Untouchable Eden

By Skycat

I suppose I seem untouchable. I can sit in the middle of a war of words, my friends cutting each other to ribbons with double-edged tongues and I would laugh. Day in and day out they bicker, it's enough to drive anyone mad. Including me. However, I have already walked the path of insanity and passed through to the other side. I realize I may not be quite sane. I see things differently than my companions. An apple, for example. Goku would look at an apple and see food, something that he had been denied for so long. Then he would eat it, if solely for the fact that he can. Gojyo would only see the color red, see the shade of blood that drapes about his ears and stain his eyes. Sanzo, well, Sanzo would see an apple and say, "It's an apple. Don't try and make it anything else but what it is. Leave it." I, however, would look upon the apple and see temptation staring back. The apple of Eden all fat and juicy, waiting for the taking. It amuses me.

I am not untouchable. I get upset, annoyed, and frankly frustrated at our companions constant battles, with little change in the monotony. It makes me want to stop the jeep, throw them out, and not allow them back in until they stop. I never do. Perhaps on the way back, just to see their faces. No. The teacher, Cho Gonou would, but not ever amiable Hakkai.

There are times when I just want to throw my head back and scream. I can feel the scream building up inside of me, an undeniable pressure that would make me feel as though I would explode. Then, I would look at Goku's innocent smile, or Gojyo's cocky smirk, or the calm, neutral expression that Sanzo would wear when he felt content, and the pressure would fade. These people. They are so dear to me. I feel like a section of a puzzle, never complete without the other pieces. These are the people I live for. Possibly without even one of them I would die. I would lose the myself that is Cho Hakkai.

Gojyo, my best friend. The one who saved my body. The man who never went beyond the silent bounds we set for ourselves. He is more than a friend, beyond even a lover or brother. There is understanding between us that I can never question. He's the reason I protect myself.

Sanzo, my most respected companion. He saved my soul from the sea of blood that drowned Cho Gonou. He brought me back to the world, giving me a second chance to live beyond my most grievous sins. There is knowledge between us that I can never betray. He is the reason I never give up.

And Goku, my hyperactive, ever-hungry student. His wide-eyed awe at a world full of wonder and marvels that, to me, is a world that feels so steeped in blood. Goku saved my sanity. Through his eyes I see a never ending beauty. His is an innocence that I want to protect. He shows me, through his simple, unquestioning hope that there is good in the world. He is the reason I go on.

They are the reason I continue to smile as I do. To show them that no matter the situation, that I appreciate all they have done for me, and that I will do all that I can to make their efforts worthwhile. I suppose that's why I remain on this journey. That is why I fight, continuing past death and onto into the next life. Because maybe, just maybe, in this life I will find my Eden. With them.


Skycat: Dunno why I wrote this. I don't even know when I wrote this. Last thing I knew I was reading a fic and now I'm writing author's notes. Huh. I guess this really wanted to be written. reads Huh. . Well. I thought it was cute. My first one-shot! Oh my god! ! Review!