"Now I know why I've always hated you. Feelings and marriage are just silly games to you. It isn't life and death for you like it is for me."
Yeonhwa remembered that when she was 5, she dreamt of a guy in dark robes, riding on a horse. She told her mother she would one day marry the man in her dreams. Queen Sinjeong had laughed.
At 7, she saw her family got exiled from the palace for a crime they did not commit. She recalled the horror that etched on her mother's face when the king's decree was passed, and how Queen Shinmyeongsunseong had stood from afar as she watched them leave, that awful smirk on her face. At 7, Hwangbo Yeonhwa decided she wants to be queen.
When she was 13, she saw Wang So for the first time. He was riding into the palace, dressed in black robes and eyes hidden behind a mask and long fringes. Her brothers had made some nasty comments, but one sentence stuck amongst all. "I heard he was born under the star of a king"
She decided then that he was the man from her dream.
It took another 4 years before she saw him in the palace. Still dressed in those dark robes and walking around with the mask, their first interaction was when he had bumped into her while she was looking for Wook. It may not have seem much then, but when he mumbled an apology, Yeonhwa knew she had to make the first move.
"I am Yeonhwa," she grinned. "Your sister."
He seemed startled and had shockingly looked at her. His mumbled acknowledgement and that tilted of his lips may not have meant anything, but to her, it was a start.
Soon after, she would sought him out at every opportunity. Everyone sees Wang So as an animal, a beast that wanders in the palace. But they will never understand, but Yeonhwa believes that behind every great king, there is be a greater queen. And that queen will be her. 4th Prince Wang So will be king, and he will be the one for her.
Yet, despite her all efforts, she was still no match for her sister-in-law's cousin.
She had seen the way he looked at Hae Soo then. The reserved smiles he gave away so freely around her, the genuine laughter she had never heard. There was something about the girl that made So drop his tough exterior. She had tried so hard for the last few years, yet Hae Soo managed to do it within a few months. It sickens her to no end, because while a queen does not show weakness, she knows she is just as silly as Hae Soo was. She had clung onto every bit of attention So had given at her. Because silly feelings don't go away after years, and she hated that Hae Soo was the receiving end of what she wanted so desperately.
"I will be marrying His Majesty. I will be the king's wife. I will be queen."
Yeonhwa remembered how her mother had once told her, to become the master of the palace, she has to willing to give something up. To give up love and have the world at her fingertips, or to have love but not the world. Yeonhwa had asked if her mother had ever loved the king. Queen Sinjeong had confessed that she did not have strong affection for the king, but she had to marry him under the orders of her father. With that, Yeonhwa replied that she wanted the world. Love, she decided, does not exist; and marriage are for convenience.
That night, as she sat on the bed, she thought of how pathetic she was. Dressing up as Hae Soo in a bid to get So to notice her. Had she reached such a point in a her life where she has to be someone else to get her husband's attention? Yet, as she saw him stumbling towards her with a smile she was never at the receiving end of, it resolved in her that perhaps, just this one time, she could believe that the smile was for her.
It had backfired then, and Yeonhwa has not seen So since. It drives her crazy how helpless she feels. Where has she done wrong? Was it wrong to want love now? She had driven her only competitor out of the palace and given up her family for him. Wook is gone, her own mother, who has pledged her support now treats her as an outsider. Could he not see that ultimately, she will be the one that she going to stay by his side?
You have the world now, Yeonhwa reminded herself. Love will naturally come between them. Yet, as she close her eyes to yet another day, she knew that it was a lie. The only thing she now desires, will never be within her reach.
