HELLO AGAIN! I was kind of inspired by that story, Edward Wallbanger, in the EXB universe, so I decided to try it and add my own twist. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning my other stories, but this was in my head and I typed it up as fast as I could.

Naughty Neighbors: Leah and Jacob live the same apartment complex. Right next door to each other. Leah tries to hate him, but how can she when they both share the same, paper-thin bedroom wall.


Chapter One: My Life Is A Zoo

LPOV

"Mmmmmm. Yeah baby. Right there... Oh yeah!"

Not again...

I groaned in frustration and flipped over beneath my bed sheets. The digital clock on my nightstand indicated that it was a little past midnight. Who knew how long this was going to last? I was going to kill him.

"Yeah. Right there. Right there. Make me cum!"

Using two of my fingers, I tried to muffle the sounds by sticking them in my ears. When that didn't work, I shoved my fluffy, decorative throw pillow over my face. With any hope, I thought in my sleep deprived mind, I might smother myself and get from this torture.

"(growl)... (meow)... (growl)... (purr)..."

What the fuckety, fucking, fuck?

-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-

You have got to be kidding me, I thought to myself as I dodged a book that fell from the wall shelf above my head board. I got up quickly and removed everything from the shelf before I was knocked into unconsciousness. Concussion by indirect fornication. How do I explain that injury to good ole Mom and Dad?

-thump-thump-thump-thUMP- THUMP-THUMP-

"HARDER!"

I don't mean to be rude, but how is that even possible? I thought again as the thumping came harder and faster. I pulled on my slippers quickly, shivering at the sudden rush of cold air as I jumped from my bed. Fleas, my old, fat, and graying Greyhound, lazily opened one eye and stared as I pulled on my destroyed, paint splattered sweatpants. "Say nothing, boy."

He seemed to shrug as he closed his eye and rolled over slowly in his blue doggie bed. Some watchdog you are... There was a tank top on my desk chair and I pulled it on. Fleas finally rose and followed after me in the hope that I would get him a midnight snack while I was up.

I could still hear him and Safari Bitch going at it from my kitchen. Reaching into my refrigerator, I tore off a leg of chicken and threw it to Fleas. He attacked it. (If you call shuffling toward it at a snail's pace 'attacking.)

I walked out of my door, leaving it slightly ajar and stomped three feet to the exact left of it, halting at the familiar door I'd grown to hate for the past two years. Before I left, I palmed a piece of an old newpaper, rolling it up and smacking my hand with it to test it. I was ready as I'd ever be. I hate to be a cockblocker, but a girl needs her rest. And I'm sure we can discuss the issue like two perfectly rational adults...

"JACOB BLACK! YOU OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW, ASSHOLE, OR I'M BREAKING IT DOWN!" I yelled as I kicked his door repeatedly with my foot. Vaguely, I heard the bumping noise stop and silently gave thanks to all the deities and gods of the universe for the small blessing. There was a long string of curses that got louder as he approached the door.

"What do you want, Clearwater? I was in the middle of something." He had a hint of an amused smirk on his handsome face and I blushed, both in anger and slight pleasure. I looked down, and that was when I noticed his current state of undress.

I swear to the God of Bacon, Jacob Jr. was still standing at attention and slightly glistening. From what, I did not want to think about. I quickly looked up and glared at him, tearing my eyes away from HappyLand.

"What's the matter? See something you like?" Jacob's mouth was now a full on smirk, and it made me angry. He seemed to notice the paper in my hands and chuckled. "What were you gonna do, Clearwater? Ink me to death?" His words bought me to life and I reached out and smacked him in the shoulder with the newspaper. Before I could say anything, someone else emerged from a hallway.

"Jacob? What's wrong?" A clear, distinctly feminine voice carried from the bedroom. I curled my lip as Safari Bitch padded toward him, stopping at the door next to him. She was a naked as the day she was born. Exhibitionists, much? "Who are you?"

"Leah." I growled through gritted teeth, glaring directly at her blonde splendor. I felt a little self conscious in my sweatpants and huge puppy slippers. "The woman whose bedroom wall you've been destroying for the past hour and a half." I turned away from her and glared at Jacob next.

"Listen, Black. I don't mind an active sex life, I really don't." I stepped closer and poked him on his chest with the paper. "But when it interferes with my bedtime, that's when I draw a line. If you want to screw one of your sluts, please, for the love of all that is holy and good, go to a fucking hotel!" I leveled him with a glare evil enough to send the Devil himself away. "No offense." I said as an after thought to the nice looking blonde haired girl next to him.

She just smiled. "None taken!" She said cheerfully, stepping away from him. "I was about to leave anyway." She turned to Jacob and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for the good time, Jake."

"No problem, Jane." He said in a daze. Jane disappeared for a second and emerged again, clothed in a long, elegant looking coat and a designer purse slung over her shoulder.

"Nice to meet you, Leah." She giggled and strut down down the hallway, her drool inducing designer heels making a pleasant sound on the floor. Jacob and I watched as she turned a corner, and we heard the elevator doors slide closed.

"Thanks, Clearwater. Thanks a lot." He spat at me. I smirked and walked to my apartment, childishly making a funny face at his retreating back.

"Come on, boy." I gestured to Fleas, who had finished eating and was struggling to stand up. I took pity on him and lifted him in my arms to carry him the rest of the way to my bedroom. Once Fleas was safely deposited on his bed, I took off my sweatpants and readjusted the shirt and running shorts I had been sleeping in. It was a little past one in the morning.

I snuggled further into the bed, which was still warm, and closed my eyes in contentment. The problem was solved. Thank heavens. Now, where was I? Oh yes, licking the whipped cream off of Johnny Depp's sexy chest...

Just as I was about to drift into Dreamland, I heard his doorbell ring.

He wouldn't.

Oh yeah... Right there... Make me cum, Jacob...

Oh he would...

With a quick hand, I reached for a projectile. The first thing I grasped was a heavy plastic statuette I had gotten as a housewarming gift. Without opening my eyes, I threw it at the wall.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"


And so it begins! Please tell me what you think!