ELI:
The next few days were hell.
From the look on her face the night she told me she had read it, she knew I loved her. And yet, she looked happier with Jake than she ever had with me. I kept having doubts. Maybe she would be better off with him. Maybe I should just back off. I shared all of this with Adam, but he always gave me the same answer.
"Dude, she thinks you hate her. Don't think about trying anything, her and Jake are getting pretty serious."
I was getting desperate. After school, I practically ran home. CeCe and Bullfrog were gone, of course, so I went straight to the kitchen.
The first thing I saw was her short shorts that hardly covered her ass, and her long dark auburn hair that hit her mid-back. She was on a step stool, putting dishes away.
"What are you doing here?" I nearly screamed, startling her so much she almost fell off the step stool. It was too bad she didn't.
"ELI! Don't scare me like that!" She turned around, showing that she had lost the glasses she used to wear last year, swapping them for contacts that made her hazel eyes that much more powerful. She never wore a lot of make up, now not even the liner she used to always wear. Her skin, although flawless, had lost its glow. Even her body looked different. Last year, she had perfect curves, slightly heavier than most girls, but not overweight. The girl I saw before me hardly had any curves at all, on a skinny frame. The tan that she usually had had last year had faded into pasty white, like her sister's had years before.
"Then what are you doing here?" I demanded again. I had tried to avoid her since the night when we killed her sister. I hated her.
"Chill. My dad's gone again, back on active duty. Mom died 'of grief' after Julia passed… Long story short, I have nowhere to go. A couple weeks ago, my dad called yours and finalized plans. They didn't tell you?" Her voice even sounded wrong. Every word shook, every letter accented.
I cursed my father under my breath. It wasn't unlike him to make plans with Julia's father behind my back, especially since he was so worried about my well-being. They didn't know why I wouldn't speak to Angel after Julia died, and hopefully they never would. "No, he must've forgotten." I said with ice. I didn't want to be near her again, as far as I cared, she could have died with her sister and mother. She was the reason they were dead. Her and me, of course. As far as I knew, she was a fucking murderer. And so was I, I had to remind myself. She went through as much pain as I did when her own sister died. As the inner battle inside me continued, I knew I needed to get away. But Angel had other plans.
"Eli, I know you're not happy to see me, but since I'll be living here for the next couple of months—"
I had to cut her off. "What about that fucking boyfriend you had, why won't he take you in?" I was desperate to get away from her. And yet I just wanted to hold her close to me, tell her everything would be okay.
"You mean Marc, from last fucking year? I told him what happened and now he won't speak to me. Not one of my old friends will. And since I took a year off school after Julia died, I have no friends anymore, and I'll be a damn senior once the year starts again."
"Let me guess, you're moving to Degrassi?" One of my worst nightmares, finally coming to life. Clare, being as kind as she is, meeting Angel and knowing the darkest secret behind Julia's death. She'd never love me again. She'd never even think of me the way she does now.
I couldn't risk it.
"Possibly. I mean, there's no way of knowing for sure. It all depends on how my dad does this time, if he comes home at all…" I remembered Angel's negative outlook on her dad being in the army, despite his many honors and medals. He and her uncle had signed up together, and her uncle had died within weeks of arriving. Julia always had a different take on it. She never cared if her dad came back; she was always closer to her mom. Her father was not kind to his younger daughter the way he was with his eldest. But I remembered that the girl in front of me had no family except her father. And part of me wanted to rub that in her face.
"Whatever. I have stuff to do." I could just do some revisions on the play or something, if I really had to do something to just get Julia and her sick sister out of my mind.
"Well, I'm done with the dishes, maybe I could help." Angel practically pleaded with me. I shot knives at her with my eyes. The look she gave me showed me how broken the girl who had let her body shrink was. She mouthed at me; barely a whisper escaping her lips, "I'm sorry Eli…" She blamed herself. For all of it. She needed help, and I was her only option.
"Sure. I just need help reading lines for the play I wrote."
Her face lit up. She was no actress, but I knew that she could be great just reading through it. I breathed heavily. I could handle this.
CLARE:
Eli's mood had changed dramatically at school after our last encounter. He seemed angrier, more depressed. For Jake's sake, I pretended nothing ever happened. I couldn't let Jake know that every time Eli walked past, I wanted to run up to him and hug him and kiss him, and tell him everything would be okay. But every bone in body knew it was impossible. He didn't love me. He couldn't, right? He may have realized his mistake when he slandered me in his play, but that didn't mean anything. So I took out my passion on Jake. Everything I felt for Eli I forced to shift to Jake. Every thought, every fantasy, I replaced Eli's face with Jake's. It stung at first, but I was slowly getting used to it. But when Eli started talking to me again, it took everything I had not to run back into his arms and beg for him to take me back.
It started about a week after I noticed his mood changes.
"Clare!" His voice stopped me in my tracks. Luckily, Jake wasn't around to notice my slight breakdown.
I could hardly turn around, "Yes, Eli?"
"Do you know if I can bring someone from outside the school to be a publicity head for the play?" I was confused by his nonchalance when he talked to me now. Maybe he really was over me.
I tried to answer him with as little emotion creeping through as possible. "You would have to talk to Mr. Simpson and Ms. Dawes about that. Though I think if they're over 18, it doesn't really matter."
"Great, thanks." And with that, he was gone. Yet I still couldn't really breathe. I almost felt like crying. If he was over me, why couldn't I get over him? He was the one who drove a hearse into a wall just to keep us together! What changed? I was the one who had another boyfriend, who had tried to move on. And yet I got weak at the knees when I just looked at his beautiful green eyes. After that, I faked sick to get away from both Eli and Jake. It was just too much.
