A/N: I got inspired by this while coming home from work today---I heard this song on the radio and I got an idea that was bugging the hell out of me and I had to write it as soon as I had a free moment, even though it is like midnight here and I need to be up at 6:30 for work. but I just couldn't sleep without writing this! So here is a songfic to Lionel Ritchie's ÔJust for You
Golden daysNight was play
Pain was all a world away
We went to school
We learned the rules
We trusted all they had to say
We had known each other forever, since the early, innocent days at Third Street Elementary, where we learned things we thought would get us through life, back when we thought everything was beautiful and innocent. None of us believed that there was any bad out there, we all thought life was filled with games, friends and endless pranks on people like the Ashleys and king Bob. After school was spent at people's houses, playing video games and eating cookies our mothers had baked for us. Sometimes we even got tangled in some fun, scary mystery, like when we tried to discover the truth behind that old janitor, and when we tried to prevent the evil Dr. Benedict from taking away our summer vacation. Yes, life was good back then, none of us were prepared for what the future held, and how it would change us all forever.
Then life took a turn
We all had to learn
And we cant go back again
It happened when we were in the eleventh grade. SATS, Junior Prom and looking at colleges were only a few of the things that were a part of what happened that year. We were well aware of the evils that were out there in the real world, yet none of us believed anything bad could happen to us. Part of us still held on to that childhood innocence that we wished would last forever. But then it happened. You were torn away from me, stolen from this earth, and I had no idea why. You were one of the best people I knew, yet you were gone, and nothing was going to bring you back to me, no matter how much I would pray that this was just a nightmare haunting me and that you would just come knocking on my door and tell me you were alive and we were still a young couple very much in love. But I knew that was a dream that would never come true. Your death happened because of a foolish mistake, a mistake that changed many lives and taught us a valuable lesson about safe driving.
And my heart is breaking
Just for you
Just for you
And my arms are open
Just for you
Just for you
Just for you
I'll never forget the night my mom came into my bedroom to tell me you had died. I had been in my room, listening to Hilary Duff's new CD and doing some math homework when she knocked on my door. I recall telling her to come in and looked up to see her eyes puffy and filled with tears. I had never seen her look that way, not even when my grandfather had died after several years of battling colon cancer. I had asked her what had happened, but she wouldn't answer me. I repeated the question, a little louder this time, and she still didn't answer. She just walked over to my radio and turned it off, telling me she had something to tell me. I asked her one more time why she was crying, and a million scenarios flew through my mind, but nothing like the one she had told me. She told me there had been a major car accident and you had died on impact. She explained to me between my bouts of screaming and crying that you and another friend of ours, Irwin Lawson, had been drag racing when you had lost control and crashed into a tree. I didn't want to believe her, I told her she was lying, she was only doing this because she didn't want us together. But as I cried and she held me, the news began to sink in. You were always a risk taker, you acted as if you were invincible, and this time it cost you your life, and cost me the man I loved with all my heart. You shattered my heart into a million pieces by making that stupid choice, and I had no idea how I was going to face life without you. The only thing I could do hope that you were waiting up there for me, with open arms so you could hold me once more and tell me how much you loved me and how much we were meant to be together.
God was God
And dreams were dreams
Life was all pecan ice cream
Truth was true
And lies were lies
And we thought love would never die
But the world moved on
My illusions gone
And I don't know who to blame
Your funeral was about a week or so after that fateful night. I attended, of course, I mean, what kind of girl just skips out on her own boyfriend's funeral, even though at the time, I hated you for being so selfish and leaving me, and for doing something so irrational. I could have spent the rest of my life blaming you for ruining the love we had by making that decision, but that wouldn't have been right. You were wrong, but I had no right to be so selfish. After all your parents and your siblings were suffering as well. I remember talking at the funeral, giving the eulogy at your mom's request. I recall talking about how we met back in the day when we were mere kindergarteners, how we would constantly get into scrapes together and how our times hanging out and just being friends allowed for us to fall in love and plan how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. ÔWe had our dreams, we still had that childhood innocence,' I recall telling the mourners. ÔNever in a million years did either of us believe it would be taken from us in a split second.' As I walked away from the podium, I wiped away my tears, wishing I could have that dream back and wishing I could blame someone for hurting me so deeply.
And my heart is breaking
Just for you
Just for you
And my arms are open
Just for you
Just for you
And these tears I'm crying are for you
Just for you
Just for you
I'm looking for protection
Give me shelter from the storm
I just hope this light inside me
Keeps me strong
Weeks passed, and still I couldn't recover from your death, I never expected to. My heart would break every time I thought of you, every time a memory would enter my mind about some adventure, some inside joke or even if some silly song played, it would bring back memories of our childhood. But perhaps the thing that broke my heart the most was when I finally realized my period was a month and a half late. I had initially blamed it on stress, never in a million years believing that our last night together would result in me becoming pregnant with your child. I recall staring at the pregnancy test and crying, thinking about how much my life was going to change, and how I was going to have to face my pregnancy without you. I wished that you could have been there to help me, but as I reached for the phone, I was reminded once again of your horrific death and broke down in tears, wishing that God would give me the strength to get through this and allow me to raise my baby without his or her daddy to help me.
And my heart is breaking
Just for you
Just for you
And my arms they're open
Just for you
Just for you
And these tears I'm crying are for you
Just for you
Just for you
Just for you
Oh my heart is breaking
And my arms are open
Oh these tears I'm crying are just for you
Oh yeah
And I sit here now, writing this to you, even though you aren't here to read it. I look at my little girl Evangeline and smile, for she reminds me so much of you. She has your eyes and your smile, and it looks as if she is going to have one hell of a personality, a combination of your carefree ways and my more tough approach on life. She will never know her daddy, and as much as it hurts me to tell her that, I know that she will one day meet you, my love. She will for now just have you as her guardian angel. And as much as I have come to terms with you leaving me so early in life, I know you are up there waiting for me and Evangeline, and I will always hold you close to my heart.
I love you TJ Detwieler, and may you always remain in our hearts as the wonderful person you are.
All my Love,
Ashley Fermachello Spinelli
A/N: I know it didn't quite fit the song and might be a bit whomp-ish, but I am exhausted and somehow this idea popped in my mind. I hope you like it and remember to drive safely, for you never know what might happen. Please send some soul hugs and enjoy this. Thanks and happy reading!
