A/N: This is my first Bones story though not my first story altogether. I'm not a native speaker and don't have a beta reader so bare with me. None of the characters belong to me, I just borrow them to write this story.
This is a look at the consequences of both Brennan's and Booth's actions in season 5 and 6 and how their decisions changed their lives over the years. You get to know what happened in the time that has passed by characters talking about the past and what's happened to them.
I hope you enjoy this story and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.
The Consequence of Moving on
Brennan:
I just had the most amazing experience…Booth would probably call it a miracle. And if he said that in my presence I would probably correct him and tell him that there are no such things as miracles…but deep down in my brain I would probably agree. Because today I was present at the beginning of life...
Amelia Temperance Hodgins was born today and I, Temperance Brennan, had the pleasure of seeing her enter this world…
I would have never thought that something so simple as the birth of a child could move me quite this much, especially since it's not my own offspring. With your own offspring and the hormones a woman's body is flooded with during pregnancy and birth I would imagine "being moved" wouldn't quite cover the emotions one would experience. But since Amelia is not even related to me by blood I must admit that I'm quite surprised by how much her birth affects me.
Maybe it is simply because I got to be part of her being born by accident that I feel this way…I'm not sure. It all happened so fast that none of us even had a chance to really think…
Angela had just been finished with the facial reconstruction of our latest murder victim and had come to my office to tell me, when her water broke while she was still standing in the doorway…3 weeks early. And of course Hodgins had to be at an entomology conference in Chicago at exactly that time…unreachable for many more hours.
So it was Cam and myself that took Angela to the hospital and checked her in…thankfully she wasn't having any contractions at that time. In fact she claimed to be fine and wanted to go back home and wait until we could reach Hodgins. I think, she's really glad now that she didn't…
Because as soon as we were finally able to get through to Hodgins…4 hours after the water broke…the contractions started and were immediately so hard and fast, that Jack only barely made it back for the last two pushes before Amelia was born. Hadn't he had his own private plane with him in Chicago I'm sure he would have missed it…and I would have felt very sorry for him because if it affected me the way it did, I can't even begin to imagine what it meant to him.
Now, Angela is fast asleep, recovering from the birth and Hodgins had to go and fill our some papers…so it's me, her Godmother, that's gets to hold this precious little girl while her mother is sleeping.
Other than her mother, Amelia is wide awake and if I didn't know better I'd say she's focusing me with her huge, dark blue eyes. Thinking about it, she might even do that as I have her quite close to my face…but I'll probably never know.
Amelia yawns and stretches in my arms and I can't help but smile at the way she wrinkles her nose when she does so. She looks a lot like Angela with her dark eyes and black hair but I can also see a few similarities to Jack…a perfect mixture Angela said and she's right.
I sigh…thinking back a couple years to when I asked Booth to donate his sperm so I could have an insemination and have a baby…If I'd gone through with it then the baby would now be about 18 months old…that is if the insemination had been successful the first try which is very unlikely…but still…I would have my own "miracle" now and wouldn't be as alone as I've felt these last few months…
I sigh again, knowing it's more or less my own fault, that I am where I am now and that I don't really have anyone anymore to share my life and thoughts with. Sure, I have friends that I meet regularly and that I know care a lot about me…but it's not quite the same as what had with Booth before I turned him down and he moved on.
It is true what people say…you don't know what you had until it's gone. Booth has moved on and is seemingly very happy with Hannah and as much as I hate to admit that…she IS making him look very pleased with his life and I like her for that. Because as much as I hate that it's her doing that, the most important thing is that he is happy.
Amelia has closed her eyes now and sleeping just as peacefully in my arms as her mother is in her bed. I lift her up a bit higher so I can give her a little kiss to the forehead and smell that lovely baby smell again…that I never thought existed because it just doesn't seem rational that all babies would produce the same pheromones that people think of as a pleasant smell…but they seem to do. Baby Andy had that smell and Amelia has it too…so there must be at least some truth in what people say.
