Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING.
A/N: This is my first Utena fic, written about 2 years ago. It was fun to write, and I hope you enjoy it. My friend, who used to be a user on this site called EDPTgirl, cried laughing when she read this. I was surprised (but happy) that she found it that funny, so maybe fans who have seen the movie as well as the series (I only saw the 1st ep., but I had the rest explained to me) will understand this. It should be noted that the Utena movie was thoroughly disturbing and I didn't even see all of it (EDPTgirl made me cover my eyes while she fast-forwarded through a few parts), but of what I did see, there were definitely a few funny parts worth writing about. Overall, this has an insanity level approaching that of Excel Saga's, with Akio the Great slightly resembling our dear Il Palazzo-sama, only not nearly as hot, and with less ambitious goals (no world domination, but hey, it all starts with a radio show).
"Hey, this is Akio the Great on 2HOT4U! Today, the great Touga Kiryuu invented the revolutionary-"
"–Girl?" interrupted Utena. "Yup, that's me! Revolutionary Girl Utena! Or to my fans, Shojo Kakumei Utena!"
"Actually, no," said Akio the Great. "Touga invented a ceiling fan that doubles as a helicopter – his head."
"He invented his head?" asked Anthy.
"Hah!" boasted Saionji. "Anything he can do, I can do better! I can do anything better that him!"
"No, you can't!"
"Yes, I can!"
"No, you can't!"
"Yes, I can!"
"Hey, who's Touga?" asked Miki.
"My PRINCE!" answered Utena with star-shaped-eyes-of-glory.
"Um, actually," corrected Akio the Great, "that's my eccentric counterpart, Dios."
"Yeah, Dios is your prince," said Saionji, "not ugly-smelly-needs Shiori-to-change-his-diaper Touga!"
"Hey," yelled Shiori, "I resent that remark!"
"Don't yell at Saionji-sama!!" screeched Wakaba.
"I can do whatever I wanna!" countered the insane Shiori.
"That's it! I challenge you to a duel!" said Wakaba.
"A duel of what nature?" asked Shiori.
"Duh, swords!" said Anthy. "Anyone need me to pull a sword out of my torso?"
"Duh, no!" said Wakaba. "Video games!"
"Oh," said Anthy. "I knew that."
"Besides," said Utena, "all you need is a handy-dandy… broomstick!"
Saionji scoffed at this bold remark. "You DORK, Utena! You need a SWORD!"
"Um, people?" interrupted Akio. "This is MY radio show, so can I have it back, please?"
Akio ducked to avoid the barrage of random objects thrown by the infamous unseen forces.
Utena spoke. "Oh, grow up, Saionji!"
Shiori gasped. "NO! No one deserves to grow up except for ME, ME, ME, ME!"
"Hello, everyone!" greeted Touga happily.
"Touga, where were you?" asked Anthy.
"Oh, so THAT'S Touga!" said Miki. "Silly me!"
(cricket chirping)
"Anyway," continued Touga, "I was in the bathroom listening to my new CD."
"Which song?" asked Akio the Great, who had given up trying to regain his dignity and radio show.
"The One-Note Song!'," Touga answered, "on the CD 'Robot Mosh Pit'! Now, I'm listening to my other CD, 'The Grace Note Effect', and it's playing –guess what– 'One-Note Remix'!"
"Remix?" asked Utena. "Wow."
"Well," said Touga, "gotta go!" He grabbed his hair, wound it up, let it go, and flew away.
"That was so random," said Miki.
"And that's all for today, folks! This has been Akio the Great on 2HOT4U! Ciao!"
A/N: Thanks for reading!! If you would review with a few words of encouragement, that would be awesome. If you have any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism you'd like to offer me, I'd appreciate that, too. I'm doing my best here, people. Happy reading!!
