Disclaimer: I don't own Video Game Confessions which is owned by ThatGuyWithTheGlasses and/or any and/or all concepts and/or characters that are displayed in this fic. They are all copyrighted to whoever owns them.

"I do, however, reserve the right to claim Klank and Orbus as my robot minions considering that I hired them after Zeo and Ohranger ended. But I don't own the shows they appear in. Just wanted to make that perfectly clear! Enjoy!"

-Count Kulalu-



Ash Ketchum

Bar Confessions


This is Kulalu. Kulalu works at a bar known as the Krazy Kulalu. There, popular characters from all over pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories and even secrets. Because, as we all know, what the bartender hears in confidential, isn't it?

So I'm tending to the bar like I usually do, when in comes a guy I haven't seen in a LONG time: Ash Ketchum. He comes straight to the counter and asks for a nice tall drink. He didn't care what kind, so I thought I could surprise him by giving him a shot of chocolate milk. It's a little trick I do when people say 'surprise me' when they order a round.

Ash didn't even look at it. He just grabbed the shot glass, chugged it down, and slammed the glass on the counter.

"Okay…" I thought. Clearly something was going on, so I decided to ask him. "What's going on, Ash? You seem to be a bit…mad."

He just looks at me like I was Captain Obvious. "That is an understatement. I've just about had it with my show."

Now this was going to be good. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm just about ready to quit. The show's become too much, and I can't stand all the things it's forced me to do anymore." He said as he put his head in his hands.

Now I was definitely curious. "What things?"

"Oh where do I begin?" He rubbed his temples. "How about the fact that my contract states that I'm only allowed to catch so many Pokémon."

That really surprises me. "It does?"

I mean, wow. I know fans complain as to why Ash doesn't really catch all the Pokémon he finds, but to here that he's actually banned from doing so really strikes a chord. "What else do they do to you?"

He looks at his glass, pointing out how empty it is. I get the message and quickly grab it out of his hand and refill it. I do it all in the blink of an eye so he doesn't realize what he's actually drinking. After he gets a sip, he continues on his rant. "They make me act like I'm still 10. Did you know I'm actually 22 years old."

As if things weren't crazy enough. "Really! But you look so…you sound so…"

He just smirks a bit. "Yeah, but you could just consider me a Daniel Radcliffe in the anime world."

Makes sense to me. "So you have to act a lot younger than you already are. That doesn't sound so bad."

He just sighs. "Try telling that to anyone in a club. Even when I show them my ID, they still don't believe me."

I try to change the subject a bit. "So what if you're a lot older than you look? How are Misty, Brock, and the others?"

Ash smiles a bit. "Well, Brock still works on the show. We both try to help the other through the day. May, Dawn, and Max are still young, but doing well on the show. As for Misty…"

He pulls out a picture of the two of them together. They were enjoying a moment on the beach. "We've been going steady for a few years now."

I congratulate him and tell him how happy I am to hear that. "It doesn't sound all bad."

Ash frowns. "Yeah, but there's so much that the fans don't know about."

"Like what?" I ask. He just looks angrily at his glass that I refilled again.

"Like how badly they could sometimes treat the Pokémon. Take Butterfree for example."

Now I liked Butterfree and was sad to see him leave the show, but still cheered for him when I found out he really did end up with that Pink Butterfree and they have a few Caterpies of their own.

I was worried about what the show did to him. "What happened to Butterfree?"

"They made him overdose on rare candy to get him to evolve faster." Ash answered with no hesitation.

I shouted out. "They did what?"

Ash continued on. "It was the only way he could evolve in two episodes. He wasn't the only one though. Take Charizard. He would always come onto the set stoned, which is why the writers had to make it look like he had no respect to obey me despite the fact I had all the Gym badges."

Now that answered one of my questions that fans of the show always had. I mean, we always thought that Charizard proved the Badges don't mean jack, but to hear that he was always on cloud nineteen…Dang.

"Well, at least he got better." I said, trying to lighten the mood. Ash disagreed.

"That's because he was going through rehab. The part where he left the show for the first time was him finally seeing real professional help." He said, though you could tell he was happy that his friend was getting better.

"Okay, anyone else?" I asked. Who else was messed up on the show, I wondered.

He sighed. "Misty."

What the heck? "Misty! She had drug problems?"

"No! Not that!" He waved his hands frantically. "It's just…one day I found her collapsed on a floor in her dressing room. We rushed her to the hospital and found out later that she had nearly overdosed on vicodin."

Now I had to think about that one for a minute. "Vicodin? I thought she didn't have any drug problem."

Ash explained it more clearly so I could understand it better. "She didn't. A few weeks before that, she got into a car accident and was hurt pretty badly. She just needed the pills to help with some pains. She knew her prescribed amount and made sure we all watched out for her. But we all found out the real reason she nearly died."

He then looked at his glass like a telescope. I gave him another refill before he continued. "She took what she thought was water, but it turned out to be Psyduck's alcohol stash."

Now I definitely wasn't expecting to hear this. "Psyduck's…what the heck does he need alcohol for?"

Ash simply spread his arms out. "It's what gave him his headaches. He would just drink some and voila, he was ready for his bit."

This was too much. "I assume that's not even the tip of the iceberg that is all the things wrong with the Pokémon show?"

"Oh, there is so much more. Want to hear it?"

I honestly don't, but at this point I can't help myself. "Well, maybe one more…"

Ash grins. "One more, huh? Well, you know about Team Rocket?"

Who doesn't know about Team Rocket? They are some of the most iconic villains in all of Saturday morning anime. Why, Rocket grunts are one of the for sure costumes you'll see at any anime convention. I should know. Me and my pals tried to go as a few grunts last expo.

So I want him to go on with his story. "Course I know about Team Rocket. Why? Were they on drugs, too?"

At this point I'm getting the feeling that all his stories are involving drugs in some way or another. Ash just shakes his head in disagreement. "Nope. But they did something that none of us expected."

I lean in closer. "Go on."

He looks around and holds a hand over his mouth as he tells me. "They got married on the set, had a lavish honeymoon that was on plenty of vacation time they accumulated from their stunts, and they put all of the cost and expenses on the company's payroll."

Now the eyes on my mask have widened by a few inches. "They did! When?"

"You know that one episode where Jessie is dressed like the groom and James like the bride?"

"Yes."

"That would be the one."

Now I knew that the two Rockets married, reading Anime News weekly myself. Everyone knew that, even if they didn't address it on the show. But until Ash told me, no one in all the worlds knew the when and where the ceremony took place. To be told that their Big Day was a way to give the corrupt corporates running the show the Big Finger was far from what I was expecting.

And there where many more stories Ash had to tell me, but for now I think I've told enough. Maybe another time I'll say more, but for now, I think I can honestly say there are many things going on behind the scenes of the Pokémon show. The only place I could think of stranger things going on is at nice bar known as the Krazy Kulalu.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender. You see a lot of strange things at the Krazy Kulalu. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Krazy Kulalu. And that is no lie. I swear to it. ;)