners of her mouth darkened even more, her lips set in a thin line. "I dunno, can't we just go and reschedule?" He was tapping his foot impatiently now, looking at his phone, at his watch, at everything else as if it would subtly suggest the urgency of him leaving.
Her hands were on her hips, her breathing so dangerously slow. The words that came out of her mouth were quietly said, practically murmured, but edged like knives. "Just like the date before it and the other one before that and -"
"Okay, okay. I get it! I just don't have time, you know that," he snapped irritably, which was something he did more often lately. He was very tired. But so was she.
"I know," she stated somberly. She looked at him, the way that he was practically jumping out of his skin to get out of there. To get away from her. Yet again. "And it'll never change, will it?"
His lips pursed. Fists were clenched but never moved from where they were. Breathing was heavy. They were similar in that respect. Something about them that grew colder and colder when they were angry. It was as if all the warmth of before, the excitement, the happiness just finally rolled over into this ball of quiet anger between them. While she blamed them all to the outside circumstances that eventually forced them at this point, she was starting to vent it on him.
"It's not my fault," he responded through gritted teeth, trying to quieten down unless some random paparazzi locate them from his shouting.
She could hear it echoing inside his head: He didn't need this. Not from her. The emotions in his eyes pretty much told her everything. While a small part of her that was beat down to silence by anger realized that he was right about that much, she wouldn't concede in the current irrationality of fury.
"Are you even trying?" Again, her mouth on automatic. Frustrations from her head, nagging little words asked in moments of insecurity and uncertainty, just poured out now that the door to that conversation was opened.
He slapped his hand on his face, wiping it down so forcefully at the apparent incredulity of her question. "What in- how could you- why would you even ask that?" The words came out in such rapid succession it would have been garble to anyone else.
Her voice grew colder. He didn't even have the inclination to reassure her about it. Instead he threw her another question, as if she didn't have a right to ask. "In case you weren't." The words couldn't have been flatter even if she tried.
At this point, he scoffed in annoyance and turned away from her. He didn't have anymore time left. As usual. "I'm going," he said in possibly the calmest tone throughout their entire argument.
"As you do," she muttered coolly. In exhaustion, in sadness, in anger, she sighed. It was in a wispy murmur when she added, "Considering how little time you have for me, we might as well be broken up." It was a desperate hope that things would change regardless of the circumstances, no matter how unrealistic. It was said in the belief, no matter how stupid or untrue, that it could somehow be affected by at least one of them. Because she was so tired. And lonely. Feeling ignored and unimportant.
This stopped him short. He pivoted slowly, jaw clenched and breathing deeply. For a while he stared at her and she sadly looked back, all in silence. With a sense of finality she didn't fully understand, he remarked harshly, "Alright."
When he retreated away with heavy footfalls, never looking back, she thought he looked angrier than she had ever seen him. As her head looked down at the pavement below her, the puddle's reflection never looked sadder.
But when I need you, you're almost here
Well, I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you, you're almost here
Well, I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
Cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here.
A/N: After reading Akino Ame's livejournal, I was inspired to write this. Sure, it's not as emotionally impactful as I'd hoped but I needed to see this.
The song "Almost Here" by Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem, which I recommend as a must listen. It's very beautiful and heart-wrenching. Originally my Goku-Chich angst song, but became startlingly familiar to some other OTP of mine. (._.) Italicized lyrics sung from the female side and the male's lyrics in bold.
Written as the conversation the fans never saw because I guess vagueness makes it easier to salvage... Right? XD
