A.N. This is a one-shot for InevitablyWicked19 seeing as how I've owed her a one shot for several months now. So this is me finally paying up and a little thank you for all the help you've given me. I know not this nor a million one-shots could ever be enough thanks but it's something lol This might not be as fluffy and sexy as you were hoping for but I think you'll like it anyway.
Pokie.
Let Her Go
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Bo's Pov
Someone much older and wiser once said that if you love something then you let it go, if it comes back then it's meant to be. Someone even older and wiser than said person told me that true love was willing the good for them as the other. I just said uh-huh and asked Kenz about it later. Apparently the uncomplicated short of that is that if you truly love someone then you should be willing to love them in the background if necessary. That if someone else makes them happy then you should step back and be happy for them. If something is better for someone then what you can offer then bow out gracefully. That even if it's killing you, you smile and pretend all is right in the world so they never know the difference because they shouldn't have to feel guilty for being happy.
Basically be willing to love a person from the sidelines-I call BULLSHIT.
If you love someone then you should do what it takes to make it work because relationships of any kind aren't easy. If you love someone then you shouldn't be okay with watching from the background as they run off having another perfect life with another perfect person. Sure you might not be perfect but you know you can make them happy so why isn't that good enough right? You might not be able to offer them them a palace but you know you can offer them a good life so why isn't that good enough?
Okay NOW I'm calling BULLSHIT.
I can't help but laugh aloud to myself, hands covering my face as I try and hide my embarrassment. From who is the question considering you can't hide from yourself and if you can then someone needs to clue me. It's stupid but it just makes me feel better and hey at this point I'm living for the small pleasures.
Jesus I've become pathetic.
Bo the great and powerful, prophetical succubus sitting here wallowing in her own self-pity while mopping over a woman-a human woman at that.
"You alright?" Dyson's half chuckled, husky whisper pulls me from my wallowing but I keep my head in my hands, maybe he'll go away if I wait long enough. "Earth to Bo." I hear the legs of the stool next to me scratch along the floor and now I know he isn't going anywhere soon.
"Mopey, androgynous chicks your thing now?" my left hand dropping to the bar as I raise an eyebrow at him.
"Always." he smirks, reaching over the bar to grab the bottle of tequila.
I can't help but to return it with a soft, half smile. It's been months since I last saw him and just about as long since I'd even heard his voice. There is so much history here, so much that can't be forgotten but sometimes it's nice to overlook it.
I watch as he pours himself a shot and fills up my own shot-glass, this one should make nine or ten or fifteen. It's somewhere up there, let's just say that. It's enough to keep the tears at bay and that's what I need—who cares about the ugly fate that awaits me in the morning.
"What brings you back, last I heard you were down in the states somewhere." I ask the loaded question before downing my shot.
"Well," he gives me that wolf grin and I already regret asking. "Kenzi called, said you were in need of a fuzzy foot warmer."
"Well," shot. "Kenzi has been known to overstep from time to time," refill. "And confuse what I say." shot. "What she meant was I needed a pair of fuzzy slippers because I lost mine." refill.
"I wasn't aware you had fuzzy slippers."
"Oh yeah," I nod and down another shot. "They have floppy ears and everything."
"Bet that looks great with your kimono."
"Mm-hm," refill. "I'm sorry you came all this way expecting a booty-call but I'm-" I trail off as he laughs and lifts his left hand up, eyes zeroing in on a silver band. "Wow. Well now I feel like double the ass." I snort and shake my head at myself once again. "What's a little more embarrassment right?"
"I did come for you but just as a friend."
"Well those are four words I never thought I'd hear from you."
"I know." he chuckles with a nod looking down at his drink. "You want to talk about it?"
"If you're here then that means you already know." I can hear my own voice harden, my eyes going down to my recently filled shot-glass. Another layer of soul-crushing weight draping over my heart.
"Maybe I want to hear it from you."
