Hey hey! So this one-shot was actually inspired by a song named 'Bruises' by Train and Ashley Monroe.
I quite like how it turned out, I find that it's easier to write in first person rather than third since I can put more emotion into what I write. Anyway, hope you enjoy this one guys.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mai-HiME
The Bruises In Our Lives
I sat alone and stared with inquisitive eyes at the obnoxiously loud teenage girls that sat on the opposite end of the cafe, engaged in their playful banter and latest gossip. It's funny really, to think that ten years ago I was like them, well... I say 'I was like them' in the sense that I was young and I found myself, more often than not, hanging out in this same cafe with my own group of friends. Now I'm just a normal twenty-eight year old woman, quite successful in my career if I do say so myself, but as lonely as I've ever been since ten years ago.
I feel somewhat at peace with myself right now, being here again. This place was our sanctuary back in high school, if there was anywhere where any of us could escape the stress of school, from family or from our darker thoughts and lives this was it. We practically lived here, all twelve of us. These past ten years sure have flown by and in these years everything has changed...Everything I knew from my teenage years is gone, I guess I now see it as nothing more than a fond memory. Yet for some reason I cling on to it. Too much has happened, good and bad, but it doesn't change the fact that all of it led me away from the people in my past, the people that meant so much to me, lead me away from her.
Shizuru...
She was my biggest regret; I should have acted on my feelings and followed her instead of staying with Aoi, but I just couldn't bring myself to break it off with her. Aoi loved me; very much so, even when I couldn't love her anymore, the thought of breaking her heart crushed me. Sure, I most definitely was attracted to her at the start, more physically than emotionally, but when Shizuru appeared everything I thought I knew and felt just changed... I changed, and for the best.
Me and Aoi were friends since we were twelve years old, at the age of fifteen I found that I was attracted to her and to my pleasure her feelings were the exact same. A few months before I turned sixteen we started dating and the month after I turned sixteen Shizuru came into my life.
From the start there had always been, undoubtedly, something between me and Shizuru. It was like a magnetic force that pulled us together, and the physical and emotional attraction we had for each other was so strong that it was pure torture not being together. We understood each other, we complemented each other and we absolutely craved for one another. It was an unspoken love, one that was so deep between two mutual souls that couldn't be broken. A burning passion that kept alight. Only Mai knew of our feelings for each other, but even though I knew that Shizuru loved me I just couldn't be honest with my feelings. The worst part of it all is that when we graduated I found out that she was engaged to Reito and together they left for Kyoto University.
Engaged, yes, I know what you're thinking. Why would she be engaged to this guy when she was in love with me? I don't know myself, but I can definitely say that it was harder for her than it was for me. I can easily say my heart was broken, but I knew for a fact that she was completely torn. After they left I never heard from her again.
So Aoi and I decided to go to Tokyo U together. Five years later, after I achieved my degree in mechanical engineering, Aoi broke it off with me; she told me that she had fallen for a woman named Chie Harada. To be honest I wasn't surprised at all, I wasn't even mad or upset. Harada crept up into our lives from day one of our lives in Tokyo U. I knew those two were getting a little too friendly with each other, but I had long ago had my heart broken, and that was my own damn fault.
Sigh.
I close my eyes while I visualize that face of hers; her unique burgundy eyes that always convey her emotions, the ones that looked at me with intrigue and love. That smile that melted my heart each time and made me forget even the biggest problems I had. Even now, my feelings for Shizuru... They're as strong as ever.
"Natsuki?"
I snapped my eyes open. There was no mistaking that melodious tone with its unique Kyoto-ben that has been forever engraved in my head. I turned around and my heart instantly skipped a beat when I saw exactly who I expected.
"Shizuru..."
Those crimson eyes sparkled to life in that same sense of admiration and love as they always did whenever they looked my way. "Natsuki, it's so good to see you!"
