Welcome to OUAT season 4. Try not to take it too seriously. (That won't be hard. ) Getting through the hiatus one giggle at a time.

You know they're not going to give us much fluff when the show comes back. Fluff/fun doesn't sell as well as drama :( So... A joint endeavor to look at how season 4 is *really* going to start ... according to Gusenitsa and Pascale d'Artagne.


Emma: "Oh Killian... We're both so attractive that we're killing most of the fandom every time we touch... It has to stop, they can't take it anymore."
Killian: *Puppy pirate face*
Emma: See!? Thousands of people just melted into a puddle and tumbler went down.
Killian: With a name like tumbler, sounds like it was meant to go down...Besides I don't have a ship anymore so I'm pretty much just going to follow you around until you fall back into my arms again.
Emma: *sigh* It was fun, Killian, really, but lets never talk about it again except in yearning glances and doey eyes. I miss our sexual tension. Also we have to let it go.
Killian: Let what go?
Emma: I'm contractually obligated to fit that in every three and a half minutes.
Killian: Oh right... You know... it's been hours since I got in a good yearning angsty gaze. *yearning angsty gaze* Yeah, that felt good.
Emma: I know Killian, but you just killed Tumbler again. Besides...Isn't there something else you want to tell me?
Killian: I lov-
Emma: Not that one! *cough* contract *cough*
Killian: Right,*cough*, Oh Emma, if only there was someone out there who loved you.


Killian: *walks down street*
Emma: *facepalm* Just stop it, you just caused about fifty fan deaths in the last minute. Good thing these fangirls seem to have a hundred million lives
Killian: I wasn't doing anything love, I swear.
Fans: *dying*
Emma: *facepalm* You know what? Just sit in the corner for five minutes while we try to get everyone to recover. We can roll a few minutes of actual plot, see if that helps calm them down.

Killian: Plot? I don't like plot. Plot hurts. Remember the last time they tried to do plot we got sucked into a swirling vortex and I had to punch myself in the face.
Emma: *smiles wistfully* yeah... that was great...
Killian: You're thinking about him right now aren't you.
Emma: *cough* No! No, no, of course not. Not at all. Not more than just a little bit.
Killian: EMMA! I told you, I have identity issues and it makes me feel better to segment my personality into past! and present! self. Ask Archie.
Archie: Actually I told you that was dangerous and a sign of mental instability. Your past s-
Killian: It's past! not past. That's how you can tell it's a real thing...
Hook: Besides...who the hell asked you, you bloody cricket, I'll still dissect you!
Emma: What the hell just happened?
Killian: Plot... damn it. I hate plot.
Emma: Do you hear that clicking noise Killian?
Killian: Yes... if that's another vortex, I swear to God Emma, don't go into the light.
Emma: That is the sound of a thousand fanfic writers writing threesome fics. Happens every time he shows up.
Killian: You mean...
Emma: oh yeah...
Hook: sounds like fun...
Emma: Let it go?
*clicking sound intensifies*

Killian: Love, I believe I am familiar with this term 'threesome-
Emma: *blinks*
Killian:*blush, ear scratch* erm! well I know it by DEFINITION, but this 'fanfic'...may I inquire as to it's nature?
Fans:*dying*
Emma: look, you've got to stop this. Seriously, it's becoming a problem.
Killian: I can't help it. *raises eyebrow* I'm just that devilishly handsome.
Emma: you know that's not it. They just think you're adorable.
Killian: And that's a bad thing? Mayhap you are a mite jealous.
Emma: *stutters* uh! no!
CS shippers: *dying*
Emma: see, now look what you've done!
Killian: I believe that one was on you Swan
Emma: oh no, you and your adorable face can take all the blame
Killian: I believe this would be a proper moment to insert that phrase we've been told to use in obnoxious ways? Just let it go.
Emma: *hides face in hands*