"Maybe I want you to go back to being the pussy-whipped asshole who tried to put her down every chance you got." I snap, words leaving my mouth with a speed and venom I wasn't aware I was capable of at the moment. Tossing back another shot before slamming it down so hard I'm sure the bottom cracks. "I—I'm sorry." shame quickly creeping in as I slowly glance over at him but there isn't anger, just a sorrowful understanding. "My head is just really-fucked at the moment."
"Bo-"
"She asked me to let her go."
"Have you?" a pointless question given my state but he'll ask out of politeness anyway.
"Sometimes I think I have." another stolen, shame ridden glace. "Other times, not so much."
"I'm quite acquainted with that sentiment." he reaches for the bottle and falls silent. "So this woman-"
"Evony."
"Holy shit!" he coughs out, spitting his drink out just enough to make it spray over the bar-top. "Kenzi forgot to mention that bit."
"Yeah." I shrug, running my tongue over my teeth to keep from blurting another comment.
"Um," shock turning to amusement as he tries not to laugh. "She-"
"Evony is still human." I turn to face him. "The New Elders finally approved it and Lauren was going to change her back but Evony is choosing-"
"To remain human?"
"For Lauren-yep."
"But I'm just not understanding the..." he trails off, this puzzled look taking over his face. Yeah, we've all already been there buddy.
"Short of the long is that somewhere in between helping her adjust to human life and doctor patient shit and whatever else they became close and then suddenly Evony could offer things I couldn't."
"Is that a jab at the cushy lifestyle or the human aspect?" Well that's the question isn't it? "Look Bo, I know with our history this is going to sound bad but maybe it just wasn't meant to be."
"Popular opinion." shot. "Everyone keeps saying she's just another girl," I take a deep breath, the words leaving an awful taste in my mouth. "And I know-I know I'm a succubus. I know I could be reeling them in left and right."
"But you don't want another girl?"
"No." a snorted chuckle as I shake my head and refill my glass. "She's not a girl by the way." I say under my breath sounding sort of childish, really at this point what does it matter what we're calling her?
"So let me get this correct, Lauren is about to leave town for good with-Evony." he has such a hard time keeping a straight it's almost comical. "And you're sitting here drinking yourself stupid because?"
"Because-she asked me to. Because she deserves to be happy and deserves something good for once, something that isn't-me. I'm like this giant blackhole that just swallows everything around me, I mean look at what I did to you." I snort pointing at him.
"I turned out okay."
"Yeah, now that you ran away, left me and married someone else. Notice you being okay doesn't involve me in there." another snort as I reach for the bottle but this times he pulls it away. "Excuse me."
"Did you even say goodbye?"
"No." I shake my head like a child.
"Why don't you just call her."
"I would have except," I pause pulling my phone from my pocket before tossing it on the bar. "Stupid phone isn't working again. This is what I get for ignoring Jon Rettinger and all his technological wisdom, should'a went with android but no." I snort and can't help but chuckle at a memory coming back to me, Lauren's words weaving there way into my own response. But the welcoming memory gets quickly sidetracked by the look of pure confusion on his face. "You know Jon Rettinger, the CEO of TechnoBuffalo?" I only manage to keep a straight face for a few seconds. "Yeah I didn't have a clue either until Lauren followed him on Twitter, it was a big deal. Videos are actually helpful, well if you actually take the advice otherwise they're just really entertaining."
"Lauren has a Twitter?" his brow furrowed, his attention stuck a dozen or so words back.
"Yeah," I can't help but laugh, the memory of the night I found out coming to mind. "She follows doctors, says it's purely work related but I'd like to know what all the cute pictures of baby animals are related to." another soft laugh escaping from me as the words bring up yet another memory I had tried so hard to drown out. "I know, Lauren and social networking is quite a thought right?"
"No, actually I was trying to figure out how she managed to speak in only a hundred and sixty characters at a time. Last I remember she didn't speak in words under three syllables at a time if she could help it."
"It was a challenge at first but she began to take it personal," I look back down at my drink, fingertips tapping the glass. "Let's just say when she takes things personal she's gonna win sooner or later."
"I need to see this." he laughs, right hand hitting the bar top as his other hand digs in his pocket looking for his phone I assume.
