Harry and Draco-centric sequel. Reflection

A/N: Yep. I wrote this to kinda recap and help me get into the flow of writing the sequel-because I've been having a bit of trouble with it...

And I don't think that you have to have read "Fall Away" to understand this because most of it is recap anyway; but it does make a lot more since if you have read it. I just thought that it would be good to dive deeper into their emotions a bit, fill in some of those gaps that I left in "Fall Away" (because I know that there were a lot!) and allow you readers to see what I was thinking when I wrote it.

And I must give my deepest gratitude to my beta Sing-Your-Heart-Out! You kick ass!

So…yeah. This first part is kinda Harry's point of view, and then there is a second part that I'll put up that is Draco's. So now you can see both of their sides! Yay!

Behold! Now it is revealed where Harry went in his three-hour absence! How he got his broken fist fixed! Yay:P

Warnings: slash (yaoi, malexmale, whatever you wish to call it), mpreg, not DH/epilogue compliant, some foul language (my apologies, I use the 'f word' a few times…) and very slight adult themes…and I think that that's it.

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. JK is the one that created these beautiful characters; I just like to assume the title of "puppet master" every once in a while!

Between the Lines of Fear and Blame-chapter 1 Harry

Thinking back, Harry wondered how he could have missed it.

The morning that he had heard Draco being sick in the bathroom one morning after breakfast and he ran to his side to see if he was all right.

Draco had just told him that what he had just eaten hadn't settled right with him and that he was fine. Not seeing any reason for anything different, Harry didn't think anything more of it. After that one morning, he never did notice Draco acting any differently. At least not until the day a couple of weeks later when Draco began to act strangely and began to shut Harry out of his life; at least, more than normal. Of course, Draco had always had his secrets that he kept from Harry, but it had never been quite this bad before.

The next strange thing that Harry noticed was that Draco wasn't eating nearly as much as he usually did. Naturally, Draco had never had a very vast appetite, but never before did he eat this sparingly.

At first it seemed that Draco was trying to hide it and keep up all appearances that everything was fine with him, but he never could quite hide anything from Harry; or rather, Harry liked to think so.

Before he knew it, Harry would go days without seeing Draco eating anything. That's when the excuses started.

At first they just started out as "not now, maybe later" and "I'm not hungry right now". The "I'll eat something later"s and the ever popular "I just ate."

It didn't matter what the reason was, Harry felt that he had heard them all.

After a while it became so blatant that Draco was lying to him Harry started to really wonder if Draco was trying to lie more to him… or himself.

The night not too long ago when Draco had told him of his pregnancy was one of the happiest moments of his life. Thinking back, he realized what it was that had been bothering him that night, what it was that seemed just a tad misplaced that night. As elated as Harry was at the news, Draco didn't seem too excited about it.

Sure, he was happy, a little excited even about the prospect of having his and Harry's child. It just seemed that the excitement was a little forced, as though his heart wasn't quite in it. Harry hadn't thought too much of it at the time; his own excitement and happiness that he and Draco were going to start their own family had blinded him, and besides…Draco was bound to be stressed and tired…maybe he just didn't have the energy that night. Now, Harry realized, Draco was just protecting himself so that he wouldn't be setting himself up for disaster.

The next week, Draco had acquiesced to his request that they could have Ron and Hermione over for dinner so that they could share their good news with them. To say that the pair had been shocked would have been an understatement. Shocked, but still genuinely happy and excited about this new endeavor in their friends' lives.

Yet, even through this new revelation Draco's eating habits, or rather lack there-of, still didn't improve.

And when he did eat something, which was always something very meager that Harry was sure he only consumed to appease him, Draco always ended throwing it back up anyway; then he would use that as an excuse for the next time that Harry would offer him something. It was just a vicious circle that Harry felt he wouldn't ever be able to crack, and it was slowly driving him crazy.

After a couple of weeks of trying to get his pregnant boyfriend to see how this behaviour couldn't be good for him or for the baby, and being called a prat that couldn't mind his own damn business, Harry just decided to give Draco the space that it seemed he so desperately desired. Besides, by this point he was feeling that he could do with a little space himself.

As Draco's retaliations became increasingly more and more biting, sometimes Harry would wonder if it were just because of the pregnancy.

But, he did have to say that it had been a very interesting and drama filled pregnancy so far.

Draco told him about the pregnancy when he was roughly five weeks along.

When he was almost seven weeks he had his "first" appointment with Madame Karen, who warned Harry of how close to the edge that Draco was teetering to seriously endangering the pregnancy, and his own health.

