A/N: Ok, I know many of you are waiting patiently for Flare Up!'s next chapter, but I'm running into some problems, now that I have to concentrate on my schoolwork and a writer's block attacked me. This is a very looong one-shot that i had to break into a two-shot because it's just way too long, a songfic based on Taeyang's Wedding Dress. This is to make up for the emptiness I left you with on Flare Up!, but I'm not giving up on the story, I'll never commit the same mistake, it's just a writer's block, so I hope you understand. Wedding Dress, as many may know, is a sad song, but I added the expected twist in there, so read on for more NanoFate goodness! A bit angsty (or heartwrenching, I know), so if you're the emotional type, please bring the amount of tissues you need. Enjoy! Await the next chapter!
Disclaimer: MGLN does NOT belong to me, nor does Taeyang's song. Once again, enjoy! ;)
Wedding Dress
~ By: DENKOU Raien
"I don't get why you have to be so stubborn over this, Fate-chan!" A voice that used to be full of care and concern for her best friend was now louder, due to the growing tensions between the two best friends. Slate blue eyes struggled to keep tears from falling, "I... I thought you would u-understand..."
"Nanoha, you know I don't mean it that way! You think too deeply into things, Nanoha!" The second voice was desperate, as the blonde tried to reason with the brunette.
"So it's my fault n-now, huh?" Nanoha was unreceptive to the other girl's pleas, and began to choke as she let her tears run freely. Burgundy eyes widened and Fate tried to comfort her best friend, only to be pushed away angrily, "Don't come near me, Fate," The absence of the endearing honorific shocked the burgundy-eyed Enforcer, but Nanoha ignored the blonde's trembling figure and continued, "Let's stay... Stay away from each other for now..." The request was painful, nonetheless, the brunette was stubborn enough to believe that she could live without Fate for more than a day.
Hands that once reached to grab the brunette's shoulders and pull her into a comforting hug dropped to Fate's sides as Nanoha pushed past her, but with one last resolve, Fate seized her wrist, forcing the blue-eyed Instructor to look her in the eyes, "I-I'll leave. Y-You should stay here, w-with Vivio..." Fate immediately released the childhood friend she had spent almost a decade of her life with, and walked straight out of the door with only her device.
Nanoha remained rooted to the floor as she watched the retreating figure, a tinge of regret pulling at her heart. Within two seconds, the blonde was out of sight. Nanoha slumped to the floor as teardrops fell onto the waterproof tiles. A small hand touched her shoulder meekly, as if the gentle act was done in uncertainty, "Nanoha-mama, why are you crying?"
Nanoha turned around and hugged her daughter, who stood there mystified, while the brunette sobbed uncontrollably into her daughter's night dress, "Fate-chan... Fate won't be coming back..."
"That's silly, Nanoha-mama. Fate-mama will definitely come back," the young child's voice was filled with confidence, though worry could be felt in the tone of her words. Nanoha didn't argue back as she wept the night away, looking to her daughter for comfort.
When you thought you were at the top of the world with your beloved by your side, where you could see the clouds at a horizon; you never realized that it was your beloved who is the cloud that has descended upon you humbly, and you're just standing there, in that same place, rooted to your foundation. It only dawns upon you when that cloud rises back up into the sky.
Outside the door, a depressed figure sinked to her knees and cried, her heart tightened painfully. Fate didn't want to leave Nanoha's side, but when it came to the brunette's happiness, the blonde would gladly place her own self last.
When they were only 9 years old...
"Fate-chan, w-will you go with me to the movies? I have an extra ticket."
Happiness welled up inside the nine year old girl, but her curiosity got the better of her, "How did you get an extra ticket, Nanoha?"
"Yuuno-kun had some work cropped up today, so he couldn't make it..." The brunette looked downcast a little, before brightening up after hearing Fate's answer, "Sure, I'll go with you to the movies."
Little did Nanoha know that her best friend's wide smile was simply a facade to hide a hurting heart. So I'm just his replacement after all...
When they reached 11 years of age...
"Fate-chan, aren't the autumn leaves pretty?" A hand tugged gently at the blonde's sleeve.
