I Went Too Far
Title from the song and I Went Too Far by Aurora and the song Feels (Jai Wolf Remix) by Kiiara was listened to also throughout writing this. This episode made me want to cry so hard. I'm in love with the character of Lena Luthor, and I can only hope these fucking writers do her character justice, even if they mess up the Supercorp potential and keep feeding us this Mon-ew shit. Also, I never have betas, so I apologize for errors.
Lena's staring out at the sky, wine of merlot in hand, as she wonders what her life would have been like had she been adopted into another family. It's funny how chance, luck and maybe even fate, lead to one's destiny. Little Lena Luthor, sent to live with her mother thinking she never had a father to begin with. She doesn't remember what she looked like, and apparently any trace of her burned up along with her in the fire.
It's not until she's four and starting to understand the world around her a little bit more that the Luthor family adopts her right after her mother's demise. She remembers Lionel holding a warm smile, well warmer than Lillian's at least. He looked like he just found a prized pony, Lena unaware until only recently it was because of her jet-black hair and bright blue-green eyes, like her mother's. (The fact Lena's IQ test revealed she was worthy of Prometheus was only a small perk, the Luthor bloodline being good for at least one positive attribute).
She remembers flying home on a private jet, transitioning from a life of coldness, darkness and poverty. The only thing that really changed in her life was the poverty. The cold, the dark, the Luthors were ravaged with it deep in their hearts.
At the very least, Alexander Luthor was still warm somewhat, or at least he was to Lena. Lionel took more of a liking to Lena for some reason, a reason she'd find out later, but for Lex, well, he could always do better and needed to do better in Lionel's eyes. While Lillian would always hold deep adoration for her son, Lionel would always keep pushing him. Maybe that was part of the reason Lex snapped.
He could never live up to the world's expectations of his superiority if Superman was present. Ergo, he could never be the man his father demanded him to be.
For Lena, it was a touch easier. It was cold, and lonely, but money afforded her the ability to keep her mind busy. She went to the best schools, went on trips all over the world, made connections with the best and the brightest. Outside of Lex, no, there wasn't much love, there wasn't much filling the void in her heart… but at least she wasn't in pain. At least she wasn't attacked. At least then, it wasn't her up against the world.
She sipped her wine, quickly brushing the tears from her eyes. Her phone rang again, and she sighed. She knew it was Kara. It was only ever Kara. She checked her phone to make sure and silenced it, memories from earlier flooding back slowly…
"Hey! How are you? I just got the message from Jess, you needed me?"
Kara's chipper tone wafted through Lena's office. She sat at her desk, eyeing Kara defiantly, picking up her glass and downing the rest of her scotch. She needed it tonight. This wasn't going to be easy, but granted her life had been anything but. This was to be expected, truthfully.
Kara noticed Lena's disposition, noticed her drinking. Lena's wasn't privy to her sense of super smell, couldn't tell Kara could smell the booze pouring out of her pours ever so subtly.
"You're not okay," Kara stated kindly, walking further into the room.
She went to go to Lena, to hug her, comfort her, but the CEO held up a single hand, stopping the woman in her tracks.
"I'm fine. I didn't call you here to comfort me, Kara. I called you here because I needed to say something to you."
It was Kara's turn to frown, her brow creasing in confusion. Only a few days ago Lena was hugging her in this office, thanking her and Supergirl for their help in setting her free and clearing her of all charges. She spent the entire evening with Lena until the very early morning, talking, smiling, taking pleasure in comforting the woman who had just been released from behind bars.
"Lena-"
"I'm afraid I have to withdraw my open door policy for you, Ms. Danvers. I appreciate everything you have done for me, however now I think it's best if we go our separate ways."
Lena felt her heart clench, and she held back tears at the statement. Her heart had been torn to pieces over the years, but this? Ripping your own heart to shreds? For the person you loved most? This was a new form of cruel and unusual torture.
Kara for her part stood stunned, not able to comprehend what Lena just said.
"W-Wait, what? Lena, I… what are you talking about?"
Lena placed the empty glass down, her walls up, her mask on, her icy demeanor sending chills through the air. She picked up a few papers and walked them over to Kara, handing them over.
