Release By Death
By: Heather Starr
Rated: PG-13 or M
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Oki everyone... this is my second fanfic. It is about Rei and how she feels when Yuuichiro leaves. The ending in this is nothing like what happens in the anime or the manga. Of that I am sure.
Standard Disclaimers Apply.
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Dear Diary,
I hurt him. I didn't mean to but I did. I pushed him away like I pushed away all the others. Does he even realize I am hurting deep inside? No, I doubt he does. He left me, without saying a word. Just left the temple, taking all his belongings with him. Oh gods, how it hurts.
How did it happen? We had just had one of our fights again. I knew how he felt about me. I knew he cared deeply for me. But I pushed him away. I was afraid of being hurt again. Mamoru-kun had hurt me. My parents had hurt me. I didn't want to be hurt again. I was so stupid.
I know it wasn't destined for Mamoru-kun and I to be together. It was his destiny to be Usagi-chan. But it hurts none-the-less. He was my first love and I loved him with all my heart. My parents are a different story. Was it destiny that took them both away from me? I doubt it. Fate wouldn't be that cruel. It was me. I was never good enough for them. Never good enough for anyone. Even grandfather doesn't need me here. He did fine without me here before. Honestly, I don't believe he either needs or wants me here. I don't deserve my friends. I don't deserve Yuuichiro. I don't deserve to be loved by him. I am worthless. I pick on Usagi-chan all the time. In reality, I wish I could be her. There is no one more honest or trustworthy than her. She is a good friend and the kindest person I've ever known. Her heart is pure unlike mine. She deserves happiness, not the sorrow I cause.
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The tears are pouring down my face. Glancing up from my diary I see the knife lying next to me on the bed. I begin writing again.
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With Yuuichiro gone I have no reason left to live. The senshi don't need me. They have Mako-chan to protect them. Ami-chan is the brain, not me. When Usagi is Queen, Mina will become the leader of the Senshi. What good am I? All I do is cause problems. I fight and argue and make my friends cry. I threaten and deceive.
I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to have people care about me. I deserve to die.
I wish I could go back and change things. Yet I know that I can't. This is all my fault. I KNOW it is all my fault and that is what hurts the most. I hate myself for all I have done to hurt those I care about. I should have died when my mother died. I don't deserve to live in this life. I now know what I must do. I am giving up on everything. Sincerely,
Hino Rei.
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I close the diary and place it on the bed next to me. I pick up the knife and hold it to the veins in my wrist. I can feel my heart beat speed up. I can hear the blood pounding in my ears. I slice open my wrist with one quick stroke. The pain is unbearable. I slowly slide the knife across my second wrist. More pain. I watch as my life's blood pours out of my body, staining the white sheets of my bed, my clothes, the carpet, my diary. It is over. Visions of all those I have ever loved flash through my mind. Then at last I pass out. Knowing nothing but pain.
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Fin
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So, wat'd you think? Did you like it? Hate it? I know it is kind of depressing. I was just sort of in a depressed mood when I wrote it. Just a quick note: I do not dislike Mars. She is my favorite character. She was just the only one I could picture in this story. Please feel free to review!