I can't lie, it was nice seeing him again. This was nice, laughing and joking only problem was the only time I'm smiling is thinking about her—about us.
"Call her." his voice once again pulls me from my thoughts, eyes going to his hand as he slides me his phone.
I feel myself starting to reach for his phone, in fact I actually do but instead I find myself grabbing my own. He gives me this gentle smile, the one that says I'm being stubborn but I didn't need him to come a few thousand miles to tell me that.
Sliding from the stool I shove my phone in my pocket, wrap my arms around him as I rest my head on his shoulder, a goodbye of sorts. Honestly I don't know if tonight is the last time I'll see him again or maybe he'll play his role that he loves so much and stick around for a few days to make sure I'm okay.
Either way, this is more of a goodbye than our first one.
I don't say anything, I didn't need to.
I slip through the crowd near effortlessly, between my much practiced self control and Lauren's latest serum I almost don't even notice that the sexual energy in this place is rating fifteen on a scale to ten. I should rephrase, I notice because lets face it I'm love sick not dead but it rarely effects me. How ironic that just around the same time I make real progress, the same time we actually progress in being able to be together long term she decided to leave.
Irony is a bitch.
I look around the alley, my car missing. On instinct I start to reach for my phone but instead begin feeling for my keys, a smirk pulling at the corner of my mouth.
Dammit, Kenzi.
I could go back inside and drink myself senseless but the icy pellets assaulting my skin make me think I should head home. I know I'm gonna get soaked any minute now but hey, what's a little rain to go with my heartbreak, at least this way if I do end up crying no one will notice.
Passing a store front I force my gaze down to the sidewalk, I refuse to look at myself. I've been hurt before, Dyson had his hand in my pain. In turning me into just another girl crying over some guy but Lauren-Lauren turns me into-something. Something that makes me want to curl into a ball and cry for days-weeks.
We've broken up so many times before that you'd think I'd be use to it by now but every time it just seems to hurt a little bit more. Every time it feels a little more real—a little harder to ignore and now me saying that it's all just part of the Bo and Lauren journey sounds like a played out line that no one believes anymore. Kind of like the drunk at the bar who says this is his last drink and yet five hours later you can find him in the same seat.
I sigh looking up into the sky as I feel the rain begin to pick up.
She's just another girl...I shake my head at the thought, it wouldn't be so bad if they actually believed it but I see right through them when they say it. They give me this pitying look and say it with the worst level of conviction I've ever heard. Kinda like the way you tell your friend they're fine when really they have a screwdriver sticking out of their head.
No ones buying it.
Lauren Lewis is far from being a girl and sure as hell the farthest thing from being just another one of them. I know they mean well when they say it but that make her sound like just another cheep one night stand, a quick feed to appease my nature.
My stupid nature-I should have asked for that human making dealio. I'd like to see human Evony compete with human me.
God, I sound like a child.
Shaking my head I look up to find I've walked six blocks passed the club house, great. Another shake of my head as I bring myself to a stop and have a laugh at myself. But somewhere in between laughing at myself and preparing to head home for a good cry into my pillow followed up by a hangover to end all hangovers I realize I'm only four blocks from the bus station. The same bus station that Lauren was leaving from.
Glancing around I look for a clock of some kind but all I find is a empty street. Making up my mind that buying a new phone would be worth it I pull mine out hoping just to see the time but the stupid thing won't even turn on now.
Looking from the blank screen of my water logged phone to the street toward the bus station. This feeling in the pit of my stomach saying what could it hurt to go check if she's still there combating the voice of reason in the back of my mind telling me that this life she's running toward, the life without me is better for her.
Evony had money saved up all over, she was sophisticated when she wanted to be and actually managed to have conversations with Lauren about things she liked. I mean I could do that too but Evony could really interact and me—well I just reacted-to what I understood. Evony was human now and making the whole grand gesture of staying that way for her. Though honestly I think my gesture of being Fae and wanting to be with her despite the repercussions is more than grand but who am I to say?
I keep going over the passed few years, passed few months trying to spot the exact moment when I wasn't enough but all I keep thinking is maybe I never was.
