Disclaimer: I don't own The Secret Life of the American Teenager or the title of this story, which was inspired by the song of the same name by Between the Trees.
Author's note: All right, some background information. This story takes place in what I suppose would be the first season. It's pretty much the same situation. Ricky and Amy had a one-night stand at band camp. Amy is pregnant. She's only told Lauren and Madison, who she has rocky relationships with. A huge difference between my story and the show is that there is no Ben and Amy. Yes, Ben will have a crush on Amy in this fic, but she can't let go of her feelings for Ricky. Reading and/or reviewing is always greatly appreciated!
I know things aren't quite like what they used to be
Different faces, different places, yeah
We can try, oh, yeah, we can try
I amble slowly down the hall with my paper-bagged lunch in hand, eyes glued to the tiled floor, reluctant to reach the doors. Since I'm not exactly on speaking terms with Lauren and Madison at the moment, I have no idea where I'm going to sit once I get outside. With my luck, I probably won't be able to find an empty table and will end up sitting on the ground somewhere, looking like an outcast.
Great.
"Oh, shit," I mumble as I suddenly collide with a rock-solid body. My cheeks flush red with embarrassment, and I mutter a hurried apology. I reach down to pick up their dropped binders, but when I glance up as I hand them back, my heart skips a beat. A lump lodges in my throat, and I feel much like a deer caught in headlights.
"Thanks," says Ricky Underwood, chuckling. "I've never heard you curse before."
Unable to formulate a coherent thought, I continue to stare blankly at him. Memories of band camp flood my mind, and I rest an absentminded hand on my stomach.
"Are you heading to lunch?" he asks in a rather cheerful tone, as if oblivious to the whirlwind of emotions I'm experiencing.
I nod my head and whisper, "Yeah."
He grins down at me. "Cool. Want to sit with me? I'm kind of a loner."
My head vehemently screams in protest, but I find myself nodding again. "I'm kind of a loner, too… okay," I answer quietly.
"Awesome!" says Ricky, the grin never leaving his face.
Before I know what's happening, he happily slings an arm around my shoulders and leads me outside. I allow him, just because I enjoy the sense of comfort it brings me. I can't help but think, though, that he would never even talk to me if he knew about the situation I was in.
As we walk past the normal table I sit at, I feel the sharp stares of Lauren and Madison burning into my back. They probably think I'm acting like some kind of desperate slut. Maybe I am. I don't know. For once, I don't care, either. Let them think whatever they like. They don't control me. I am perfectly capable of making my own choices.
Ricky guides me over to a secluded table. He removes his arm from my shoulders to sit down, and I can't help but miss the contact. I hesitantly sit beside him, not really sure what to expect.
"I don't really understand how you're a loner," I say quietly, taking a small bite out of my apple.
He seems to be caught off guard that I took the initiative to speak first, but soon his trademark smirk reappears. "I don't like people," he replies with a shrug. "And what about you? I can't imagine sweet little Amy Juergens being a loner."
I blush immediately at his words. He made me sound like a little kid; is that how he really sees me? "Well, I've always just hung out with my two childhood friends, but I've been drifting away from them this year. They're very… judgmental." Why am I even doing this? Ricky isn't interested in anything I have to say. He couldn't care less about my friend issues. I guess I just forgot how easy it is to talk around him.
"Oh, really? What is there that anybody could possibly judge Amy Juergens on?" Ricky muses, eyebrows rising.
"You of all people should know that I'm not as innocent as I might appear," I retort, before I blush even harder. I can't believe I just made a reference to what we did at band camp. It's not as if it's a proud moment of mine; I much rather keep it on the down-low. Oh my God, I really, really can't believe I just said that.
Ricky's eyebrows rise higher, but he merely says, "Touché."
We fall into a tense silence, and I try to focus all my attention on eating my apple.
"So… did you want to talk about what the whole judgment thing?" he offers awkwardly.
Oh, yeah, sure. It's just the fact that I'm pregnant with your baby. You know, no big deal.
"No thanks," I say stiffly, desperate to avoid the subject. "How's Adrian?"
Obviously taken aback, he starts choking on the chocolate milk he'd been drinking. I give him a couple clumsy pats on the back as he recovers. "Thanks," he says, clearing his throat. "I'm, uh, not seeing her anymore."
His answer surprises me. "At all?" I press curiously. It's kind of hard to believe since it's a well-known fact at Grant High that they always go back to each other. But I guess it makes sense. Why else would Ricky invite me to sit with him? I swear, if he has the audacity to try to hook up with me…
Ricky nods. "Yeah, I'm done with her. Too dramatic, too bitchy…"
In spite of myself, I let out a giggle. Yeah, that definitely describes Adrian. I quickly sober, though. I need to be upfront with him and make my intentions clear, like I should have done at band camp. "Listen, Ricky, if you only asked me to sit with you because you're looking for your next hookup, then you can—"
"No, no, no," intervenes Ricky, and to my shock, he blushes slightly. "I mean, I know I don't have the best track record, but I just wanted to talk to you. I-I, um, I kind of miss talking to you…" He trails off, and he looks uncharacteristically shy.
"Oh," I say stupidly. At this point, my face probably looks like a tomato. Everything he says seems to make me blush for some reason or another. I don't mention that I miss talking to him, too.
