Summary: Idea from Cke1st's HTTYD fanfic, 'Repetition's Just Like Prison.' What would Ed feel like if he knew about the fanfictions he was being put in? In other words, what would his reaction be to being put into fanfics he doesn't want to get involved in? Huge breaking of the fourth wall. Rated K and (just to be safe, not so sure about rating) T, for allusions to adult themes.
First of all, THIS IDEA IS BASED OFF THE IDEA FROM Cke1st's fanfic from the HTTYD fandom, 'Repetition's Just Like Prison'. He's let me use his idea for this story.
Look, I don't mean to offend anyone, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. If I do, I'm really sorry. This is just a little bit of my mind, a piece of Ed's mind too. I'm really sorry if I did make anyone mad or sad or anything. Please read to the end, there is another author's note down there.
The Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric, ran. Where? He didn't know. He just ran. From who? A maniac alchemist who had turned against the State Military and had prepared to wreak havoc and pledge vengeance on numerous innocent State Alchemists... Edward included.
He'd lost Alphonse somewhere, they split ways, but he didn't worry, he'd come back, Al was strong, he could do it. After all, he couldn't feel pain, right? His body wasn't able to.
Dammit, he thought angrily. I've lost my little brother AND that stupid alchemist. Where to now?
The place he was running in was a maze. Or, it looked like it. It was like an endless sprawl of tunnels, with thousands of dead ends. Ed just kept on running, thinking nothing but of finding his younger brother, finding him and beat the crap right out of that maniac. That'll give the Colonel a last laugh if I defeat him on my own, too...
Ed turned left. Where to now? He joined his hands together for a transmutation - flesh and automail, and started to clap, but halted midway. There was something peculiar with his hands. They were furry. They had claws. Edward panicked, running his fingers frustratingly through his golden-blonde hair... then stopped. He felt two bumps. Two large bumps, to be exact. Oh, crap, dammit, no...
"WHAT ARE THESE?" yelled Ed right up to sky, yelling to no-one in particular, perhaps a deity he never believed in could hear him right from the heavens. slapping them as hard as he could, but only hurting himself in the process. "ARE THESE ATTACHED TO ME?! WHAT THE HECK, IS THIS A JOKE?!"
"Nope," said a cheery, feminine voice, from... where did it come from, exactly? For a second, Ed assumed it was Winry, but quickly vanished the thought. Winry would never, ever, ever speak like that... he heard footsteps, and noticed an adolescent age girl, not much older than him. It was definitely not Winry, definitely not. She had honey-brown hair, and a goofy smile. "Those are your ears."
"MY WHAT, NOW?" Ed felt the bumps on his head, and terror and horror struck his face. Ears?! He felt the sides of his head, checking and hoping to anyone, even that bastard Truth, that his ears - his freaking human ears - were there. Nothing. Just plain old skin where the ears used to be.
"Oh, didn't you know?" the girl smiled. "You're a Chimera now. The homunculi caught you, used you for an experiment. Now you're a Neko Chimera!" She grinned. "Neko is Japanese for cat, you know. You're part cat now!"
"But - but -" Ed growled. "Lady, bring me back to normal or I swear-"
"Oh, I can't now," the girl replied, "I've only started the story. I've gotten quite some good reviews. Whether you get back to normal or not, that's at the end of the story. But maybe I won't do that..."
"HEINKEL'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE CAT! HE'S THE LION! AND WHADDYA MEAN, CHIMERA?! LADY, THEY TOOK AWAY MY ARM AND LEG. THEY DID NOT TAKE AWAY PART OF MY HUMANITY, TOO! I'm outta here!"
Ed turned and ran the opposite direction, away from the teenage girl, who said, "Wait!" But her voice disappeared, and Edward looked back; she was gone.
"Truth damn it," he muttered angrily, as he slapped his palms together, and created a large wall out of alchemy behind him. But wait...
Ed felt his hands. They were no longer furry, or of a different colour. He felt his scalp. Thank goodness, the cat ears were gone. He felt the sides of his head once again. Oh man, Ed had human ears again. He let out a large sigh, then yelled out into the deep depths of the maze, ignoring the bad feelings growing in the pit of his stomach, "AL! ALPHONSE! LITTLE BROTHER? CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"
Maybe some Elric telepathy would work, he thought jokingly.