The crack of thunder causes me to jump, mind joining reality to find myself at the gates of the bus station. I quickly hop onto the sidewalk as a bus zooms passed, the header reading 'To Vancouver' so I don't even bother to try and look into the windows, Lauren was heading for the states, Chicago to be exact.
The further I get into the lot the more I realize I'm too late, there's no more buses other than those that are parked far off in the distance. No droves of people waiting to escape this Fae riddled town—I don't even see any lights inside of the actual station house.
"You're late." my attention snaps to the familiar voice, my heart nearly stopping at the sound.
I find myself froze staring at her through rain and blurred vision. She's just sitting there on a bench holding one bag in her lap, her rolling suitcase next to her. She's soaking wet and shivering, water pouring off of her which makes me doubt the voice in my mind telling me she's crying. I want to walk the last fifteen steps or so, pull her into my arms and tell her I love her but I just can't seem to move.
"You're late." she repeats herself leaning against the back of the bench as she pulls her bag from her lap and places it beside herself. "You look like shit." she says after a solid thirty seconds of silence and for some reason I feel another wave of shame coming over me when I finally muster a reply to her.
"I—I was at the Dal."
"With Dyson." I don't bother asking how she knows he's back, news like that travels fast in this town.
"Trying to forget you-trying to convince myself I can be without you." my lips part once more as soon as my unintended words escape but this time I can't seem to find my voice. I want to apologize for my comment but yet the words refuse to come.
"D—did it work?"
"There isn't a drink strong enough in this world or the next to make that happen." I run my hand over my face wiping away the rain and tears alike. "Where's Evony?" my heart breaking just a little more as I say her name.
"On her way to Chicago." she looks away from me for the first time staring off into the darkness of the night and I'm just a sliver of self control away from begging her to look at me again. "There was an issue with the Ash so I had to take the next bus."
"Oh."
"At least that's what I told her."
"Oh?" my beaten heart nearly stopping all together as she turns her attention back to me, eyes locking with mine—I'm sure I'm forgetting to breathe.
"I was waiting on you to say goodbye."
"Right." that sick feeling returning as fast as a speeding bullet. All I can seem to focus in on is the goodbye part of her sentence. "Well-goodbye then Lauren." I sigh out with a nod as my eyes fall to the ground.
Quickly turning my back to her as I start to walk away, I can't do this. I can't have another one of those long goodbyes where we say all the reasons why we won't work. Where I plead and cave into giving her the space she needs. Where I ask for space and she throws every mistake I've ever made right back into my face. I can't go through another conversation that rips my heart from my chest.
"That's it?" her voice breaking and I swear it's because she's crying but the crack of thunder makes it's impossible to be sure. "Dammit Bo look at me." she yells and I feel her growing closer but I don't stop—not at first. I actually manage to make it several steps before caving and turning to face her.
What's one more heart-ripping argument at this point?
"What?!" I snap, more as a way to hide I'm crying than actual anger.
"After almost eight years that's all I get? Some half ass, slurred goodbye? That's all I mean to you? That's all we meant?"
"You know what Lauren-yeah that's all you're gonna get from me for any number of reasons but the biggest reason at the moment being," my breaths becoming shallow as I take two angry steps toward her. "I'm running out of ways to make you see I want you here beside me. I'm running out of lies to tell myself, to convince myself I'll survive letting you go. Because the truth is Lauren, I won't be okay and I won't pretend I am," my hand running through my hair trying to keep it from my face. "Not anymore."
"I'm supposed to believe you aren't okay?" this time it's her who takes steps toward me.
"I'm supposed to believe you care if I'm not? You're running off to your new life leaving me behind."
"You told me to!"
"I was letting you go! I was letting you go be happy—have the life you wanted."
"You think I want that life?"
"Don't you?" my anger gradually turning into uncertainty as the rain begins to die down allowing me to clearly hear the pain lacing her voice.
"Sure-maybe-I don't know." her features twisting in pain as she tries to hold a sob in.
"You don't know?" I can't help but to chuckle. "You were so certain a few days ago telling me you didn't need me. Telling me to get out of your house. What happened to that?"
