Markus stumbled from the room where he was speaking with North. Their conversation shifted and he didn't have enough time to process what she was asking him. Her eyes pleaded with him, but she realized she crossed a line and stepped back, avoiding his eyes.
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to say that."
"What did you mean by it?" he asked her.
"I thought…" North shook her head, "It's obvious you don't feel the same."
He apologized and left the room. Now he was walking down the hallway, replaying what happened over and over again, his heart racing in his chest, and he regretted not telling her the truth of how he felt. Sure, he didn't have any real romantic feeling towards her, but she was important to him.
"What's going on?" he asked himself. There was a lot to consider since he started the revolution between androids and humans, he needed to make sure they were always going to stay hidden, if they were found, it would jeopardize everything they worked for in the last few days, but now he had North's feelings on his mind, and it felt like a whiplash.
He never thought of actually liking someone romantically before. It never came to his mind until now.
"Markus?"
He looked up to see Simon exiting a room, another android glanced at him then headed down the hallway.
Markus narrowed his eyes at the android before looking back at Simon. "Hey, Simon, what was that about?"
Simon turned his head, "That was nothing. A request."
"A request?" Markus asked.
Simon nodded. "Nothing serious, they wanted to go into the city to see a human, but I told them it was too risky."
"And what did they say about that?" Markus asked, crossing his arms.
"They persisted, but I didn't relent. They'll understand that the cause is more important."
Markus nodded, he liked the professionalism on Simon's face, the determination, the responsibility that clung to all of them. It made him know that what they were doing was right, that everything will be okay.
"You have this weird look on your face," Simon said, pulling Markus from his thoughts, he tilted his head to the side, brows furrowing as he studied Markus, "something happened. What's wrong?"
Would it be bad to start a romantic relationship with someone? To feel their hands on his body, to feel their breath, skin against skin, and speak words he didn't understand yet knew spoke more emotion than he could muster in his entire being.
"Can we go somewhere private?" Markus asked. He didn't want anyone interrupting them, and he certainly didn't want North to see them talking about what he was about to say to Simon.
Simon nodded. "Okay." He stepped into the room where he and the android had exited from, and Markus closed the door, tightening the seal then turning around.
"Have you ever thought of love before?"
Simon arched a brow. "Why are you thinking about that?"
Markus looked to the floor, metal stained of rust. "I know we can feel more now that we're not...programmed or controlled by the humans. That we have agency to do what we must, and a relationship with someone, being in love, comforted by the presence of trust and hope, isn't that what the humans strive to have? Why couldn't we be like that?"
Simon stepped closer, contemplating what Markus was saying. "I think we can. I've known some androids who have, fallen in love, I mean. It's possible, but soon we could start a war, and most of us will die, I don't think we should be thinking of that until we're free."
Simon was right. It was the wrong thing to think about, but the look in North's eyes, the hope that Markus felt the same. It was unfair, he knew that, but it opened him to the thought that one day he could love someone too.
"Who gave you the idea about love?" Simon asked.
Markus opened his mouth, and her name was stuck in his throat, but instead he took a step, grasped Simon's shoulders and kissed him. Lingering on the warmth of their lips, the possibility spiked in his system, but then he pulled back.
"I'm sorry," Markus whispered, stepping away from Simon. "I'm sorry."
Simon stared, eyes wide, he shook his head and said, "Don't say that." Then he pushed Markus against the door and kissed him.
Markus wrapped an arm around Simon's waist, his other caressed the back of his neck, fingers touching his hair.
His mind is nothing but static, and he's walking with Simon in his arms, toward the only bed that's in the room. And they fall against it, Simon's the first to laugh, it sends a warmth in Markus's chest that he kisses Simon's neck, laughing alongside him inside the small room.
"This is a terrible bed," Simon says, leaning his head back and sighing.
"I love this bed," Markus murmurs, moving up along Simon's chin until he pushed himself up and kisses Simon again.
How does one become unapologetic when kissing someone and it feels right? How does one lie to the face of a woman but say nothing in return?
Markus wished he could do better, to say things without it falling short from his lips. He is meant to lead his people to freedom, into the glorious tomorrow that brings less violence and eradication.
What does it mean to kiss and feel it fill up every crevice that was always subjected to emptiness?
Markus kissed Simon, pulled at his clothes, laughed in his mouth and have something he didn't know he could have.
"I'm sorry," he said, lying on the small uncomfortable spring bed beside Simon who had his eyes closed.
"For what?" he asked.
"For not being sure until I kissed you," Markus said, staring at Simon, "I didn't know what it meant, nor how it felt, and I'm still unsure of what'll happen in the future."
"No one knows what will happen," Simon said, opening his eyes, "tomorrow could be a good or bad day, but all that matters is that we spend it together."
Beyond the metal walls, the empty halls, is where everyone is lying in wait for the freedom he promised to give them.
Markus closed his eyes, took Simon's hand in his own, and even with all the stress and pain, and loss he felt in the past days. He had a moment of reprieve, but soon he'll have to face it all again.
Together.