He noticed a figure in the distance, quite too far to make out. Wait... was this Al?... or was it that psychotic alchemist from earlier? His features were still indistinguishable from the distance Ed was standing from.
But as he came closer, the maze-like surroundings shimmered and faded away. It seemed to turn into the hallway of some person's house. What the... And it wasn't just that...
"Are you okay, Ed?"
Oh boy, Ed just realised who the figure was.
"Colonel Basta - I mean, Mustang - what the hell are you doing here? I never asked for help - I never even told you about the alchemist I'm fighting! And since when did you call me 'Ed?' I thought your name for me was Fullmetal!"
To Ed's surprise, horror and disgust, Mustang pulled him closer, and their lips began to meet.
"WHAT THE FREAKING HECK?! MUSTANG, GET AWAY FROM ME, BASTARD!" Ed squirmed, and yelled some very colourful vocabulary at the colonel, who only kissed him harder.
Mustang, still smiling, pulled apart and took Ed by the hand. "Come on, Ed, let's go to my bedroom, we're going to have a fun time."
Ed quickly realised what the Flame Alchemist meant by this, and tore from Mustang's grip. "Get a hold of yourself! For starters, I'm underage, and you're as twice as old as me,idiot! Second of all, I thought you liked dating women! Third, I don't and never want to do weird things with you! I'm not in love with you! You're not the real Colonel!"
"Oh yes, he is," said a smooth, cool voice from behind. Ed turned, ignoring Mustang, and noticed a young teenage girl who reminded Ed of Sheska, except without the glasses and with longer hair.
"Who the hell are you?" Ed asked.
"The author of the story," she said. "The RoyEd story."
Edward blinked, then blinked again, absorbing what she had just said. "Roy... RoyEd? Isn't that-"
"Yup!" she said in such an overly cheery voice that Ed began to hate it with every word that followed in that tone, "RoyEd. You and Roy. It's quite popular in the fanbase, despite its non-existence. You and Roy kiss and head off to the bedroom to do some s-"
"DON'T YOU DARE THINK OF FINISHING THAT SENTENCE!" Ed yelled. "IT'S NON-EXISTENT FOR A REASON! If Colonel Mustang - the real Colonel Roy Mustang - found out about this, he'd roast you alive like he did with Lust! Get away!"
He ran the opposite direction, ignoring the fangirl, and ignoring Mustang's "No, Ed, please come back!"s and transmuted another wall. He reached into his red trench coat, and grabbed out a fountain pen, which was quickly transmuted into a thick black permanent marker. Taking off the cap, and swearing loudly, he wrote "WEIRD FAKE DISGUSTING ROY MUSTANG" in capital letters.
So... where to now? Oh, right - Al and that alchemist. So where in the world were they? And where in the world was he?
"Whatever you crazy fangirls are up to, I'm not going to be a part of it," Ed growled. "And I'm in the middle of a mission. I don't need any distractions."
The background and surroundings shimmered and changed once again, and Ed found himself back in... his own house?! What was he doing here? Didn't he and Al burn it down all those years ago, when they had made a promise to never turn back from their journey to regain their bodies. But it definitely was the house of the Elric family. The window was open to let in a small, gentle spring breeze and the warm sunlight, and the other neighbouring houses of Resembool were seen outside. Edward slowly glanced at the table. On it, were pictures of Ed, Al and their mother Trisha. Hohenheim wasn't there. Usually, he was never there, except for that family picture, which was located in the Rockbell house.
Yup. This was absolutely and definitely the Eastern country village of Resembool.
Ed and Al's hometown.
And he was in his house.
A house that had been reduced to ash and cinders and smoke the day Edward Elric became the Fullmetal Alchemist, and the day he and his brother left their home.
The only home they had ever known.
And if this was Ed's home...
"Hey," Ed said slowly. "Is this a flashback or something? Is it? IS IT?!"