Looking at Amelia sleep in my arms and feel her soft skin lets my mind drift off again to that baby I never got to have because of Booth's brain tumor. I realize now that even though I really wanted it back then I only now know exactly how much I wanted it and still want that. I know I can't turn back time…that is simply physically impossible…but I sure wish I could. Things would be so different then…
I know I made a mistake turning him down…and I even admitted that to him…unfortunately I can't change that fact now. But these last couple of hours helping Angela through labor and now holding my little Goddaughter in my arms I know that I've got to move on as well…change something about my life or I'm not sure I'll stay mentally sane no matter how good I am at compartmentalizing.
And looking down at the small infant in my arms I suddenly know exactly what this change has to be...
And then I smile as I feel my heart opening up wide. I know that's anatomically impossible…but that's the only way I can describe what I feel right now.
It is as if all of a sudden everything falls back into place and the emptiness that I felt for so many months now is brushed away in a heartbeat.
You ask what it is that makes me so happy just thinking about it? Well…I've just decided that I want to go through with my plan from so many years ago and have a baby.
I know it won't quite be what I imagined then because I can't use Booth's donation now that he has Hannah…but I'm sure I can find a suitable donor in one of the many sperm banks across this country.
Yes…that is exactly what I'll do…I'm going to have my own little miracle…
Booth:
Something is different about Bones today and I can't put my finger to it, she just seems somehow different today…
I know, the past few months have not been the easiest for her. And I still punch myself from time to time not waiting longer for her to figure out what she feels.
I like my life the way it is now. Hannah is good for me and I really, truly love her with all my heart…hell, I even proposed to her last month and she accepted.
But…there's always this one thought in the back of my mind that I can't seem to get out of my head no matter how hard I try…
What if I had waited a little longer and not gotten involved with Hannah? Where would Bones and I be now? What would have happened if had I only trusted my gut more…What if…
I knew how Bones felt about me…even before she knew it herself. Why did I not trust her that she would sooner or later figure it out with that super smart brain of hers?
But it's too late now. We've grown apart so much this last year that I don't think she will ever trust me again the way she did before we both left DC. I have to admit to myself that I don't really know her anymore. She used to be my best friend…and most of the time now it looks as if we're not much more than coworkers that are friendly but otherwise keep their distance.
As much as I love Hannah and our relationship…that hurts.
But…I have no one else to blame but myself. After her confession my car that she made a mistake turning me down during the case with the heart surgeon I understand that she had to move on as well. I still see her there in the passenger seat as if it were yesterday. And I know that that night I not only broke her heart by saying no but also our friendship.
There were a few cracks in it before that day but nothing that could not have been repaired…but when I turned her down I know I gave the last push for it to shatter to pieces.
Since that night, Bones has kept her distance and I can't really blame her. There were no more lunch breaks together, no more dinner invitations at her place, no drinks after we've closed a case. The only time I ever saw her outside of work was at Hodgins' place when we were all invited there…
And I have to admit…I miss her. I miss our friendship and the way I was able to talk to her. She knows so much about me…much more than I could ever tell Hannah. Sure, Hannah knows bits and pieces about how I grew up and what I went through as a Ranger…but I don't think she'll ever know as much as Bones. There're just so many things her brilliant brain simply figured out that I never had to tell her because it hurt too much…and that I still can't tell Hannah and that I know she'll never know…not even once we're married. There are just some things that happened in my life that I can't talk about…and with Bones I didn't have to. She just knew…and it was good that she knew because it saved me a hell of a lot of explaining.
I really miss that…
I look at Bones again as she's just handing little Amelia back to her mother and smile…yes, something is different about her today.
When I walked into the room about half an hour ago, Bones was sitting in a chair by the window, holding the baby in her arms…and it looked so natural that I couldn't keep my mind from thinking about another "What if?"…what if Bones had really gone through with using my donation to have a baby? Would she have been happy with her choice for a donor? Would she really have been able to keep her distance once the baby was born?
Another set of questions that we'll never get an answer to but that will probably keep bugging me for a while…because now that I think about it…Bones looked happy holding Amelia…truly happy.
Yes, that's it…she looks happier than she did in months and I don't think it's only because she got to be with Angela when the baby was born…it's something else and it really bothers me that I can't figure it out anymore…I know back in the "old days" it wouldn't have been much of a problem…but now it's just impossible…
I miss my Bones…and I don't think there'll ever come a day where I don't regret how things turned out between us…
