As the sun began to rise over the meadow, the sky painted a gradient of blue to red, Birds that normally didn't awaken until much later flew out of their nests to gaze upon the beauty of the strange woman situated in the centre of the vast field. Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne gave a musical sigh, hoping that her beloved would hurry so that they could elope together before someone came looking for her.
Never had a woman as beautiful as Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne existed. Her hair was the color of the sun and as soft as silk; her large starry, sapphire eyes captivated all who looked upon her. And her bosom was generous to say the least, particularly when compared to her slender frame. She was so skinny in fact, that she could have been anorexic, but she still looked healthy. Bulimia was more likely. But, her teeth happened to be so perfect that even bile frequently passing over them couldn't distract from their otherworldly perfection, and her breath was always minty fresh. So while most normal people would have to resort to eating disorders to get that figure, as well as plastic surgery, it's impossible to tell if Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne does as well.
Not only was Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne beautiful beyond comprehension, kind, and skinny, but she had also defeated Voldemort. Or claimed to at least—no one cared to ask how she had managed to defeat the Dark Lord (though what with the prophesy and all, her claim should have been highly suspect) but seeing as he hadn't resurfaced, they took her word for it. While some people will simply go along with this, the clever reader has to stop and think of how some skinny blond chick with eight names managed to defeat Mister Big Evil Guy. Unfortunately, they won't find the answer here. Instead they get this little tidbit of news: in reality, she was really Voldemort's daughter and simply asked him to stop being so mean. (The people who think the Dark Lord is simply "mean" also probably believe in the Tooth Fairy and never heard of Hitler.) Even though she is two years younger than Harry Potter and it would, therefore, be impossible for her to actually be Voldemort's daughter. But no one really cares about that. All that matters is Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne saved the wizarding world from He Who Must Not Be Named and had won the heart of Harry Potter. The latter is something even the author can't find a somewhat plausible explanation for, however, the author will direct you back to the second paragraph which describes Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne's beauty for some vague idea as to why dear Harry can even handle being in this girl's presence.
Thus, the reason for her to be in the meadow at such an unreasonable hour was made. Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne came from a very strict upbringing. Her father (hopefully not Voldemort) had been Mormon, and her mother had been a nun (who apparently didn't take the whole vow of celibacy seriously); so when Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne received her letter to attend Hogwarts, they became convinced she was a child of the devil and tried to kill her. (Wouldn't you?) Once she safely escaped, she moved to Number 3 Privet Drive where she met and befriended Harry Potter, despite the fact that it has no remote cannon evidence to support such a claim and she's only eleven. I mean really, how many eleven year olds own their own house for God's sake! Either way, her parents had not agreed to the union between their daughter and the Boy Who Lived. Voldemort probably would have killed her, but nothing can kill Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne! Unfortunately….
Back to the meadow.
She glanced out at the horizon. A white horse galloped towards her. Seated comfortably on the animal was a man with bright green eyes, messy black hair that had gown long and wavy that somehow didn't make him look gay or at least metrosexual. He had somehow grown very muscular and had eye surgery so he no longer had to wear glasses, because glasses aren't sexy (the author notes the irony that she herself wears glasses, as do most of her friends.) This was Harry Potter. But at the moment he looked more like Fabio.
Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne ran towards him and the horse. How exactly she managed to run in a wedding gown, stilettos, and in damp earth is a mystery that only God himself could ever hope to solve. Or Satan. Probably Satan.
Harry Potter/Fabio grabbed her and swung her onto the horse. Together they rode off into the sunset (it must have been a very big meadow, and all of this must have been happening in slow motion because the last time the author made any mention of time, the sun had just come up.) Together, they got married. The rumor that Rosemarie Starrain Desirée Esmerelda Cerise Dazzlekiss Sparkleglow Donatienne happened to be the daughter of Voldemort didn't seem to bother Mr. Potter in the slightest. They had twenty six children within the year; one for each letter of the alphabet.