"Oh no," another teenage voice said. Ed turned, and noticed yet another fangirl in a pink top and purple shorts, holding a laptop in her hands. "Well, kinda... this is basically the story of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood all over again, you know. The manga storyline, too. We're up to Episode 2: The First Day. It's the flashback of how the Elric sibling trio failed to bring their mother back from the dead, lost their bodies and have to go on a journey to get the Stone."
Elric sibling... trio? "What do you mean, trio? It's just me and Alphonse."
"Alphonse and I," the fangirl corrected. "I like to promise my readers good grammar, vocabulary and punctuation. It's something I like to do."
"You haven't answered my question, lady," Ed said angrily. "Why are you saying sibling trio? You don't mean..."
"Yup," she smiled. "You have a sister now."
"WHAT?!" Ed yelped. "No, no, no! It's just me and Al, we're brothers, two brothers, sons of Trisha Elric. We do not have a sister."
"You do not control my story," smiled the teenage girl. She smiled even more as she heard faint footsteps from the hallway. "Oh, here she comes now!"
Ed desperately turned back to the pictures. Oh man, oh boy, oh gosh... he looked at the photos, and as he focused more on them, he noticed a small girl he'd never seen before join the pictures, almost magically. In the picture where Ed and Al went fishing... a girl with blonde hair and golden eyes was with them. There was a picture of Winry and the Elrics on the mantelpiece... and she was there too. There was a picture of Trisha and her boys in the meadow... and she was there too.
"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?" Ed yelled angrily at the author girl. "I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!"
"It's my story," she harrumphed. "I can do whatever I want in it. And look, your sister's coming now. Don't disappoint her, she's been so excited, because you've been telling her about being reunited with your Mom again."
Ed grit his teeth in annoyance as she said, "Look, your sister's coming now! And Al too!"
Al? Yeah... he's the guy I can talk too in this mess... come on... come on... he thought desperately.
Into the room came Alphonse, a little younger than when they attempted human transmutation. Ed erased the thought that this Al was his true brother. This was an Alphonse Elric created by a random FanFiction author. He noticed Al was being closely followed by... a girl. From the pictures. She looked partially older than the little girl in the pictures, but Ed still recognised her. From the photos of course. He'd never seen her face before until today. He'd never heard her voice, either, until she spoke, "Big brother!"
She ran to Ed and tugged his trench coat. "What're you doing in that weird getup! It's kind of tacky."
"Shut-" Ed began to growl, but with a glance from the fangirl, he kept his mouth closed.
"Brother," began Al, "we want to tell you that we have more information on human transmutation. Little sister found some more advanced alchemy books at the back of the shelf."
"Yeah, big brother!" she squealed happily. "Let's look at them now!"
Ed resisted the urge to fall apart... and failed miserably. He yelled loudly, and bolted out the door, ignoring his brother and sister's (no, they were not his siblings, especially the sister) cries of "Brother!" and the fangirl's shouting: "We haven't even got to the good parts yet!" The sun was in the bright blue Amestrian sky, shining over the village of Resembool, but Ed never noticed it or even stopped to look at it, because: 1) He was busy running away from the fangirl and her weird storyline, 2) he had his eyes shut tight in the hope of escaping this hell, and 3) the Resembool surroundings shimmered and disappeared, being replaced with a dark prison. There was no light, no life, apart from Ed himself, and Ed noticed that his normal red trench coat and black attire had been replaced with filthy, tattered, patched black-and-white-striped prison shirt and trousers. Ed did his best to examine himself. His hands were in handcuffs, tied to the wall with chains. He did his best to examine himself. He was dirty, and it was obvious he hadn't washed for days. Dried blood and dirt caked his body. Wounds, both opened and closing, surrounded his arms and legs.
"Oh, so you wrote an Ed-gets-TORTURED story, too?" Ed yelled up to the black ceiling. "By the homunculi, I expect. I know where I am now, you know!" His mouth erupted in numerous words more filthy than the dirt and grime on his clothes, before continuing: "This is the world of FanFiction, right? It's like fanfiction hell to the characters being put in the fanfics! We get put in situations we don't want to be in; be paired to people we don't want to be paired to; do stuff we don't want to do, some of it UNNATURAL! And it had to happen to ME!"