Emma: All right, we need some more plot pronto or this is just going to devolve into fan fiction like the finale did... I should probably get in a fistfight with Regina soon.
Regina: Works for me, I've been waiting months for that. Do you have any idea how miserable it is to be left in anguish for an entire hiatus?
Killian: Actually...*raised eyebrows* If I might interject-
Emma & Regina : NO!
Killian: *ear scratch*
Fans: *dying*
tumbler: *crashes*
Emma: NO MORE EAR SCRATCHES! My God, can you please just try to not be so incredibly attractive all the time.
CS shippers: *dying*
Regina: And could you please stop flirting with your boyfriend for a moment and focus on what's important. Aren't we supposed to be fighting, Miss. Swan?
SQ shippers: *dying*
Emma: Great ... now they're here too?
Regina: What did I say?
Emma: It's not so much what you said but that your lips are moving while we're in the same frame.
Regina: I've killed people for less than this...
Hook: Not a bad idea.
Grumpy: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!
Emma: Not yet, grumpy. We need nominal character drama first so that we can be brought back together by a common cause. We talked about this.
Grumpy: Sorry, I'll come back later.
Killian: Mmm *licks lips* I do so enjoy it when you take charge, Swan.
Internet: *crashes*
RB shippers: Let it go?

Emma: *glares* Stop it already! We're still two months away from the premiere and I'm already sick of the whole theme for 4A!
Killian: Let it -
Emma: *shoves Killian against wall* Don't even start. It's even worse from you because you haven't even heard the song.
CS shippers: *squee* *furiously typing fanfics* (C'mon, Killian say something salacious...Emma likes it rough... say Emma likes it rough!)
Henry: I may have played Frozen at our last movie night.
Captain Cobra brigade: That's sooooooo cuuuuuute *munches popcorn*
Emma: Dang it, Henry. I'm contractually obligated to not be mad at you because I feel immense guilt over abandoning you. Now I just have to come to terms with the situation in the name of familial love.
Killian: Aww. Look, you're slipping again and calling me 'family'
Emma: Killian...
Killian: *invades personal space and looks yearningly* Sorry love, I haven't done this in a while.
Emma: I am so done.
Killian: Enjoy it while you can. I hear I am soon to be divested of my pirate attire.
Emma: *panic attack* NO! They can't do that! *starts tugging on his coat* Henry, help me bury Killian's clothes in the sand so I can pull them out when I want to see my pirate.
Henry: uhh...I'll just go to school now. That's usually the easy way to get out of actually being in a scene.
Killian: Love, you might want to rethink this...
Tumblr: *eyes bugging out, death rate climbing*
Emma: *tugging on coat* This is serious Killian. Just. Let. It. Go!
Regina: I can't believe you really threw that in again.
Emma: Desperate times -
Killian: call for desperate measures? *rushes on* yes, we do finish each other's sentences, although I refuse to touch any of your bologna sandwiches.
Regina: I'm going to leave now and try to quarantine myself from this madness.
Emma: Good, now get out of the coat, pirate, so I can thoroughly pummel you.
Killian: Swan, I think I might agree with the mysterious tumblr on this one in saying that I might require a bit more...enticement...
CS shippers: *holding breath* Hear that dramatic music?
Charming: *shouts around corner* I know with my killer Daddy instinct that someone who loves my daughter immensely is going to possibly try and engage in some show of affection. I will come and terrorize you if need be.
Emma: Dad! Ugh, that is so weird.

Charming: You... you called me dad? Thank you Emma, that really helps placate my nagging guilt over your growing up feeling lost and abandoned. We should probably bond over power tools and weaponry now.
Killian: I could call you dad?
CS shippers: *holds breath*
Charming: *Punches Killian* Ah, that felt good. Also...nothing but a pirate, stay away from my little girl, etc. etc.
Killian: You're not even trying anymore are you, Charming? You used to punch like it meant something *sigh* Also, you punch like a -
Emma: *punches Killian*
Killian: Never mind.
Hook: *punches Killian*
Emma: What the hell?
Hook: Oh, sorry... I thought it was a thing.
Killian: Why do I hang out with you people?
Hook: Because you gave up your glaringly-obvious-symbol-of-power-masculinity-and-independence for a lass, mate. Good on you, I'm goin' to the rabbit hole.
Emma: Can he do that?
Killian: *shrugs* ask Archie, I thought he was in my head.
Archie: Is anyone else concerned that -
Grumpy: EVIL SNOWMEN!
Everyone: NOT YET!
Grumpy: *cough* sorry. How the hell am I supposed to know when the time is right?
RB Shippers: Hey guys... um... hi. We're still here. And we have like... actual... relatable issues of trust in long term relationships to deal with.
Emma: Look Grumpy, I know you mean well but you have to get the moment. Wait until Killian and I are having a moment of unusual unguardedness...THEN, right before I speak you can come in.


I love once upon a time and captain swan with all my heart. But sometimes you have to take a step back and laugh a bit.

TBC ... because Pascale and I can't seem to stop...