"These are my statements about the past week. You can write whatever you need to Ms. Danvers. From now on you can speak to Jess and the head of the company's PR for any further commentary. Catco will still remain our number one, and you our voice if possible, but as for you and I, this is the last time we'll be seeing each other."
Kara's hand dropped. She felt like someone just took a knife to her heart. What had happened? She was here only two days ago, laughing with Lena, holding her in her arms.
"Lena, what happened? What did I-"
"Kara, please. Don't get so worked up. I simply don't have the time, and this is just business," Lena said confidently, the world's best actress apparently, fooling her mother, fooling Supergirl, and now fooling Kara.
"I do appreciate what you've done for me, and please, send Supergirl my gratitude as well. Though from now on, I think it's best we no longer see each other."
Kara felt her chest clenching, her eyes glancing back up into Lena's, tears reaching her eyes. First, Alex had abandoned her for her new love interest. Then, she was at odds with Winn and James. Mon-el was still butt hurt about her rejection of him. And here, here after everything they had been through, after Kara finally realized the extent of her feelings for Lena, how far she was willing to go for her, Lena was cutting her out like cancer.
"You don't mean any of this," she whispered.
Lena smirked, turning on her heel, unable to look Kara in the eyes any longer.
"Ms. Danvers, like I said, this is just business. You'll still have all the quotes, the connection, you're free to do as you please with L Corp. I've delegated this professional relationship elsewhere to those in my company who have the time," Lena said, finally turning back to Kara as she reached her desk.
"Don't take it so personally, Kara. You've always known I'm a Luthor, and for us, business always comes first."
She sat down, Kara speechless, tears now falling, and Lena bit the inside of her mouth to contain the agony of feeling her heart shattering into a million pieces.
"I trust you can see yourself out? Or do I need Jess to escort you?" Lena asked, opening up her laptop and going back to her work.
Lena didn't look up until she heard footsteps hastily leaving her office…
Present moment
Lena wiped at her face again, pulling tissues out of her pocket. Every time she thought about what she did to Kara, she felt a sickness in her stomach. It was like reverse butterflies, an ache in her chest, a hollowness making itself known. Never in her life had she experienced such a feeling… maybe it was because Kara was the last person in the world she would ever meet who would enrapture her this way.
Lena was officially branded, and there was no going back. Once the news broke she wasn't just an adopted daughter, but the bastard offspring of Lionel Luthor, there was no way the Luthor name would leave her, no matter what. It didn't matter if she was innocent, didn't matter if she was adopted, if she disowned her family name, if she locked her family up, if she assisted in saving the city… Lena realized the truth after being in jail; she would never be treated equally. She would never be seen as anything other than evil.
And… she was never going to allow Kara to get in the crossfire. She would never subject Kara to share in her fate.
She sniffled, chugging the rest of her wine down, not wanting to think about Kara anymore. It was unbearable. She turned to go back into her office...
She froze when she heard footsteps touch down not so lightly on her balcony.
Lena smirked, crossing her arms, not dignifying Supergirl's presence with her attention.
"Yes?"
She couldn't see Kara clenching her fists, clenching her teeth, nostrils flaring. Kara took a deep breath, holding her emotions back.
"Is that how you repay your friends? Cast them aside after they've helped you?"
Kara knew it was unfair of her to come as Supergirl to confront Lena, but there was no other way, and deep down she hoped maybe Lena speaking to Supergirl would warrant more results than trying to keep seeing her as Kara.
"Please Supergirl," Lena started, turning to look at Kara, the blonde surprised by her reddened eyes, her glossy stare.
Kara shook her head slowly.
"Why, Lena?"
Lena smiled at her sadly.
"You maintain some sort of secret identity, Supergirl. I'm assuming it's because out there, in the real world, you have a family, loved ones, people you care about?"
Kara only gave a short nod in response.
"Then you should know best of all," Lena whispered sadly, tears filling her eyes once again.
"Know what?" Kara asked gently, taking a step closer.
Lena breathed out.
"We have to do whatever we can to protect the ones we love."
Kara felt the air get knocked out of her lungs. Of all the responses, of all the confrontations and arguments she expected to transpire tonight, this was not it.
Lena Luthor loved her. And not as Supergirl, but as Kara Danvers. Lena loved Kara. Lena was pushing Kara away because she cared about her… because she was trying to keep her safe. Lena was willing to do whatever it took to keep Kara safe, just like Kara was willing to do in return.