Ed slowly brought his palms together (resisting the urge to think about the pain) for transmutation, but nothing happened.
"WHAT?!" he shouted.
"Yes, according to the story, it's alchemy-proof," tutted a female voice sadly. Another fangirl appeared, clutching an iPad, but she looked extremely different to the previous adolescent. But still, Ed took precautions. "Are you the author?"
"No," she shook her head, "merely a lowly reader."
"Then get me out," he growled. "Out of these chains, this story, and out of this FanFiction hell. I'm already mad at failing to find the alchemist I'm looking for."
The girl shook her head again. "I can get you out of the chains, and the story, but I don't know how to get you out of the FanFiction world. That's something you'll have to find for yourself. But-" as Ed opened his mouth, she lifted her hand to stop his interruption. "I'll only let you go if you enter my story." She waved her iPad around.
"No. No. I'm not going to let myself get subjected to nightmares!" Ed said.
"Fine," she said. "Stay here. But I promise you, my story's much better than this. There won't be any nightmares or torturing of the sort."
Edward's ears perked up like a cat's. "Really?" He raised an eyebrow. "No RoyEd?
"No RoyEd," she shook her head. "I can't imagine you too together."
"Do I become a chimera?"
"No, no."
"No."
"No RizaEd either? It's not too popular, but I've heard of it. We're ten years apart in age, darn it! And no sibling trio? I don't want an extra sister. I don't want an extra brother for that matter, either."
"Nope," the girl replied eagerly, popping the P. "I've done another plot. We authors are the only ones who control the story. So come on, I'll take you out of this story to mine."
In a split second, as if right on cue, the handcuffs on his arms snapped open, and Ed fell to the ground with a SLUMP. His left hand had large red blotches around his wrist. "Come on," she said. She typed a few words on the iPad - which Ed couldn't see - and followed her as she started to walk away. As they walked further, the cell disappeared, and became a narrow corridor with several identical doors.
They went past many doors until they reached one. Ed looked at it, then glanced back at the fangirl. "You want me to go in here."
"Yes," she giggled. "Please. Nothing bad will happen."
"So, I'm trusting you it won't be bad."
"It won't," she promised.
Ed sighed, partly in irritation, and said, "Alright, I'm heading in." The Fullmetal Alchemist opened the door, which went with a CREAK, and he quickly stepped in... and found himself in an alleyway. He'd been here before... yes, he remembered it! This was where he had cornered the rogue alchemist from earlier, before he'd turned the tables on them and led them on a wild goose chase.
Now... where's Al?
A smile played on Ed's lips. Then, a loud whoop. Somehow, he'd found himself back where he'd started - his home, his reality, his world! He reached to pump his fist, then noticed that his clothes - although they were a normal trench coat and black jacket, short-sleeved shirt, pants and boots - they felt uncomfortable in some places. He pretended not to notice, but just moments later, he did a pat-down all over himself for configuration. Two hands over his chest confirmed his greatest suspicion and fear.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Ed yelled, in a panicky and a desperate voice, and he stormed through the door again, with the fangirl smirking at him. "Did you like my story?"
"Like? Like?! Lady, that was a genderswap story! I'm a girl! You said nothing bad would happen to me!" Ed waved his arms around wildly in frustration.
"What do you mean?" the author sounded a tad offended, but Ed was still in too much irritation, anger and frustration to care. "I'm a girl. There's nothing wrong with being a girl, nothing at all! I've been a girl all my life!"
"I DON'T CARE!" Ed yelled at her, and stomped to her, and stood right in front of her. The girl held back giggles; as Ed was a lot shorter than her - too short to look intimidating. "I was born a boy, I've lived as a boy and I will die a boy! AND DON'T CALL ME A MICROSCOPIC PIPSQUEAK WHO USES ANTS FOR TRANSPORT!" he added after she glanced at her and Ed's height differences and failed to hold back snickers. "What's next now?" he asked. "You lie about your promise and you pair me with Roy Mustang?"
The fangirl shook her head. "Nuh-uh, I keep right to my promises! You're not going to fall in love with the Colonel, he belongs to Riza. You're going to fall in love with your brother!"
