Disclaimer: Mashima owns Fairy Tail yo!
Warnings: Yaoi, Language, Violence
All the lights were shut off and the curtains were drawn over the windows. Not a single ray of light penetrated the prison he hid himself in and for that he could be grateful. Now he was where he was supposed to be; now he can be held accountable for what happened. He always knew that he was a danger to those around him, but now he's had enough. He has heard people pounding on his front door in random intervals, but he hasn't made any move to answer. He even ignored Erza, and that in itself was a fate worse than death. However, he knew that he could risk it; she and the other members of Fairy Tail were probably only looking for him because they felt like they were obligated to. After all, if someone else like Lucy were to make the same mistake he did, he would still look for her too; even if he was angry…
For the past three weeks, Gray Fullbuster has been sitting in the darkest corner of his house; his back pressed up against the wall and his legs pulled up to his chest. The only light in the room was the small red flare at the end of his cigarette; the soft smoke billowing around him like a curtain of mist. The only sound was the ominous and fragmented ticking of his broken clock… in a way, the broken clock comforted him; it made him feel like days were going by slowly instead of stealing all his time. The longer the days were, the shorter it seemed that he had been asleep. He chewed on the end of his blunt cigarette before putting it out and pulling out a new one; he seemed to be going through more than usual these days. Hell, he hasn't smoked this much since Galuna Island…he knew that he would've kicked him in the side of the head if he knew about this, but the fact of the matter is that he wouldn't know about it; he wouldn't know about it and it was all because of him.
His heart panged deep in his chest as he struck the match; he couldn't help but admire the flame dancing across the tip. Such a small flame that was so warm, powerful and indestructible, but at the same time so vulnerable…just like him; he always thought that the damn idiot could get through anything and beat anyone. That is, he thought that he could get through anything or anyone if it didn't include him and his cursed life. The raven knew from the start that he would get hurt; after all, everyone who was tied to Gray Fullbuster ended up dying or getting hurt in the end. But of course the stubborn dumbass thought that he would be different, that he would beat the odds; now look where that has gotten him!
Gray pushed the palms of his hands onto his eyes in an unsuccessful attempt to stop the onslaught of tears that threatened to overwhelm him. He didn't deserve to cry and grieve; it was his fault that the damn idiot wasn't by his side. He should've known that he wouldn't have been able to handle it, especially after what happened with Doriarte. Yes, he was able to pull his shit together that one time, but he had to know that his luck would run out at some point. He guessed that he hoped that after what happened to Ultear that fate was done playing with him…of course he was completely wrong. Gray choked on a sob as he felt the warm liquid falling down his cold cheeks in rivulets; showing no sign that they were going to stop anytime soon.
He felt so useless!
He should've done something; he should've protected him, not the other way around. Maybe if he insisted enough, he would've done the right thing and left him behind. He should've made the fucking airhead run away and never look back; he knew about his curse and what happens to those who get close to him! But even as he thought this, some part of him knew that no matter what he said he wouldn't have left. No matter how many times he had insisted that he was damaged and wasn't worth the effort, he would only respond with,
"I've already figured that out."
If that's true, why did he continue to love him damnit! If he knew that he was destined to die simply by staying by his side, why did he do it?! Gray turned his body and slammed his fist into the wall, effectively breaking through the plaster. Blood flowed from the open cuts on his knuckles, but he did nothing to stop it. Instead, got to his feet and punched the wall again and again; the plaster crumbling to the ground like the pieces of his rapidly breaking heart. His chest heaved with each constricting breath, but he couldn't stop, no, he wouldn't stop. Everything ached and everything burned; he just wanted it to STOP.
He raised his torn and bloody hands to summon his ice magic, prepared to end everything once and for all, when armoured fingers wrapped gently around his more than likely broken appendages. His pain filled gaze travelled from the armoured hand, up the armoured arms and across a pale face until he was staring into dark purple tinted brown eyes. He could barely see them because they were shadowed by her flowing, red hair, but he knew they were there; he knew they were accusing him and blaming him for what he had done. Just like she had done in his dreams, just like everyone had done in his dreams; alive or dead. He wrenched his hands out of her grasp and stumbled back from her only to run into something else. He whipped around and came face to face with a blonde haired, brown eyed girl.
