For Love
By: White Rain
Disclaimer: I don't own Berserk.
Pairing/Character: Casca; Griffith/Casca, Casca/Guts, Casca/Judeau, Casca/Farnese
Summary: Casca on love and who she loves.
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Casca never loved her family. From the beginning, she understood everything was just a means to an end, including, and possibly, especially, family. It didn't make her bitter or angry, she felt the same towards them as they did to her.
From the way her mother and father acted around each other, she figured that she wouldn't marry someone she loved either. At best, someone she was attracted to, at worst someone she loathed.
Or be sold off. She was always aware and ready for that possibility.
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The first person she did love was Griffith.
In every way she knew how. As a lover; she dreamed of him taking her at night. As a mother; she dreamed of holding him through his fears. As a friend; she dreamed of fighting with him.
She tried to be content being his sword, but her entire body ached with a desire for something more.
Later, she'll realize she should have stopped dreaming and done something about her love.
It will probably be too late then.
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The first time she interacted with Guts, she slept with him naked; she figures that's tainted everything in their relationship.
Not that she minds, in the end.
He was fierce and rough and broken. But he also had a gentle undercurrent, a heart, and wanted to protect her. She never needed or wanted his protection, though. However, she was a woman and the thought warmed her anyway. It still does.
Though, Casca made sure Guts was aware that she wanted to protect him too. She would get in his face and yell at him if she had too. They were partners, she would never regret what they had, despite the fact she had still wanted Griffith and that she knew, so well, how quickly things could change.
It was, perhaps, fitting that since he was the first person she actively loved, that he would be the first to hurt her deeply by leaving. She bite him, leaving her mark, because he scared her first in a way that would never fade. She both loved and hated him for that and wanted to return the favor.
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Casca never realized how much she needed and had relied on Judeau until he had died for her.
He had been a consistent present in her life, especially the year when Griffith and Guts were gone, supporting her, listening to her, knowing her.
It was even like that after he was dead, he continued showing up in her dreams and his face would comfort her. Even when she hadn't been aware of who he was.
She'll always regret never getting to tell him all of this.
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Farnese was a dual presence in her heart.
Casca remembered the time she had lost her mind, although most of it was a blur. Erika's smile, Griffith's arms and Guts's sword were all images she found she associated with that time in her life. Although, the clearest image was Farnese taking care of her and playing with her.
She hates it, because she hated that she was weak and needed to be protected.
She also loves it because she sees what it meant for Farnese.
Mostly, she just loves Farnese.
