Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in the amazing Twilight series. They are all Stephanie Meyer's (obviously). Rest assured, if I was her then I wouldn't be writing fan fiction!

Bite Me

"Please?"

"No"

"Oh Eddy please!"

Edward frowned as he climbed out of the gleaming Volvo, and then sighed as Bella tripped. Again. He pulled her up with a marble hand and Bella grinned sheepishly, pushing strands of hair out of her now-red face. The door clicked open and immediately, Bella sprinted over to the piano.

"Oh Edward, play a song for me! MY song!"

Bella patted the keys and Edward winced as the notes clashed together.

"Not right now Bella." He mumbled, ruffling his bronze hair as he rubbed his temples wearily. Bella pouted, sticking out her bottom lip.

"You never do anything I want!"

Edward gently pressed his fingertips against Bella's face. She leaned in, smiling -disappointed when Edward kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair. She pushed against his rock hard body and sniffed loudly.

"Bella, what's wrong? Is there anything I can do?" Edward asked in his soft, musical voice. Bella turned around, a glint madness in her eyes.

"Bite me!"

"What?"

"BITE ME!!" Bella screamed, about to fall into hysterics.

"Whhy..whha.."

Bella cut off his stammering by grabbing the collar of his shirt angrily. She looked up at him and glared coldly, meeting his worried eyes.

"You're sure, you're really 100 on this? There's no going back and…"

"I'm sure!" She grinned manically. "DO IT NOW! I want to be with you forever. Oh Edward, eternity together. Doesn't that sound like heaven?"

Bella closed her eyes, drifting into fantasy. She swayed merrily from side to side as Edward clenched his jaw tightly.

After a few moments of daydreaming, Bella's eyes flickered open and she waved him over happily.

He took two graceful steps and leaned in, curving an ivory arm around Bella's waist.

His sweet, musky scent made her heart race even faster and she shivered in anticipation.

He came closer, by now Bella could feel the blood thundering round her head. Edward smiled, revealing his pearly teeth. Bella was so dizzy she didn't see his eyes becoming darker and darker…

"AHHHHHHH! EDWARD! NO WHAT ARE Y0U… AHHHH!"

Edward's eyes were closed in pure ecstasy as he drained Bella, her sweet scarlet blood splattering onto the floor. She wriggled helplessly in his cast iron grip - squealing and shrieking in a blind panic, just like a piglet.

This was complete bliss! Her blood was far more delicious than Edward could have ever expected!

Just as Edward was really savouring her delightfully warm blood, Edward heard some people's thoughts.

Hey, what is that smell? I really hope Edward hasn't made a mess of my lovely clean house!

Oooh man Rosalie is looking SO HOT today!

I'm so pretty!

Wow, these shoes were so worth $500! I mean, they're so in fashion and they have a cute little strap and everything!

Why is Alice always drooling over her shoes and not me? Even though they are a nice colour…

Some familiar peoples thoughts.

And they were coming closer.

Edward immediately dropped Bella and she fell to the ground with a thump. Bella hissed demonically, twitching on the floor like she was possessed.

"EDWARD…I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BLOODSUCKING LEECH! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? WHEN YOU FIX THIS AND MAKE ME IMMORTAL I AM SO LEAVING YOU!" She spat viciously, and a great gob of spit hurtled onto the sofa where Edward was sitting with his face in his hands.

A flurry of footsteps could be heard stampeding towards the room at superhuman speed. Bella laughed triumphantly.

"HA! You're gonna be in trouble!" She cackled.

Sure enough, less than a second later, the Cullens , all except Carlisle burst into the room.

"Oh thank GOD! Please HELP ME!" Bella screamed, still oozing crimson and rapidly loosing that lovely pink tint in her cheeks.

To her horror however, the Cullens completely ignored her.

"Oh Edward" Esme sighed, heart shaped face in a frown as she enveloped Edward in a motherly hug. "This has to be the 100th time this has happened!"

"157th." Edward replied sadly.

Jasper sniggered and Emmett's booming laughter echoed around the room - both oblivious to Bella's shock and dismay as she writhed around on the floor.

"HELLO? OH COME ON! ALICE? PLEASE HELP ME!"

Alice skipped forwards, elegantly avoiding the puddles of blood on the floor.

"Edward!" She scolded "I was going to go shopping this weekend and now we're going to have to move…probably to a different country! I hope you're happy." Alice wagged an angry finger in his face and Edward hung his head.

Bella was lost for words.

"I...OH GOD…ROS..A..LIE…PLEASE!" Bella gasped desperately.

Rosalie wrinkled her perfect nose as Bella used the last of her energy to try and grab Rosalie's ankle.

"I did tell her." She snorted, taking a step back.

"Hey Emmett, I guess you owe me $10!" Jasper chuckled smugly.

"Oh damn it!" Emmett groaned, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a crumpled $10 bill. "I really thought it would be different this time."

"Oh well, better luck next time eh? But don't worry Edward, I'm sure your next soul mate really will be the one!" Jasper offered.

"And maybe next time she'll be someone who actually enjoys shopping!" Alice added hopefully.

"Yes, and maybe someone who doesn't leave such a trail of destruction." Esme suggested, looking around the living room distastefully.

"You…you'll be SORRY! ALL OF YOU!" Bella wailed sadly.

"You know, I really should have seen this one coming!" Alice giggled.

They all laughed in harmony.

Bella's face was steadily turning paler, even paler than the faces of the Cullens as she clutched her heart, struggling for breath.

Suddenly, Edward's eyes widened.

"Carlisle." He hissed, terrified.

Alice gave Bella a cautious prod in the ribs.

"Oh uhm I don't think she's moving. Or breathing."

"Honey, I'm home!" Carlisle's cheerful voice bounced around the walls.

The Cullens exchanged nervous glances.