She walked right up to Lena, pulling her into a deep hug, the Luthor gasping and dropping her glass of wine. She remembered holding Lena's unconscious body close as they barely escaped Metallo's detonation, making sure her body took most of the hit.
Lena was startled, rarely used to being hugged. Supergirl wrapped her cape around Lena, the brunette unaware she was even shivering.
"S-Supergirl."
"Kara."
Lena frowned, her eyes opened. Her mind ran a mile a minute, and she pulled back slowly, looking up into those brilliant blue eyes. Her mouth dropped, and tears came back to Kara's eyes, the girl biting her lip.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was waiting. But Lena… I can't keep hiding this from you anymore… or…"
Lena searched her eyes.
"Or what?" she whispered back softly.
Kara held her gaze, moments passing between them, until finally she leaned in, kissing Lena soundly on the lips. The brunette immediately closed her eyes, relaxing into the woman's strong embrace, her arms pulling Kara in closer, Kara's hand threading through her hair.
While Kara didn't need the air so much, Lena did, and she pulled back slowly, her hands leaving Kara's back and traveling her body up to her face. She gently traced Kara cheeks, her jaw, grazing her lips.
"How… how the hell did I miss it?" Lena whispered, Kara smiling softly at her.
"You're not the first," Kara replied, kissing the fingers on her lips.
Lena shook her head, a small smile reaching her face, an inquisitive look in her eyes.
"You… you believed in me against anyone and everyone else, even with our family's history… you still believed in me," Lena whispered.
They kept exploring one another's eyes, as if finding whole galaxies within them, trying to memorize each and every speckle of stardust that illuminated the blues and greens of their eyes.
"From the first moment I met you… you said that first time, you were trying to make a name for yourself outside of your family. The more I learned about you, the more time I spent with you… the more I realized how much we have in common. Even with our differences, how alike we are."
Lena kept smiling, the pain in her chest lessening drastically. She leaned closer to Kara again, the blonde returning the hug, holding her tightly.
"What does this mean for us Kara Danvers?"
"It means I trust you, Lena Luthor. I, Kara Zor-el, believe in you. You don't need to push me away. I can protect myself, and I can protect you too."
Lena felt more tears reach her eyes, Kara kissing the side of her head as she cradled her close.
"I told you Lena, you never have to be alone again. I'm here. I'll always be here."
Lena sniffled into Kara's shoulder, and the floodgates finally opened, the woman's knees buckling. Kara picked her up with ease, whispering comforting words in her ear as she brought the woman inside, going to sit on the couch in Lena's office as Lena wrapped her arms over her shoulders, crying hysterically into her shoulder.
Kara felt herself tear up. It wasn't fair. In many ways, her friends had become like the very people they wre trying to protect Kara from. They accused Lena of being a part of something she wasn't simply based on a name. Not her character, her efforts to save people, etc. They became just like the people who supported Cadmus, the people who wanted to get rid of Kara simply because wasn't from this planet. It wasn't right.
Kara felt her jaw tense, gripping Lena closer. She wasn't going to let anyone, no matter who they were, hurt her ever again.
"I'll protect you Lena. I promise."
Lena held her tighter. When she finally managed to calm her breathing and relax into Kara's muscular arms, she was able to speak.
"I think we make a better team than we make a pair of rivals," Lena mumbled softly, Kara smiling against her head.
"Something tells me the world hasn't even scraped the surface of what a Luthor is truly capable of."
Lena's mind flashed back to the other night, to the chest board on the table sitting before her. She turned in Kara's arms, she looked into her eyes, Kara gazing back calmly. Lena bit her lip, turning on Kara's lap and letting the cape drop partially. She reached over to the chess piece, smiling softly. She settled back on Kara's lap, fiddling with the piece, Kara reaching to gently touch Lena's fingers and the piece as well.
"What is it?"
Lena smiled.
"I didn't know until I visited Lillian… I am a real Luthor, Kara. Lionel, he… he had an affair with my mother. When she died, I was four. He found out and brought me to live with Lillian and Lex and him."
Kara's fingers played with Lena's as they gazed at the chest piece.
"Was Lionel… as he like Lillian? Like Lex?"
"No. Lillian tried to say otherwise, but… now I know why I always felt connected to him, and to Lex… we were truly family."