"WHAT?!" Ed had enough. "I'M NOT GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH AL! HE'S MY BROTHER! OUR 'LOVE' IS STRICTLY BROTHERLY AND PLATONIC! IDIOTS!" He stormed away from the girl and thought, There might be no way out here...
He kept on running, but started to get tired. He leaned against a random door, panting in great exhaustion, when the door pushed open, thanks to Ed's weight. He fell backwards, and, after yelping and some more curses that were never appropriate for his age, he saw a familiar homunculus in the form of a young androgynous youth with a lean, muscular build, long wispy hair, and a black, form-fitting bodysuit.
"Envy!" Ed used his alchemy to turn the top of his automail arm into a steel blade, and pointed it right in front of the homunculus' face. "What the hell are you doing here?"
To the Fullmetal Alchemist's surprise, Envy blushed, and looked away. Isn't he calling me a pipsqueak or a shorty? Ed wondered mentally. He shook that thought away and punched Envy right in the face. Envy made no retaliation; instead he dropped to the ground, grinning, "Ed!"
Huh? Ed grabbed Envy hard by the shoulders and yelled at him, "Is this your fault?" he asked. "Did you send me to this hellhole? What are you and your homunculi buddies scheming?"
Envy looked dubious. He tried for a smile. "What do you mean? I thought I split from the homunculi ages ago, because I could be with you."
Ed widened his eyes. Then, it dawned over him. He slapped his forehead angrily, let Envy go, and yelled, "WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?! EDVY NOW, HUH? ME AND ENVY, PAIRED UP! YOU PAIR ME WITH MUSTANG, THEN YOU TRY TO MAKE ME INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER... NOW YOU WANT ME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ENVY? YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW IT, I DON'T CARE WHO WROTE THIS STORY, I'M OUTTA HERE! I'M NOT LISTENING OR JOINING ANY OF YOUR STUPID FANFICTIONS!"
The door was shut with such a large SLAM that the hinges almost fell off. But instead of the narrow corridor riddled with doors he'd expected, he'd found himself in a forest, and a girl was lying unconscious right beside him. He tapped her lightly on the head, and she sat up immediately, as if she were a robot. She smiled at Edward. "Hello... who are you?" But before Ed could answer, the girl widened her eyes, and pointed right at Ed's chest. "You're... you're the Fullmetal Alchemist, aren't you? You're Edward Elric."
Ed felt a tiny surge of pride come into him, as people often mistook his brother for being the master prodigy alchemist, but it quickly trickled away, and Ed said in a monotonous tone of voice, "And let me guess..." he tapped his chin in sarcasm. "You're the girl who mysteriously shows up, and I find you, blah, blah."
She smiled, and gestured for Ed to sit, but he didn't take up the offer. "Well spotted, Ed! I'm from a world where Fullmetal Alchemist is a popular manga/anime franchise, and I'm a great fan and otaku! I got mysteriously taken from my world to here, and since I know every single Fullmetal bit like the back of my hand, I'll tel you how to defeat your enemies and have a happy ending! But I really don't like who you end up with at the end of Brotherhood. That's why I'm wanting to travel with you! We'd make a good couple, you know. I'm not even that short, and yet my friends from the other world call me short-"
"I DON'T CARE!" Ed bellowed. "I don't care whether you fall out of the sky, or a vortex, or come out of a Doctor Who TARDIS, or wash up on the beach, or get mysteriously found in the forest! I don't want to be paired up with you! Please," he called desperately to the sky, "get me out of here."
Nothing happened. If there was anything up there beyond the sky and into the high heavens, they'd be mocking him for being stupid enough to end up in FanFiction Hell. He sprinted away, and didn't dare look back, but he heard the girl call, "Edward! Please!"
He shook it off and kept on running. He was still in the forest after running for so, so long, and his legs (even the automail one) were extremely tired from running the whole day. Ed could almost hear his two legs begging like heck for him to stop running or moving them. His arms were tired, too. Sweat continuously trickled down from his forehead, almost like a waterfall. His panting was loud. He couldn't go on. At least, not for a half hour or so.
He glanced around. No sign of any crazy fangirls, or authors, or anything and anyone that wished to torment him.