"Y-Yeah..." Fate mumbled an answer. Nanoha, you are more beautiful than any leaf or flower, no matter what the seasons are...
"Gosh, I should grab some of these leaves and show them to Yuuno-kun!" Nanoha's excited voice squealed as she squatted down and started to pick the nicest leaves.
Fate stood there, her heart aching badly as she waited for her best friend. So you thought about him only...
The present at 19...
"Ne, Fate-chan, sorry... Somehow I couldn't help but assist Yuuno in his library duties, I forgot completely about today's lunch meeting, sorry..." Nanoha was apologetic to the Enforcer, who simply couldn't bring herself to question the girl, "It's alright, Nanoha. Do you still want to have lun-"
"Oh no! Sorry, Fate-chan, I forgot to tell you that I've already had my lunch, with Yuuno-kun..." Nanoha was flustered, as she began to panic, what if Fate-chan got angry with her?
"...It's fine, Nanoha. It's good to know that you've already eaten, so-" Fate was interrupted as a high-pitched male voice called the brunette's name, "Nanoha! I need your help to find two more books in the Infinite Library!"
"A-alright!" Slate blue eyes blinked apologetically to the blonde, "Sorry, Fate-chan, later, alright?"
"Okay, Nanoha," Fate ruffled the shorter girl's hair, grinning warmly at her secret object of affection, "Come home safely, if not, Vivio and I will start to miss you."
Nanoha nodded, gave Fate a grateful hug before running to join Yuuno. But before the pair walked out of sight, the burgundy-eyed Enforcer felt the angry glare of emerald-green eyes belonging to the Librarian. While Fate was fully aware of the resentment the boy had towards her, her best friend was completely oblivious to the rising tension between the two love rivals.
"Hey, Nanoha," Fate called the girl, her tone soft but serious at the same time, "I will be leaving for a month-long mission. So... I won't be back until December."
Fate expected Nanoha to shrug and agree, after all, she was just second to Yuuno Scrya; but was unprepared when tears began to well up in the brunette's slate blue eyes, "Is... Is that the S-rank mission where you have to spend the month slaying native monsters in order to recover their-"
"Yes, it is," Fate sighed resignedly as the brunette dropped her head, "Must you really go, Fate-chan? You know it's optional, right-?"
"Yes, I have to go. The team didn't have a leader, so I applied for the-" Fate was cut off when Nanoha looked up at her in desperation, "Please don't go, Fate-chan. They-they said that you might have to sacrifice your life to recover those Linker Cores-"
"I'm sorry, Nanoha, but I have to go for the mission. I can't back out now," Fate's burgundy eyes showed frustration clearly, only to be interrupted by the almost weeping girl, "I hate it when Fate-chan doesn't care about how I feel-!"
Fate couldn't hold back herself any longer, "Then that's where you're wrong," Fate cut in, without giving Nanoha another chance to continue, she went on heatedly, "It's Nanoha who doesn't care about how I feel! That's why I always put up a smile, even when I'm hurting inside! Have you ever seen me cry, Nanoha? You definitely haven't! It seems very well to me you don't care about our friendship; it showed when you forgot about our lunch date! While you enjoyed your lunch with Yuuno, I'm sitting there in the canteen, waiting patiently for you! When you left with him for some goddamn duty I'm pretty sure the Chief Librarian can complete very easily, you didn't even know I starved the entire day!"
"But you said you ate, Fate-chan!" Nanoha protested, though she was shocked and stressed by the information that the blonde poured out.
"I lied! I just didn't want Nanoha to feel guilty!"
"Fate-chan..." Nanoha's hands trembled weakly.
"I'm sorry, Nanoha. I'll be leaving Mid-Childa for a month two days from now, I cannot afford to listen to you on this issue," the blonde's voice became softer and calmer, but remained stern, like a parent telling her child off.
"I don't get why you have to be so stubborn over this, Fate-chan!"
You gave me the reason to love, and to sacrifice. But I lost that reason after you spent more time with him, and less time with me. I sacrificed so much, but you just didn't respond. So I figured, if only I could be selfish for just one time, if I could die in this mission, then I wouldn't feel that pain anymore... And guess what? Due to Heaven's cruelty, the mission was a success, and I, barely survived.