He jumped away from her and tripped over his own feet until his back slammed against the barely standing wall behind him. The chilled, cracked, plaster pressed against his flushed back as he stared at them defensively. He crossed his arms over his chest in nonchalance, slowly rebuilding those walls that he had spent so many years trying to break down. His blue eyes briefly lingered on Erza and he had a feeling that she knew what he was doing as he stood there; they were practically siblings after all.
"What are you doing here?" He growled as his eyes shifted to gaze just above their heads.
"What are we…" The blonde sputtered, "What the hell do you mean by that?!"
The raven's hands tightened on his biceps protectively,
"I mean what the FUCK are you doing in my house?!"
Lucy stared at him with her mouth hanging open. Her fists were clenched at her sides and tears started to spill over her cheeks. Gray once again lowered his gaze; he was never able to handle girls crying and that wasn't going to change now…especially if he was the cause for the pain that she and everyone else were now feeling.
"You've been missing for weeks Gray; the entire guild is worried about you!" She screamed, "Is that such a bad thing?!"
He clenched his jaw and continued to stare resolutely away from his friends. They didn't understand the curse that he had to bear by living. As long as he continued to exist more and more people would continue to die; Fairy Tail would have to face the fear of losing their loved ones over and over again if he wasn't stopped…
"I see you've been smoking again." Erza stated monotonously.
The raven flinched, but still didn't move off the wall or lift his head. He needed to keep his defenses up and if he so much as looked at them, he knew that they would be gone. He has to keep them away; he didn't want to lose them too… losing him was hard enough as it is. If he were to lose the rest of his family he didn't know what he would do. He loved each and every one of them and wouldn't be able to bear it if they got hurt; even he, who was considered to be one of the strongest, couldn't defeat the shitty hand that fate had dealt him.
"Gray," The red head whispered and placed a metal hand under his chin, "It wasn't your fault."
He couldn't stop his head from snapping up, his eyes meeting the gaze of the requip mage quickly. He could see sympathy in her gaze, but he could also see pain; he had hurt them so much, why did they put themselves through this by looking for him. He wanted to believe what she was saying, but it was hard when the truth was right in front of his face.
"I wasn't strong enough…" He spat harshly; the tears gathering in his eyes once more, "How is it not my fault if I just wasn't strong enough to protect him."
He heard Lucy's celestial keys jingle as she walked towards him and stood beside Erza. He jumped as the blonde placed her hand on his cheek and gently caught his falling tears with the pad of her thumb. He hadn't even noticed that the drops of pure salt had slide through his slowly cracking walls; they were getting way to close… no one saw him like this but him and even then he complained that he didn't show enough of his emotions. He slapped their hands away from his face and walked around their intruding figures and inquiring, hurt-filled gazes.
"Don't touch me!" He spat harshly; barely suppressing the overwhelming guilt that was welling up inside of him, "Just leave me alone!"
Erza growled in frustration before starting to approach him again,
"Stop with the bullshit Gray; we can see through you! We know you're hurting, so let us help you!"
The last restraint holding his emotions snapped like an overextended elastic and cold mist exploded from his body,
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"
"THEN TELL US!" Lucy shouted from Erza's side, "STOP ACTING LIKE A STUBBORN JACKASS AND TELL US WHAT'S WRONG! WE'RE YOUR NAKAMA DAMNIT! IF NATSU…"
Natsu…
Just the sound of his name was enough to send him into a tailspin. Just with his name Gray was able to see that damn dragon slayer's smiling face in his mind's eye and he could imagine the pinkette's loud and enthusiastic voice echoing through the walls of his house. Just by hearing his name, Gray felt as if everything would be alright again, but he knew better… he knew of his fate.
"WELL GUESS WHAT LUCY, NATSU'S NOT HERE!" He roared, "AND IT'S MY FAULT!"
"Gray…" Erza's eyes widened sadly.
