YOUR POV (YOURS. YOURS OKAY? YOU'LL UNDERSTAND SOON ENOUGH)
"I'll be with you in a sec! Hold onnnn…"
I groan. Here I am, stuck in this bloody therapist's office after my old one quit. She committed herself to the nuthouse, saying something about not being able to work with some obsessed fangirl who won't shut up about a fictional pairing. It was probably a Twi-hard with her Team Edward/Jacob thing, because it sure as hell wasn't me.
All I ever talked about was Cammy, and that's real.
In the heart anyway.
The psychologist comes into the room and introduces herself as Lavender. "Your parents say you're obsessed with a book pairing and that it's totally unhealthy. So what book is it? Twilight? Mortal Instruments? Harry Potter? Divergent? Virals?"
"Nope," I tell her. "Only people with distinguished taste can fully appreciate the glory of Sammy Keyes and Casey Acosta."
"Sammy…Keyes? The series by Wendelin van Draanen?"
I widen my eyes. "Yes…are you a kindred spirit?"
She took a deep breath and went to stand in front of the wall.
She started banging her flipping head against the wall.
I am stuck inside an enclosed space with a psychologist having a mental breakdown WHEN I COULD BE READING FANFICTION INSTEAD ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.
While the insane psychologist is banging her head on the wall trying to kill herself, I slip my phone out of my pocket and type in the URL for the Sammy Keyes fanfiction.
And no one bloody updated.
Does everyone have lives all of a sudden?
Is there a life outside of the Sammy Keyes fandom?
WHY AM I ALL ALONE?
WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?
It'll be okay though.
They won't all leave me.
They're just all really lazy.
No way could they have lives because that would mean I'm the only one not doing anything with her life.
Dude, where are the boy Sammiacs?
Do we have any boys that are in love with Sammy Keyes?
Hell, we need more people in our fandom, period.
"I AM POSSIBLY SUFFERING BRAIN DAMAGE AND YOU CAN'T GET OFF YOUR BLOODY PHONE TO STOP ME?"
I look up, startled, but it turns out she's yelling at the girl standing in the doorway with a bowl of food in her hands. She's chewing whatever it is and says, "I was gonna, but then my macaroni and salsa would get cold."
"I hate you."
"You know I'm your favorite patient."
Macaroni and salsa.
Wendelin van Draanen has heard my prayers.
Someone remind me to write her another stalkerish email stating how much I love her.
I rejoice. "Another Sammiac!"
She stares before yelling, "LONG LIVE THE SAMMIACS. WE SHALL NOT DIE OUT."
Lavender just stares at us before saying, "You bloody Sammiacs. I can't help but love your weirdness, but you're so obsessive it scares me."
"There is a fine line between obsession and love," I state.
My new Sammiac friend asks, "Have you checked Fanfiction, did anyone update?"
"NO. I swear, you'd think they had more important things to do than continue their stories like HOW SELFISH CAN YOU BE TO WRITE A FABULOUS STORY AND ABANDON IT FOR A YEAR LIKE SERIOUSLY. HOW COULD YOU?"
Lavender asks, "And when was the last time either of you updated a story?"
My fellow Sammiac ignored her comment and asked me, "Guess what comes out tomorrow?"
"Whirling windmills! Sammy Keyes and the Wedding Crasher is gonna be out! Life will be complete! Who's the wedding crasher? WILL SAMMY AND CASEY FINALLY KISS BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T I AM BURNING DOWN THE CITY."
The psychologist muttered, "At least you're not pining for them to have vampire sex."
"Ew, dude they're only thirteen and fourteen, what's wrong with you?" asked the Sammiac.
"WHY ARE YOU OBSESSING OVER TEENAGE CRUSHES THAT WILL NEVER LAST?"
Dead silence.
"…And we're the ones that need help? YOU SPEAK BLASPHEMY. AWAY WITH YOU, PEASANT!"
I added, "Leave us, non-believer. Whilst we discuss the holies of Samantha Jo Keyes."
She held up her hands in surrender. "I'm done. If anyone needs me, I'll be flushing my PhD down the toilet."
A/N: Another short oneshot that I wrote before Wedding Crasher so please don't hate me for its stupidity, I'm sorry. If you didn't understand this, it was sorta supposed to be like the point of view of a Sammiac/Cammiac. I am sorry to have failed you.