"Doctor Shamal, please, you need to save her!" A certain orange-haired girl pleaded with the short-haired blonde, tears threatening to fall.
"Calm down, Teana! Tell me calmly what happened to Fate," the doctor made her way to the emergency room speedily, leaving the younger woman to catch up with her.
"She... She blocked a laser blast that came from one of the stronger monsters, but it overpowered her barrier at the last second! She took the creature's blast head-on for..." Teana choked on her tears as she gasped painfully; the memory of Fate willing herself to bear the ultimate pain of having her entire body ripped by the blast etched deeply into her exhausted mind.
"Her barrier got broken? But that's not possible, unless-" Shamal scoffed at the idea, only to come abruptly to one conclusion, "Oh no, oh no, oh no..." With those words of distress repeated, Shamal left the sobbing girl behind as she entered the emergency operation room and locked the door, the red light 'EMERGENCY' immediately went on.
The moment a very exhausted-looking doctor escaped the intense atmosphere in the operating room, a crowd of friends surrounded her, pounding her with questions of concern. She put up her arms, signalling the need for silence, "There is the good news and the bad news." Not waiting for anyone to tell her which news to give first, "The good news is that the operation is a success - we managed to save Fate's life. However, the bad news is that she is in a comatose state, it'll take her some time to wake up or give any signs of waking up. It really depends on her willpower. And if she does wake up, she may have amnesia, meaning she may forget your names or mess them up. Nanoha, I need to speak with you, alone."
The unsure brunette followed the tired blonde to the deserted lobby, trembling with anticipation of what the doctor might need to tell her. The moment Shamal was confident that no one was within hearing range, she beckoned Nanoha forward and sighed, "To tell you the truth, Nanoha, I'm not too sure whether Fate will pull through..."
"Wha-What do you mean, Shamal? I thought you said that Fate-chan would-" Slate blue eyes widened in fear for her best friend as she struggled to take in what Shamal had said.
"Nanoha, Fate let the barrier break on purpose. I think she was trying to kill herself," Shamal concluded her beliefs since the start of the operation, shaking her head in true regret.
"T-that can't be right, Shamal! The monster's blast may have just simply been too-" Nanoha stuttered, trembling weakly and covered her face in sheer agony and guilt.
"The traces of the blast I found were that of AA-rank magic. It's not possible that Fate wouldn't have been able to defend herself, Nanoha," Shamal shook the girl gently by her shoulders, relieved that she was able to gain back the brunette's attention, "I need you to stay by her side and will her on, Nanoha. It's the only way to increase Fate's chances of survival, besides our daily care and treatments. Three weeks of leave, will that do?"
"... But I have to train the-" Nanoha was cut short by the blonde, who seemed more fierce and slightly angry now, "Nanoha! This is the time Fate needs you the most, don't leave her alone to suffer! Right now, I believe her life is more important than training the recruits! Pass that job to Vita for now!"
"...Alright..." Nanoha was not shocked by her friend's angry outburst; mainly due to the fact that Fate was now in coma, the shock had already numbed her.
"Good, I'll send in the application for your leave today. Thank you, Nanoha," Shamal had calmed down; and nodded in slight approval at the brunette's agreement.
Fate-chan... Why did you do that? Why did you let your barrier break? Why... W-Why did you want to kill yourself? It's my fault that you're in this state. Please forgive me, forgive me, Fate-chan... Tears trickled generously down her face as she gripped the cold hand that had not moved as she had hoped. She willed that hand to reciprocate her hold, willed the fingers to twitch and show signs of life, but, nothing.
It had already been two hours, while Nanoha stayed by Fate's bedside; begging her to open her eyes, promising she would never leave her again, but, nothing. Burgundy eyes that used to gaze at her, sending warmth into her heart, now were closed. They remained closed until Friday of the second week, which meant that the blonde was in deep slumber for eleven days. For eleven days, the brunette knelt by Fate's side and prayed for her to return to her side. And for eleven days, the blonde had done her part by fighting hard for her life, so that she could see, just see Nanoha's smiling face, and not teardrops on her hand.