"Shizuru!" I immediately stood up from the table and made my way to embrace her. She reciprocated my hug, only with a desperation and need that I wasn't expecting. Almost like she was afraid that if she didn't I would disappear. I smiled like an idiot at that thought. "Wow, look at you... I haven't seen you since high school. You're... you're still so beautiful."
Crap! Shit! Fuck! I totally didn't plan on saying that last bit... Natsuki Kuga, you're an idiot.
"Err... I mean... I... Err..." I desperately tried to think of an alternative as I broke the hug and avoided eye contact. I could feel the annoying heat which I abandoned long ago rise once again up my face. Instead of the reaction I thought I was going to receive I heard her giggle. Once I looked up at her again my eyes widened slightly and my heart skipped a beat for a second time. Shizuru was smiling shyly at me, a small pink shade adorned her cheeks making her look all the more beautiful and her eyes had softened.
"Ara ara, Natsuki. You're still as charming as ever I see. I'm glad you haven't changed."
God! Even after all these years, I'm still so madly in love with her.
My eyes softened and I gave her a gentle smile which I had hoped would convey exactly how I felt about her and about seeing her again. "You make it too easy for me, besides... You can hardly call it charming if I'm just stating the truth."
"Natsuki's not so bad looking herself." She complemented with a cheeky wink.
"I see you still take pleasure in teasing me." I smirked. I remember the countless times Shizuru would tease me mercilessly. There were just too many events in my teenage years which concluded with me ending up unconscious due to too much heat rushing up to my head, and it was all due to this little angel right in front of me.
She laughed, "Of course Natsuki. You always respond with the cutest reactions, plus red suits you so it's hard to resist."
That made me blush… Again!
Damn this woman and the effect she has on me! I gotta keep my cool; show her I can be smooth… I might fail epically at this, but hey! I can try to beat her at her own game.
"Yea well, it's hard not to react like that. I mean, you're just so unbelievably distracting you know?" I said with an air of confidence. Thankfully I got the reaction that I wanted, this was the second time I saw her blush. I felt myself smirking and decided to add, "Red suits you too" whilst wiggling my eye brows at her. Her blush intensified and I couldn't help but draw closer to her and embrace her again.
"Natsuki?"
"I've missed you. How was life after high school? I want you to tell me all about it. I want to know what you've been doing in the past ten years." My mind was set; I wanted to know about the woman I loved all over again. There must be, without a doubt, something new about her.
"Ok, but I expect you to do the same."
"Deal" I said as we shared a smile. "Oh, please sit down. Would you like me to get you some tea?"
"Ara, why thank you Natsuki. That would be really sweet of you." And so I gave her one last smile before making my way up to the counter. Boy does it feel good to see her again. I swear I'm smiling like the goof ball I used to be in high school.
Two minutes later I sat down in front of her, placing her tea in front of her while I wrapped my hand around my new cup of coffee. "So what brings you to Fuuka? Do you live here?"
"No, I've been living in Kyoto ever since I left for uni. I just came back to visit. Lately I've been dwelling a lot on our past." She gave me a half-hearted smile. "What about you Natsuki?"
'Our past'…
I smiled another goofy smile. "I just moved back here. I've been working in Tokyo for the past five years after graduating with a degree in mechanical engineering. Apparently I've excelled so much in my work that they've offered me a place to take over the former's manager position for Fuuka's leading car and motorbike garage. But right now, I'm also here for old time's sake." I looked down while contemplating my next question for a while. I hate that I just remembered this but I just have to know how he was treating her. "How's Reito?"
That was definitely a bad move. I notice her body tense all of a sudden before she recomposed herself. "I honestly don't know. It's been two years since he left me and the kids." She said as she looked at me with sad eyes.
I gulped. Hard. "Y-you have kids?" I asked nervously.
"Yes, a boy that's five and a girl that's three." She said as she took out her wallet from her handbag. I took the wallet to see a picture of a chibi version of Shizuru and a handsome young man that inherited most of Shizuru's looks except for the colour of his eyes and hair.
"Wow… They look like you… a lot. Especially your little gi - "
"Natsuki." She interrupted.