At nine weeks, Harry was called after work by the Minister to talk to him about things that could only be classified as meaningless prattle. It was also on this night that Draco almost miscarried again. The next day he was so shocked by his actions that caused him to almost lose the baby that he told Harry of his previous miscarriage.

The news of Draco's previous miscarriage had almost been too much for Harry. That

Draco could go through something like that and not tell him…

Though Draco was a Slytherin through and through, there was a time not too long ago when he would share everything with Harry; when he found a new potion that looked interesting, when his arse itched, when Ron had been standing "too close and polluting my precious air with Weasel germs", when he missed his mother, when he missed Harry and all he had done was take a trip to the bathroom.

He had been battling with his feelings over the situation since that day, it becoming seemingly harder with each day. From what he had been feeling over this, he couldn't

fathom the feelings that Draco had been hiding inside.

All the same he did have to say that Draco had hidden his secret quite well. If it weren't for the fact that Draco barely ate anything and his clearly depressed attitude, Harry probably wouldn't have even noticed that something was off as soon as he did.

But if Draco hadn't been so uncharacteristically depressing and skiving off on all meals for days on end, would Harry have even bothered to ask Hermione and Ron to go over and check on him.

No. He wouldn't have.

But what would have happened if he hadn't told Hermione and Ron to go over and check on him that evening? What if he himself had been the one that was there when it happened? He was sure he would have been so panicked that we wouldn't have been able to think straight; he never was as levelheaded as Hermione, and even Ron had been known to pull through during emergencies or when times became desperate.

But it was better for him not to think about those sorts of things. What had happened happened and he could do nothing to go back and change the past.

That first night Draco was at the hospital, he had called Hermione to tell her just how terrible Draco was dealing with everything…but then again…that was before he knew. Before he knew why Draco was beating himself up; why Draco had been on pins and needles since he became pregnant; why he was so angry with himself for almost losing their child.

After talking to one of his best friends, he decided that the next thing to do would be to firecall Madame Karen as she knew Draco's medical history the best and would have to have a talk with Draco's healer while he was at the hospital.

It didn't matter how late at night it was.

She told him that she was afraid that this would happen, but she did agree with Healer Morrison and would stop by to talk to the healer the next day.

And the next day, he realized that she must have known that Draco had been pregnant before. She must have been his doctor the last time, the one that he saw that told him that he'd lost the baby.

That's how Draco had known her and called her at Harry's insistence to see a Healer when he revealed his pregnancy to Harry.

And she never said anything to him. Not a hint, not a clue, not any sort of anything to betray that she'd known Draco previously; that she'd known that Draco had been pregnant before.

Draco must have told her not to say anything.

Draco must have told her that he would tell Harry everything the year before.

And he didn't.

Yet, even after all the recent revelations, Harry still couldn't help but wonder just why Draco didn't tell him when he was pregnant for the first time, or that he had miscarried. Sure, Draco had said that he was scared, but of what exactly? He'd never explained that part.

It seemed so wrong; it was a relationship (and a very serious one at that).A bond based on mutual promises of love and respect. Or, at least that was Hermione's definition. Harry's was simply that he loved Draco more than he'd ever known was simply possible; so why was it that they argued and fought and kept secrets?

Even Harry had to admit that he did have his secrets of his own; things that he would intentionally keep from Draco, even though they had once said that they would share everything with each other.

He never had told Draco where he had left to when he 'went to the loo'. In fact, he'd never told anyone.

But haven't you ever been so overwhelmed by emotions that you just needed to get out at some point? Get away and just be by themselves for a little while? Have some well allotted time, unbothered by anyone and try to figure things out for yourself, before you ask of others of what you should do.

Apparating from the hospital, Harry traveled to the only place that he could think of going at a time like this.

Closing his eyes, he disappeared with a slight pop.

A few moments later he opened his eyes as he appeared in Godric's Hollow. Making a small trek across the snow covered ground, he made the short walk to the now familiar cemetery.

Meandering through the headstones, he quickly made it to his parents' gravesite.

Falling to his knees, he began tracing his parents' names with the index finger of his good hand as he apologized for not coming by sooner.

Draco always told him that it was silly to talk to his parents, as they had passed away over two decades ago. At first Harry blamed it on the fact that Draco's parents were still alive; but when Lucius and Narcissa were killed during the war, along with nearly everyone else that had bore the dark mark or pledged their loyalty to Voldemort, Draco didn't bat an eye. Harry knew that Draco had loved his parents, in some fashion, but that was the way that he was raised: to take everything that life gave you with some form of emotional detachment.

