A/N:DON'T ASK!! I was randomly feeling utterly and completley depressed and just started writting. This is the end result. Based in new moon when alice comes back for bella but its my own universe... kind of... so things are a little different. Well enjoy... btw, im thinking of turning this into an actual story but i wont be able to update for about three to four weeks because i start exams next week. if im done studying then i might be able to update sooner

Religion of Forgiveness: Prolouge

All I want is to feel alive, to brush this cloak of melancholy away and start again. But it was never meant to be like that. I watch as the blood wells in the cut on my arm. Is it finally the end for me? I think not. God wants me to suffer a little more before he puts me out of my misery. I can't… I can't take it because there's nothing. Not anymore. There's only the blood pulsing steadily from my arm. It's captivating. Crimson against the stark white of my wasted skin. I watch as droplets splash onto the white tiles. So beautiful. So deadly. Why am I sad? What makes me this way? I press my finger to the wound and revel in the fresh wave of pain that sears through my body. Slowly, I lower my hand to the floor, my index finger pointed.

"I once was lost, but now am found"

The words are messy. My hand is shaking. But they're still plausible. I never believed in religion, but I always valued music. The words fall of my trembling lips as the world starts to blur and shimmer around me.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see…"

Footsteps. Cruel, harsh, loud footsteps thud along the floor. My head is throbbing. Why can't people just leave me alone? I want it to be over, but they keep bringing me back. Their faces begin to loom in my mind. Councillors, psychiatrists, doctors. None of them understand. All they do is prod and poke, making raw the healing wounds. I want to yell, no the scream at them. To bite and scratch and hurt others so that maybe they might feel my pain. But I don't. My blood keeps dripping, slowly, thickly. Out of my arm flows my life force, my essence. The bathroom door is forcefully opened. I smile up at him, that malicious little smile that comes so easily to my face now.

"Look at what you have done," I barley whisper.

My head thuds back to the cabinet behind me and I close my eyes. I struggle to open them again. But when I do, he's gone. He was never there. I imagined it. I imagined his agonised face, his trembling hands, his unholy beauty. The bathroom door is still closed. I'm still alone. As my mind slips into a blissful state of unconsciousness, I hear a voice. A voice I have ached to hear for an entire year.

"Don't let go Bella," He whispers.

But I already have.