Kara pressed a kiss to her temple, mouth drifting to her ear.
"I'm sorry, Lena. I… I know what it's like, to learn your family is not perfect, not innocent."
Lena turned to look into Kara's eyes. She saw a wisdom there she had not seen elsewhere. She remembered when Clark Kent, who she now knew was Kara's cousin, was friends with Lex. They were thick as thieves. But with Clark… there was always this sense of self-righteousness… this sense that there was black and white, right and wrong, good versus evil…
As she gazed into Kara's eyes, she knew the woman before her was more privy to the realistic complexities of the world and universe to trivialize such matters. She leaned in, kissing Kara slowly again, pulling away and leaning her forehead on Kara's, eyes closed.
"When Lionel brought me home… I beat Lex at chess. He was ten, I was four… Lionel was always harder on Lex. Lex may be a member of Mensa, but my IQ… it put me in the Prometheus range… just another reason for him to push Lex harder, make Lex adore me more, and give Lillian cause to hate me."
"I always knew you were special," Kara said, Lena rolling her eyes.
"I didn't bring this up to boast. I just… when you left me in the office the other day, I picked this up, and I remembered that moment… remembered Lillian looking at me, saying I was really a Luthor… and after everything Kara, even with your support, for a moment, I just…"
"You wondered what it would be like to just give in," Kara finished for her, Lena nodding slowly.
"I am a Luthor, Kara. You need to know that."
"Lena… where do you think the Medusa virus came from?"
Lena frowned, pulling back, looking into Kara's eyes, seeing the fatigue and weariness there. Kara smiled sadly.
"My father. He's the one who created the virus. He was ready to kill entire other species, commit genocide… my mother? She imprisoned her own twin sister for trying to save the planet of Krypton before its destruction. If we're going to go by family names, don't look at Clark and think my family is made up of people like him, because it's not. We're more alike than you know."
Lena listened intently, blinking a few times and looking away, surprised and also relieved. She really wasn't alone. The woman she loved… they shared more of the same struggles and burdens than she ever realized.
"Is it bad that is makes me happy? To know you can relate to me more? I was worried. Falling for you, as Kara Danvers, your sunshine-self… I was worried my darkness would scare you away."
Kara fingers took the chess piece out of Lena's hand, placing it back on the chessboard.
"We all have darkness Lena, even me, even Supergirl… it's all in how we deal with it," Kara replied, leaning back into the couch, the pair gently touching, watching each other, listening carefully, as if they were the only two people on the planet that would ever understand one another.
"You've had every reason to turn your back on people. You've had every reason to lose it, to say to hell with it, and still… still you live your life with honor. You're remarkable, Lena. And not just because I'm falling in love with you."
Lena shook her head slowly with a smile.
"You really know how to woo a girl, don't you?"
Kara chuckled.
"Actually, no. I just… I'm tired of being with people who don't fulfill me. I'm tired of settling, for being complacent," Kara said earnestly, looking back up into Lena's eyes.
"I don't know what's going to come around the corner. All I do know is that I had zero doubts about your honesty, and I was willing to die in a kryptonite explosion to keep you from harm. I don't want to waste anymore time, Lena. When you sent me away, when I felt my heart breaking… I knew it was you. You're the person I'm meant to be with."
Lena's cheeks were stained red, and she couldn't stop herself from leaning forward, capturing Kara's lips in a much more heated kiss than the previous ones. Kara adjusted her grip, the pair trying to move closer, Lena cupping her cheeks, and Kara gripping her back and hip.
"Kara… if we don't stop-"
"I don't want to stop."
Lena looked into her eyes, and seeing only honesty there, her signature sultry smirk fell into place. She leaned forward, letting her breath grace Kara's ear, sending a chill down her spine.
"Then I think we should take this back to your place, or mine."
Lena squeaked when Kara immediately stood, the woman locking her office door, turning off the lights, and heading to the balcony, shutting behind them, Lena watching in awe, chuckling at the act.
"Eager, Supergirl?" Lena teased gently, Kara smiling back, that sunny smile of happiness Lena was so used to.
"Happy," Kara corrects, adjusting Lena before slowly taking off.
As Lena let's Kara carry her through the night skies, she can't help but thinking that she too, feels happy.
FIN