I looked up a little confused. Was it wrong of me to comment on her children? "I'm sorry, was it something I said?"
"That's her name." She stated whilst smiling adoringly at the picture.
My eyes widened slightly. My whole being was assaulted with the sensations of both shock and joy whilst I looked down at the picture again.
"Her name is… the same as mine?" I asked unsurely, thinking that I might have misheard her.
"Yes. That's not all she has in common with you though."
I looked up at and stared at her squarely in the eyes. She reached out for my hand and I gladly took hers whilst gently squeezing it encouragingly. "She's a lot like you. Her favourite animal is a wolf, she's quite rebellious at times but she has the cutest personality and the cutest blush, just like you." She said softly with a small twinkle in her eyes. My face felt hot and I could feel that godforsaken blush slowly creep up again. I gave a small cough so I wouldn't stutter like a complete fool.
Come on. Keep your cool Natsuki. You can totally show Shizuru how much control you have over yourself now.
"W-well that's nice. And the boy? What's his name?" I asked while momentarily avoiding her gaze.
"He's called Akio. I must say, he takes a lot after his father than he does me."
"…Shizuru?" Do it, we could talk about anything back then. It can still be the same now. "What happened between you and Reito?" My hold on her hand tightened slightly. At first she looked a bit surprised from the question, but I guess that was because of the determination I held in my voice.
Shizuru seemed to be contemplating whether she should tell me or not so I decided that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. We haven't seen each other in ten years after all. "It's ok Zuru, you don't have to answer that if it pains you."
I was surprised when I saw that shocked expression that was directed towards me. "What did you just call me?"
Oh crap! Maybe I offended her.
"I, err… I'm sorry, it just sorta came out of me without me even thinking."
"I haven't heard that name since high school." She replied with a bright smile on her face. I could feel some sort of anticipation well up inside me.
"I'll tell you Natsuki. But first, may I ask about you and Aoi-chan? How are you both doing?"
Well that totally took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting her to ask me that, much less with the determination she held in her voice which surpassed the one I had in mine. "Aoi and I? We aren't together anymore. We split up five years ago." She was studying me carefully; I could see some sort of emotion in her eyes that I just couldn't quite figure out. "At the end of my final year at Tokyo U she ran off with some woman, claiming her to be the woman of her dreams. I've not seen her since." I finished nonchalantly.
"Ara, that's funny. Ten years ago she said the exact same about you. I'm really sorry to hear that though Natsuki." Her voice conveyed the sadness that she wanted to represent on my behalf. Her eyes however, which so easily conveyed her real emotions, showed something else. Relief it seemed like.
I gave a chuckle and smiled at her, "Don't be. The break up didn't bother me at all really." I paused as I met her gaze. It's now or never Natsuki. "The truth is… there was already someone else in my life. Someone I had fallen for long before we even left for uni. And it's really crazy…but even now I… " I stopped. My face felt hot as I finally openly came to terms with my feelings to the woman of my dreams. A full blown blush was no doubt dominating my face.
I wasn't expecting to actually feel quite shy about confessing, but I guess I did well.
There was a moment of silence as I studied her reaction. I could see how her eyes seemed to be gaining slight moisture and the way in which they sparkled slightly. She was careful not to let these feelings show on her face however. I smirked at her blatant happiness. "So, are you ready to tell me what happened between you and Reito?"
"He left me a year after having Natsuki. He left because he finally realized that I never loved him." She looked away from me slightly, not aware of the small but cute blush that painted her cheeks slightly. "My heart had also long ago already belonged to someone else, and still does to this day." Shyly, she looked my way fully again and I beamed my brightest smile while my grip on her hand tightened slightly.
I could feel my heart soar high into heaven, or at least that's how it felt. Never have I ever imagined how great and overwhelming a simple confession like that could feel. But that's when the thought came along. The questions I kept asking myself before high school had even finished. I could feel slight anger slowly seep through me.
