Out of nowhere, Professor Oak stood in an endless void appearing to be nothing but a bunch of pixels on a Nintendo screen.
"Hello there and welcome to the world of Pokémon!" he gleefully greeted.
"Wait! Hold up!" shouted a random voice. "This is the wrong game!"
Oh, right. My bad. Ahem. The sun was rising over an African savanna like no other.
"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS INGONYAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BAGITHI BABAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
"That ain't the correct story either, pal!"
Will you just shut up! What am I even parodying anyway?
"You're parodying Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Red & Blue Rescue Team, genius. Get it right."
Well, how exactly do I start this out? Oh, right. It was a void like no other. A spirit was floating freely wondering what the heck had just happened. One minute it was playing Tetris on its iPhone and the next minute it found itself in the middle of a wavy technicolor nihility that looks like the Nintendo DS had just consumed a massive amount of LSD. The spirit slowly opened its eyes, only to be greeted by a mysterious voice in the sky.
"Greetings," said the voice.
"What the-who the heck are you?"
"You just won the lottery! What do you spend it on?"
"Wait. What?"
"A friend brought you a gift. How do you thank him?"
"I don't know!"
The voice continued to ask a series of ridiculous questions.
"Who invented toothpaste?"
"What is the capital of Mongolia?"
"What color is my underwear?"
"If your mom and dad were both drowning and you could only save one, which one would you save?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"One last question. Are you a man, woman, both, or neither?"
"I'm a woman! Duh!"
"That's all I need! Thank you for completing my survey!"
"Whoop-dee-freaking-do."
"The test results are in! You are a pathetic loser with no friends who spends much of her time on Second Life rather than going out and getting a real life. You probably live in your mom's basement and drink milk straight out of the carton. The only living things you claim to be friends with is your cats, who probably hate you because you like to dress them up as Harry Potter characters and make YouTube videos of your cats role-playing the movies. A pathetic loser like you should be...the Pokémon Skitty!"
"OH COME ON! You couldn't at least make me a decent Pokémon?"
"Sorry. But you're a pathetic loser so you don't deserve to play as a good Pokémon."
"I hate you."
"I love you, too! Off to the Pokémon world you go!"
And the spirit was then sent into the universe of talking Pokémon. How stupid is this story going to get?
