The Matrix Reconstituted


I have a few things to say, because disclaimers seem to be in fashion at the moment. Firstly, I do not own any of these characters and I do not own the films that I borrowed them from either. You know that but I think I am supposed to say it. Secondly, I must apologise to everyone for this rubbish but I feel that I need to write it. It has been floating around in my head as a joke for a while and I want to develop it. To fans of The Matrix: this is just a bit of fun. To fans of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: this is just a bit of fun. I think that is enough.

Also, people have said that they don't know who Bill and Ted are. They are characters from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure with Keanu Reeves starring as Ted. I hope the story will make a bit more sense now that you know how similar Neo and Ted should look.

"Morpheus, where are we going?" Neo asked curiously.
"You will soon see..." Morpheus was in one of his mysterious moods.
"He gets like this a lot. He's taking us for a walk in the matrix and pretending that we actually have something to do," Trinity replied.
"Isn't that kind of dangerous? There are agents out there," said Neo worriedly.
"Yeah, but I guess living in the real world can be a drag sometimes. They probably won't notice us if we try not to stand out from the others."Trinity turned away.

They walked on through the streets, Neo occasionally bending lampposts with his newfound abilities and squealing with delight. Morpheus looked at him, shrugged his shoulders, and continued to walk. Trinity gave him a quick glance and began to walk slightly faster. Neo suddenly jumped up into the air and did a triple somersault before running up a 50-storey building, back-flipping down again, and skipping over to Trinity.

"Show off," she muttered.
"He's The One. He's getting to grips with it. He's never experienced this kind of power before," said Morpheus reassuringly.
"He's going to attract a lot of attention." Trinity was worried.
"You know we are only in here to give him practise. He'll get bored. We won't be here for long."
"But..." Trinity knew that such behaviour would attract the attention of the agents.
"He'll be done in exactly 10.33 minutes."
"How can you possibly know that?" Trinity was astounded.
"I know everything," said Morpheus modestly.
"Why didn't we just let him use one of the training programmes?" she asked.
"Because this is more interesting."

Trinity stared at Morpheus for a moment. She was beginning to wonder if the constant struggle against the machines was affecting his sanity. As she did so Neo picked up a car and threw it across the street, before wandering off without anybody noticing. Trinity did notice a loud crash, similar to that of a falling building, but thought nothing of it.

* * *


Meanwhile, two young men named Bill and Ted were travelling through time and space in a magic phone booth, provided by a mysterious man from the future who called himself Rufus. They were collecting historical figures for a critical history report. Many of their friends, associates, and fellow high school students had chosen to use books to research their reports, but Bill and Ted were rather more original. And lucky. In fact, the only reason they had their wonderful magic phone booth was because of something that you should watch the film to find out. As they were travelling, Bill realised something important.

"Ted! I've realised something most important!"
"What is it, dude?" asked Ted curiously.
"I dialled the wrong number!"
"Bogus, dude. Where are we going?" asked Ted curiously again.
"I have no idea!" Bill exclaimed informatively.
"Uh..." Ted wanted to ask something intelligent and useful but decided against it.

They continued to travel in their magic phone booth, both fully aware that they were hopelessly lost. Ted looked accusingly at Bill for having dialled the wrong number. Bill considered punching Ted in the face but luckily the phone booth crash landed in a slightly green looking town resembling Sydney, Australia.

"This place looks kinda weird..." commented Bill.
"Strange things are afoot in this town," observed Ted. He had noticed a large building come tumbling down after a young man hit it very hard with a bent lamppost.

"That lamppost dude looks just like..." Ted suddenly noticed that he had wandered away from Bill. He wandered over to the young man with the lamppost.
"Hey man! Uh...that was a most triumphant thing you just did," Ted observed intelligently.
"Um...thanks," said Neo, turning his head away from the fallen building. "Woah! You look just like..."
"Yeah. Are you my evil twin?" asked Ted.
"No!" Neo said quickly.
"Oh." Ted was disappointed.

They stared at each other in disbelief for some time...then they continued to stare in disbelief...then there was some staring and some disbelieving looks...and I could continue in this manner but I imagine you get the general idea by now. Imagine that this paragraph continues in a similar vein for the next thirty sentences and I'll go and get a drink before I write the next chapter.