"I found myself standing here with everything I own readying to head into a new life with someone who loves me and-and-"
"And what?" another step toward her, she's just out of arm's reach now.
"And all I kept thinking about was how everything I packed reminded me of you in one way or another and that's why I packed it. I kept thinking that this life I'm heading to, this new beginning is amazing but how much better it would be if it were you coming with me. I kept looking at Evony and thinking she is beautiful, she's flawed but she willing to give up what she loves most in the world for me but-"
"But what?" her words trail off, her eyes starting to fall to my feet until she feels my hand cup her cheek forcing her to look back up at me.
"But she isn't you Bo." she tilts her head nuzzling into my embrace, her eyes closing and I know the expression she gets very well. It's never good.
"Ju—just leave it there. Please," I plead when her lips begin to part as her eyes open. "Please."
"I can't." she sighs out reaching up to touch my face but I turn away, pulling my own hand back.
"Then why wait for me? What was the point in any of this Lauren if you're just going to leave regardless?" I wave my hands in the air shaking my head. "Forget it! I don't wanna know!" It's a lie, every fiber of my being wants to know why. Every fiber of my being is praying that she will give us one more chance.
But I don't get an answer-not in the way I was hoping for.
I feel her soft, tiny hand wrap around mine and tug me back so fast I stumble forward my body crashing into her's the way her lips crash into mine. Lips don't part but stay firmly locked with one another, tears running down both of our cheeks to meet at our lips. Her hands reaching up into my hair as a sob escapes her pulling one from myself. My arms wrapping around her, hands firmly on her back pulling her toward me.
Tilting my head back just a bit, my nose brushing against her once on accident but I do it again, she was such a sucker for Eskimo kisses—or maybe it was just getting me to do something so far outside of my comfort zone for her. A part of me that was her's alone, a part untouchable to the world—even if it was something silly.
My eyes fluttering open, tears slipping free as they do.
"I love you." I sort of giggle my declaration through a sigh.
After all of these years, countless admissions of love to her in a verity of emotions anywhere form anger to passion to an almost routine part of our day as it tends to become for couples and yet every time I still get the butterflies in my stomach as if it is the first time. My heart still skips a beat every single time I look into her eyes waiting for her to say it back, every time they get this little glisten right before she says it-and tonight is no difference.
Her hands slide from my hair to my cheeks, her fingertips tickling the back of my neck but all it earns from me in this moment is a soft smile as I watch her eyes dace over my face. She bites her bottom lip slightly and it's not in the sensual way she tends to do but this is her intense thinking way, the way that she doesn't even realize she is doing it.
It feels like hours every heartbeat that passes waiting for her to speak-to look back up at me.
"I love you." she breathes it out so softly I'm sure I could have imagined it, but her eyes find mine with that slight glisten I know so well yet still long for.
She's looking up at me waiting to say something but I don't speak, instead my lips find her's. This time they part, not fully but just enough to feel the shared yearning, shared desire, shared need but most of all the shared love.
Forcing my lips away from her's I repeat my previous action, a gentle Eskimo kiss that she actually responds to this time before I rest my forehead against hers. A shared laugh as her hands fall to my arms.
"So." another soft laugh entangling with her single word as she gives the cutest sniffle.
"So?"
"What now?"
"That's a good question," I lean back a bit nodding and raising my brow as if I'm about to say something important but it quickly turns into a laugh accompanied by the shaking of my head. "Not a clue."
For a second she looks at me so serious before rolling her eyes as she shakes her head and lets out a laugh. Gradually she begins leaning forward till her face is burred in the crook of my neck. Her soft, muffled laughs making the smile on my face grow as I hold her tighter.
It was a good question, but my answer was truthful. I have no idea what happens next for her, for me, for us. I can't even be exactly sure what happened tonight or what this meant.
All I can be sure of is that whatever the journey, wherever it takes us I'm willing to do it so long as she's by my side. Whether it be ancient world eating Fae or a white picket fence in suburbia I say bring it on.
She's worth it.