But he felt anger. Irritation and frustration from before, yes, but mostly anger. Who sent him here? Why? Did he do anything bad?
(Well, excluding the fact he 'torments' Roy Mustang and he gives people pieces of his mind when they even think of calling him short.)
"WHY AM I HERE?" he yelled to particularly no-one at all. "WHY AM I IN FANFICTION HELL! TAKE ME BACK! I NEED TO GO T MY BROTHER! I DON'T WANT TO STAY HERE! I DON'T WANT TO BE CONTINUOUSLY PAIRED UP TO PEOPLE I DON'T WANT TO BE PAIRED UP TO. I DON'T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ANY FANGIRL RIGHT NOW. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS STUPID WORLD! WHATEVER JERK TOOK ME HERE, TAKE ME BACK, DAMN YOU! TAKE ME BACK TO THE REAL WORLD!"
Ed woke with a jolt. He rubbed his forehead, which was perspiring.
Oh man, oh Truth, that dream seemed so real!
He was in bed, in a room that looked very much like a military hotel that he and his brother usually stayed in during their travels. His suitcase was sitting neatly under the bed. The morning Amestrian sun shone through the cracks in the windows.
Wait... Ed thought. I need to check... just in case... please...
He felt his clothes. He was still a boy, thank goodness. He looked around in his room, and saw, to his right (thank goodness) Alphonse Elric, quietly reading a book, and looking joyful (well, as joyful as an armour face can be). "Brother!"
"Al!" Ed grinned. He reached to his younger brother for a fist bump, but hesitated. "Al?"
"What is it?"
"I just wanna make sure of somethin'. You're not in... in love with me, are you?"
The younger Elric looked confused. "What do you mean? Our love is platonic, Brother, I love you the way a brother should."
Ed sighed. He continued to ask: "How about Mustang?"
"What about the Colonel?" Alphonse said. What's with him today?
"Is he... in love with me?"
Alphonse shook his head.
Ed sighed again in relief, then: "How about Envy? Is he in love with me, too? Am I going to get tortured? Am I being held hostage? Am I a chimera? Or is a mysterious girl going to try and win my affection? Do we have a sister?"
"Brother, you're acting weird!" Alphonse said. "You're creeping me out! Well, you usually creep me out on normal days, but not this much?"
"But Alphonse, I really need to know!" Ed said desperately.
"No!" Alphonse said. "Isn't that obvious? I don't know where you got Envy from, or the torturing, or the chimera and the girl bits."
"Sure?"
"Sure."
"THANK GOODNESS!" Ed yelled to the ceiling in relief. He was back in his own world after all. He grabbed his suitcase from under the bed, and tied his hair into a ponytail, then into a braid. He wore his black jacket over his singlet and put on some trousers. "Alright, Al! We're heading off now. We're going back to the Central Library, and pick up some research stuff-"
There was a knock on the door, which ceased Edward's chattering.
"Yes?" Ed asked.
"Edo-kun?" came a voice from the other side of the door. "It's Studio Bones, and we're going to start filming the next scene of Conqueror of Shamballa in an hour and a half, so please get your breakfast now before it's too late."
The producer of Studio Bones heard nothing but Ed's anguished scream in response. He looked the director, and merely shrugged.
First of all, I am a hardcore EDWIN and ROYAI shipper. I ship Edward and Winry, and Roy and Riza so much. I don't ship things like RoyEd, Edvy or Elricest, because 1) they go against my Christian beliefs (which I promise I will not shove down your throat), but I believe people's opinions must be respected and tolerated no matter who you are so it won't matter if you're shipping these, and 2) I can't imagine these guys together (I did some research before doing this story). Other people can, but I don't. I accept that these people do, don't worry.
All these plots about FMA fanfics, I've seen them not just on FanFiction, but on AO3, Wattpad, and others too.
And I'm not trying to hate on any of these plots. I just see plenty of these stories on fanfiction sites, and when I read 'Repetition's Just Like Prison', a little voice in my head asked me, "What would Ed think about HIS fanfictions'? So this was born. If you're also from the HTTYD fandom, please read it. I assure you, you won't be disappointed.