The tense silence returns. I finish my apple. "Did you want to talk about the Adrian thing?" I ask. To be honest, I don't want to listen to him talking about whatever sort of relationship they had. It still hurts to think about him being with her… being with anybody, really. His summer promises of us being something big incessantly linger in my mind; I can't shake the memories or my feelings for him, no matter how hard I try. And it's so damn hard having feelings for somebody that you know you can never be with.
Ricky shrugs again. "There isn't much to talk about. She was constantly jealous, so I told her that we were through. I know it sounds cruel, but you've got to understand. Adrian wasn't jealous because she had genuine feelings for me. She was jealous whenever she wasn't the center of attention. Trust me when I say it's not one of those tragic breakups. She'll find somebody else, and so will I. Eventually."
"Eventually?" This time I'm the one to quirk an eyebrow at him, unable to hide the skepticism in my voice. I know firsthand how easy it is for Ricky to abandon you, only to quickly move on to the next girl.
"I think I might be done with the whole one-night stand bullshit," he remarks. "Not that I'm looking to jump into a steady relationship… I'd probably fuck that up right away." He lets out a chuckle.
I want to believe him so bad, but as he's already stated, he doesn't have the best track record. "And how exactly do you plan on quitting cold turkey?" Hmm, how odd. It sounds as though we're talking about a smoking addiction or something. I suppose it is an addiction, though… just not a typical one.
His eyebrows crinkle together in a really cute way. "I'm not really sure. Hopefully my therapist can help me work on it," says Ricky.
"Your therapist?" I glance over at him, wondering what other surprises he can possibly have in store. At the same time, I'm touched that he trusts me enough to share such private information.
"Yeah... I kind of had a messed up childhood." Shifting uncomfortably, it's clear that he doesn't want to give too much away when he adds, "That's a story for another day."
I nod and smile kindly at him. There's a warm, tingly sensation bubbling within me that makes me feel almost lightheaded. This is the Ricky that I know. This is the Ricky that I miss.
Suddenly, Ricky locks his piercing brown eyes with mine. "How have you really been doing, Ames?" he asks with genuine interest in his voice. He places his hand on top of mine and gives me a soft, steady look that makes me want to melt.
I guess I also forgot how charming he is.
Blushing once more, I shyly return his gaze. The way he's looking at me has me itching to confess everything to him; I want nothing more than to unleash the crushing burden set upon my shoulders. But when I open my mouth to speak, without warning, a wave of nausea hits me.
Shit.
I scramble to my feet and rush to the nearest trashcan before emptying my stomach of its contents. In the midst of vomiting, I feel a hand brush against my neck as my hair is pulled away from my face, and I'm ready to die from the humiliation.
When I finish, the hand offers me some napkins, which I take gratefully and wipe my mouth. I look up and am not-so-surprised to find Ricky staring down at me with concern.
"Thanks," I say with a small, raspy cough.
"Are you all right?" he demands. "Do you need to go to the nurse?"
I shake my head wearily. "I'm fine, Ricky. Let's just sit back down." He hesitates for a moment, but he relents with a nod, and we head back to our table.
We soon resume conversation. However, as we talk, part of my mind is off wandering. I still can't get over how Ricky's rude, bad-boy demeanor has disappeared, replaced instead with my summer Ricky. I briefly entertain the idea that perhaps he might have actual feelings for me, and that he's being so nice to me because he likes me. Another blush sneaks its way across my cheeks in a hurry at the thought.
Loud arguing breaks out, effectively distracting us. Ricky and I look over in the direction of the fight, and the scene before us confuses me. A few feet away from our table, Lauren and Madison are standing up and yelling at each other. Then, a moment later, Madison comes storming right towards me and Ricky with a scowl on her face. Lauren runs after her, wearing a worried expression.
"Don't do this, Madison!" begs Lauren.
Paying no heed to our friend's pleas and protests, Madison doesn't stop until she's in front of our table. Her arms are folded tightly across her chest, and she bears a sickly sweet smile that doesn't quite match her cold, menacing eyes.
Ricky frowns at her and, knowing that something's up, rests a hand on the small of my back, as if to protect me from the red-haired girl's wrath. "Hi, Madison," he greets her cautiously.
"Hello, Ricky. Hello, Amy," she sneers.
I don't know why, but I find myself scooting closer to Ricky. "Do you want something, Madison?" I say, afraid of what her reply may be.
She flashes me a manic grin. "Oh, there's just something I'd like to tell Ricky," she answers cheerfully.
"Madison, don't," warns Lauren, tugging on her arm.
Realization hits me like a ton of bricks, and my heart plummets down to my stomach. Oh, God, no. Tears rapidly welling in my eyes, I vigorously shake my head in a desperate, silent appeal.
She isn't going to do this to me. She can't do this to me! I mean… why would she?
Malice glittering in her eyes, Madison calmly delivers the gut-wrenching blow.
"Amy is pregnant, and it's your baby."
Another author's note: Now, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this fic. I definitely plan on continuing it, but I can't promise speedy updates. Oh, and if my writing seems a bit repetitive, I did that on purpose because I'm trying to write in the mindset of Amy.
Also, for those of you that may be curious, I still plan on continuing my story entitled They Will Never Suffocate Us. I'm just not too sure when that will be. Life is hectic, y'know?
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this!