"Na... No... Ha..." A voice called out weakly as fingers slowly traced the outline of the sleeping face.
Slate blue eyes snapped open as the brunette heard the familiar voice, she sat straight up to stare Fate straight in the face, "Fate-chan... Fate-chan, you're awake!" Tears of joy steamed down her face as she held Fate's hand and refused to let go.
"Na... No... Ha... I'm back..." Fate chuckled falteringly, burgundy orbs searching the brunette's face for something, brightening when they saw forgiveness and love in those blue depths.
"Is it me, or is Fate awake?" Shamal rushed into the room, beaming when she saw distinct burgundy eyes blink at her in surprise.
"Fate-chan! You... Y-You remember me?"
"Of course, I do... I... I can remember all my loved ones..." the weak blonde laughed, as she gave Nanoha's hand a loving squeeze. The brunette blushed deeply and looked away.
"I need to conduct a check-up on you, Fate. Is it alright for Nanoha to leave the room?"
Nanoha pouted at the doctor, earning another chuckle from the blonde woman, "I was just kidding, Nanoha can stay while I just run over a few tests to see if Fate's system is recovering properly."
"Mou, Fate-chan, don't worry me like that next time," Nanoha helped the limping blonde into the car, grunting as she spent some effort to get the blonde all belted up.
"Sorry, Nanoha... You must have gone through a lot. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you," Fate smiled gently, instantly lifting the weight off Nanoha's heavy heart. Somehow, Nanoha could tell that the blonde's smile, this time, was genuine, "Fate-chan, it's not really your fault. There's no need to apologize."
"But I put Nanoha through sleepless nights, didn't I? I... I made Nanoha cry, didn't I?" The injured woman stuttered, looking down at her lap guiltily.
"Wh-Wha? How did you know I was crying?" Sapphire eyes widened at the suggestion that Fate could have been awake all those times she cried her heart out for the blonde; a blush crept up her face.
"I mean, I-I don't know... I was in this dark place, I couldn't see anything, but... But I could feel an unexplained warmth covering my hand, and I could hear your voice telling me not to go. That warmth never left my hand, though I could feel like someone was crying, teardrops were falling all around me... I made you cry, right?" She recounted the days she spent in total darkness.
"Mou, Fate-chan, who wouldn't cry for you?" Tears once again pelted the blonde's hands before the brunette wrapped her arms around Fate's neck, breaking down completely the moment her best friend returned her hug while rubbing her back in comforting circles.
"Forgive me, Nanoha..." A calm voice whispered.
"Don't leave my side ever again. Promise me, Fate-chan?"
"I promise."
But hey, you were the one who broke the promise.
It had been two years since that incident.
"Fate-chan, Nanoha-chan, Yuuno-kun, are you coming for the party at my place? Bah, why did I bother asking, of course you'd come, right?" A certain short-haired brunette approached her friends with the invitation, receiving nods from her three best friends.
"Of course, we can't miss Christmas party with everyone, right? That'd be awful if you didn't invite us, Hayate-chan," Nanoha giggled, her melodious laughter drawing a cool smirk from the bespectacled boy and an affectionate chuckle from the burgundy-eyed Enforcer.
"Alright, the party starts at 7pm tomorrow, so don't be late! Or your Commander will punish you."
"Sure, sure, Hayate-chan."
"Mou, Fate-chan, dress more femininely, will you?" A playful whine teased the said girl.
"No way, Nanoha. Knowing Hayate, I won't know how many guys she's going to invite and I don't feel safe being hit on," Fate joked back, smiling proudly when she picked out her favorite black leather jacket, a plain white shirt, baggy cargo pants and a pair of black high-tops. This will make them back off.
"What? Black? Are you going for a funeral or what, Fate-chan?"
"Nope. If you'd kindly look into my wardrobe, there's nothing besides black and white, thank you," the blonde invited coolly, and closed the wardrobe door calmly.
"Mou, since when did Fate-chan have such a gifted tongue?" Nanoha pouted and poked the blonde's arm. Fate blushed at the strange words Nanoha had used. But her bold reply was merely a reflex to hide her unusually jittery self that evening.