"Why didn't you ask me to come for you Shizuru? Why?" My grip on her hand tightened tenfold, and she pulled away from the pain I had most likely caused her. Rubbing her hand gently she narrowed her eyes at me and answered.
"Ara? Is Natsuki mad? She certainly has no reason to be. It's not like I could have done anything."
Couldn't do anything?!
I glared at her, all the loneliness, sorrow and emptiness I felt after Shizuru had left me to marry Reito transformed into anger and I couldn't help but let it all out. "Wrong, Shizuru! You could have asked me to be yours Shizuru. I would have - "
"Would have what Natsuki?" She stood up from her seat while giving me her own cold glare. "You would have come to me? You also had the choice to leave Aoi to be with me, but you never did. You chose her over me Natsuki." I saw the tears welling up in her eyes as she said that last bit. I looked at her and I could see that she wasn't hiding behind that mask of hers. She had completely dropped all of her defences like she always did around me, leaving herself completely vulnerable, allowing all her raw emotions to flow out for me to feel. It pained me to see her like that.
I looked at her with sorrowful eyes as I slowly rose from my seat to move towards her. She turned her back on me but I wasn't going to let her leave. Not again. So I embraced her from behind, inhaling the unique scent of tea leaves and lavender shampoo that was so typically Shizuru. I could feel her relax completely into me as I nuzzled my nose through her hair and slowly but sensually kissed her neck.
I heard her gasp quietly at my touch and I couldn't help but tighten my hold around her waist as she whispered my name. The way it rolled off her tongue so smoothly sent shivers up my spine. A few seconds had past before I spoke once again.
"I'm never letting you disappear again Zuru. I couldn't handle another ten years of my life without you, not again." She turned in my embrace to face me so I cupped her cheek. She leaned into my touch while we gazed into each other's eyes. "Please tell me why you couldn't ask me to come for you… I was so weak, but you've always been strong. Why couldn't you do it?"
She rested her head on my shoulder as she sighed deeply. This time she held me too, softly so that she could savour this tender moment between us. "I couldn't ask you to be with me for the same reasons you couldn't just leave Aoi." She once again turned to face me before continuing. "Natsuki, I love you more than you could ever imagine and I longed for a life with you. But Aoi was my best friend, and she loved you too. I couldn't just do that to her, and I know that neither could you."
I sighed and nodded. "Yea, you're right. It's just so frustrating though, I wanted to be with you so badly that I know I would have left Aoi to be with you if you had asked me."
"I know Suki. I never doubted that for a second. But that's the reason why I couldn't ask that of you. We would have completely ruined Aoi's life if I had, and she was just too dear for me to have done that."
"I wish you had. It's not like me and Aoi would have lasted anyway. I mean look, now she's with some other woman and even if she didn't go off with someone else I would have called it off. I was just too madly in love with you Zuru. No, I still am so madly, truly and… helplessly head over heels in love with you." She blushed just as I had said that and I could feel the heat in my own face rise once again, not only from the confession and from the adorable look she was giving me but from the thought of me actually having her in my arms just like how it was meant to be. I had also become aware once more of my surroundings. We were still in the café, I was grateful that there actually wasn't anyone here anymore except for the cashier who was around the back doing his own things.
I looked back down to Shizuru and beamed a brilliant smile her way as she snaked her arms around my neck and pulled me down so that our foreheads were pressed together.
I can't believe I lost ten years of my life without her. I really want to make up for all the lost time. No, I definitely will make up for all those years.
I was pulled out of my thoughts as she spoke, "You know, in a way I'm kind of happy that we missed ten years."
I was utterly shocked by her statement. What could possibly be good about missing ten years with someone who is probably your soul mate. "W-why do you say that Zuru?"
She smiled as she moved closer. Stopping just inches away, so I could feel her breath on my mouth, and whispered sweetly, "Ara, because even after all these years my love for you hasn't died which is a sign for our new future together."
I leaned down and my lips finally met hers in a blissful and passionate kiss that we had longed for ever since we first laid eyes on each other.
Fin