And though Draco now technically the title-holder of Malfoy Manor, he refused to go anywhere near it. In the three years that it had been since his parents' deaths Draco hadn't stepped foot on the premises of his childhood home once.

Thinking on Draco's detachment, brought Harry back to the reason he wanted to speak to his parents again.

Although he knew that his parents were gone and couldn't give him any advice, he still found that it helped him some when he talked to them about his problems or what was going on in his life.

He told his parents about his relationship with Draco. He told them about the baby, and how much he wished that they were around so that they could see their grandchild.

He told them about the miscarriage and how Draco felt that he couldn't tell him about it. How confused he was about the situation, and how it had given him doubts about his and Draco's relationship that had never before crossed his mind.

If Draco wasn't able to tell him something that was as important as that, then how could he trust him?

Merlin, he just felt so lost.

Standing up, Harry swiped the back of his hand across his eyes before apparating once again.

Standing on their doorstep, he decided that he must have looked terrible, and he imagined how he must have looked: his eyes bright red, and tear-tracks streaking down his face, a broken and bloodied fist hanging by his side.

Carefully dodging Hermione's questions when she opened the door, he quietly requested if she would fix his hand for him, as she had eons more healing knowledge than Harry.

As Hermione pulled out her wand, she asked Harry what he had done this time. When he told her that he had punched a wall, Hermione sighed and told him that he couldn't keep doing these things. Though he couldn't have sworn that she did look a little relieved that it was a wall that he had poured his anger out on; he could only conclude that she had thought that he'd punched Draco. He wasn't sure whether to be horrified she would even think that, offended that anyone could accuse him of such a thing, angry that his character had been besmirched in such a way, or just to break down in floods of tears once again.

Before he decided, however, her next question left him dumfounded and unable to form a sentence correctly for a few moments.

She asked if he was going to leave Draco.

He told her that he just needed some time to think, not caring to elaborate more about what he was thinking about, or where he had been. And she didn't ask him.

Though with a humorless laugh Harry added that he hoped that it wouldn't come to that, the same going for Draco leaving him as well.

With a stern look she told him that it wasn't anything worth laughing over; he had to agree.

I mean, Merlin! She hadn't seen Draco's face when he passed out of his hospital door that afternoon. She'd had not been there to see the sorrow and regret that has been etched onto Draco's face for the past few days. She'd never watched Draco sleep, just to see those lines fade away from his face.

She wasn't the one that had been having a door slammed in their face for the past year whenever he wanted to know what it was that Draco wouldn't tell him.

The one that had to coax his lover to eat more, and take the excuses that he was given because he was just so tired of fighting.

The one that had to control their temper when Draco just stood there with his face emotionless, and told him to fuck off.

And she wasn't the one that got to see Draco smile, truly smile; the single-most gesture that could light up a room and take Harry's breath away in the same second.

And she wasn't the one that knew for a fact that Draco had only told Harry that he loved him, in so many words, seventeen times in their four years together; but whenever Draco looked at him, Harry believed that he could see it in his eyes and the way that the corners of his mouth would upturn slightly.

She just didn't understand. Hermione didn't love Draco like he did; in fact, he was sure that no one else did, or ever had for that matter.

After his three hours to himself, when he felt that he had taken enough time to think everything over he returned to the hospital.

Though he was loath to admit that several times during his 'break' he had thought about what would happen if he did leave Draco.

But then he always thought about the look in Draco's eyes when he'd asked, no pleaded, begged, Harry to not leave him. They both knew in that desperate, pain-filled plea that Draco was talking about more than Harry just leaving his bedside momentarily.

But he did come back. He just couldn't leave Draco, he couldn't abandon his unborn child, he couldn't just forget about the love shared between the two-soon to be three-of them.

Saying a quick goodbye to Hermione before she could ask too many questions that he didn't want to answer, he apparated back to the hospital.

---

The middle of week ten, Draco was released from the hospital and put on complete bed rest; which lasted until week thirteen, and marked the end of his first trimester.

After a few days, Draco began to throw himself vigorously into his new project of searching for and buying things for their baby.

Within a couple of days the region on Draco's bedside had become flooded with catalogues, male pregnancy and baby care books, pamphlets on how to chose health care providers and anything else that Draco could get his hands on.

Soon, the two of them fell into the routine of going through the massive stack after Harry got home from work so that they could both be able to give their opinions on things.

Though most of the time Harry was just as happy to let Draco chose whatever he wanted, which he often did while Harry was away at work.