"Okay, so Marco asked Fate-chan out, but she refused," The short-haired brunette gossiped with Nanoha, "She told him that there was someone she had in mind... So she rejected him. But being a man, he just had to try and force her to be his girlfriend, that's why we have the man now sitting in the hospital bed, his leg caught in a cast. What an idiot."
Nanoha laughed an uneasy laughter, "Nyahaha... Haha..."
The two brunettes were unaware of an approaching figure, until slender fingers wrapped themselves around Nanoha's wrist, earning a surprised gasp from the girl, "Fate-chan?"
The blonde was silent, and pulled her best friend away from the table, but not before Hayate winked at her knowingly. Fate led the Instructor to the corridor outside the Knights' rooms. Fingers swiftly let go of Nanoha's wrist as the burgundy-eyed girl seemed to be digging something out of her pants pocket. Just as her fumbling fingers were about to pull out a small box, the most unwelcomed visitor came by. At least Fate felt that he was rather unwelcomed at the moment. She was right - the moment the male had seen the blue-eyed brunette, a smile lit up his face as he moved over to stand between Nanoha and Fate. He seized her hand and immediately slid a silver ring onto Nanoha's ring finger, "Nanoha, marry me. I will care for you for the rest of my life. I won't take no for an answer." His hands held hers lovingly.
Nanoha was tempted. Tempted to say no. To tell him she had someone else in mind. To tell him that the person she was chasing after was the burgundy-eyed Enforcer named Fate T. Harlaown. But another thought blocked out everything: She told him that there was someone she had in mind... So she rejected him. Maybe... Maybe Fate-chan loves someone else...
"Nanoha, will you marry me? Can't you see how much I love you?" The male's voice pleaded.
"Yes, I'll marry you."
The hand that was about to emerge with a small box let go of it as it slipped back into the pocket. Fingers trembled. Burgundy eyes dulled. A smile that used to be plastered to Fate's face vanished like a mist. A cloud of doubt and regret shrouded her. But, Fate T. Harlaown has a powerful addiction of sacrificing her happiness. She still shook Nanoha and Yuuno's hands in congratulations.
Fingers buttoned the vest calmly. She straightened her collar and her lips formed a tight smile at the mirror. Burgundy eyes blinked, the smile widened, but it wouldn't be wide enough to distract you from the somewhat dark, morose shade of her eyes. Golden hair was tied back into a long neat ponytail, though some stray strands were swept carelessly to the side. There was an awkward silence as she stared at the mirror, as though her glare was powerful enough to shatter the cheval glass, but she started to burst out in spiteful laughter at herself, "What a fool you are, Fate Harlaown! You thought you stood a chance against him, you foolish idiot! It's all game over! It's useless to cry over this..." Tears streaked her face as she continued to stare at the mirror.
Sir, it's 1:50pm in the afternoon. You have ten minutes to get to your destination. Activate transport vehicle?
"No, don't activate it. I'll walk," Fate muttered the command, not granting even a glance at Bardiche as she tightened her tie the last time.
Sir, activate Sonic Move?
"Yes please, Bardiche."
It wasn't even past five minutes when Fate stepped calmly into the chapel, her face void of any bitterness she harbored for the male blonde who took Nanoha away, from her. She resented him. No, she hated him for it. But all the negative feelings were easily repressed as she took each step towards the bride's room. She peeked tentatively into the room, and smiled when slate blue eyes connected with hers. She was completely left speechless. There sat Nanoha, her white dress fit her graceful figure, her hair was tied into a neat, decorated bun. Fate couldn't help but blush a little, "Nanoha, you look absolutely gorgeous!"