The raven clenched his fists at his sides as his magic continued to circulate around him. Everything just seemed to be collapsing around him; all the pain, all the suffering; it was just becoming too much for him to bear on his own. But he couldn't let them come too close; he couldn't let them passed his walls or else they would know everything…they would know that everything that day ten years ago was all his fault. He was tired of hurting others, he was tired of others dying for his sake. He was in so much pain, but there was no healing for him now; he was just too damaged to keep going anymore. He collapsed to his knees and clutched his head tightly as his forehead touched the cold floorboards in a deep bow.
"I'm…tired of having to dream about their deaths over and over. I'm tired of living in a world where everyone I'm close to dies or disappears because of me. I just want the pain to stop…I just want it to stop." He hissed despairingly, "The only reason why I've held on this long is because of him…if he were to disappear too, I don't know what I'd do."
Gray could still feel them in his apartment, but everything was completely still. It was almost as if everyone had stopped breathing at that very moment. His body still shook with suppressed emotion and his words seemed to echo around them. He was about to look up at the, most likely disgusted, faces of his friends when he felt a very warm hand press down on his hair. The heat from the hand almost caused his heart to stop beating; the heat was so familiar and safe, but he didn't dare raise his head. He didn't want to look up and find out that it wasn't who he thought it was… he didn't want to take that chance…
"You ice bastard, if you're so tired, let other people carry the weight for you." A soothing voice chuckled, "And you call me an idiot."
The ice mage slowly lifted his head off the floor and his deep blue eyes widened in disbelief when he instantly found familiar amber flecked dark green eyes staring into his. With his heart pounding ferociously in his chest, he raised shaky hand and placed it on the tanned cheek before him. A broken sob erupted from his tight throat as an astounding heat immediately engulfed his fingertips in a loving embrace. His tears renewed as he collapsed into the form of his dragon slayer, clutching onto the back of his vest tightly; almost afraid that if he'd let go, Natsu would become a distant memory.
Gray buried his face into the side of Natsu's neck so that his pulse could be felt against his cheek. His curse hadn't killed him; his dragon slayer was still alive. He shuddered as Natsu carded his hand through his raven hair and he could feel his eyes slowly starting to drift closed; the smell of burning wood swallowing his slowly drifting senses. He faintly felt chapped lips pressing against his left temple, right over his scar, as darkness started to take him under. Natsu's voice was the last thing he heard,
"Everything is going to be alright Gray…everything is going to be alright."
As the last of his tears slid down his pale cheeks and his eyelids concealed the blue of his iris he muttered,
"I'm still holding on, barely, but I'll keep holding on to you."
TBC
Ahoy there minna! You probably recognize this story and you very well should! It's the new and improved version of my fanfiction called "Broken" that I posted sometime in late October or November last year. I did honestly love this story, but I felt that it needed a few repairs; hopefully it's better than you remember! It is definitely longer than it used to be and this chapter flows a little better (hopefully) so I hope you enjoy it!
As for my fic "One Day, Everything Changed" I have major writer's block, but I'm trying to work my way through it. I also want to say that I've finally restarted "The Ice Coated Flame" and the characters seem to be less OOC, but I make no promises! Sorry for the inconvenience!
On the upside, I have finished my second year of university and you know what that means… SUMMER TIME AND MORE FREQUENT UPDATES…(or so I hope)! I'm going to encourage you guys to send me PMs if you feel like that I'm taking too long to update; it seriously gets my butt in gear if my fans are yelling at me to get a new update up… it helps me get motivated! :P Alright, enough with my rambling…I hope you enjoy the story and I'm waiting for your reviews! :)
-sktrgrl
PS. I'm thinking of setting up a FB account or something strictly for my fanfictions; let me know if you guys are interested! It would be used for prompts and such (Although I'm already bursting with new ideas lol)
PSS. This story was derived from the song "Broken" by Lifehouse!
PSSS. I want to thank Cake-Addict for making me all warm and fuzzy on the inside! I'm so happy that you like my work and that I inspire you; not only does that instill confidence in myself, but it also reminds me that I shouldn't keep my fans waiting! I also wanna thank Yugato and anyone else who has been with me since I posted my very first Fairy Tail fanfiction almost a year ago; you guys are awesome! XD