Some nights, it would seem to Harry that Draco was doing this less because he was ready and eager to prepare for their coming child, but more for the sole purpose of pleasing Harry as he had been begging to do these things since the day that Draco told him that he was pregnant.

Three days after Draco was able to get off of bed rest, somewhere around the end of week fourteen, his hormones did a flip-flop and his sex drive increased ten-fold; he was finally able to touch and make love to his Draco again.

A week later though, Draco told him that he was a horny bugger that needed to learn some self-control; even if it was in fact Draco that had initiated many of their recent couplings.

He recalled the day when Draco had finally learned how to use his mobile phone and he called him while he was still at work; everyone on Harry's floor freaked out when they heard the polyphonic tone, as they didn't know what the sound was. After every other Auror in the department stormed into his office to eradicate whatever 'threat' to everyone's well-being was making that noise, Harry just left his phone turned on silent when he was at work and told Draco to owl him whenever he wanted to tell him something and only call him on the mobile in emergencies.

Almost two weeks after Harry brought Draco home from the hospital he was able to bring him home a surprise in his long-time estranged friend of Blaise Zabini.

It took a lot of work to find him as three years ago, right about the time that Draco moved in with Harry actually, he'd decided to travel the world in order to find himself, but seeing Draco's face upon seeing his long-time friend made all of the effort and time it took to finding him more than worth it.

At least now Draco had someone come over to help make the days pass by faster.

--

Due to the turn for the worst in Draco's pregnancy and his subsequent bed rest, instead of having appointments with Madame Karen every other week, they were now scheduled for once a week so that the baby's, and Draco's, progress could be monitored a bit more closely.

Madame Karen had said that while Draco and the baby's overall health had improved, they still had a long way to go before they made it fully out of the "danger zone".

And now, though his "baby bump" was not a lot more than just the slight arch of his stomach that it has began as, Draco still had yet to attain the "glow" that many pregnant people are said to be seen sporting; but whether it was due to his what seemed constantly depressing mood, or his less than perfect health, or both, Harry was not sure.

He remembered when they saw the first ultrasound of the baby when Draco was 16 weeks and how they both cried at seeing the tiny, defenseless image wriggling on the screen that they would have to love and care for. It was a baby; their baby.

Seeing this first image of their baby made the pregnancy seem even more realistic and he found him self instantly loving this impossibly small person that he hadn't even met yet. But that was what parenthood was, he guessed.

As Madame Karen moved the small transmitter over Draco's belly that projected the image over his stomach, she asked if they wanted to know the gender of their baby.

The simple question took Harry's breath away. Was he really ready to know?

Looking over, he saw Draco's expectant look showing that he wanted him to answer and told Madame Karen that he would rather that they wait and be surprised; though he wasn't sure if he would be able to wait the remaining months till the baby was due before he found out. At least if he ever changed his mind, he could still ask Mme. Karen about it.

At one of the more recent appointments, Madame Karen had told the pair that the baby was almost to the stage where it's ears would fully develop and the baby would be able to hear and possibly even respond to noises. Though she explained to the pair that since Draco was just reaching the point when he would be able to feel the baby's movements, they would still be unable to feel the baby's responses but she assured them that the baby was able to hear what is going on in the world around them.

Now, nearly every night Harry had taken to talking to the baby after Draco looked to be asleep.

Waiting until Draco's breathing regulated, Harry would steal a few glances to see if Draco was really asleep before slipping his hand across his love's abdomen and lightly rub small circles across the skin there.

He would never really talk about anything in particular; what happened at work that day, Draco, how awful both his and Draco's childhoods were and how this child would never have to worry about growing up feeling unloved, Draco, random bits of news that he had read in the muggle or wizarding newspaper, asking to please go easy on him and his Papa for awhile because they were both new at this, and of course Draco, or whatever else came to mind.

He never would talk for very long after Draco fell asleep but he would always try to do so before he went to sleep. He never mentioned this nightly routine, as he wasn't sure that Draco would quite understand why he was so compelled to talk to their unborn child; but he was sure that Draco would call him a sappy Gryffindor that should keep his feelings to himself sometimes because not everyone could handle the rainbows-and-unicorns-in-a-field-of-sunflowers shit that he was continually spewing from his mouth.

But he couldn't help it; love can do things to a person.

--

A/N: So..yeah. That's Harry's chapter. I have another one that's about Draco that i"ll post..eventually.

Please tell me what you thought. Anything you like, didn't like, that sort of thing.

Oh! And my never ending praise if you know what song this title comes from! Like "Fall Away" the line used for this litle also belongs to the Fray!