A tinge of bright red covered her best friend's cheeks as she murmured an embarrassed 'thank you'. Courage grew stronger as the blonde took step after step towards Nanoha. She sat quietly beside the soon-to-be-married woman, but when the silence grew more awkward, Fate started smoothly, "I guess it's still a surprise for me. My Nanoha's all grown up and getting married to someone she loves. I'm glad." Bitterness was faint and hardly detectable, but the brunette sensed it. After all, if she couldn't sense Fate's feelings, no matter how faint they were, she would have been a fool for all the years they spent together, "Fate-chan... I'm not a child anymore-"
"Fate-mama! You're here!" Fate's daughter jumped onto her mother and laughed buoyantly as she tried to climb onto the woman's lap. Fate laughed contentedly as she picked the girl up and placed her on Nanoha's lap. Vivio pouted playfully, "Awww, I wanted to sit on Fate-mama's lap!"
"What? Vivio's leaving me for Fate-chan? You make me sad, Vivio," Nanoha disturbed her daughter and hugged her joyfully. The girl was bouncy as usual, and was beginning to resemble Nanoha in many ways, Fate thought lovingly; Too bad she's going to be someone else's daughter soon.
'Nanoha," the groom stepped into the room, looking for his bride, but emerald green eyes caught sight of his past rival, "Fate." It was a neutral tone, or so that was what Nanoha thought, but the voice he used to address the blonde was actually proud and mocking; it never ceased to irritate the Enforcer. But unluckily for him, Fate's facade was strong enough, so she chose to ignore his unwelcoming tone and let Vivio unknowingly (or is it?) do the work, "Uncle Yuuno, hello! What are you doing here? It's a room for us girls, you know?"
Fate nearly laughed at the man's reaction - his face contained a mixture of shock and slight confusion. But she didn't, because what Nanoha said next broke her heart immediately, "Vivio, Yuuno-kun's going to be your father soon, so you must call him 'Yuuno-papa', alright?"
No questions came. There were no nods, not even a single grunt of agreement. The little girl was tight-lipped, though Fate noticed that she was starting to shrink away from her blue-eyed mother and the blonde man and shifted nervously beside Fate. There was a hesitant silence before she opened her mouth and asked Nanoha the dreaded question, "Then Nanoha-mama, what about Fate-mama?"
"Vivio..." Nanoha was truly stuck in a dilemma. She didn't know how to break the news to her daughter, so she looked at Yuuno for help. But all he gave her was a look that said 'You didn't tell her?' Nanoha started to panic; no, she didn't want her precious daughter to have any negative feelings about losing Fate as her 'mama' on her wedding day! No, not on her wedding day! "You s-see, Vi-Vivio-"
"Vivio, you mustn't call me 'mama' anymore. Yuuno is taking over as your father, alright? You'll have a perfect family then," Fate stepped in to save Nanoha the trouble. Her voice was gentle but firm at the same time. Burgundy eyes fixed on the nearly-crying child when Vivio burst out, "I... I don't need a perfect family! I just want Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama! I don't need anything else!" The outburst caused Nanoha's heart to break into tiny pieces as she heard her daughter sob.
Fate refused to let her daughter on, "Vivio, when you ask me for a toy... Is it a need or a want?"
"A w-want..."
'Yes. Now, if you're really hungry and you ask me to buy some food, is it a need or a want?"
"A need..."
"That's correct. If you cannot survive without something, it's a need. If you can do without it, then it's a want," Fate paused, "Vivio, you need a proper family, and I can't give you that. Vivio, you're a strong girl, you can survive without me as your mother. I'll still visit you, okay? Don't cry, Vivio." Fate's hand held Vivio's face and her thumb wiped away the tear. With a loud gasp, the little girl wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged her tightly, unwilling to let go of this woman she loved as her mother. Nanoha wanted to cry right there too, it hurt her to see how much Fate was sacrificing so much for her and her daughter.
"Are you okay now, Vivio?" Fate pulled away from her daughter's hug and smiled warmly. Then it struck Nanoha. That smile... A genuine smile, unlike the last time... A smile that saddened her, yet at the same time lightened her burden. At last, Takamachi Nanoha came in terms with her feelings - she loved Fate and she only liked Yuuno. There was a huge difference between 'like' and 'love', and Fate's sacrifice had made her see that. Whether Fate loved her back or not, it was for her to decide. But now, Nanoha thought, was her turn to take that risk and sacrifice a little. It's only a little, Nanoha told herself, it's only a tiny sacrifice as compared to Fate-chan.
